大嘴巴（2017）

I welcome you into the covenant of menstruation.
欢迎你进入月经期
Thank God, a woman.
太好了 一个女人
I'm so scared right now. There's so much blood.
我好害怕 好多血啊
Am I gonna be okay?
我会没事吗
Being a woman is misery.
做女人很可怜的
Nothing but pain and unwanted babies from terrible lovers,
只有疼痛和渣男留下的孩子
and worst of all, leg cramp.
最惨的是脚抽筋
What if I don't want to be a woman? I like how I am now.
我不想当女人行吗 我觉得现在这样挺好
Change, it comes whether you want it or not,
改变 不管你想不想要
like disgusting pigeons
比如在你肩膀上
who defecate and fornicate on your shoulder.
排泄 私通的鸽子
You're kind of a bummer.
你真扫兴
Well, I'm so sorry I'm not more American,
非常抱歉 我不是美国人
sunny Mickey Mouse baba-booey bullshit.
不像米老鼠那玩意一样积极向上
You are a woman now, Jessi,
你现在是女人了 杰西
and nothing will ever be the same again.
一切都变了
Jesus. Is there anything good about being a woman?
天啊 做女人有好处吗
If you're very lucky a man will jack off at you on the subway,
如果你够幸运 男人会在地铁上对你打飞机
So, no.
所以没有
Empty your pockets, Aladdin Bin Laden.
把口袋的东西拿出来 阿♥拉♥丁·本·拉♥登♥
Guys, guys, I really wasn't
伙计 我真的没想着
going to make the Statue of Liberty disappear.
要把自♥由♥女神像变没
Well, well, well. What were you planning on doing with these?
那你拿这个干嘛
Those are just for a magic trick. I can prove it. May I?
这是表演魔术用的 我能证明 让我试试吧
You're the most talented person I ever met!
你是我见过的最有才的人了
Not to name drop, but we brot Hoda Kotb here one time.
不想指名道姓 但我们把欧塔·卡比关在这过
Hoda Kotb, from the drunk ladies' hour of the Today Show? .
欧塔·卡比 《今日秀》里醉女时刻的那个吗
What else can you do? Well, before I do any more tricks,
你还会什么 在我变更多魔术前
I'll have to get out of my handcuffs!
我得解开手铐啊
Man!
天啊
Wait a minute. Did we cuff him? No, you didn't.
等等 我们铐他了吗 没有
I brot these from home.
我从家带的
You never know when you're gonna really need to whoa someone.
谁知道什么时候可以让人惊叹呢
This kid's so much cooler than Kal Penn.
这小子比卡尔·潘酷多了
Oh, yeah. Kal Penn can straight up go fuck himself.
卡尔·潘可以滚蛋了
Yeah, fuck Kal Penn! Guys, that's too far.
没错 去他的 两位 过分了啊
Are you there, Jessi? It's me, Andrew.
你在吗 杰西 我是安德鲁
I get it, Andrew. I was hoping you would.
我明白 安德鲁 这就对了
Did you find something? I did.
买♥♥到了吗 嗯
Are you kidding? What am I supposed to do with this thing?
你逗我呢 这玩意我要怎么用
It's huge. And I apologize.
太大了吧 我道歉
It was either this or a Yankee pennant,
除了这个就是洋基三角旗了
and I just felt uncomfortable
我不想让洋基
with you having the Yankees so close to your...
离你的那里太近
blessing, 'cause, you know, "Let's go, Mets."
因为"加油 大都会"
Let's go, Mets. Let's go, Mets!
加油 大都会 加油 大都会
Someone else is in here now.
这里还有别人
Okay, I'm gonna go. Let's go, Mets.
好吧 我出去了 加油 大都会
Let's go, Mets!
加油 大都会
What's your problem, babe? It's not a problem.
你怎么了 宝贝 没什么啊
I'm just asking you not to hashtag our photo "The Devins."
我就是让你别在我们照片下面标注德温一族
Devin, but why? Because my name is Devon!
德温 为什么 因为我叫德文
I can't believe I'm wearing a 9/11 towel as a diaper
我居然把911毛巾当作尿布
and I wore white shorts
然后在最不该穿白短裤的时候
on the worst day in history to wear white shorts.
穿了白短裤
Here, for your-- you know, "Ice cream butt."
给 把血遮上吧
Thanks. You're a good friend.
谢谢 你真是个好朋友
What? What are they doing?
什么 他们在干嘛
Let me guess. You're looking at Andrew and Jessi?
让我猜猜 你在看安德鲁和杰西
Why do you have binoculars? Because tourists are hilarious.
你哪来的望远镜 游客太逗了
Tilt to the right
往右看
if you wanna see a grown man in a Minions T-shirt.
就能看到一个穿小黄人T恤的大老爷们
What is that? You smell that? I don't smell anything.
什么味道 我没闻到
That's period blood. My God, you're a really bad guy.
月经的血 天啊 你太坏了
This is blood lust, Andrew, literal blood lust.
这是嗜血的渴望 安德鲁 真的嗜血
Only one thing to do. Do not say
只有一件事可以做了 别说
Fuck her face! What you just said.
让她给你口 你刚才说的
Promise all of this stays between you and me?
答应我别告诉别人
Of course, just you and me and that gigantic 9/11 towel.
当然 只有你我还有巨大的911毛巾知道
Never forget. "Never forget"!
真难忘 "真难忘"
The key is to trust that the right card will appear
关键在于相信正确的牌
when you need it most!
会在你最需要的时候出现
Is this your card? That's my signature.
这是你的牌吗 那是我的签名
That's amazing. Man.
太棒了 哥们
You're free to go, buddy. You're too good.
你走吧 哥们 你太棒了
Magic is the best!
魔术太棒了
I live alone and have nothing and no one.
我是个一个人住 什么都没有的单身狗
Jessi, what the hell? You were supposed to meet me in the head.
杰西 搞什么 你应该跟我在头里见的
I actually think it's the crown, or is it a visor?
应该是王冠或者观察孔吧
Whatever, Andrew. I thot we were going out.
总之安德鲁 我们在交往
There are rules to this. Who gives a shit about the rules?
要有规矩的 谁管那些破规矩
I do! I was up there all alone.
我 我一个人在上面
I looked like an idiot in front of the Devins.
在德温他们面前像傻子一样
Nick, go easy on her. Why are you taking her side?
尼克 别那么凶 你干嘛帮她
I'm not taking anyone's side. I just want us all to be friends,
我谁也没帮 我只是想让大家做朋友
and you were off hanging with Devon,
你和德文一起走了
so I was trying to help Jessi.
所以我想着帮帮杰西
Help her with what? Nothing.
帮她什么 没什么
I saw you hugging her. That's only 'cause
我看到你抱她了 那是因为
'Cause what, Andrew? 'Cause she got her period!
因为什么 安德鲁 因为她第一次来月经了
Andrew!
安德鲁
I'm sorry. Sorry for what?
对不起 干嘛对不起
Sorry you got your period? Don't be sorry.
因为你第一次来月经 不用道歉
It's not a disease, it's totally normal.
这又不是病 这很正常
And I know nobody talks about it but everyone gets their period
我知道没人会说这个 但所有人都会来月经
and now I got mine,
今天我的来了
in white fucking shorts!
我还穿着白短裤
Oh, my God.
天啊
I'm above this, so I'm not gonna comment.
我对这些小事不予置评
Jessi's ice cream was menstrual blood.
杰西的冰淇淋是月经血
But I will say this-- I need some fresh air
但我要说这个 我需要点新鲜空气
because this is Terry Gross.
因为这太恶心了
This is a nightmare. This is what we're all afraid of.
简直是噩梦 我们就怕这个
Again, I'm gonna stay out of this,
再次声明 我不参与
but it was less of a period and more of an exclamation point.
但这跟月经没啥关系 主要是害怕
And worst of all, bitch wore white shorts.
最惨的是 这女的还穿的是短裤
That's right, I made it off the bus.
没错 我从巴士上下来了
I rode on Missy's little square-ass backpack.
爬到米西小方背包上了
You guys, you guys, I just had the best day ever.
大伙 我今天过得太爽了
Hey, Jessi, what's this behind your ear?
杰西 你耳朵后面是什么
Not now, Jay, I am not in the mood.
杰西 我现在没心情
What are you, on your perio-- ulp!
干嘛 你来月经啦
Everybody, what are you, out of your minds?
你们干嘛去 疯了吗
Get back on the bus.
回车上来
Did you make it to the bathroom in time, Steve?
你及时跑进厕所了吗 史蒂夫
Yeah, but it was like-- whew-- right at the buzzer.
嗯 差点拉裤子上了
Here you go, kiddo, for your... you know, ahem, your lady issues.
给 孩子 女性用品
Thanks, Coach Steve.
谢谢 史蒂夫教练
These are marshmallows.
这是棉花糖
You know, I can't read, so I go by pictures.
我不识字 所以就看图了
All right. Well, either way, that was very noble of you.
好吧 不管怎么说 你人真好
Not that noble. I also took a huge dump.
也没多好 我去大便了
It was right at the buzzer I heard you say that to Mr. Lizer.
差点拉裤子上了 我听到了 莱泽先生
It was coming out as I was sitting down. Got it!
我刚坐下就拉出来了 明白
You know, like when a meerkat comes up thro the prairie,
就像猫鼬窜出大草原一样
but let's say it's in Australia so it's upside down--
但那是在澳洲 随意是颠倒的
Information received.
我明白了
Baby, I'm sorry about before.
宝贝 之前的事是我不好
You can tag the picture however you want.
你可以随便标注照片
Sweetie, thank you. I already did.
亲爱的 谢谢你 我已经弄好了