我本坚强（2015）

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt S03E09

Part 5 Feb. 22, 2023, 8:45 p.m.

Back then, you thought those people were better than you.
而如今你发现他们跟你一样混♥蛋♥
Now you know they suck just as much as you do.
你不明白
You don't understand.
嘿你不再是那个带着一桶虫子的孩子了
Hey, you're not that kid with the bucket of worms anymore.
而你是一个带着锤子的老女人
You're a much older lady with a hammer.
锤子每次都能赢过虫子宝贝
And hammer beats worms every time, baby.
复活节克朗普斯
The Easter Krampus!
把鞋子藏起来孩子们
Hide your shoes, children!
巴克利
Buckley!
好多个巴克利
So many Buckleys.
杰圭琳
Jacqueline?
你干嘛在地上待着像个大妈一样
Why are you on the ground like a ground person?
大家都别看
Everyone, don't look!
杰圭琳神经错乱了
Jacqueline's having a breakdown.
至少我儿子没在大都会晚宴上拉裤子
At least my son didn't poop his pants at the Met Ball.
是因为凯特哈德森和布莱克莱弗利
Only because Kate Hudson and Blake Lively
穿的衣服非常相似
were wearing very similar dresses
把他给吓坏了
and it freaked him out.
你们都该明白
You all have to understand
杰圭琳今年经历的事情
what Jacqueline has been through this year.
经历了离婚男朋友又被压扁了
The divorce. Her boyfriend getting smooshed.
此刻就像正在上演电影<灰色花♥园♥>
And now it seems the poor thing is Grey Gardens-ing.
1975年美国纪录片讲述一对老去的没落的上流社会母女的日常生活
这次我没有哭泣
Huh. This time, I'm not crying.
也没有逃避
And I'm not running away.
锤子终能战胜虫子
Hammer beats worms.
很明显那又如何
Obviously. So what?
我不在乎你的想法
I don't care what you think.
真可笑我是迪尔德丽罗伯斯庇尔
That's ridiculous. I'm Deirdre Robespierre.
谁过没过气我说了算
I'm the one who decided we were over cake pops.
我不在乎你们所有人的想法
I don't care what any of you people think.
没错我是离婚了
Yes, I am divorced.
我的儿子还被诊断出精神分♥裂♥
And my son is clinically a spazzoid.
妈妈她没说这个
Mom, she didn't say that!
还有更多我来自南达科塔
And there's more. I'm from South Dakota.
我所出生的医院严格说就是个大卖♥♥场的分部
I was born in a hospital that was technically part of a Sears.
当我第一次搬来纽约的时候
When I first moved to New York,
我交过一个男友管叫自己的鸟叫基特
I dated a guy who had a pet bird named Jeter.
直到2012年以前我都发不对"浓咖啡"的音
And until 2012, I thought "Espresso" Was pronounced "Expreshto."
你猜怎么着
And guess what.
我好得很因为我不再是那个孩子了
I'm fine with that, because I'm not that kid anymore.
好
Fine.
陪你玩到底
Two can play at this game.
根本没人抢劫我开枪把自己打伤的
There was no robbery. I shot myself.
你没打败我
You didn't beat me.
我不在乎
I don't care!
现在请恕我失陪
Now, if you'll excuse me,
我得去领我儿子的抗分♥裂♥药剂了
I have to go pick up my son's anti-spazz suppositories.
妈妈为什么呢
Mom, why?
因为我们现在不屑于这一切
Because we're above it all now.
听妈妈的话
Listen to Mommy.
今早在圣雅格读到的
This morning's reading is from Saint James.
放低身段
Humble yourself,
上帝会赐你恩宠
and God will give you grace.
兄弟姐♥妹♥们♥ 勿要诽谤和评判他人
Brothers and sisters, do not slander or judge one another,
因为你评判的人都是你的邻友
for who are you to judge your neighbor?
就是这个证词
Whoomp, here this is! Testimony!
通常之后才这么做吉米姐妹
That usually comes later, Sister Kimmy,
但就让圣灵继续感动你吧
but as the Spirit moves you.
该死的千禧一代
Damn millennials.
*作证*
*Testify*
检查摧毁它让我们开始吧
Check it, wreck it. Let's begin.
我以为我在这里找到了一个安全的地方
I thought I'd found a safe place here.
安全得就像夺旗游戏里的本垒
Safe like home base in Capture the Flag.
但你可知真正的信仰是虚无的
But guess what. Real religion's a sham.
不是那种虚幻缥缈
And not the kind that goes on
也不像泰特斯买♥♥的火腿品牌
pillows or the brand of ham that Titus buys.
闺蜜读一下短♥信♥上的文字
Girl, read the text!
没错泰特斯经♥文♥
That's right, Titus. The text.
你用这个作为借口来表现虚假和无厘头
You use this as an excuse to act like phonies and crumb-bums.
因为这里的人显然在虚张声势地
'Cause people here sure talk a big game
讨论友善以及用包皮触碰孩子的脚丫
about being good and kind and touching kids' feet with foreskins,
但你们脑子全部充斥着一些东西
but you're all full of something.
就是信仰
It!
这些骗子们在这里筑了一个巢
Liars and deceivers and jerkatrons have made a nest here,
就像鸭子一家
like a family of ducks!
不不是可爱的鸭子
No. Not cute ducks.
是狼
Wolves!
这个地方简直就是个狼窝
This whole place is a wolves' nest.
要是耶稣在这里他肯定会说
And if Jesus was here, he'd be all,
"我应该坚持做木工的"
"I should've stuck with carpentry!"
阿门 - 说实话
Amen! - Tell the truth!
传扬它
Preach it!
也许没有所谓的"真正"信仰
So...maybe there's no such thing as real religion
因为有的只是人而人心是坏的
because it's all just people, and people are bad.
就像克拉拉小姐一样
Like Miss Clara,
她从服装募捐活动上偷了那胸针
who stole that brooch from the clothing drive.
她没有偷小姑娘
She didn't, baby girl.
而且那件大衣是她的
Also, the coat is hers.
你真的很愚蠢我已经发短♥信♥告诉你了啊
You're dumb. I texted you all of this.
什么可恶她把我的手♥机♥拿走了
What? Dang it, she took my phone.
因为我们不是来这儿求吉夫斯的
'Cause we're not here to ask Jeeves.
我们是来这儿求耶稣的
We're here to ask Jesus!
我们都会犯错吉米姐妹
We all make mistakes, Sister Kimmy.
这里的所有人生来都有罪
Everybody in here is a born sinner.
我自己吸了魔鬼的大♥麻♥
I myself smoke the devil's weed.
但老人们常说的是什么呢
But what's that that the old folks used to say?
当你更好地明白事理 - 就更好地付诸实践
When you know better... - You do better!
主啊我太弱了
Lord, I too am weak.
我一直背着减肥老师偷吃
I've been cheating on M'diet.
"减肥老师"是我老婆的名字 - 主啊请你帮助他
M'diet's my wife's name. - Help him, Lord!
我在服装募捐活动上偷了一件衣服
And I did steal a coat from the clothing drive.
阿门
Amen!
上周末我没参加婚礼
I wasn't at a wedding last weekend.
我去了海地在你们很多人身上施了巫术
I went to Haiti to have voodoo done on a bunch of youse.
阿门
Amen!
我知道
I know.
我爱八卦还喜欢骂人
I'm a gossip... and a scold.
但我每天祈祷
But I pray every day
期望自己有力量做个更好的人
for the strength to do better.
阿门
Amen. Amen.
我要做个更好的人
I got to do better.
来吧姐妹
Amen!
所以我想真正的信仰
So... I guess real religion
是让我们知道自身并不完美
is about knowing we're not perfect
而努力日益完善
but trying to be better.
一起完善
Together.
如果你犯了错假的信仰会让你永不得超生
Fake religion locks you in a box if you spill the toilet pumpkin
因为你早就走火入魔了
'cause someone tied your hair to the crank.
赶紧结束吧姑娘我的车堵着别人呢
Wrap it up, girl. I'm double-parked.
我们都如此赞美耶稣吧
We all are, praise Jesus.
*坚固无敌*
*Unbreakable*
*他还活着多可喜*
*He's alive, damn it*
*这是个奇迹*
*It's a miracle*
*坚固无敌*
*Unbreakable*
*他还活着多可喜*
*He's alive, damn it*
*耶稣超级给力*
*Jesus is strong as hell*
感受这个精神泰特斯兄弟
Feel the Spirit, Brother Titus.
*坚固无敌*
*Unbreakable*
*他还活着多可喜*
*He's alive, damn it*
*这是个奇迹*
*It's a miracle*