老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother S07E15
Part 3
Oct. 22, 2020, 2:18 p.m.
Oh, I doused my suit with kerosene.
我把外套用煤油泡过
All beekeepers do this.
养蜂人都这么做
Dad, just take off the suit right now.
老爸 快把外套脱了
All right, fine.
好吧 我脱
Every 30 seconds,
每三十秒
there's another crisis that needs to be dealt with
就有状况急需处理
and I have to deal with it.
而我必须去处理
This is... Oh, God.
这... 天啊
This is parenthood, isn't it?
这就是家庭生活 对吧
So they say.
据说是
Okay, it's official.
好吧 那就是了
I thought I could do it, but I can't.
我以为我能做到 其实不然
No, Marshall's always at work.
不 马修总是忙于工作
He's got to go back tonight.
他今晚就得回去加班
And I don't know if I can handle a life
我不知道我是否能应付
that's just one crisis after another.
这种状况百出的生活
Lily, listen to me. I'm gonna give you a little piece of...
莉莉 听我说 我会给你一点...
Gouda!
黄波奶酪
God.
老天爷啊
Crisis? Crisis.
又出状况了 必须是
Don't eat that. Whoops! What?
别吃 怎么了
Gouda's out, Ted. Don't sleep on the Gouda.
黄波奶酪登场了 泰德 别错过好东西哟
Wouldn't dream of it.
肯定不会
So Lily told me you have to go back to work tonight?
莉莉跟我说你今晚要回去加班
No, I don't have to go back to work tonight.
不 我今晚不必回去加班
Mr. Cootes and I came to an understanding.
库兹先生和我达成了共识
But, hey, what's going on with Robin?
那个 罗宾是怎么回事
I called her a mean son of a bitch
我叫她小贱♥人♥
and she took it all weird.
她还欣然接受了
She did? Yeah.
真的吗 是啊
Crazy, right?
很奇怪 对吧
Hey, buddy.
老弟
Best housewarming party ever.
这是史上最棒的乔迁派对了
Everybody's abuzz.
大家就像蜜蜂一样闹哄哄的
Abuzz.
像蜜蜂一样哟
Oh, good one, Mickey.
这词不错 米奇
But, hey, you're right.
不过你说得对
Great party.
很棒的派对
What the hell was that?!
那是怎么回事
And that's what happened in the dining room.
这是餐厅发生的事
Now I'm gonna tell you what happened in the kitchen.
现在我要讲讲厨房♥发生的事
Oh, no, that's not what you want.
不 这样可不行
Man, I can't believe these are vegan.
天啊 真不敢相信这些全是素食做的
Back to our fight? Back to our fight.
要继续我们的争吵吗 继续我们的争吵
I cannot believe you screamed at that woman at Zabar's.
不敢相信 你居然在拉巴超♥市♥吼那个女人
She was trying to cut in line.
那个女人想插队
She was gonna get the last kugel.
她想抢最后一个犹太布丁
She was 90 years old.
人家都九十高龄了
It was probably gonna be her last kugel.
那可能是她人生最后一个布丁了
Sometimes in life, you have to be assertive
人活着 就得有股冲劲
and stand up for yourself.
敢于替自己说话
You called her a whore.
你骂人家婊♥子♥啊
Who wears that much makeup?!
除了婊♥子♥ 谁化那么浓的妆啊
Old ladies!
老女人
Who take money for sex. Exactly.
那上♥床♥要收钱的 总是婊♥子♥了吧
Look, I'm sorry.
对不起
If I would've left things in your dainty, lily-white,
如果我让你那双从不揭老女人假发
never-ripped- an-old-lady's-wig-off hands,
精致无比的芊芊玉手拿东西
we would be kugel-free right now.
我们现在连布丁都没得吃
Oh, so, what, I'm too nice?
你什么意思 我太善良了吗
You never stand up for yourself.
你从不维护自己的利益
Remember that sixth grader who kept stealing your lunch?
还记得六年级那个老偷你午饭的家伙吗
High school was a tough time for me, okay?
我的中学生涯很苦逼 好吧
And that girl was muscular.
那女的肌肉发达
Forearms like Popeye.
手臂粗得像大力水手
How do you even know about that?
你怎么知道这件事的
Marshall told me.
马修告诉我的 他还说
He also said that you had your mom stop making
他还说因为那女孩对坚果过敏
peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
你还特意让你妈妈别做
because of that girl's nut allergy.
花生酱和果冻三明治
I didn't want to add to her health problems.
她都坐轮椅了
She was already in a wheelchair.
我可不想再雪上加霜
Okay, so what?
好吧 那又怎么
I would rather be nice than be like you,
我宁可善良点 也不想学你
always getting in fights about stuff
总是为一些不值得之事
that's not even worth fighting about.
大动干戈
Disagree.
我反对
It's like Sun Tzu wrote in The Art of War,
就像孙子在《孙子兵法》中写道
"Never give up. Never surrender."
"永不言败 永不屈服"
That was Tim Allen in Galaxy Quest.
那是《银河访客》里的
Whatever, dude.
无所谓啦
Your problem is any time you're faced with
你的问题是 每次你遇到
the least bit of confrontation, you run away.
一丁点冲突就逃避
Oh, I run away from confrontation?
我有逃避冲突了吗
Ted, baby Gouda's coming out.
泰德 黄波奶酪即将登场
Look alive.
雀跃点
Son of a...!
你个混...
I'm sorry.
抱歉
Maybe that was my fault.
这也许是我的错
You think?
你以为呢
You're right in my snack track.
你正好挡着我的道了
Hey, nice beekeeper suit.
哇 这身防蜂服不错嘛
Do you know that, uh, most bees are left-handed?
你们知道蜜蜂大多是左撇子吗
Did you know bees hate the smell of kerosene?
你知道蜜蜂讨厌煤油味吗
I knew that. Geez, what do you think,
当然知道了 你以为
this is my first day as a beekeeper?
我是新来的养蜂菜鸟吗
Nice.
走啰
Is that true about bees and kerosene?
蜜蜂真的讨厌煤油味吗
I don't know.
天晓得
Barney...
巴尼
Ah, Lily,
莉莉
Ted ate all of the spring rolls.
泰德把所有的春卷吃光了
Barney, that woman you were talking to,
巴尼 和你聊天那女的
our neighbor Geraldine,
是我的邻居杰拉尔丁
some guy slept with her and didn't call her,
有人睡完她后 就跟她断绝联♥系♥
so she hunted him down
于是她找到那人
and cut off a certain part of his anatomy with a cheese knife.
并用奶酪刀切掉了他身体的某一部分
So, whatever you do,
所以 不管你想干嘛
don't sleep with her.
千万别和她上♥床♥
It's funny, she is, um, waiting for me
好笑的是 她现在
in the guest bedroom right now.
正在客房♥里等待我大驾光临
Oh, God! Oh, God!
天啊 老天爷啊
That was the idea, but now forget it!
我是想让她爽成这样 不过算了吧
Barney, this is a disaster.
巴尼 这一切真是糟透了
I swear, if there is one...
我发誓 如果再多一个...
It's fine. Everything's fine.
没事没事 一切都好
Hey, ten second rule, right?
十秒定律 对吧
It's fine. Everything's fine.
没事没事 一切都好
I know you're pregnant, but you need a glass of wine.
虽然你是孕妇 不过你需要喝上一杯
I got that cheese off the Internet.
这奶酪还是人家网购的呢
I know you got it off the Internet.
我知道这是你网购的
Why does that make it impressive?
网购有什么了不起的
You know what else you can find on the Internet?
你知道网上还能发现什么吗
Zoo animals masturbating.
动物园的动物打飞机
There's one of a walrus.
有那么一只海象啊
He's...
他
No...
别啊
Excuse me, sir, could I talk to you in the kitchen?
打扰了 先生 我能和你去厨房♥谈会儿吗
Mr. Cootes, I am not going back to work tonight.
库兹先生 我今晚不会回去加班的
Oh, no, she didn't just say that.
哎哟喂 没种的姑娘可不敢这么说
老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother
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