我本坚强（2015）

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt S03E08

Part 1 Feb. 22, 2023, 8:44 p.m.

我本坚强
第三季第八集
公益演出为了新泽西
迪昂华薇克直播
迪昂华薇克直播
乐堡约定
乐堡约定
第一少儿适宜观看
乐堡约定
第一少儿适宜观看
第二分享
第三坏人滚出
乐堡约定
第一少儿适宜观看
第二分享
第三坏人滚出
第四不能打架
第五要开心
来自Manalapin的Bobby捐赠150元
来自Bayhead的Brian捐赠1000元
来自Ramsey的Jack捐赠100元
来自Camden的Eric捐赠恶作剧
纽约诺内新闻
塔米飓风
纽约诺内新闻
塔米飓风
海鬼号♥离开港口
海鬼号♥
泰特斯游轮上出了什么事
Titus, what happened on that cruise?
我做了人类行为里最坏的事情
I did the worst thing any human being can do.
我吃了迪昂华薇克
I ate Dionne Warwick.
你说什么 - 什么
What? - What?
我把格莱美奖获得者迪昂华薇克吃掉了
I ate Grammy Award winner Dionne Warwick!
坚不可摧
Unbreakable
她们活下来了卧♥槽♥
They alive, damn it!
真是个奇迹
It's a miracle.
坚不可摧
Unbreakable
她们活下来了卧♥槽♥
They alive, damn it!
但是女人可真牛逼啊
But females are strong as hell.
坚不可摧
Unbreakable
她们活下来了卧♥槽♥
They alive, damn it!
真是个奇迹
It's a miracle.
坚不可摧
Unbreakable
她们活下来了
They alive, damn it!
接下来是
That's gonna be, uh...
那个
you know, a
华丽的变身
fascinating transition.
卧♥槽♥
Damn it!
我吃了迪昂华薇克
I ate Dionne Warwick!
你不可能吃了迪昂华薇克的
Oh, you did not eat Dionne Warwick!
你们住在陆地上的人根本理解不了
You land people can't understand
海洋会让一个人变成怎样
what the sea can do to a man.
我在那艘救生船上不知道呆了多少天
I was on that lifeboat for I don't know how many days,
除了美味可口的海水
with nothing to eat or drink...
根本没有吃的喝的
but delicious, savory seawater.
被日光在水面的反射晃到眼睛后
The reflection on the water burned my eyes
看什么都是白茫茫一片
until everything was white.
白色的光芒白色的炙热的天空
White light. White, hot sky.
而她自始至终都在嘲讽我
And all the while, she taunted me!
泰特斯
Titus!
覆盖地球表面70%又咸咸的物质是什么
What's salty and covers 70% of the Earth?
海洋吗
The ocean.
是你的大屁♥股♥
Your butt!
华薇克的嘲讽
Warwick burn!
你最好身上有胎记
You better have a birthmark
或者带着个借书证什么的亲爱的
or a library card, honey,
否则一旦我们在这里死掉
'cause when we die on this thing,
新闻将会做如下昭示
the news is gonna say,
"格莱美奖获得者迪昂华薇克
"Grammy Award-Winner Dionne Warwick
与一无名呆傻离奇死亡"
and Unknown Sneaky Fool Found Dead."
他们不会知道你是谁
They're not gonna know who you are!
拜托了迪昂小姐
Please, Miss Dionne,
成全我吧
leave me be.
我实在是太饿了
I'm so hungry.
泰特斯
Titus...
别这么看着我我不是火鸡腿小子
Don't look at me like I'm a giant turkey leg, boy!
老娘可是一姐迪昂华薇克
I am Dionne Heffalumpin' Warwick!
你不会吃我的
You will not eat me.
你根本没种去尝试
You don't have the balls to try.
泰特斯你就是个无名小卒
Titus, you're a nobody.
哪怕你妈妈也不会来
Even your mama didn't come to...
我的日子就是这么过的
The days went on like this.
我吃掉了自己的手指甲
I ate my own fingernails.
吃了我价值一万美元的工资支票
I ate $10,000 worth of my paychecks.
我吃了<麻辣牛肉>
I ate Hot Beef...
那是为打发海上孤独的夜晚而带的一本杂♥志♥
a magazine I brought for those lonely nights at sea.
可迪昂小姐却一味挑衅我
And Miss Dionne only grew more and more belligerent.
"嘿大家好我是泰特斯"
"Hey, everybody! I'm Titus!"
*没人喜欢泰特斯*
*Nobody likes Titus*
*因为他是个该死的蠢蛋*
*'Cause he is a daaamn nerd!*
来啊小子来吃我啊
Go ahead, boy. Eat me.
先吃我的脚吧
Start with my feet
这样我的脸还能看到你被噎死
so my face can watch you choke.
我试着睡觉我试着去死
I tried to sleep. I tried to die.
可我还是被那声音惊醒了
But I was awakened by... the sound.
那是一种可怕的吞噬声音
A-a horrible gobbling sound.
那是我
It was me...
在吃着
eating...
迪昂华薇克
Dionne Warwick!
我吃了迪昂华薇克
I ate Dionne Warwick!
不你没有
No, you did not.
她还活着泰特斯
She's alive, Titus.
她现在正在主持电视节目
She's hosting a telethon right now
为新泽西州被风暴侵袭的地方募集捐款
for the parts of New Jersey that were already washed away in the storm.
大自然食品店正在
Big Naturals is donating
为新泽西的诸多地上水池捐助水源
water to refill New Jersey's many above-ground pools.
我尽力就是了
I do what I can.
太好了文尼
That's terrific, Benny.
你穿着背心来上班 - 泰特斯
You come to work in a tank top. - Titus! Look!
你没有吃她
You didn't eat her!
请您尽最大努力为塔米飓风出一份力
Please give whatever you can.
它已经对新泽西州最美的地方
Hurricane Tammi-with-an-I has already ravaged
造成了破坏其中有
some of the most beautiful parts of New Jersey:
至日太阳镜工厂直销店
the Solstice Sunglasses Outlet,
莫里码头疯狂老鼠
the Morey's Pier Wild Mouse Ride,
弗兰克和玛丽亚斯皮内利的华贵大理石甲板
Frank and Maria Spinelli's gorgeous marble deck.
当我唱起这首失落之歌♥的时候
So call the number on your screen
请拨♥打♥屏幕上的电♥话♥
while I sing this lost gem
这首歌♥是特地为我而写
that was written exclusively for me
作者是伯特巴哈拉赫先生
by one Mr. Burt Bacharach.
美国50年代著名音乐人六次获格莱美三次获奥斯卡
她还活着
Sh-sh-she's alive.
*当你跟伦纳德尼莫伊分手后*
*When you break up with Leonard Nimoy*
*你买♥♥了一张去萨克拉门托的车票*
*You get a bus ticket to Sacramento*
*和一箱螃蟹当作回忆*
*And a case of crabs for your memento*
*我为何如此痴迷*
*Why do I have a thing*
*宇宙飞船*
*For spaceships?*
噢天啊
Oh, my gosh!
你平常说自己没吃东西
Usually, you say you didn't eat something
但其实你吃了就像我的那块肥皂
but you did... like that soap I got.
它看上去像贝壳一样
It looked like a shell.
贝壳什么时候成食物了
How does that make it more edible?
贝壳可以被想象成意大利面
Shells can be pasta!
我的意思是这是个好消息
I'm just saying. This is great news.
你没做过可怕的事情
You didn't do a terrible thing!
不要这说不通
Never. This makes no sense.
我现在还能回忆起她耳环的青铜味
I can still taste the bronze of her earrings.
喝了海水会让人产生幻觉
Drinking seawater makes people hallucinate.
难道你没听过<老水手之歌♥>吗？
Haven't you ever read "Rime of the Ancient Mariner"?
英国诗人柯勒律治的作品用老水手的语言描绘恐惧
先生你应该能看出来我没有
Sir. You should be able to tell that I have not.
看来我上个月拉出的那颗牙齿…
So I guess when I passed that tooth last month...
是我自己的牙
it was my tooth.
它压力过大掉下来了
And it fell out because of stress
后面一直没用过牙线清洁
and never, ever flossing in the back.