我本坚强（2015）

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt S03E09

Part 2 Feb. 22, 2023, 8:44 p.m.

打扰一下
Pardon me.
吉米
Kimmy.
我是克拉拉莱布小姐
My name is Miss Clara LeBueff,
我负责复活节服装募捐活动
and I run the Easter clothing drive.
噢我明天真的很需要帮手呢
Oh, I sure could use some strong arms tomorrow.
这两条麒麟臂派得上用场吗克拉拉小姐
Will these pythons do, Miss Clara?
克拉拉小姐 - 好吧亲爱的
Miss Clara. - All right, honey.
还给你车用电♥话♥
Here's you car phone back.
别再让我在教堂逮到你上脸书
But don't let me catch you on the Facebooks again in church.
多好的老
What a nice old--
听我说吉米那类女人简直就是隐患
Listen to me, Kimmy. Ladies like that are trouble.
她们像泰特斯收集过期熟食一样
They collect gossip
收集八卦消息
like Tituses collect expired deli meats,
当有一天消息全部流出定能造成不小的伤害
and when it all comes out, the result is just as toxic.
务必保持警觉
Must... stay... conscious.
莉莲
Lillian!
我乘坐了货运电梯
Eh, I took the freight
看门人还以为我是垃圾
elevator 'cause the doorman thought I was garbage.
什么风把你给吹来了
To what do I owe the pleasure?
我男朋友约我跟他的孩子们一起过逾越节
Well, my boyfriend invited me to a Seder with his kids.
他是多么帅气的一个男朋友呀
And what a handsome boyfriend he is.
很高兴见到你先生
Pleased to meet you, sir.
他可是大活人
He's real.
还是个有钱人
And he's rich.
你知道他名下有"大自然"超♥市♥连锁店
You know, he owns those Big Naturals supermarkets.
你在跟阿蒂古德曼约会
You're dating Arthur Goodman?
他现在单身了
He's single?
我怎么没听说过他老婆去世的消息
No one on the message boards told me his wife died.
是啊我希望你能帮帮我
Yeah, well, you know, I was hoping you could do me a solid
借我些耳环戴戴
and let me borrow some earrings.
你知道人老珠黄了总是需要点缀一番的
You know, gussy up the old head flaps.
珠宝是个不错的选择
Jewelry's a good start.
我们要化化妆把头发拉直
And we'll do some makeup, and we'll straighten that hair.
你穿的衣服是谁设计的
Who are you wearing?
"哈特岛安葬工作服"
"Hart Island Burial Smock."
我从没听说过 - 等等亲爱的
I haven't heard of them. - Uh, hang on, toots.
我不是来造型设计的
I'm not looking for a whole to-do here.
不你是的
Yes, you are.
相信我我是看穿这个世界了
Trust me. I know this world.
难道你不想给阿蒂的孩子们留下好印象吗
Don't you want to impress Artie's children?
他死后你们可能会有
You could be spending
很长一段时间在法庭上见
a lot of time with them in court after he dies.
好吧
All right.
但不要皮草
But no fur.
除非是死的皮草
Unless it's dead.
*他的鲜血*
*His blood*
很好泰特斯
That's good, Titus,
你要是能再这样一点就更好了
but I'd love to hear it a little bit more like...
*他的鲜血*
*His blood*
*他的鲜血*
*His blood*
*鲜血*
*Blood*
*鲜血*
*Blood*
我成功了吉米
I did it, Kimmy.
我放下身段参加了除了麦当娜
I humbled myself and joined the saddest
旅游巴士外最悲伤的福音合唱团
gospel choir outside Madonna's tour bus,
就像耶稣的所作所为
just like Jesus would have.
泰特斯我真为你骄傲
Titus, I'm proud of you.
嘿要是你有什么服装要捐的
Hey, if you have anything to donate to the clothing drive--
没有谢谢
No, thank you.
我已经完成了我今天的人道主义行动
I have performed my humanitarian act for today.
我在那合唱团唱歌♥就像
Me singing with that choir
迈克尔乔丹在跟一群
is like Michael Jordan playing basketball
卡♥通♥动物打篮球一样
with a bunch of cartoon animals.
就像<空中大灌篮>
Like Space Jam!
什么你刚刚说什么
What? What are you talking about?
而那合唱团领唱鲁宾
And that choir director, Reuben,
长得挺养眼但声音却不忍♥耳闻
he may be easy on the eyes, but he's queasy on the ears.
要是他都能做领唱合唱团其他人都成什么了
If he's the lead, who else is in this choir?
一帮90年代后的汽车报♥警♥器
A bunch of late-'90s car alarms?
噢抱歉亲爱的你正打电♥话♥呢
Oh, I'm sorry, sugar. You're on the phone.
快别打了
Well, you can say your good-byes now.
咱俩聊聊吧
The two of us need to talk.
我的老天爷呀
Heavenly Father!
妈呀
Jeez.
我洗个澡的功夫这是出什么事了
What happens to all this when I take a shower?
如果我没记错的话今天是15号♥
If I'm not mistaken, today is the 15th.
莉莲
Lillian.
马上就到了最棒的阶段购物
We're getting to the best part: shopping!
*你动作潇洒*
*You got the moves*
*你身材火♥辣♥*
*You got the body*
*你超级有料*
*You got the goods*
*他荷包满满*
*He's got the money*
*没什么可以阻止你*
*Nothing's gonna stop you--*
杰圭琳
Jacqueline?
我不知道你竟然还有个姐姐
I didn't know you had a sister.
迪尔德丽
Deirdre!
自从雷哲被任命交通部长起
I haven't seen you since
我就没见过你了
since Reg was named Transportation Secretary.
我叫迪尔德丽罗伯斯庇尔
Deirdre Robespierre.
是圣克罗蒂德的家长会主席
I'm Head Mom at St. Clotilde's.
我叫莉莲
Lillian Kaushtupper.
我刚给一个运动员看完手掌
I'm just getting over a case of athlete's palm.
我明天要在本尼迪克特阿诺德俱乐部
So will I see you tomorrow at the Benedict Arnold Club
参加孩子寻找复活节彩蛋的活动你到时会去吗
for the children's Easter egg hunt?
巴克利的爸爸开车送他去我到时去接他
I'll be there for pickup. Buckley's father is dropping him off.
随着优子机器人越来越有用武之地我前夫的工作几近疯狂
My ex-husband's job is crazy now with all the YUKO uprisings.
噢对了离婚了
Oh, right, the divorce.
下次找那种
Next time, get a husband
只跟自己妹妹发展婚外情的人做丈夫吧
who's simply having an emotional affair with his sister.
因为他们结不了婚
They can't get married.
那就明天见
Till tomorrow, then.
希望我们都能活着见到那一天
I, for one, hope we both live to see it.
好
Okay.
你是新进城的 - 不算是
New to town? - Not as such.
现在才来教堂吗 - 这座教堂而已
Just coming to church now? - This church.
你出身哪一脉 - 所有生命不都起源于非洲吗
Where are your people from? - Didn't all life start in Africa?
喝甜茶还是柠檬水 - 甜茶
Sweet tea or lemonade? - Sweet tea.
喜欢哪一家炸鸡 - 我喜欢吃华夫饼
Popeyes or Church's? - Please. Waffle House.
有女朋友吗 - 没人比我妈妈好
You got a girlfriend? - No one as good as my mama.
有糖尿病吗 - 目前还没
Diabetes? - Not yet.
靠什么谋生 - 诸多手艺
What do you do for a living? - Renaissance man.
我举着几根手指 - 三根克拉拉小姐
How many fingers am I holding up? - Three, Miss Clara.
泰特斯祝你生活幸福
You have a blessed day, Titus.
你也是夫人
You too, ma'am.
克拉拉想要毁了我
Clara is trying to destroy me.
不她没有泰特斯
No, she's not, Titus.
她听见我说合唱团的坏话了
She overheard me bad-mouthing the choir.
如果她不给我机会
How can I prove I'm a good person
便将我赶出圣会
if she gets me kicked out
那我怎么证明自己是个好人呢
of the congregation before I get the chance?
她为什么要那么做呢
And why would she do that?
因为她是人吉米将人玩弄于鼓掌
Cause she's a person, Kimmy, a play on "Jimmy."
这就是人能干出的事
That's what persons do.
他们制♥造♥流言打击别人好让自己获得优越感
They gossip and put other people down so they can feel superior.
如果他们遵照圣经便不会这样
Not if they follow the Bible.
正如耶稣所说 "天下皆一家"
As Jesus said, "Won't you be my neighbor?"
不
No.
他们是用这个作为自己变得阴暗的借口
They use this as an excuse to be as shady as they want to be.
当他们因为别人舍不得募捐而跟他们叫板的时候
So when they call someone out for skimping on the collection,
他们不是伪君子因为
they're not hypocrites because...