我本坚强（2015）

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt S01E01

Part 1 Dec. 2, 2020, 2:50 p.m.

Merry Christmas, sisters.
圣诞快乐姐妹们
Just beautiful, Sister Kimmy.
太美了 Kimmy修女
Now, which one of you guys have been chosen
你们谁是我的
as my Secret Santa?
神秘圣诞老人呀
We can't not tell, Sister Kimmy.
不可说 Kimmy修女
Then 't wouldn't be a secret. Duh.
说了就不是秘密了这都不懂吗
**Apocalypse, apocalypse*
*末日到来末日到来
**We caused it with our dumbness*
*我们的愚蠢使末日到来
Oh, no. Oh, no! Fire monsters!
哦不喷火怪
Let's go! Let's go!
上上
Move, move, move! We found them!
走走走找到她们了
Kimmy, I think we counted wrong.
Kimmy 我觉得我们数错日子了
It's not Christmas. But it's here.
现在不是圣诞但是一切都在
It's all still here.
世界还在
A miracle today in Durnsville, Indiana.
今天在印第安纳州登斯维尔出现了一个奇迹
Four women rescued from an underground apocalypse cult
四个女人从地底下的一个末日邪教中被救出
allegedly run by self...
据说是被一名
Proclaimed messiah Reverend Richard Wayne Gary Wayne,
自称"Richard Wayne Gary Wayne牧师救世主"的人所掌控
best known to Yelp users in this area...
此人最为人熟知的身份是在Yelp上
As Durnsville's worst wedding DJ.
被评为登斯维尔最差的婚礼DJ
I am now joined by a neighbor
现在在我身边的是
who watched all the drama unfold,
目睹了整个过程的邻居
Walter Bankston. Mr. Bankston?
Walter Bankston Bankston先生
Oh, yeah, what had happened was...
哦事情是这样的
**I was outside*
*当时我正在外面
**Cutting up bike tires for my grandson*
*帮我孙子拆轮胎
**When out of nowhere 40-hundred police vehicles*
*闯出四千辆警车
**Came bookin'*
*气势汹汹哟
**Came bookin'*
*气势汹汹哟
**They ran bustin' up*
*他们立马炸开那
**In that weird old white dude's house*
*奇怪白老头的房♥子
**He had a cult up in there*
*他在那儿有个邪教呢
**White dudes hold the record for creepy crimes*
*白人总乾些诡异的案子
**But females are strong as hell*
*但是女人们可真牛逼啊
**Unbreakable they alive, damn it*
*简直坚不可摧她们活下来了卧槽
**It's a miracle. Unbreakable*
*真是个奇迹坚不可摧
**They alive, damn it*
*她们活下来了卧槽
**But females are strong as hell*
*但是女人们可真牛逼啊
They are the subjects of that viral video.
这就是那段疯传的视频
And joining me now for their first exclusive interview,
现在在我身边的是印第安纳鼹鼠女
the Indiana Mole Women. Ladies, welcome.
这是她们第一份独家专访女士们欢迎
Thank you. Thank you, Bryant.
谢谢谢谢 Bryant
For years, you were told
多年来你们一直被
by Reverend Richard Wayne Gary Wayne
Richard Wayne Gary Wayne牧师告知
that the world had ended.
世界已经毁灭
Yes, Reverend Richard told us
是的 Richard牧师告诉我们
that there had been a nuclear apocalypse
那是一场核弹末日
and that the Earth was scorched
地球已被烤焦
and there were lakes of fire and stuff.
处处是火海
Cyndee, you were the first young woman
Cyndee 你是第一位
forced into this cult.
被迫加入这个邪教的女人
Yes, I had waited on Reverend Richard
是的我在一家约克牛排店
a bunch of times
做服务员
at a York Steak House I worked at,
接待过Richard牧师好多次
and one night he invited me out to his car
有一天晚上他邀请我到他的车上
to see some baby rabbits.
看些小兔子
And I didn't want to be rude, so...
我不想显得不礼貌于是
here we are.
就这样了
I'm always amazed at what women will do
女人为了避免显得不礼貌
because they're afraid of being rude.
真是什麽都会乾
Yeah. Gretchen.
是啊 Gretchen
You joined this cult willingly.
你是自愿加入这个邪教的
Yes, the Reverend had bought some of my hair on Craigslist,
是他在克雷格广告网上买了一些我的头髮
and we started emailing,
于是我们就开始互通邮件
and I just thought he had some real good ideas.
然后我就觉得他说的真的有道理
Wow. Donna Maria, you were working
哇 Donna Maria 你是为一家
for a company called Happy Maids?
叫"幸福女佣"的公♥司♥工作是吧
You were lured into the reverend's house.
你被骗进牧师的房♥子
You thought this was a job.
你以为是去干活的
Sí, Happy Maids.
对幸福女佣
15 years living with these other women,
跟这些女人们住了15年
and yet you still never learned to speak English.
你还是没学会英语
Ladies, you've been given
女士们你们被给予了
an amazing second chance at life.
一个重生的绝好机会
People have donated thousands of dollars
人们给鼹鼠女基金会捐献了
to the Mole Women fund.
成千上万块钱
And we are so grateful.
我们感激不尽
But, honestly, we don't love that name.
但是说实话我们不是很喜欢那称呼
So, Mole Women, what happens next?
鼹鼠女接下来呢
What do you do now?
你们准备干什麽
Probably just go back to Durnsville,
应该就是回到登斯维尔
get my braces off.
把我牙套取下来
Indiana. Happy Maids.
回印第安纳当幸福女佣
I go with you now, yes? I'm married to you?
我现在得跟你走对吧我算是嫁给你了
No, no, no, no. No, Gretchen, no.
不不不不 Gretchen 不
Kimmy, what about you?
Kimmy 你呢
Kimmy?
Kimmy
Okay, when we come back, fall salad mistakes.
好的广告回来介绍秋季沙拉的错误做法
Plus one of the Mole Women gets an ambush makeover.
还有一位鼹鼠女将得到一个造型大转变的惊喜
Thank you, victims. Thank you.
谢谢你们受害者们谢谢
Good luck. Thank you, victims.
祝你们好运谢谢受害者们
Thank you, victims.
谢谢受害者们
Stop! Pull over, please.
停拜託靠边停一下
Kimmy, what are you doing?
Kimmy 你在干什麽
I'm not going back. What?
我不回去什麽
I'm staying here. Kimmy, that's crazy.
我要留在这裡 Kimmy 这太离谱了
You have a middle school education!
你只有初中文凭
You won't make it here!
你在这裡活不下去的
It's like Reverend Richard always says.
就像Richard牧师总说的
We're just garbage, Kimmy. That's not true!
我们就是垃圾 Kimmy 不对
We're not garbage. We're human beings.
我们不是垃圾我们是活生生的人
I have to get my life back.
我必须过上正常的生活
Everybody in Durnsville
所有登斯维尔的人
is always gonna look at me like I'm a victim,
一辈子都会把我看做是一个受害者
and that's not what I am.
但我并不只是个受害者
Well, if you're really gonna do this...
如果你是认真的话
Take some of my Mole Fund money.
拿些我的鼹鼠基金走
I mean, a pop here is, like, $5.
现在一个汽水就要5刀呢
Also, I'm your Secret Santa.
还有我是你的神秘圣诞老人
Adiós.
再见
We're running! Outside!
我们在室外跑步耶
I'm gonna go all the way around!
我要转一整圈
Oh, my God, she did it!
我的天啊她真做到了
I'm having candy for dinner.
我要吃糖当晚餐
You deserve to be free.
你应该自♥由♥
Apartments, hmm.
公♥寓♥ 唔
Hey. I saw you steal this.
嘿我看见你偷这个了
Where is your grown-up? Are you alone?
你家长呢就你一个人吗
Or are you some kind of tiny businessman, sir?
或者您是什麽很小隻的商人吗先生
Stranger danger! I'm not stranger danger!
危险陌生人我不是什麽危险陌生人
I'm a stranger danger ranger!
我可是专逮危险陌生人的
Uh, excuse me. Ma'am?
对不起打扰一下女士
You want smoke? Her-ron?
要货的吗海沃因
Uh, I'm here about the ad? The roommate ad.
我来这是为了那个广告招室友广告
My God, you're here about the ad.
天啊你是为了那个广告来的
I own the building. Come on.
这栋楼是我的来
It's a garden-level maisonette.
这是个地下有窗公♥寓♥
Look at you! You look so nice.
哎呀你看起来真不错
And Titus is a very, very sweet boy.
Titus是个特别特别好的男孩
A little crusty on the outside
外表强硬