我本坚强（2015）

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt S03E04

Part 5 Feb. 22, 2023, 8:43 p.m.

What was it wearing, Kimmy? - People clothes.
我告诉你这熊杀了一个人夺了他的小命
I'm telling you, this bear killed someone and took over his life!
哦不 - 天啊那是睡衣
Oh, no. - Oh, boy. Those were pajamas.
那是催眠茶 - 对
That's Sleepytime tea. - Yeah!
就是犯困但又不想睡时喝的啊
For those times when you're sleepy and don't want to be,
就好比一个饥肠辘辘的人
like how Hungry-Man dinners are
吃"饿到家"方便食品一样
for when a man is hungry.
但上面说"免咖♥啡♥因♥"
But it says "Caffeine free."
因为你没有额外付咖♥啡♥因♥的钱
'Cause you don't pay extra for the caffeine!
所以咖♥啡♥因♥是免费的
It's free!
蠢东西
You fool!
浓茶
Strong tea.
顺便说一下我是阿蒂古德曼
Artie Goodman, by the way.
我们能投票了吗
Shall we vote?
只要唱得好听
Sell it,
没人会在乎内容
and nobody will care what it's about.
原谅我友好的新约神
Forgive me, friendly New Testament God
你已进驻我心
after you settled down and had a family.
*大爱加州生活在西海岸时间*
*Lovin' California Livin' left coast time*
*我不需要警告你*
*I don't need to warn ya*
*这里的美女有多赞*
*The babes out here are so fine*
*抛掉衬衫沐浴阳光*
*Shirts off, shades on*
*音响在播破嘴合唱团的歌♥*
*Smash Mouth on the stereo*
*全场摇滚加上上空简直酷毙了*
*Rockin' with the top down is hella rad*
*我们一起来*
*Now here we go*
*我爱加州的波霸加州的沙地*
*I love boobs and California Sand and California*
*加州的波霸和福特野马*
*Boobs and California And my 'Stang and California*
*我爱加州的狗狗*
*I love dogs and California*
*加州的徒步之旅*
*Hikes and California*
*但加州的波霸*
*But the boobs in California*
*是无与伦比的*
*Are the greatest boobs around*
*绝对是最极品的波霸*
*They're the greatest boobs*
*齐臀短裤短到爆连口袋都露在外*
*Daisy Dukes so high Them pockets are a-peekin'*
*在加州的每一天都过得像周末*
*Every day in Cali land is a weekend*
*我爱加州的波霸*
*I love boobs and California*
*加州的阳光*
*Sun and California*
*加州的天空还有加州的兄弟*
*Ska and California And my bro in California*
*我爱加州的摩托车*
*I love bikes and California*
*加州的撸铁*
*Workin' out and California*
*但加州的波霸*
*But the boobs in California*
*是无与伦比的*
*Are the greatest boobs around*
*是无与伦比的*
*Are the greatest boobs around*
*加州有最赞的波霸*
*The greatest boobs are in California*
耶
Yeah.
灿
Xan!
别过来你在这里干嘛
No. What are you doing here?
我在看你的跑腿评论
Well, I just saw your TaskRabbit review.
"吉米就像雪人身上的交通锥
"Kimmy looks like a traffic cone on a snowman,
但她存在的理由实在牵强
but there's less of a reason for her to exist.
她是被雇来组装一台划船器
She was hired to put together a rowing machine.
但她却消磨我活下去的意志"
Instead she took apart my will to live."
然后是软质巧克力冰淇淋的表情
Then a soft-serve chocolate ice cream emoji,
感谢你用这表情
so thank you for that.
不用没事
No, that's not--
算了
Forget it.
灿我知道这很困难但你是个幸运儿
I know it's hard, but you're so lucky, Xan.
能来这里要我去死都行
I would die to come here!
别再以死来让我振作了
Stop trying to cheer me up by saying you'll die.
现在你的感觉就像世界末日
Right now, it probably feels like the world is ending,
但我知道如果你不放弃并积极面对
but I know if you don't give up and you think positive,
一切都会好转
things will work out.
我想揍你一顿 - 别别这样
I want to fight you. - No, you don't.
我会揍扁你的
I would destroy you.
你倒不如想想当初
So instead let's think about why
你为何想要来这儿
you wanted to come here in the first place.
我不想
I didn't.
我想离这鬼地方越远越好
I wanted to get as far away from this place as possible.
我想去加州上学
I wanted to go to school in California.
当然过着优哉的小日子
Sure, the cowabunga lifestyle.
但是不行
But no,
因为自从我们由于杀害维梅尔而被驱逐出荷兰
'cause all Voorheeses go to Columbia,
约翰内斯·维梅尔 17世纪荷兰画家代表作<戴珍珠耳环的少女>
沃利斯家的人都得去哥伦比亚
ever since we got kicked out of Holland for killing Vermeer.
我恨透了我的家人还有那可笑的家族饰章
I hate my family, and I hate that stupid crest.
你在干什么
What are you doing?
你会被退学的 - 如果幸运的话
You could get kicked out of school! - If I'm lucky.
灿蒂柏托尼拉维奥利
Xanthippe! And Tony Ravioli!
听着要么你给我说说
Look, either explain to me
这如何算是健康性生活的一部分
how this is part of a healthy sex life,
要么你俩麻烦就大了
or you two are in a lot of trouble.
我们在玩"转瓶游戏" 然后场面失控了
We're just playing "Spin the Bottle," and it got out of hand.
噢两个人玩"转瓶游戏"
Oh, "Spin the Bottle" with twosies?
你觉得我是白♥痴♥吗
You think I'm some kind of idiot?
Dean还有院长之意
我会打电♥话♥给迪恩凯恩
I'm calling Dean Cain,
让他来把这里收拾好
telling him to clean up this mess.
然后我们会去见寇茨
And then we're gonna go see Dean Koontz,
院长
who is the dean.
大家都去哪了
Where is everybody?
他们都凭空消失了吗
Did they get Raptured?
好啊新约神
Attaboy, New Testament God.
我不知道你有这么厉害
I didn't know you had it in you.
不他们走了
No, they left...
在全体一致投票支持大自然食品店后走掉了
after voting unanimously to support Big Naturals.
够了
That's it.
我放弃了
I give up.
不行没这个选项
No, that's not an option.
我不会事事都同意你
I don't agree with you on everything,
譬如在你在那边瞎掰时
like during your filibuster
把种族地位从高到低做了排序
when you ranked ethnicities from best to worst,
但我欣赏你那股激♥情♥
but I admire your passion.
所以我坚持
So I insisted that
让你当这个项目的社区联络员
you be the community liaison for this project.
没有你同意之前什么都办不成
Nothing gets done without your okay.
朋友这可是个严重错误啊
Huge mistake, pal.
这一路上我都得折磨你
I'm gonna fight you every step of the way!
这样的话
Well...
恐怕我们以后会常常见面了
I guess we'll be seeing a lot of each other, then.
谁给我穿的内♥裤♥
Who put underwear on me?
我不会让你这么胡搞瞎搞的
I'm not letting you just throw your life away.
我会用三寸不烂之舌让我们脱身的
I'm gonna talk our way out of this.
噢糟糕他看起来好聪明
Oh, no, he looks so smart.
兜里还有眼镜我们完了
He's got glasses in his pockets. We're fudged!
当你的舍长告诉我发生何事时
When your resident advisor told me what had happened,
我努力想要弄明白你在想什么灿蒂柏
I was at pains to understand what you were thinking, Xanthippe.
你集万千宠爱于一身
You've been given every advantage in the world.
其实你是班上第二最具特权的
In fact, you're the second-most privileged student in your class
排在索菲娅泰诺之后
after Sophie Tylenol.
但不久我们就确切意识到
But then we realized exactly
你的毁灭行为是多么的英勇和美丽
how brave and beautiful your act of destruction truly was.
你觉得会发生什么
What's happening, do you think?
攻击自己特权的象征
Attacking the symbol of your own privilege!
就像悉达多乔达摩宣布放弃继承他父亲的江山
Like Siddhartha Gautama renouncing his father's kingdom
只为成为佛陀一样
in order to become the Buddha.
我是宗教象征学的教授
I'm a professor of religious symbology,
就像<达芬奇密♥码♥>中的罗伯特兰登
like Robert Langdon in The Da Vinci Code.
我之后也会得白化病但
I also have an albino after me, but
这完全是另一♥码♥事了
that's a whole other deal.
嘿灿你选择用酒来腐蚀家徽
Hey, Xan, you chose to attack the family crest with alcohol,
据说沃利斯家族以前用酒
knowing that the Voorhees family used liquor
来引诱爱尔兰小孩到他们工厂当童工
to lure Irish children into their factories.
你故意针对这匹马的形象