我本坚强（2015）

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt S03E13

Part 2 Feb. 22, 2023, 8:45 p.m.

And I'm still not over
对爵士乐的所做作为我还没释怀
what Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone did to jazz.
这是报复因为你从我们这里偷走了<哈密尔顿>
It's payback 'cause you stole Hamilton from us.
我要去和阿蒂谈谈
I gotta go talk to Artie!
我不能在我最好的朋友
Well, I can't just sit here
被别人利用的时候傻坐在这里
and take this terrifying career test
做这个可怕的职业能力测试
when my best friend is being taken advantage of!
我们走
Let's go.
又是杰奎琳怀特为弱者
It's time, once again, for Jacqueline White
挺身而出的时候了
to stand up for the little guy.
谢谢人家真的很弱小
Thank you. I am wittle.
神圣的神秘身份蝙蝠主席
Holy secret identity, Bat-President!
你的确撒了谎
You did tell a lie.
你肯定是戈迪
You must be Gordy.
真的女孩
Ah! Real girl!
你靠<加州的波霸>赚的一切
You owe Titus half of everything
一半应该归泰特斯
you made on "Boobs and California."
什么我什么也没赚
What? I haven't made anything.
别侮辱我的"豆腐脑"
Do not insult my ingellitence!
她的电♥话♥是"知"能手♥机♥
Her phone is a contuter!
这首歌♥在Spotify音乐平台
That song is 49th
成人流行乐排行榜上排名49
on Spotify's Adult Bro-temporary charts.
你肯定挣了一笔
You've come into some cash.
苏打水机
A SodaStream?
一个还在盒子里性♥爱♥娃娃
A Sex Yuko still in the box?
迈克尔杰克逊的千禧年艺术家奖和
Michael Jackson's Artist of the Millennium award, and...
你在做的腰部训练
You're waist-training.
好吧我挣了三万块
Fine. I made 30 grand.
不过我不需要给泰特斯一分钱
But I don't have to give a penny of it to Titus.
起草那份跑腿兔协议的律师
The TaskRabbit contract was written
也是起草了圣诞老太太的婚前协议
by the same lawyers who did Mrs. Claus' prenup.
不然你觉得圣诞老公公为什么一直和她在一起
Why do you think Santa stays with her?
戈迪啊戈迪啊戈迪
Gordy, Gordy, Gordy...
是我乐队的名字
Is the name of my band.
怎么样…
So?
就这样你互联网广播点击率很高
So you have an Internet radio hit.
要是你不能找人现场表演你要如何保持高点击率
How are you gonna keep it going if you can't perform it live?
是啊
Yeah
怎么保持
How?
我的确在<今日秀>里试图独唱这首歌♥
I did try to roll it out solo on the Today Show.
*但加州的*
*But the in California*
*才是最赞的*
*Are the greatest around*
你知道那个节目的第七个小时
Did you know the seventh hour
只是要大家签名报到吗
of that show is just a sign-up sheet?
戈迪你需要泰特斯
Gordy, you need Titus.
没有奥兹霍尔什么也干不了
Hall was nothing without Oates.
Hall & Oates 美国70至80年代的流行乐组合
没有巴斯特戴夫哪也去不了
Dave would be nowhere without Buster's.
Dave & Buster's 美国连锁餐厅
你真的觉得人们会去一个餐厅
Do you really think people would go to a restaurant
就因为它叫"戴夫"
that's just called Dave?
好吧我给他一半
All right. He gets half.
不过穿什么戏装得我拍板
But I get final wardrobe approval.
不 - 好吧
No. - Okay.
好吧这种事总是发生在比克身上
Okay, this kind of stuff happens to Beaker all the time,
而他是个专业科学家
and he's a professional scientist.
哦老天
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God...
萨克你没事吧
Zach, are you okay?
你是吉米
You're Kimmy.
我们上同样的哲学课你是儿童服装模特儿
You're in my philosophy class. You wear clothes for children.
是高大的儿童
Husky children.
我刚刚退学了
I just dropped out of school.
什么你成绩太差
What? You failed out?
哇哦我还以为你很聪明
Wow, I thought you were smart.
因为你不是运动型体格
'Cause you're not athletic.
我见过你试图背上你的包
I've seen you try to put your backpack on.
不是成绩太差我只有三门测验不及格
No, not failed. I've only ever failed three tests:
脊柱侧凸图灵机和虱子
scoliosis, Turing, and lice.
等等你自己选择退学的
Wait. You chose to drop out?
是的这也许是个巨大的错误
Yes, it might be a huge mistake.
至少这是你自己的决定
Well, at least it was your decision.
我觉得他们想要让我离开
I think they're gonna make me leave.
而我讨厌别人控制我的生活
And I hate not being in control of my life.
我自己决定什么时候睡觉
My bedtime's when I say so.
我不想要某个金字塔图形数据告诉我该吃什么食物
I don't let some pyramid tell me what food to eat.
我不在乎泰特斯说什么
And I don't care what Titus says,
我先戴手套再穿外衣
I put my mittens on before my jacket.
那你怎么拉拉链或系扣子
Then how do you zip or button it?
这是自♥由♥的代价萨克
That's the price of freedom, Zach!
我只是在说你的人生你自己掌控
I'm just saying, you're in charge of your life.
而我也是
And I am too.
汪汪队前往救援
Paw Patrol to the rescue!
这来自一个卡♥通♥片的一句台词我常引用它来安慰自己
That's a cartoon I quote to soothe myself.
再见
Bye.
吉米
Kimmy?
吉米
Well, Kimmy,
你没拿到"A"
you did not get an A.
杜利教授有很严重的脑震荡
Professor Dooley is pretty shaken up.
在爆♥炸♥中他看到了一位童年好友的面孔
In the explosion, he saw the face of a childhood friend
那位好友在他们一起爬树时从树上掉下来摔死了
who died after falling from a tree they were both climbing.
而且不幸地是你将不得不离开哥伦比亚
And unfortunately, you're going to have to leave Columbia--
我要从哥伦比亚退学这是我自己的选择
I'm dropping out of Columbia, my choice.
非常抱歉但是是我先说的
I'm terribly sorry, but I said my thing first.
知道
You know,
世上有很多种人才
there are many different kinds of intelligence.
也许你是不擅长读书
Maybe you're not book smart.
但这不代表着你没有
But that doesn't mean you don't have,
例如说情商
say, emotional intelligence.
吉米我们知道你经历过很多
Kimmy, we're aware that you've been through a lot.
先警告一下我要说"地堡"了
Trigger warning, I'm about to say "Bunker."
吉米我可以说"地堡"吧
Is it okay if I say "Bunker", Kimmy?
地堡
Bunker!
鉴于这件事
In light of that,
哥伦比亚大学想授予你荣誉学位
Columbia would like to present you with this honorary degree.
我们最终决定不把这个给吉米史密茨
We ended up not giving this to Jimmy Smits
因为<克隆人的进攻>实在是太烂了
because Attack of the Clones was such a turd.
有一天我会笑谈这一切
Someday, I'll laugh about all this.
不太快了
No. Too soon.
不过我永远不会为这而哭泣
But I'm never gonna cry about it.
那就告诉哥伦比亚乐曲部门
So tell the Columbia House tapes department
继续播放派对歌♥曲
to keep the party tunes coming.
嘿
Hey.
可算来了
There she is!
打包完了
Finish packing yet?
带件泳衣哦
Bring a bathing suit.
最棒的渍鲑鱼片是在一家桑拿浴中心供应
The best gravlax is served inside a sauna.
嘿听着你干嘛不用你的钱插个队
Hey, listen, why don't you use your money
赶紧换个新心脏
to skip the line, get a new heart?
因为有钱并不会让我比一个心脏活瓣病变的孩子
Because being rich doesn't make me more important
比一个心脏活瓣病变的孩子
than a kid with a bad valve
或心地善良的妓♥女♥更重要
or a hooker with a heart of gold.
三陪妹中最有杀伤力的
Number one killer of Desirees.
不过要是你到了瑞典这个人工心脏
Well, what if we get to Sweden, and this heart machine
需要一个不同的插头呢
needs a different plug?
要是你在跟我上♥床♥时死掉了
What if you die during sex
我却卡在你上面呢
and I'm trapped there on top of you?
莉莲四十年来你困在过去里
Lillian, you spent 40 years stuck in the past.
现在你用未来折磨你自己
Now you're torturing yourself about the future.
我生活在什么时间里不是你说了算的
You don't control what time I live in.
我就像<高地人>里演的那样
I'm like Highlander!
我所拥有的只有现在
All I have is now.
和我在一起