我本坚强（2015）

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt S03E04

Part 3 Feb. 22, 2023, 8:43 p.m.

我们要嗨到底
We're gonna throw it down!
直到我们吐了才停 - 就是
Not stopping till we puke. - Nope.
真棒
Cool, cool.
我今晚也没事做
Yeah, I don't know what I'm doing tonight.
嗯
Well...
我们该准备了
uh, we should get ready.
好 - 托尼很高兴认识你
Yeah. - Nice meeting you, Tony.
我也是
Likewise.
*班加西*
*Benghazi!*
*班加西*
*Benghazi!*
*班加西*
*Benghazi!*
*希拉里曾在那里*
*Hillary was there*
太棒了泰特斯
Love it, Titus.
我在唱"希拉里谋杀了
Did I pop the P
尼科尔布朗辛普森"时"普"破音了吗
in "Hillary murdered Nicole Brown Simpson"?
没有听起来不错
Nope, sounded good in here.
我喜欢跟你合作
I am enjoying this collaboration.
当我把真♥相♥告诉他们时好多人都很沮丧
A lot of people get upset when I lay my truth on them,
因为政♥府♥通过无线信♥号♥♥塔
because the government is controlling their brains
正控制着他们的大脑
with cell phone towers.
但我俩挺精的
But you and me are smart.
我们把牙都换了
We replaced all our teeth.
不是的
Yeah, no.
戈迪我才不关心政♥治♥
I just do not care about politics, Gordy.
我一直都高高挂起
I'm a honey badger from way back.
世界可以爆发战争
The world can fight its wars,
人们可以举着标语抗♥议♥游♥行♥
do its hashtag protests,
我依然是住在一旁拖船里的
and I will still be a tired gay black man
一个勤劳的黑人小基佬
living in a sideways tugboat.
至少今天我有钱收
At least today I'm getting paid.
*氟化物*
*Fluoride!*
*氟化物*
*Fluoride*
*让孩子们快乐*
*Makes children gay*
*最高法♥院♥*
*The Supreme Court*
*穿着法袍来掩盖*
*Wears robes to hide*
*他们章鱼式的身体*
*Their octopus bodies*
*中♥央♥情报局发明了艾滋病*
*The CIA invented AIDS*
*来贩卖♥♥被褥*
*To sell quilts*
所以你看
Ah, so you see,
世上的老中哪有大家跟你说的那么多
not as many Chins as some people would have you believe.
卡斯塔珀女士如果你想要让我放弃
Ms. Kaushtupper, if you're trying to get me to give up,
那我劝你还是别想了
it's not gonna happen.
我可以忍♥受一切
I can put up with anything.
我经常在学生电影比赛上当评委
I regularly judge a student film competition.
嗯但我也不会放弃的
Yeah, well, I'm not giving up either.
我还有很多要说的
I got a lot more to say...
我还要唱呐
and to sing!
*在这房♥间里我看到了一些东西*
*These are the things that I see in the room.*
*一把椅子一位男子另一把椅子一个扫帚*
*A chair and a guy. And a chair and a broom.*
*一把又一把椅子一把又一*
*And a chair and a chair. And a chair and a--*
吉米
Kimmy!
你的跑腿者来了
Your task rabbit has arrived.
哦我没跟大家说我给每个人都订了披萨吗
Oh, did I not mention that I ordered pizza for everyone?
顺便一提那个无麸质夏威夷披萨是我的
The gluten-free Hawaiian is mine, by the way.
你吃的披萨傻透了
That's a stupid pizza.
你正中我的下怀
And you played right into my hands,
因为我可以回答选民问题
'cause I am allowed to field questions from my constituents,
那是吉米
and that's Kimmy.
开始吧亲爱的
Go ahead, dear.
问我些垒球的问题
Ask me some softball questions.
好的这是第七场的下半场
Okay, it's the bottom of the seventh.
你来投球你的好友在三垒
You're pitching, and your best friend is on third,
但她父母正闹离婚
but her parents are getting a divorce--
噢我一说出来就知道了
Oh, I knew it as soon as I said it.
抱歉莉莲有点忙不大方便
Sorry, Lillian, duty calls.
即使我说了"大方便" 我也没在笑
And even though I just said "doody," I'm not laughing.
*在这房♥间里我没看见一些东西*
*Uh, these are some things I don't see in the room,*
*一个北美野人和一棵树*
*a Sasquatch and a tree*
*以及一个古墓*
*and an ancient tomb*
*还有前总统*
*also former president...*
*贝拉克"犹"赛因奥巴马*
*Barack Jewsain Obama*
*他是个穆♥斯♥林♥犹太人*
*He's a Muslim Jew!*
我在那上面加了点"料" - 的确如此
I put some stank on that one. - Yeah, you did.
听着泰特斯
Look, Titus,
你今天已经给我唱了40多张专辑的和声
you've sung backup for me on over 40 albums today.
你来当主唱怎么样
How would you like to sing lead?
主唱
Lead?
自从路德范德鲁斯昏迷在场上
I haven't sung lead vocals
我跑上台充当医生的那场音乐会后
since Luther Vandross passed out at that concert
我再也没有当过主唱了
and I ran onstage pretending to be a doctor.
但有首歌♥对我来说别有意义
Well, there's this one song that's really special to me.
只是我的音域没这么宽
I just don't have the range for it.
但你够格
But you do.
真不敢相信事情就这么发生了
I can't believe this is happening.
确实发生了
Well, it is.
这不像登陆月球或肯尼迪刺杀事件
Unlike the moon landing, the Kennedy assassination,
或是我的剧本被打回的拒绝信
or the rejection letters I got for my screenplay,
这是货真价实的
this is real.
朋友这首歌♥就是我的写照
This song-- this is me, man.
我所相信的一切都在这白纸红字之间
Everything I believe in is right here in magenta and white.
黑色墨盒用光了
The black cartridge ran out, and I'm
办公用品超♥市♥再也不欢迎我
no longer welcome at Office Max.
他是个怪物
He's a monster!
哦天哪你买♥♥到了
Oh, my God, you bought it!
你还真干了件像样的事儿
You actually did a non-lame thing.
灿稍安勿躁
Hold your horses, Xan.
先别冲动
Hold them tight.
让冲动随风而去 - 啥
Cherish them. - What?
我不知道我一天没吃东西
I don't know. I haven't eaten today.
听着我知道你想
Look, I get that you want to look cool
在你室友们面前耍帅
in front of your roommates,
所以你找大龄良友给你买♥♥啤酒
so you asked your fleeky older friend to buy you beer.
我想帮你但我不能给你买♥♥酒
And I want to help, but I can't buy you alcohol.
所以我给你买♥♥了六罐柠檬水
So I got you a six-pack of lemonade.
天哪你个白♥痴♥
Ugh, you moron.
这是含酒精的柠檬水
This is hard lemonade.
它的酒精含量比啤酒还高
It's even more alcoholic than beer.
什么
What?
但这上面画的是躺在冲浪板上的柠檬
But the mascot's a lemon on a surfboard.
这怎么可能不是儿童饮品
How is that not for kids?
准备好去狂欢了吗
Who's ready to party?
加油
Go, go, go, go!
灿你没开玩笑吧
Seriously, Xan?
这东西你不能拿进这里
You can't have that here!
但有派对呢
But the party--
你说过今晚你们会嗨到吐
you said that you were gonna puke tonight.
对啊我们会在划船机上练到吐
Yeah, because we're going so hard on the erg.
我们干嘛要喝醉呢
Why would we want to get drunk?
凌晨五点还要训练呢
We have practice at five a.m.
灿我知道你喜欢我行我素
I know the rules don't apply to you, Xan,
但偶尔也得稍微注意下别越界
but maybe check your privilege for once.
嘿托尼你好啊
Oh, hey, Tony, what's up?
嗨伙计我把工具忘在
Oh, hi, guys. I left my tools at the--
不你们知道吗
No. You know what?
这不只是因为我忘了刚才怎么装的口音
And this isn't just because I forgot the accent.
我不是托尼拉维奥利
I'm not Tony Ravioli.
我叫吉米施密特
My name is Kimmy Schmidt.
我来这里是因为灿是我朋友
I'm here because Xan is my friend.
当然她富得流油
And sure, she's rich--
富得她有次用直升机
so rich, she once used a helicopter