我本坚强（2015）

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt S03E08

Part 2 Feb. 22, 2023, 8:44 p.m.

别忘了我还得了坏血病
And let's not forget scurvy.
我这一年过的都是什么日子啊
What a year I'm having!
等等你们现在是朋友了
Wait. You guys are friends now?
噢可不止是朋友
Oh, far more than friends.
我们刚刚还在大街上拥吻来着
We just made out in the street.
就好像二战时那张水手强吻护士的照片一样
Like that World War II picture of the sailor assaulting a nurse.
有意思的是他只是假装自己是水手
he was only pretending to be a sailor.
没错我们呆不了多久
Yeah, so we can't stay long.
只要猫咪不再受到风暴的惊吓
We're going upstairs as soon as the cats stop
我们就得上楼去了
freaking out from the storm.
不行你们不能走
Oh. No, you can't go.
我买♥♥了水和食物
I bought water and food,
咱们可以玩这些游戏
and we can play these games.
这上面说他们老少皆宜
These say they're for all ages,
而我们这儿正好老少都有
and now we finally have all the ages.
肯定会很好玩的
And it'll be fun!
没有那些乱七八糟的规定
No crazy rules like,
"这么做那么穿在哪大便"
"Do this. Wear that. Poop here."
就是老朋友和老相好而已
Just good friends and great oldies.
这是我的地堡这将会是
This is my bunker, and it's gonna be
一个很励志的地堡式经历
a positive bunkering experience.
噢吉米小时候她
Oh, when Kimmy was a kid, she--
我跟你说吧
You know what?
没有她认为的那么有意思
It's not as interesting as she thinks it is.
听着我以前在地堡有段糟糕的经历
Look, I had a bad time in a bunker once,
但我希望这次不同
and I want this one to be different.
我懂了
Say no more.
你想摒弃糟糕的旧经历
You want to replace your old, bad experience
替代成美好的新经历
with a new, good experience.
这叫暴露疗法会有效果的
It's called exposure therapy, and it works.
我在80年代早期回到了越南
I went back to Vietnam in the early '80s
在那里度过了一段美好时光
and had a lovely time.
现在如果我在尖叫中醒来
Now when I wake up screaming,
那一定是梦里的食物太美味了
it's about how good the food was.
说得好古德曼先生
Great example, Mr. Goodman.
这里能不能变成一个好地堡
And what's gonna make this a good bunker
取决于我们选择谁跟我们一起住
is we get to choose who's in here with us.
我希望你和莉莲能留下来
And I want you and Lillian to stay.
我们在这儿会舒服一点
We could cozy up down here.
对 - 希望你们别介意我们小秀恩爱
Yeah. - Hope you guys don't mind a little PDA.
你的意思是秀恩爱死得快
Porno with dead animals?
闺蜜你也太不会聊天了
Girl, that's so much worse than what it actually is!
好吧我总是错得离谱
Well, I'm always wrong the other way!
女士们先生们
Ladies and gentlemen.
好吧
Oh. All right.
我们一直尝试做一下快速换装就像他们
You know, we were trying to do one of them-- them quick changes
在凯瑟琳佩里的演唱会上做的那样
that they do at a Katheryn Perry concert,
但我被困住了
but I got stuck.
跟你说
But you know what?
在这里蠕动的时候
Wriggling up in here,
我对自己的出生过程仍存有某种记忆
I'm having a sense memory of my own birth...
我记得自己当时是多么渴望离开阴♥道♥运河
just how eager I was to leave the vaginal canal
奔向新泽西的东奥兰治
and enter East Orange, New Jersey.
嘿
Hey.
我知道你为何不想谈及游轮的事
I get why you didn't want to talk about that cruise stuff.
因为倘若你真的吃了那个老女人
'Cause jeez, if you'd really eaten that old lady--
我们就得一起逃命
We'd be on the lam together.
不去加拿大去墨西哥我得去有午睡文化的地方
Not to Canada. Mexico. I need siesta culture.
不我想我跟你做不了朋友了
No. I don't think I could be friends with you anymore.
我们就像为争夺一女而翻脸的
Like Michael Jackson and
迈克尔杰克逊和保罗麦卡特尼
Paul McCartney after they fought over that girl.
你开玩笑的吧
You don't mean that.
我已经给你摆平很多事情了先生
I mean... I let you get away with a lot, mister.
你在公车上为了抢座假装怀孕
I don't say anything when you pretend to be pregnant
我没说过什么
to get a seat on the bus.
既然戴了假发为何不用呢
Why carry a wig around if I don't get to use it?
我让你在公园向我求婚就为了感受众人的祝福掌声
I let you propose to me in the park so people will clap at you.
我带你到时尚城购物
I bring you shopping with me at Fashion Town
让你邂逅无聊的丈夫们
so you can hit on bored husbands.
这件事的美妙就在于
The beauty of it is,
他们讨厌跟自己的老婆一起逛街
they already hate their wives for bringing them.
那谋杀呢
But murder?
太没底线了
That crosses the line.
这么说你有底线
So... you, like, have a line?
我都不知道你还有底线 - 别担心
I didn't know you had a line. - Don't worry.
只有一个人类曾经越过这道底线
Only one human being has ever crossed it...
还有一只沙鼠
and one gerbil.
他们可是你的孩子佛尔太太
They were your babies, Mrs. Furfur.
但我不会让这样的人再出现在我的生命中
But I'm not letting someone like that in my life again.
好吧我没杀人
Well, I didn't murder anybody,
我们现在不必
and now we don't ever have to
再说起海鬼和救生船
speak again of the Ocean Skank or the lifeboat
以及你在游轮上的时候
or how, when you're on a cruise ship,
马桶为何在淋浴间
the toilet is in your shower
现在我开始想念它了
and how I miss that!
等等你怎么会在救生船上
Wait, why were you on the lifeboat?
噢发生了一起火灾…
Oh! There was a fire
是帆具舱里一个火花引起的
caused by a spark... in the sail room.
这在游轮上是家常便饭
Typical cruise stuff.
海鬼号♥沉得太快了甚至还没来得及上新闻
The Ocean Skank sank so fast, it wasn't even on the news.
不过全部人员都幸存
But everyone survived,
大家又多了个绝妙的绕口令
and the world got a good tongue twister out of it.
“海鬼沉船归了海龟”
The Ocean Skank sank. The Ocean Skank sank.
“七只旗鱼奇遇弃船气歪嘴海鬼沉船竟然归了海龟”
Seven swimming shellfish said the Ocean Skank sank.
不要碰鼻礼
Eskimo kisses are a hard no.
有时候不肮脏的事情却更叫人恶心
Sometimes things that aren't dirty are actually much grosser.
是啊就像电影里演的
Yeah, like in the movies,
女人用手指在男人身上画圆圈
when a lady draws circles with her finger in a guy's--
那个
That.
为什么干嘛呢 - 快停
Why? To what end? - Please stop!
飓风使人性趣大发
Well, hurricanes make people very sexual.
是大气压
It's the barometric pressure.
吉米要是我想看老年人情趣饱满
Kimmy, if I wanted to see old people get all worked up,
去林肯车行就行了
I'd go to a Lincoln dealership.
要是这两位还是管不住自己
But if those two can't keep it in their stretch pants,
我就走了
I'm leaving.
他纯属嫉妒
Aww, he's just jealous
因为我和他有个约定
'cause me and him have a thing
要是我们40岁了还单身的话
where if we're both still single by the time we're 40,
我们就互相杀了对方
we'll kill each other.
好吧
Okay.
我不想要任何约定
I didn't want any rules, but maybe having a few rules
除非有些约定能让这个地堡变成乐堡
might help turn this bunker into a fun-ker!
文字游戏是我的专利
I do the wordplay here,
留在你的弥敦道吧金姆 "打别再"
so stay in your Nathan Lane, Kim D.M.C.,
意思就是 "打住别介再见"
which stands for, "Don't. Mm-mm. C ya!"
我跟不上你们的节奏
I can't follow any of this!
大家都说得太快了
Everyone talks too fast.
我知道这就像参加80年代的派对一样
I know. It's like being at a party in the '80s.
好了第一条
Okay. Rule number one.
在我们的地堡里
I think it's great that we have a loving,
各位应友爱自律
consensual relationship in our bunker,
共同维持祥和舒适的氛围
but let's try to keep it PG.
好的不可以抽烟
Okay, so no tobacco use,
但我可以裸上身只要是有暴♥力♥就好
and I can go topless as long as it's violent.
明白
Got it.
第二条
Rule number two.
分享一切
Share everything.
第三条
Rule number three.
坏人都滚蛋
No bad guys!