大嘴巴（2017）

My bros and I are developing a shitstorm worth of extreme sports,
我兄弟和我正在开♥发♥超值钱的极限运动
like "Breakball," "Golf punch," and "Peep-kour."
比如"断球" "高尔夫拳击" 还有"瞥酷"
"Peepkour"? Have you heard of it?
"瞥酷" 听说过吗
No, no one ever has.
没有 没人听说过
It's a cross between parkour and peeping tomfoolery.
它结合了跑酷和偷♥窥♥糗事
Here, watch, check this out.
我示范一下 你们看看
Hey, Mr. And Mrs. Albert. Hi, Jay!
艾伯特夫妇 杰伊
That was awesome.
太酷了
I got 10 points 'cause I saw both their buttholes.
给我10分 因为他俩的屁♥眼♥都被我看见了
I love your kitchen. It looks so... what is the word?
我喜欢你家厨房♥ 看着真...怎么形容呢
Shitty. Do you guys have any Cokes?
真烂 你们有可乐吗
Yeah, we have Cokes.
有
Missy, do you want some unsweetened cranberry juice?
米西 你要不要无糖蔓越莓汁
Nope. I want to try a Coke.
不要 我来个可乐试试
Missy, aren't you not supposed to have sugar?
米西 你不应该摄入糖的吧
Oh, my God, what are you, like, her mom?
天啊 你是她妈妈吗
Yeah. Are you gonna divorce her dad
没错 你是不是要跟她爸离婚
and then marry some guy who lives in another state,
然后嫁给住在另一个州的某个家伙
and then sometimes your daughter has to, like, Uber to school
然后你女儿有时候还得坐优步去上学
because it's cheaper for you to fly back
因为你买♥♥了周二的减价机票飞回去
on a Tuesday, or like what?
还是怎么着
Jessi, I-I appreciate your concern,
杰西 谢谢你的关心
but I'm a part of this group now and I'd like to try a Coke.
但我现在也是圈子的一员 我想试试喝可乐
Let's do makeovers, you guys. Where's your makeup?
我们互相化妆打扮吧 你们的化妆品在哪
I don't have makeup but I do have sunscreen.
我没有化妆品 但我有防晒霜
Okay, sweetie, where's your mom's makeup?
好吧 亲爱的 你妈妈的化妆品在哪
Everything I know I owe to my brothers.
我知道的一切都归功于我兄弟
Where are Val and Curt?
瓦尔和柯特在哪
Oh, man. They're at some bitchin' high school party tonight.
天啦 他们去参加了个超酷的高中派对
They made me trim their pubes before they left
走之前还让我给他们剪了阴毛
because they are out there swingin' dicks and bonin' chicks.
因为他们要去甩屌♥睡妹子
Oh, man!
天啦
Okay, so, this is our percussion room.
好 这是我们的打击乐练习室
This is the armory.
这是军械库
And this is the door we never open.
而这是我们从不打开的门
And we never open it because
你们从不打开这扇门
something quite terrible is behind it...?
是因为里面有什么可怕的东西吗
Andrew, it's the door we never open. Okay.
安德鲁 这就是一扇我们从不打开的门而已
And finally, this is where the magic happens.
最后 这是就是见证奇迹的地方
Literally. Jesus!
我是说真的 天啊
Was that a pigeon spray-painted white to look like a dove?
那只鸽子是不是为了看着像白鸽而被涂成白色了
A magician never reveals his secrets. Okay.
魔术师从不泄露秘密 好吧
Now, there's someone very special I want you guys to meet.
现在我要让你们见一个非常特别的人
That's a pillow. No, no, no, no.
那是个枕头 不 不 不
She's so much more than a pillow.
她可远不止是个枕头
Marrone. Don't you want to just stick your dick in her?
玛洛 你们不想拿鸡♥巴♥插她吗
Hey, what's that, now?
这是要干什么
Jay, do you... fuck the pillow? Yeah, my same question.
杰伊 你...操枕头吗 我也想问这个
Oh, yeah, guys, I fuck my pillow.
可不是吗 哥们 我♥操♥枕头
I'm sorry, my tone was off. Yes, I 100-percent fuck my pillow.
抱歉 我声音都变了 我千真万确操枕头
First, I make a slit.
首先 划一条缝
Not too long, careful as to not rip the edges,
别太长 当心别把边缘扯破了
making what I call "The husband stitch."
我管它叫"丈夫的针脚"
Then, I take two Ziploc bags
然后拿两个保鲜袋
and I fill them with Amy's Organic Lentil Soup,
装满"艾米家有机扁豆汤"
which I microwave to exactly 98.6 degrees--
用微波炉精确加热至98.6度
not enough to burn you,
这样不会烫着你
but just enough to feel warm and inviting.
但是足以让人感觉温暖而诱人
Then I place them in the slit of the pillow.
然后把它放进枕头的缝里
There's another slit in the back,
它背后还有一条缝
but that's only for my birthday.
但我只在生日的时候才用
This kid might be a genius. What do you do for cleanup?
这小子可能是个天才 你怎么清理啊
I eat the soup.
我把汤喝掉
It's in the bag!
反正是在袋子里的
You know, Jay, Andrew has a special pillow, too.
知道吗 杰伊 安德鲁也有个特别的枕头
Let me see. No! God damn it!
让我看看 不 该死
Don't touch him, please.
拜托 别碰他
Yours is a him. Interesting, Andrew.
你的枕头是个男生 有意思 安德鲁
It's okay, big guy. No one's touching Pilbo.
好了 大家伙 没人会动枕尔博
That's your special pillow. It's not my special pillow.
那是你的专用枕头 它没什么特别的
It's just a pillow. And it is normal for me
它只是个普通枕头 我不想让
to not want Jay to stick his penis inside it.
杰伊插它再正常不过了
Just a little powder, and voila.
再刷点粉 看吧
I'm sorry, am I gorgeous right now?
抱歉 我现在是不是特别美
Take a selfie of yourself and get Devin in there,
来张自♥拍♥ 让德温也入镜
so everyone knows that you fucks with the big dogs.
好让大家都知道你在和大人物来往
#Stunning.
加标签 美翻了
You should see how long it takes with this dump truck.
你该看看这个垃圾车得花多长时间才能化好妆
That's funny. We can say terrible things
真好玩 我们可以互相说恶毒的话
to each other because we're so close.
因为我们关系这么好
Now that I see you all made up you're like,
看你化好妆的样子
naturally very pretty.
又自然又漂亮
Yeah, if you, like, like Jews. Lola.
是呗 除非你喜欢犹太人的长相 洛拉
What? We're all joking. I'm a dump truck.
怎么了 我们都是开玩笑的 我是个垃圾车
Guys! What should we do next?
姐♥妹♥们♥ 我们接下来干什么
Can I drink out of the goldfish bowl?
我能喝鱼缸里的水吗
I won't eat the fish, maybe I will!
我不会吃鱼的 但也没准
Missy, are you okay?
米西 你没事吧
Yeah, you look kind of psycho.
你是疯了吧
Nope, I'm hunky-dory, or should I say horsey-donkey?
不 我简直呱呱叫 还是应该说"咴咴叫"
Make me pretty like Jessi!
把我变成杰西那么美吧
Maybe you should have a drink of water or something.
或许你应该喝杯水什么的
Maybe you should suck my dick!
或许你应该吸我大屌♥
I said, make me pretty like Jessi!
我说 把我变成杰西那么美
Why are you wasting ammo?
你为什么要浪费子弹
You are in strangling range. Andrew!
你这么近可以直接勒死她 安德鲁
Oh, my God, they die in real time?
天啊 他们是实时死掉的吗
Yeah, you watch their souls leave their bodies.
没错 你能看见灵魂离开身体
A nun's covering her with a blanket.
有个修女拿毯子把她裹了起来
This is fuckedup. Grab the soul!
真是一团糟 抓住灵魂
Grab the soul! I got the coins, here you go.
抓住灵魂 我拿到金币了 干得好
Okay, wash your bloody hands in the fountain,
好 在喷泉那儿把手上的血洗掉
and we gotta get outta here. Oh, a gelateria.
然后我们走 冰激凌
It's pronounced gelate-ria.
那叫杰拉托冰淇淋
How many coins do you have? We can both buy a gelato.
你有多少金币 我们可以每人买♥♥一个冰淇淋
Hey, what the hell?
你们干什么
I'm sorry, were you in the middle of a game?
抱歉 你们是在玩游戏吗
Val, Curt, don't be assholes!
瓦尔 柯特 别这么混♥蛋♥
Yeah, don't be assholes, you fucking assholes.
对 你们这些混♥蛋♥ 别这么混♥蛋♥行不行
I thought you guys were at a cool high school party.
我还以为你们去参加了个超酷的高中派对
We did make an appearance, grabbed some tit.
我们去看了一眼 摸了几个奶♥子♥
That part was rad. But when you get to be our age,
那部分还挺精彩 但等你长到我们这年纪
you'll see those parties, they're full of fakers, full of skanks.
你就会觉得那些派对全都是骗子和浪货
Would you two care to play
你俩想一起玩
some "Hooker Killer: Vatican City" with us?
"妓♥女♥杀手 梵蒂冈城"吗
Game for babies. You guys want to see some real sex?
那都是小孩玩的游戏 你们想见识真正的色情吗
We already saw your neighbors.
我们已经见过邻居啪啪啪了
We're talking about one of the greatest pornographic works
我们说的可是色情电影史上最伟大的
in the history of skinema.
色情作品之一
It stars the Italian Stallion himself, Mr. Sylvester Stallone.
那可是史泰龙亲自出演的 意大利种马本人
That's my buddy Frank's brother. Did it before he was famous.
那是我哥们弗兰克的兄弟 他成名之前拍的
Just a struggling actor with a thick, meaty cock.
只是一个有着粗硬肉♥棒♥的奋斗中的演员
Yes. So tired of jacking off to the ladies from SportsCenter.
是啊 厌倦了想着体育中心报社的女士打手♥枪♥吧
Well, I would certainly not be opposed to seeing that film.
那我当然不反对看这电影了
Today's the day, Andrew Glouberman, you become a man.
今天就是你成为男人的日子 安德鲁·格劳博曼
Mazel tov!
恭喜
I didn't wrap a napkin around the glass
我忘了在杯子上缠餐巾
and I don't wear shoes! Oh, God!
我还没穿鞋 天啊
Are you bitches ready?
小婊砸们准备好了吗
Here she is.
看看她