老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother S07E13
Part 1
Oct. 22, 2020, 2:18 p.m.
Kids, on New Year's Day 2012,
孩子们 2012元旦那天
Uncle Marshall took a trip to Minnesota
马修叔叔去了明尼苏达
to see someone he truly missed.
去见一个他十分挂念的人
Hey, Pop.
嗨 老爸
I can't believe it's been a year.
真不敢相信已经过去一年了
I think the most appropriate way to honor your memory today...
我想今天 悼念您的最好方式就是...
is to get blasted and watch
一边喝得酩酊大醉 一边看
the Vikings make the Bears their furry little bitches.
维京人队怎么把熊队打得落花流水
Go, Vikes!
维京人队必胜
Sorry for your loss.
节哀顺变
Which is what we'll be saying to the Bears in about three hours,
三小时后 我们也要对熊队说这句话
right, Pop?
对吗 老爸
Kids, tailgating at the Vikings-Bears game
孩子们 马修叔叔和他爸爸有个传统
was a tradition for Uncle Marshall and his dad.
在维京人队跟熊队比赛是开车尾派对
That's how the government covered up
政♥府♥就这样掩盖了
the UFO crash in Roswell:
罗斯威尔市的飞碟坠毁事件
by canning the sliced up alien carcasses
把天外来客分尸切片 装进罐头里
and calling it Spam.
并称为斯帕姆午餐肉
A.K.A, sliced processed alien meat.
也就是 切片加工的外星人肉
Is there anything you don't know, Dad?
还有什么是你不知道的吗 爸爸
No.
没有
I know most stuff.
我知识渊博
And in your honor...
为了纪念您...
three decades of pork fat,
这三十年来的猪油味
lighter fluid and Bengay.
烤炉燃料味和止疼膏味
Dear God, that's the stuff.
老天啊 就是这个味儿
So much to catch you up on. So,
我有好多话要告诉您
last night was New Year's Eve.
昨晚是跨年夜
That's a crazy story.
真是疯狂的一晚
So you haven't told your dad that you're pregnant yet?
你居然还没把怀孕的事告诉你♥爸♥爸
No. But why should I?
没有 我为什么要告诉他
My dad has never been there for me.
在我需要他时 他从不出现
This is just another chance for him to let me down.
告诉他只会再次让我失望
Lily, you have to tell him.
莉莉 你必须告诉他
He's at some board game convention in Chicago.
他现在芝加哥参加棋牌游戏大会
He's your dad.
他毕竟是你♥爸♥爸
I don't see why people aren't getting this.
我不明白为什么会有人不懂
Shoplifter does not promote crime.
"商店扒手"这款游戏不是鼓励犯罪
It celebrates it.
而是以犯罪为荣
Excuse me.
抱歉
Yeah.
你好
Hey, Dad.
嗨 爸爸
I'm, uh, calling with some pretty big news.
我有个重大的好消息告诉您
I'm pregnant.
我怀孕了
Great. Thanks.
很好 多谢通知
Anyway, Dad, Ted and Barney's New Year's Eve
总之 老爸 泰德和巴尼的跨年夜
wasn't off to a great start, either.
开头也不顺利
Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's 50 bucks,
等等等等 入场费五十块
and the line starts out there.
去外面排队
Uh, we're regulars. Oh, in that case,
我们可是常客 这样的话
the line starts out there, and it's 50 bucks.
去外面排队 入场费五十块
You got a problem with that?
你们有意见吗
Kids, here's why we didn't have a problem with that.
孩子们 我们不敢有意见是有原因的
And he was even scarier without the toupee.
而且他不戴假发的样子更可怕
No problem. It's a little drafty.
没问题 门口风大
We'll get you a nice hot cocoa.
我们去给你买♥♥杯热可可吧
Check it out.
快看
Sandy Rivers' New Year's Eve show.
桑迪·里维斯的跨年夜直播
Thank God I don't have to produce this frozen pile of poo.
感谢上帝 我不用做这种冻死人的垃圾节目
How'd you dodge that bullet?
那你是怎么逃过此劫的
Well, maybe Tina, the producer, he, uh, picked,
也许桑迪选蒂娜作为制♥作♥人
is more talented than I am...
是因为她比我能干
at lying down while Sandy does his business on her.
"能"屈服于他的淫♥威♥ 还"干"得起劲
Does it bother you that this pervert's on the air,
淫贼做直播 君子家里蹲
and you're not anymore?
你不会觉得难受吗
Do you miss it?
难道你不怀念吗
What? Why would... why would I miss it?
什么 我...我为什么要怀念呀
No. I would rather be warm and cozy here
才不呢 我宁愿躲在温暖舒适的公♥寓♥里
in denial-- my apartment.
否认现实
Robin, I'm no therapist--
罗宾 我不是什么心理医师
wait, yes, I am--
等等 我就是
but I've got a New Year's resolution for you.
但我要给你一条新年建议
Get back on camera.
重回镜头
Mine was going to be "make a sex tape,"
而我的则是 录一段性♥爱♥录像
so... two birds.
所以...一箭双雕啊
Hold that thought.
等会继续说
Hello?
你好
Sandy?
桑迪
Tina quit.
蒂娜辞职了
The woman I love just quit.
我深爱的女人不干了
Love? She's my everything, Robin.
深爱 她是我的一切 罗宾
My sun, my stars, my oxygen.
我的日月星辰 我的氧气
Plus, she likes it fast and dirty,
再说 她喜欢打快炮还重口味
and that's how Sandy rides.
正合我的胃口
I need you here ASAP.
我要你立即赶来
Are you kidding me?
你开什么玩笑
Marcus?
马卡斯
What the heck are you doing here?
你来这儿干嘛
What the heck are you doing here?
你又来这儿干嘛
I wanted to see Dad today-- in private.
我今天想见老爸 想跟他独处
Well, I had the same idea,
我也是这么想的
and I drove all the way from Mom's, so get lost.
于是我千里迢迢从老妈家开车过来 你快闪开
I flew here, so you get lost.
我可是不远万里飞过来的 该闪的是你
Um, I'm trying to have a poignant moment
我要沉痛缅怀
with our departed father, turd face.
我们逝去的父亲 大便脸
Well, I'm trying to feel Dad's spirit
我要深度感悟
flow through my soul, butt breath.
爸爸传承的精神 口臭王
I'm reaching out to the beyond
我要超越时空
to touch Dad's inner light, ass clown.
触摸爸爸的内心之光 大蠢蛋
I hear Dad's voice like an ethereal song
我听见爸爸如歌♥声般飘渺的声音
guiding me toward salvation, douche nozzle.
引导我走向救赎 大混♥蛋♥
Dibs on Dad. Dibs on Dad times infinity.
我先抢到爸爸 我无限次先抢到爸爸
I'll just pretend like you're not here.
我就假装你不在这儿好了
What?
什么
Dad, do you hear something?
爸爸 你有听到吗
Perhaps the high-pitched whine of someone
或许那个大声抱怨的人
who wet their bed until they were 11!
到了11岁还在尿床
Ten.
是10岁
Anyway, Dad, since it's just the two of us...
总之 爸爸 既然现在就咱父子俩...
Lily and I were going to spend New Year's
跨年那天 我和莉莉
unpacking the baby room.
在收拾宝宝房♥间
Um, sweetie, why is this book in here?
宝贝 这本书怎么会在这儿
That's Enigmas of The Mystical.
这是《神秘之谜》
It's all about mysterious and unexplained phenomena.
主要是讲一些神秘又无法解释的现象
Don't you remember the TV commercials from the '80s?
你不记得八十年代的那些电视广♥告♥了吗
June 17th, 1983.
1983年6月17日
Tempe, Arizona.
亚利桑那州滕比谷
A woman makes a chicken salad sandwich.
一位妇女做了份鸡肉沙拉三明治
Chicken salad sandwich.
鸡肉沙拉三明治
Halfway across the country in Michigan,
距离半个美国之遥的密歇根州
her daughter is compelled to make
她的女儿被迫做了一个
almost exactly the same sandwich.
几乎一模一样的三明治
Tuna salad.
吞拿鱼沙拉三明治
Coincidence?
是纯属巧合
Or an enigma of the mystical!
还是神秘之谜
Yeah, those enigmas always seemed a bit thin to me.
是啊 那些谜团对我来说总是略显空洞
Thin? Lily, this is 200 pages
空洞 莉莉 这整整两百页
of detailed accounts about Bigfoot, ghosts,
详尽记录了大脚野人 孤魂野鬼
aliens abducting people from their beds and probing them.
以及外星人把地球人从床上绑走做实验的事
I'm going to read it to Baby Eriksen at night-night.
我要把这本书当睡前故事读给宝宝听
老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother
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