我本坚强（2015）

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt S03E06

Part 2 Feb. 22, 2023, 8:44 p.m.

你说
Then you'll say--
哥们不做这种事吉米
Homey can't do that, Kimmy.
我不能就这么直接拒绝他
I can't just reject him.
有一天他想亲我
The other day, he tried to kiss me.
哥们不要
Homey, no!
当然我当时的第一反应
Of course, my first instinct
像收拾那个把你当成我女儿的女服务员一样
was to treat him like that shot girl
狠狠收拾他
who thought you were my daughter...
但他现在是红人队的主席
but he's the chairman of the Redskins now,
他将代表红人队
and he'll be the one representing them
参加下一届球队老板大会
at the next owners' meeting.
我不能冒险去惹怒他
I can't risk offending him,
不然我就没有机会改名了
or I'll never get the name changed.
杜克我们不能这么做
Duke, we can't do this.
我告诉过你我不会背叛罗斯
I told you I won't betray Russ.
你的双唇不是这么说的
That's not what your lips said.
我是指刚才亲的时候
I mean, until just now.
那你打算怎么办
Well, what are you gonna do?
最好不要乱搞
It better not be M-E-S-S-I-N-G around.
他是你的小叔子
He's your brother-in-law!
好吧
Okay,
如果一个男人和他的小叔子上了床
when a man has sex with his brother-in-law,
就是"猛♥男♥" 但要是女人这么做
he's a stud, but if a woman does it...
我什么也没做
I'm not doing anything,
但是杜克需要认为我想这么做
but Duke needs to think I want to.
所以我希望有人能来这里打断他
That's why I need someone here to run interference.
我今晚有安排
Oh, well, I've got plans tonight.
你
You?
老天不可能
Goodness. No.
首先你是个大嘴巴
First of all, you cannot keep a secret.
我曾经从垃圾堆里捡了个汉堡吃
I ate a hamburger out of the trash.
而且我需要一个
And I need someone
在性心理精神轰炸上有经验的人
with experience in psychosexual drama,
就像你的那个花孔雀男朋友
like that flamboyant boyfriend of yours.
泰特斯他是个基佬
Titus? He's gay.
你以后还会碰见这种事的
Well, it's not the last time that's gonna happen to you.
你在那里还好吧
You okay in there?
发短♥信♥把他的号♥码告诉我
Text me his number.
快好了
Almost... done.
我喜欢情人节过后的一天
I love the day after Valentine's Day.
就像是当月的圣诞节一样
It's like Christmas in whatever month this is.
可食用的内衣
Edible underwear?
是水果味的
It's fruit-flavored.
你需要补充维他命C
You need your vitamin C!
听着我不知道
Look, I don't know
谁把我的号♥码写在了那个天桥上但是
who wrote my number on that overpass, but--
你好杰圭琳
Oh, hello, Jacqueline.
是的我曾经可是扫兴达人中的战斗机
Yes. I've been known to dampen a libido or two in my day.
外面有个丰满的白妞在哭泣
There's a chubby white girl outside crying
努力想把她的婚戒拔下来
and trying to pull off her wedding ring!
为了搞垮红人队
Oh, to take down the Redskins.
我非常了解
I overstand.
我一确定好穿什么就马上去
I'll be there as soon as I figure out my costume.
人们不能称它为"尚普兰"
You know, they're not allowed to call it "Champlain"
除非它真的来自尚普兰湖
unless it's actually from Lake Champlain.
德凡和我分手了
D'Fwan broke up with me!
哦不那是我最好的基佬朋友
Oh, no. It's my gay best friend,
弗朗西麻♥古♥
Flouncy Magoo.
我真伤心那不是我的名字吧杰圭琳
I'm so upset, I'm not sure that's my name, Jacqueline!
你就叫这个名字弗朗西
Oh, it is, Flouncy.
德凡为什么
Oh, D'Fwan! D'F why?
我们之间是哪里出问题了
D'F where did we go wrong?
拥有权利可真是够冻人的
Being empowered sure is cold.
嘿这就是我们的女祖先们为之奋斗的东西
Hey, this is what our foremothers fought for.
乔茜顺便一提你的奶♥子♥全露出来了
Josie, FYI, your tits are all the way out.
因为我感觉不到它们
'Cause I can't feel them.
佩里在这里工作
Foop! Perry works here!
所以他控制不了你讲话只有你自己可以
So? He doesn't control your narrative. You do.
就像<选择你自己的冒险>
Like a Choose Your Own Adventure.
可自行选择故事情节的儿童游戏书籍
不她是说在他面前重新强势起来
No, Kimmy. She just means, like, reclaim your power.
去让他看看他错失了什么
You know, like, go show him what he's missing,
就像你那双强有力皲裂的双手
like your strong, chapped hands.
谢谢佐恩
Thanks, Zoon.
经常在这儿工作
Work here often?
嘿
Hey.
哇哦你
Wow. Are you, um--
你这是要去狂欢夜集♥会♥
you walking in a "Give Up the Night" rally or...
就是为一场狂怒派对热热身
Uh, just prepping for a raging party.
派对上需要一些复活节草
Gonna need some, um, Easter grass
还有一身哥伦比亚连体衣
and a Columbia onesie.
我得买♥♥个黑莓手♥机♥的充电器
Ooh, and I gots to have my BlackBerry charger!
派对用的
Uh-par-tay!
好吧
Okay.
你是否愿意捐赠一美元
would you like to donate a dollar
帮助达特茅斯的学生上学
to help Dartmouth students learn to read?
让他撞鬼 - 什么
Ghost him. - What
让他撞鬼
Ghost him.
滚出我的娱乐公园
Get out of my amusement park.
你嗑药了吗
Are you on drugs?
你不能吸复活节草的
You know, you can't smoke this Easter grass.
我听说泰伦斯霍华德就是嗑这个嗑挂的
I heard that's what broke Terrence Howard.
美剧<嘻哈帝国>男主曾陷家暴丑闻
我只想看<情比姐妹深>喝玫瑰红酒
I just want to watch Beaches and drink rose
然后看<情比姐妹深>和<她还是死了>
and then watch Beaches Two, colon, She's Still Dead.
我大概该离开了
I should probably go.
我很抱歉我没能合适地道个歉
I'm sorry I didn't get to apologize properly...
我是如此痛苦
I'm in such pain!
然后半小时后
And then 30 minutes later,
再次道歉
apologize again.
弗朗西什么时候和他未成年小男友分手不好
Of all the days for Flouncy to break up with his underage lover.
真的
Really?!
不过我很高兴我们重新成为朋友了
But I'm glad we're friends again.
下回你来市里时吹个口哨就行
Next time you're in town, just whistle.
你的确知道怎么吹口哨不是吗杜克
You do know how to whistle, don't you, Duke?
告诉门童你需要打车就好
You just tell the doorman you need a taxi.
"弗朗西麻♥古♥"
"Flouncy Magoo"?
泰特斯我欠你一个人情
Titus, I owe you one.
继续从我钱包里拿一美元
So go ahead and take a dollar out of my purse.
我得去躺下
I got to go lie down.
这里是怎么回事
What's going on here, man?
我是弗朗西
I'm... Flouncy.
你才没有经历分手对吗
You're not really going through a breakup, are you?
好吧我可以解释
Okay, I can explain.
不我了解你
No. I'm onto you.
你不是基佬
You're not gay.
你最好给我解释一下
You know what? You explain.
我拿错袋子了"弗朗西"
I grabbed the wrong bag, Flouncy.
巧克力
Chocolates,
可食用内衣
edible underwear...
樱桃味润滑剂
cherry-flavored lube?
那是用来蘸面包吃的
That's to dip bread in.
很有趣
Very funny.
你想要搞杰圭琳
You're trying to bang Jacqueline.
嘿我明白了这点子不错
Hey, I get it. It's a classic move.
假装你是基佬来接近她然后你就说
Pretend you're gay to get close to her, and then you're all,
"我从没和女人做过也许你能教教我"
"I've never been with a woman. Maybe you could show me."
早上你在她家镜子上写下"神经病"
In the morning, you write "Psych!" on her mirror
从此再不联♥系♥她
and never call her again.
我们都做过
We've all done it.
被你戳穿了兄弟
You got me, dude.