我本坚强（2015）
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
第三季
剧集 | 我本坚强（2015） | 导航列表
我本坚强（2015）
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt S03E01
Part 1
Feb. 22, 2023, 8:42 p.m.
我 本 坚 强
第三季 第一集
投票给
卡斯塔珀
掌握未来
地堡大礼堂
理查德月 21号♥
天启前 三年
结婚典礼
理查德韦恩加里韦恩牧师
唐纳玛丽亚啥啥啥
吉米施密特
理查德韦恩加里韦恩牧师夫人
跳舞妈妈
芝麻街第6♥4♥季
工作人员
助理
想都别想
Don't even.
愚蠢的海鸽 竟然敢那样看我
Stupid sea pigeon, looking at me like that.
拜托
Please!
你也是独自一人来海滩的
You're also at the beach with no friends.
背景音乐
亲爱的 你专门请人给你
Honey, you paid someone
拍九年义务教育毕业证
to take a GED graduation photo?
很酷 对吧
Cool, right?
我当时很担心没有同学过来参加我举办的派对呢
I was worried no one from class would show up to my party,
因为我在学校不怎么起眼
'cause, you know, I wasn't part of the cool group.
杰圭琳 老天 没想到你会来
Jacqueline! Jeez! I didn't think you'd show up.
你的生日派对还是什么的 我可不能错过
Oh, I wouldn't miss your birthday or whatever.
四十岁很重要
The big 4-0.
但少了泰特斯感觉怪怪的 是吗
It's not the same without Titus, though, is it?
他两个月后才能回来
And he won't be back for another two months.
还是说他一直都在这儿
Or has he been here the whole time?
姑娘 别再跟我说话了
Girl, stop talking to me!
你知道我不是真的
You know I'm not real!
吉米 不能这样
Oh, Kimmy. That's bad.
别让其他人看见了
Don't let anyone see that.
管他呢 反正我也不在乎泰特斯
Anyway, I don't actually care about Titus.
我之所以提他是想跟你聊一下
The only reason I brought him up was so you and I could talk
我的男朋友 因为他也出门了
about the fact that my boyfriend is also out of town.
泰特斯不是我男朋友 - 就是说啊
Titus isn't my boyf... - Tell me about it.
我好想罗斯啊
I miss Russ so much.
我一直过得不顺
I've been filling my days with the most awful things.
简直糟糕透了
You can't imagine.
昨晚 我心情极其糟糕
Last night, in a particularly low moment,
所以决定过来
I decided to come to this.
嗨 嗨
Hi, hi.
我带来了一张死鸟的复印照片
I brought photocopies of a dead bird.
我必须跟他分手 情况越来越危险
I got to break up with him. It's getting too dangerous.
因为他试图杀死你
'Cause he's trying to kill you?
也许吧
Probably.
但我的意思是他对我的政♥治♥前途有影响
But I mean dangerous politically.
你想想 我正参加地区委员会竞选
Think about it. I'm running for District Council.
他是德斯特家族的人
He's a Durst.
我不能一边反对中产阶层化
I can't be fighting gentrification
一边又跟纽约地♥产♥大亨的儿子搞在一起
and poking a son of the biggest real estate developer in New York.
这么说他要恢复单身了
So he'll be single?
他身价有多少 他那东西跟常人一样吗
What's he worth? Is his penis weird?
抱歉 老♥习♥惯了
Sorry, old habit.
姑娘 真恶心啊
Girl, that's nasty!
莉莲 既然我完成了九年义务教育 下一步该怎么做
So, Lillian, now that I have my GED, what do I do next?
大多数白人女孩高中毕业后会继续上大学
I don't know. After high school, most white girls go to college.
我之前以为这只是有钱人家的小孩
I thought that was just for rich kids
或者顶尖的小丑才会做的事情
and only the very best clowns.
不 她们上的不过是些华而不实的私立大学
Nah, that's just fancy private colleges.
而我 我上的可是纽约州立大学
Me, I went to SUNY Old Paltz.
犹太人加油
Go, Jews!
好吧
Okay.
我要去
I'm gonna do it.
我要去上大学
I'm gonna go to college!
坚不可摧
Unbreakable
她们活下来了 卧♥槽♥
They alive, damn it!
真是个奇迹
It's a miracle.
坚不可摧
Unbreakable
她们活下来了 卧♥槽♥
They alive, damn it!
但是女人可真牛逼啊
But females are strong as hell!
坚不可摧
Unbreakable
她们活下来了 卧♥槽♥
They alive, damn it!
真是个奇迹
It's a miracle.
坚不可摧
Unbreakable
她们活下来了 卧♥槽♥
They alive, damn it!
接下来是
That's gonna be, uh...
那个
you know, a...
华丽的变身
fascinating transition.
卧♥槽♥
Damn it!
泰特斯 我睡觉去了
Well, I'm off to bed, Titus.
谢谢你让我睡在你舒服的大床垫上
Thanks for letting me sleep on your big queen mattress.
松脆饼和麦圈
Crumpets and Cheerios,
还有香辣肉丸 路易吉
and that's a spicy meatball, Luigi.
该死的蠢海鸽
Stupid sea pigeon.
有什么了不起的
What can he do that I can't?
我在一堆蛋上睡着了
I've fallen asleep on eggs.
我室友
My roommate!
还有我最好的朋友
And my best friend?
吉米 离大床床远点
Kimmy, get off of Bed-jamin!
不是你想的那样
It's not what it looks like!
等下 泰特斯 你怎么回来了
Wait, Titus. Why are you back?
游轮上的工作有时结束得早 很正常啊
Sometimes cruises just end early. It's a very common thing.
我比你更了解游轮
I think I know more about cruises than you do.
你为什么穿着燕尾服
Why are you wearing a tuxedo?
你行李呢
And where's your luggage?
还有 你怎么拿一个切开的沙滩皮球当鞋子
Also, why is one of your shoes a cut-open beach ball?
你头发怎么变短了
Why is your hair shorter?
还是因为你头变大了
Or is it that your head is getting bigger?
问个什么劲儿啊 姑娘 我得先躺下
Everyone can do questions. Now, girl, I need to lie down.
我现在极其不适应陆地上的生活
I'm starting to feel land-sick again.
泰特斯 桃花心木号♥出什么事儿了
Titus, what happened with Mahogany?
你被炒鱿鱼也没关系
It's okay if you got fired.
这并不意味着你没有才华
It doesn't mean you're not talented.
金伯莉 要是非问我在游轮上学到了什么
Kimberly, if there's one thing I learned on that cruise,
那就是我这么多年来 向公车司机喊的
it's that what I've been shouting at bus drivers
那句话是对的
for all these years is true.
我是个明星
I am a star!
*桃花心木号♥*
*Mahogany*
等一下 你当上了主角
Wait, you played the lead part?
迪昂华薇克怎么了
What happened to Dionne Warwick?
没什么 她没事
Nothing, she's fine! I think
我可比你更了解迪昂华薇克
I know more about Dionne Warwick than you do!
喂 - 吉米姐妹
Hello? - Sister Kimmy.
我是理查德沙克尔穆♥罕♥默♥德♥
It's Richard Shakeer-Mohammed.
我必须加入穆♥斯♥林♥帮派 还得加入一个白人♥权♥力帮派
I had to join a Muslim gang and a white-power gang.
跟<窈窕奶爸>里的情节差不多
It's sort of a Mrs. Doubtfire situation.
不是跟你说过不要再打来了嘛
I told you to stop calling me.
听着 你以为我想
Look, you think I really want to be
把宝贵的监狱电♥话♥时间浪费在你身上
wasting my prison phone time on you?
我本来可以打给笑话热♥线♥的
I could be calling a joke hotline.
离婚文件寄给你了
The divorce papers are in the mail.
签好字然后回寄给我
Sign 'em and get 'em back to me.
咱们何必要走这个手续呢
Why do we even have to go through this?
这桩婚姻根本就不可能是合法的
There's no way that marriage was legal.
现在 以我自己的名义
And now, in the name of me,
苍天在上 也许你能透过
Gosh Almighty, who you may know from,
这层意大利天花板看到
I don't know, Italian ceilings?
我现在宣布二位结为超人与妻子
I pronounce you Superman and wife!
谢谢你 无所不能的老天爷
Thank you, oh great and powerful Gosh.
随后约你在天堂玩彩弹球
I will see you later on in Heaven for paintball.
没错
Yeah.
相信我吧
Oh, believe you me,
我希望咱俩的婚姻就像牙仙
I wish our marriage was as fake as the Tooth Fairy
我本坚强（2015）
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
剧集 | 我本坚强（2015） | 导航列表