我本坚强（2015）

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt S03E11

Part 6 Feb. 22, 2023, 8:45 p.m.

Mr. "I Fell Asleep on the Floor of The Frick."
但当蒂尔达斯文顿这么做时那是"艺术"
But when Tilda Swinton does it, it's art.
而且你害怕吸尘器
Plus, you're afraid of a vacuum cleaner.
你连一个旋转门都不敢过
You gave up halfway through a revolving door.
当我给你带了束花时你吃了它
When I brought you a bouquet, you ate it.
我以为这是可食用的
I thought it was a Edible Arrangement.
我没有多少吃水果的经历
I don't have a lot of fruit experience.
还有你很奇怪竟然给孩子取名叫琳达
Also, you're weird for naming a baby Linda.
你跟一个叫吉米的成年女性生活
Well, you live with a grown woman named Kimmy.
但我没有给她取那个名字
But I did not name her that.
那也许这是最好的
Then maybe this is for the best.
对我们两个都好
For both of us.
没人关心这对你好不好
Uh-uh, ain't nobody tracking what this says about you.
泰特斯正在成长你不知所措
Titus is growing. You are devastated.
我们合唱练习见
See you at choir practice.
我会迟到因为我们很多人都在为
I will be late, because a bunch of us
凯伦的生日准备玛格丽塔鸡尾酒
are getting margaritas for Karen's birthday.
苏格拉底
Socrates,
柏拉图亚里士多德
Plato, Aristotle.
这些是一流的哲学家
These are the first street philosophers.
其实你可以说
In fact, you might say
苏格拉底对话是
that Socrates' dialogues
大佬们的说唱对决
are the OG rap battles.
哦天哪他要说唱了
Oh, my God, is he gonna rap?
这会使人们把"孩子在戒律酒吧勃起"忘光光
This'll make people forget all about "Kid gets erection at bar mitzvah."
耶
Yeah, uh
*我是苏格拉底我们都有知识*
*I'm Socrates and we've got knowledge*
*去到大学你学不到知识*
*That you can't learn From going to college*
*你得问问题方能得到真知*
*You got to ask questions to get it out*
*读一读斐多*
*Just read the Phaedo*
*就没了疑惑*
*There's no doubt*
*斐多*
*Aww, Phaedo*
耶
Yeah.
*学习只是回忆*
*Learning is only recollection*
*奴隶怎么会知道数学*
*How else could a slave know math?*
等等我不合拍等一下
Hold up, I'm off the beat. I'm off the beat.
等一下
Hold on.
等一下
Wait, just wait. Wait, wait, wait.
我不小心打开了Adobe
I accidentally opened Adobe.
我有稍等一下
I-- just one-- one second.
互联网今天不准你作威作福
Not today, Internet.
我不会让佩里经历我所经历的
I'm not letting Perry go through what I went through,
尤其是新泽西部分
especially the New Jersey part.
油管网你别太得意了
Do your worst, tubes,
因为我是吉米施密特
'cause I'm Kimmy Schmidt,
我根本不在乎
and I don't fudging care.
*我是吉米施密特我就是这么做*
*I'm Kimmy Schmidt And this is what I do*
*在佩里团队做个说唱者*
*Being a rapper in Perry's crew*
*一个人说唱可能很没趣*
*One guy rapping may be lame*
*但两个朋友说唱是很有趣的游戏*
*But two friends rapping is a really fun game*
*我可以自♥由♥发挥使它押韵*
*I can freestyle and make it rhyme*
*我可以自♥由♥发挥在所有日子里*
*I can freestyle all of the days*
*慢慢讲*
*Break it down!*
*加油佩里加油佩里*
*Go Perry, go Perry*
*今天是你生日*
*Is it your birthday?*
*还没出现*
*It hasn't come up*
*我很高兴我们可以做朋友*
*I'm really glad we can be friends*
*我也是我打赌你希望这个说唱永不结束*
*Me too, I bet you hope this rap never ends*
*它不会的*
*It doesn't*
*押韵时间*
*Rhyme time!*
怀特夫人
Ms. White?
哦不我是杰奎琳的姐妹乔奎琳
Oh, no, I'm Jacqueline's sister, Jorqueline,
我正在参加大自行车赛
and I'm in the middle of a big bike race.
我做不到
I can't do it.
我无法照顾罗斯
I can't take care of Russ.
我花一天照顾我的朋友加敌人米米卡纳西斯
I spent one day taking care of my acquaintemy Mimi Kanassis,
而我差点杀死她
and I almost killed her.
我不够坚强做不来这种事情
I'm just not strong enough for this.
等等做臀部植入手术的米米卡纳西斯
Wait, Mimi Kanassis with the butt implants?
那个女人是个噩梦
That woman is a nightmare.
哦是的
Well, yes, but--
不说实话我不责怪你
No, honestly, I don't blame you.
你知道她经常来这里
You know, she's in here a lot.
她大多数的整形手术确实是通过
She does get most of her plastic surgery
在干爹网勒索医生后做的
by blackmailing doctors on sugar daddy sites.
因为她大鲨鱼奥尼尔不再看望
Shaq stopped visiting the kids at this hospital
这个医院的孩子
because of her.
如果你一整天
No, if you can last a whole day
没有谋杀米米卡纳西斯
without murdering Mimi Kanassis,
你就不会有事的
you're gonna be fine.
来吧
Come on.
不管怎样我都会爱他
I'll love him no matter what.
我会做任何事
I'll do whatever it takes.
即便他现在闻起来就是这个味道
Even if that's what he smells like now.
哦对不起是我放的
Oh, sorry, that's me.
我太喜欢吃自动售货机的蛤蜊汤杯
I loves my vending machine Cup O' Clams.
杰奎琳我的爱
Jacqueline. My love.
大家统统离开
Everybody leave!
*苏格拉底的老婆名叫灿蒂柏*
*Socrates' wife was named Xanthippe*
*我的一个朋友也叫灿蒂柏*
*That's the name of a friend of mine*
*这姑娘的裤子总是潮兮兮*
*Whose pants get drippy*
哦
Oh!
你在你的哲学说唱里提到我了
You mentioned me in your philosophy rap?
那甚至不是最佳部分
That's not even the best part.
我名字在标题中
My name is in the title.
现在这是你搜索我时出现的第一条结果
Now it's the first thing that comes up when you google me.
但这也是你谷歌♥我时出现的第三条结果
But it's also the third thing that comes up when you google me.
这压倒了我的辩论赛冠军
It pushed down my debate championship.
灿难道你没看出来吗
Don't you get it, Xan?
只要我继续做事情
As long as I just keep doing stuff,
总有一天所有鼹鼠女的故事
one day, all the Mole Woman stories
都会出现在我搜索结果的第二页
will be on page two of my search results,
然后当我是美国总统时
and then when I'm president of America,
在第三页
page three.
我就是要这样打败互联网
And that's how I'm gonna beat the Internet.
*跳霹雳舞*
*A break, break, break Break, break, break dancing*
*做鳗鱼卷动作*
*Do the eel roll*