老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother S07E04
Part 1
Oct. 22, 2020, 2:16 p.m.
I can't believe I'm talking to a therapist.
没想到我居然会接受心理治疗
Well, usually, I'm not the touchy-feely,
我平时不太愿意表露感情
talk-about-your-emotions type,
属于喜怒不形于色的那种
but with this, I just had to be a big enough person
但目前形势严峻 我要成熟一点
to admit that I need help.
勇敢承认自己需要帮助
Huh. I guess this is what growing up feels like.
哈 原来成熟就是这种感觉啊
This is court-mandated therapy.
这是法♥院♥强制的心理治疗
You assaulted a woman.
你袭击了一位女性 记得不
That silly thing.
就那破事儿啊
I guess we can talk about that.
好吧 我们来谈吧
It all began a few months ago.
祸根是几个月之前就埋下了
There's this guy, Barney. We used to date.
故事的主人公叫巴尼 我的前男友
I set him up with this girl I work with, Nora.
分手后 我撮合他和我的女同事诺拉在一起
Barney was working hard
巴尼使出浑身解数
to prove he was real boyfriend material.
努力去证明自己是绝世好男友
So, all week, I had to sit there watching him...
所以呢 我一整周都坐在那儿 眼睁睁看着
send flowers...
他送花
chocolates...
送巧克力
balloons.
送气球
Then one day...
终于有一天
I heard Barney didn't send anything today.
我听说巴尼今天没送你东西
Patrice said maybe he met somebody else.
帕崔斯说可能他有新欢了
She's such a bitch, right?
这八婆管不住嘴 对吧
** When a man loves a woman *
* 当男人爱上女人
** Can't keep his mind on nothin' else *
* 他的心将完全被她占据
He's so dreamy.
绝世好男友啊
Nobody asked you, Patrice!
帕崔斯 你给我闭嘴
I'm sorry.
不好意思
You must already think that I'm a horrible person.
你肯定认为我无药可救了 是吧
Robin, many of my patients are disturbed felons.
罗宾 我的治疗对象有很多是心理扭曲的罪犯
Last week, one of them mailed me a bag of his feces.
上周 有人还给我寄了一包他自己的米田共
On the plus side, he remembered my birthday.
不过往好的方面想 他至少记得我的生日
You're doing fine.
你算好的了
Well, finally, I-I just couldn't take it anymore.
终于 我忍♥无可忍♥
I snapped.
于是理智线断了
** When a man, when a man, when this man *
* 当男人 当一个男人 当这个男人
** Loves this woman *
* 爱上了这个女人
And that's when the assault occurred?
然后你怒火中烧 对其施暴
Not exactly.
不算是吧
So, you're drunk under a desk,
所以你躲在桌底 边借酒浇愁
binge-eating stolen chocolates.
边狂吃偷来的巧克力
Boy, I am not coming across great here, am I?
天啊 我的形象顿时荡然无存 对吧
This is not about how you're coming across.
现在我们不讨论你的形象
But no.
不过的确如此
Okay, well, for this story to make sense,
为了使整件事更合理化
I have to tell you about my friends Marshall and Lily.
我得插入我的朋友马修和莉莉的故事
The wine looks good.
这酒看上去不错
Pregnant women can't drink alcohol.
孕妇不许喝酒
No, my doctor says it's okay
不会啊 我的医生说
to have a sip of wine every now and then.
偶尔喝个一两口没事
Really?
是吗
Dr. Sonya's great.
桑娅医生太好了
Whenever you ask her if you can have something, she's, like...
每次你问她可不可以吃什么东西时 她总是说
Just a little bit.
亲 就一点点哦
Wait, Dr. Sonya doesn't let you have sushi, does she?
慢着 桑娅医生应该不会允许你吃寿司吧
Just a little bit.
亲 就一点点哦
You're allowed to have Cheetos?
她还让你吃玉米条啊
Cheeto..
膨化食品啊
Ah, just a little bit.
亲 就一点点哦
You mind if I double-check some of this stuff?
你们不介意我复查一下这医生说的话吧
Just in case.
以防万一嘛
I mean, it's the least I could do
我是说 身为"护子队"的一员
as part of Team Baby.
这也算是聊表寸心吧
"Team Baby"? Whoa. What's next,
"护子队" 哇 接下来呢
like, cheesy matching T-shirts?
人手一件特制的劣质T恤吗
No.
不是
Robin, I've had serial killers lead me to shallow graves
罗宾 连环杀手都能带我去浅墓穴几个来回了
faster than you're telling this story.
你这还没进入主题呢
Okay!
好啦
Look, it was getting impossible for me to be around Nora,
我越来越无法忍♥受与诺拉共事
So when an opportunity to get rid of her presented itself...
所以当有摆脱她的好机会出现时
It's Sandy time!
桑迪有话说时间
Huddle up, gang.
来来来 都听好
Two things: Somebody stole
两件事 第一
a very expensive bottle of wine from my office...
有人从我办公室里偷了一瓶超贵的酒
2:I need a producer to cover the G8 Summit in France.
第二 我需要一个制片人去法国报道八国♥峰♥会的新闻
Nora will do it!
诺拉可以去
I mean, I know I have seniority, but...
虽然我资格比较老 不过
I was gonna ask Nora anyway.
我的意思也是让诺拉去
Thanks for the support, Robin.
谢谢你这么支持我 罗宾
This is huge for me.
这个机会太棒了
Are, are you sure about this, Sandy?
你确定吗 桑迪
I do have seniority.
我可是资格老经验足啊
Oh, I'm sure. Nora's amazing.
当然确定咯 诺拉太棒了
I want to have sex with her.
我还想跟她滚床单呢
To deal with that rejection from Barney,
先是巴尼离你而去
not to mention your boss...
现在连你老板也不要你
must've really hurt.
你一定很郁闷
Why don't we dig into those emotions?
我们来深入分♥析♥你这些情绪吧
So Marshall and Lily were at Dr. Sonya's office...
所以马修和莉莉在桑娅医生的办公室
It's fascinating
太神奇了吧
how profoundly little I know about vaginas.
原来我对阴♥道♥的了解是那么肤浅
Come in.
进来
Ted, what are you doing here?!
泰德 你来干嘛
I checked up on all the stuff
这位"医生"允许的事
this "Doctor" Says is okay, and she's wrong.
我都查过了 她是错的
So, for the health of this baby, I'm stepping in.
所以为了宝宝的健康成长 哥要出马了
Sounds like this Ted guy could benefit from some therapy.
这个叫泰德的人好像是需要一些心理治疗了
Oh, he definitely could.
他绝对需要
This is unacceptable.
这样的庸医是无法接受的
I'm sorry, we're gonna have to find a new doctor.
不好意思 我们要换医生
Guys, for the health of our baby, Our?
伙计们 为了我们孩子的健康 关你什么事
We have to get serious about what Lily is putting in her body.
我们得对莉莉吃的每一样东西严加把关
Speaking of which, when we deliver,
顺便说一下 生孩子时
we won't be using any drugs.
我们坚决不用麻药
Get out!
滚出去
Why are you kicking me out?!
你赶我出去干嘛
Because you're always intruding on our intimate moments!
因为你总是打扰我们的私密时刻
This is like college all over again!
感觉大学时期的恶梦又重新上演了
Man, you guys sure are messy!
你们俩把寝室弄得乱糟糟
There's clothes everywhere.
地上全是衣服
There's even a sock on the door!
门把手上还有一只袜子
A sock on the door is a universal code
门把手挂个袜子是全球通用的信♥号♥♥
for "We need some space."
意思是"请勿打扰"
We needed it back then, and we need it now.
那时候你不该打扰 现在也一样
Come on! We're a trio!
拜托 我们可是铁三角
We've always been a trio!
我们一直都是铁三角
We're right up there with Batman and Robin and Alfred.
我们是蝙蝠侠和罗宾 以及管家阿福
Out!
出去
Romeo and Juliet and the Apothecary.
我们是罗密欧与朱丽叶 以及买♥♥毒药的药剂师
Now!
赶快
Salt and Pepper and Cumin!
我们是盐和胡椒 以及孜然
What's that little guy up there do?
上面那个小东西是干嘛的
Oh, you poor girl.
可怜的姑娘
Robin!
罗宾
It all ties together, I swear.
这都是环环相扣的 我保证
So, Nora was about to leave for France.
诺拉准备出发去法国了
You know, not too long ago,
这要是在不久前
I would have been worried that if I left you alone,
我还会担心等我走了之后
you'd be up to no good with some blond bimbo.
你会跑去跟某个金发♥浪♥女风流快活
老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother
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