老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother S07E11
Part 1
Oct. 22, 2020, 2:18 p.m.
In the fall of 2011, Lily and Marshall received
2011年秋天 莉莉和马修收到
a surprising gift from Lily's grandparents:
一份莉莉祖父母送的惊喜大礼
their house in Long Island.
一座长岛的房♥子
Lily and Marshall decided to sell it
莉莉和马修因为一个简单的理由
for one simple reason.
决定将其出♥售♥
It's Long Island.
那可是在长岛啊
I don't want to spend my Saturday in Long Island.
我可不想在长岛度周六
I know, babe,
我知道 宝贝
but the realtor staged the place with fake furniture
但是中介在房♥子里布置了些道具家具
and she wants us to check it out before the open house.
她想在开售前 让我们去看看
All right.
好吧
Can we at least do it on the fake bed?
至少我们能在道具床上做♥爱♥吧
I'm embarrassed that you have to ask.
这种求欢的事还是我来吧
So, they headed out to Long Island,
于是他们出发去了长岛
and when they walked in the door...
当他们一推开那扇门...
We'll take it!
我们买♥♥了
We-We can't take it.
我们不能买♥♥
We're the ones selling it.
我们就是卖♥♥方
We are selling it, right?
我们是要卖♥♥♥房♥♥ 对吧
Baby, your grandparents gave you this house outright.
宝贝 你的祖父母把这房♥子彻底交给你了
So, the way I see it, we have five options.
在我看来 我们有五个选择
1, sell it.
第一 卖♥♥掉它
2, year-round haunted house.
第二 空着它 变鬼屋
3, giant fence around the perimeter, chimp sanctuary.
第三 在周围竖起大栅栏 建个猩猩保护区
There's already a tire swing in the backyard.
反正后院已经有轮胎秋千了
4, we destroy it with sledgehammers.
第四 用锤子凿了它
I like four.
我喜欢第四个
5, we move in, raise our children
第五 我们搬进来 抚养孩子长大
and make this our family home.
把这里变成我们的家
Till they graduate.
直到他们毕业
Then we destroy it with sledgehammers.
然后我们再用锤子凿了它
As a family.
全家齐上阵
No, this is crazy!
不 不能这么想
We are New York people.
我们可是纽约人
We have a big, beautiful apartment that we love.
我们有心爱的公♥寓♥ 它又大又漂亮
You're right.
你说得对
But something happened to Lily and Marshall that day.
但那天 马修和莉莉发生了点状况
Something that happens to all New Yorkers
所有从外地返回纽约家中的
who return home from anywhere other than New York.
纽约人都会遇到这种状况
Their big, lovely apartment...
他们又大又温馨的公♥寓♥
Huh. That's weird.
哟 真是奇了怪了
...shrank.
瞬间缩水
Okay, after Thanksgiving, I'm cutting out carbs.
好吧 感恩节一过 我就节食
Now, kids, it had been a rough couple weeks for Barney.
孩子们 在过去的几周 巴尼过得很不易
First, he cheated on his girlfriend with Robin,
他先是背着女友 跟罗宾偷♥情♥
then he broke up with his girlfriend for Robin,
接着为了罗宾 跟女友分手
then Robin chose Kevin over him.
最后罗宾选择了凯文 放弃了他
So he was kind of in a bad place.
所以他有点萎靡不振
You all right?
你还好吧
Why wouldn't I be all right?
为什么会不好
Barney's single again!
巴尼恢复单身啦
It's what America's been clamoring for.
美国总算盼到这一天了
You just went through a break-up.
你刚刚结束一段恋情
That's usually when people do something crazy.
人们通常会在这时候做傻事
If you were a girl, you'd have cut bangs
如果是个女孩 她就会减掉刘海
and be dating you by now.
然后跟你这样的人约会
Just promise me you won't do something crazy.
向我保证 你不会去做傻事
I promise I won't do something crazy.
我保证不会做傻事
Don't worry, he's gonna do something crazy.
别担心 他很快就会做傻事
In fact, I think I'm done with girls.
其实 我觉得我受够女人了
I'm not sure I even like them anymore.
我甚至不确定是否还喜欢她们
Based on all the stuff you've done to them over the years,
鉴于你多年来对她们的所作所为
I'm not sure you ever liked them.
我不确定你是否喜欢过她们
I'm serious.
我是说真的
Come on, you love girls.
拜托 你爱死女人了
If anyone should be done with girls, it's me.
如果真要说谁受够女人了 那也应该是我
Look at the year I've had.
瞧瞧我这一年过得
Zoey, Victoria, the Slutty Pumpkin.
苏伊 维多利亚 淫♥荡♥南瓜妹
Now I'm worried you're gonna do something crazy.
现在换我担心你会做傻事了
I'm not gonna do something crazy.
我可不会做傻事
And yes, I'm gonna do someththg crazy, too.
没错 我也离做傻事不远了
But girls, man.
但是女人啊
Girls.
女人啊
You know what would kick ass? Being gay?
你知道最绝的一招是什么吗 变成同志
Being gay would kick ass!
变成同志最牛逼了
Word. Guys understand each other.
同意 男人之间互相理解
Imagine a relationship where,
想象有这么一段关系
instead of talking about feelings all the time,
不必每时每刻表达爱意
you just play some Madden, eat a pizza,
俩人一起只是打电动吃披萨
give each other a happy, roll over
一起嗑药 一起嗨
and have some cuddle-free shut-eye.
更不用抱着一起睡
Bro, for what it's worth,
哥们儿 不管怎样我要说
if we were both gay, you'd be my first call.
如果我们都是同志 你会是我的首选伴侣
Would you mind calling Marshall and telling him that?
那你介意打给马修 告诉他这话吗
'Cause he thinks...
因为他一直以为...
No, this is only in a scenario
不行 我只是说假如
where just you and I are gay, not Marshall.
你和我是同志 与马修无关
But if all three of us were gay,
但如果我们三个都是同志
you'd pick me over Marshall, right?
你还是会选我 而不是马修 对吧
If all three of us were gay?
如果我们三个都是同志
Girlfriend, we would all three of us have some fun.
姐妹 我们仨一定会爽翻天的
Damn right we would.
我们绝对会的
We're not gay.
我们不是同志
Nope. Stuck with girls.
没错 女人才是我的菜
I wish men could have children
我真希望男人可以
on their own, like sea horses.
自己生孩子 就像海马一样
Are you saying what I think you're saying?
你这话不会是我以为的那种意思吧
They have a little pouch.
他们育儿袋太小了
They should be called sea kangaroos.
它们该叫海袋鼠
No, y-you want kids?
不对 你想要孩子吗
Maybe I've kind of lately been thinking
或许我最近是开始有点考虑
about the whole wife and kids thing.
娶妻生子之类的事
Just minus the wife.
只是娶妻这一环省了
You could always go it alone.
男人也可以把孩子拉扯大
Like Mr. Drummond on Diff'rent Strokes.
就像《细路仔》里的杜蒙德先生
Yeah, but that was the '80s,
是啊 可那是在80年代
when you could just swing by any inner-city playground in your limo
那时你还能坐着豪车 随便路过城里任一球场
and scoop up some kids.
接俩孩子回家养呢
Simpler times.
更方便快捷
I guess it's better to have someone in it with you anyway, you know?
我想抚养孩子这种事 还是得个帮手好
Lifetime partnership.
比如终身伴侣
The only partnership in my life
我生命中唯一
that has stood the test of time is this one.
经得起时间考验的伴侣关系就是
The sacred bond of man and bro.
神圣的兄弟情谊
Maybe we should start a family together.
或许我们该一起组建家庭
Are you kidding?
开什么玩笑
This place is huge.
这地方大得很
I mean, look, I can dance all crazy in here.
瞧 我还能大摇大摆地跳舞呢
Oh! Sh...
靠...
Listen, um, Robin,
听着 罗宾
are you okay with us all doing Thanksgiving out in East Meadow?
你同意今年感恩节都在东梅多过吗
Uh, yeah, I guess that'd be nice.
好呀 应该会好玩吧
Oh, great!
太好了
And then after Thanksgiving, Lily and I were thinking
我和莉莉打算感恩节过后
that we would just stay at the house
在那房♥子住一段时间
until, you know...
住到...
we die.
终老
What?
什么
No!
不行
You can't move to Long Island!
你们不能搬去长岛
老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother
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