我本坚强（2015）

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt S03E11

Part 5 Feb. 22, 2023, 8:45 p.m.

Well, in my country,
其实发音为"利恩达"
it's actually pronounced "Leenda,"
所以称呼孩子也不奇怪
so it is not so weird on the baby.
这名字真好听 - 真不错
That's beautiful. - That's so nice.
我喜欢旅行
I love to travel.
那吉米又错了
So Kimmy was wrong yet again.
我没有疯掉
I'm not being crazy?
不孩子叫琳达很奇怪
No, a baby named Linda is weird,
但这是这种事
but it is the kind of thing
如果你愿意的话
that you can look past
可以回顾一下过去
if you really want to.
琳达你在说什么
What are you saying, Lindas?
在盖里离开后我约会了很多人
After Gary left, I dated a lot of guys
但都不适合我
that really weren't right for me,
但我说服我自己我们的差异
but I convinced myself that our differences
正好是我成长的机会
were just opportunities for me to grow,
即使我深知
even though deep down I knew
我理所应当和喜欢跳舞的人在一起
I deserved to be with someone who loved to go dancing
起码不能是重金属乐队的脑残粉儿
or wasn't a Juggalo king.
当然你该得到更好的
Of course you deserve better.
你是琳达P
You're Linda P., damn it.
而我是泰特斯A
And I'm Titus A.
鲁宾没有什么错但他不对
There's nothing wrong with Reuben, but he's not right.
我不想去健身
I don't want to go to the gym
或者一个叫弗里克的博物馆
or a museum called The Frick
在那里如果你说
where no one laughs when you say things like,
"我们为啥来这儿" 没人会笑
"Why the frick did we come here?"
我猜我太想要证明在米奇之后我可以开始新生活
I guess I wanted to prove I could move on after Mikey,
所以我在强迫自己
so I was forcing it.
就像鲁宾强迫他的孩子叫琳达一样
Just like Reuben is forcing his baby to be a Linda
而真正的琳达一定是成熟的
when true Lindas must ripen,
就像挂在植物上的东西一样
like one of those things that hang off plants.
水果和蔬菜
Uh, fruits and vegetables.
今天是我三十天饮食计划第二天
I'm on day two, Whole30.
我们应该一起做 - 你看上去很棒
We should do it together. -You already look great.
Linda - 没戏
Linda - You'll never make it.
谢谢琳达们
Thanks, Lindas.
你要留下吃凯伦生日的纸杯蛋糕吗
Are you going to stay for Karen's birthday cupcakes?
琳达D为她的侄子感到骄傲吗
Uh, is Linda D. Proud of her nephew?
我的确很骄傲别闹了女士们
You know I am. Stop it, girl.
嘿如果我不收你们钱
Hey, if I hook you guys up,
晚些时候可以开车把我送到我男友老婆家吗
will you drive me to my boyfriend's wife's house later?
嗨拜登医生
Hi, Dr. Bayden.
吉米
Kimmy.
这惊喜真是太可怕了
What a terrible surprise.
你怎么找到我的
How'd you find me?
互联网
The Internet.
我搜索了你
I googled you,
在点评网上有大量关于你穿孔服务的抱怨
and there are a ton of complaints about your piercings on Yelp.
哦那都是特文写的
Well, that's just Tevin.
嘿特文
Hey, Tevin!
你很幸运法律禁止我过去找你
You're lucky I'm not legally allowed to come over there.
我们过去交往过
We used to hook up.
你还喝酒吗
Are you still drinking?
就跟你多完美似的
Like you're so perfect.
你现在也醉着呢 - 不我没有
You're drunk right now. - No, I'm not.
那你为什么穿成这个样子
Then why are you dressed like that?
好听着
Okay, look.
我需要你的帮助
I need your help.
上次我见你时
The last time I saw you,
你说我唯一可以改变的三个人
you said the only three people I can change
是我我自己和我本人
are me, myself, and I.
但如果那不是真的呢
But what if that's not true?
不管我多努力
No matter how hard I try,
我过去的一团糟还在网上
the old messed-up me is still stuck in the Net.
好你做了什么上网搜索你自己
Okay, what'd you do, google yourself?
你不该这么做
Yeah, that's a mistake.
你看过"女孩在拼字比赛中吓得拉了裤子"吗
Have you seen "Girl poops pants at spelling bee"?
丢死人了
Humiliating.
那来自
And that's coming from
"精神科医生在会议室拉一地"
"Psychiatrist poops floor at conference."
是的我上网搜索我自己了
Yeah, I googled myself.
我喜欢的人
And so did the guy I like
一个教授也搜索了
and a professor
而且我猜每个人都搜索了
and, I guess, everybody.
我本该当我的吉米史密斯的
You know, I should have just stayed Kimmy Smith.
至少她摆脱过去获得了自♥由♥
At least she was free to live her life--
不
No.
吉米施密特自♥由♥了知道吗
Kimmy Schmidt is free, okay?
她可以假设大家
She can just assume that everybody
已经知道了一切
already knows everything
然后不再担心这种事
and stop worrying about it.
嘿商场
Hey, mall!
这个妹子被关过地堡
This chick got bunkered!
可了不得
Ah, big time!
闭嘴 - 很久
Shut your face! - Bigly!
被关了很久
Long time--
好的我是这个意思
Okay, here's my point.
想想你为了保守秘密
Think of all the time and energy
花掉的所有时间和精力
you have spent keeping your secret,
决定告诉谁
deciding whom to tell,
总是用你那个
always looking over your shoulder
大南瓜脑袋回顾过去
with that big ol' pumpkin head of yours.
你是爱尔兰人
What are you? Irish?
他们的脑袋可大
Man, they've got some heads.
听着如果你
So lookit, what if you
你没必要付出那么多努力呢知道吗
didn't have to put in all that effort, okay?
担心躲藏
Worrying, hiding,
乘公交到新泽西
taking a bus to New Jersey
从没执照的精神病医生那得到建议
to get advice from a unlicensed psychiatrist
这个人后腰上还别着枪
with a loaded gun in her tights.
什么
What?
引用埃尔莎的话"放开吧"
To quote Elsa, "Let it go!"
埃尔莎是我男友的老婆
Elsa is my boyfriend's wife.
在高中篮球赛我扯了她的头发
I grabbed her hair at a high school basketball game.
那怎么着我就该假装不在乎吗
So, what, I'm just supposed to pretend I don't care?
不你应该不在乎
No, you're supposed to not care.
如果你不来新泽西的庞博迪克
Look, what would you be doing right now
找我的麻烦
if you weren't in Bumbledick, New Jersey,
你现在会在做什么
trying to get in my pants?
我想我会去班里去看看我的朋友
Well, I guess I'd be heading to class to see my...friend
做一场有关希腊哲学的说唱讲座
give a rap lecture on Greek philosophy.
是的去做吧
Yes, go do that.
谢谢安德里亚
Thanks, Andrea.
这里有那么多虫子
God, there's so many bugs in here.
泰特斯
Titus.
请进
Um, come in.
昨晚发生什么了
What happened last night?
我去抱一下琳达
I went to pick up Linda...
当我们转身时你已经消失了
When we turned around, you disappeared
就像我带你去看的那个魔术表演的桌子一样
like the table at that magic show I took you to.
我很高兴你提到你喜欢魔术
I'm glad you mentioned your love of magic.
这正是我来这儿的原因之一
It's part of why I'm here.
鲁宾就像我在街边买♥♥的豹纹紧身衣
Reuben, like that leopard print unitard I bought on the sidewalk,
我希望我们可以交往下去
I wanted this to work,
但并没有成功
but it doesn't.
你没看过<保镖>
You haven't seen The Bodyguard.
我不想吃鳗鱼
I don't want to eat eels.
如果我触电了怎么办
What if I get electrocuted?
你也不完美
Well, you're not perfect either,
躺在地上睡着了的先生