我本坚强（2015）

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt S03E06

Part 4 Feb. 22, 2023, 8:44 p.m.

那我们要做什么
So what do we do?
我们得互相解解痒宝贝
We got to scratch this itch, baby!
同性恋就是这样接吻的 - 异性恋就是这样接吻的
Is that how straight people kiss? - Is that how gay people kiss?
事情正在失控
This is getting out of hand.
我们得赶紧打住
We got to shut it down.
我要打给白寡妇了
I'm calling the White Widow.
我再明白不过了
I overstand.
在我到达前先看部犹太人♥大♥屠♥杀♥片
Put on a Holocaust movie till I get there.
大家请就坐
Everyone please stay seated,
白人乘客们最后一次声明
and, white passengers, for the last time,
请不要再摸我的头发了
please do not touch my hair.
嗨 -吉米
Hi. - Kimmy!
我很担心你
I was worried about you.
当一个女孩表现得像
When a girl behaves like that
<法律与秩序>系列节目开头那样时
at the beginning of a Law and Order episode,
结局不会很好
it does not end well.
抱歉之前我表现得很奇怪
Yeah. Sorry I was so weird earlier.
那不是平常的我
That was not me.
我平常也不♥穿♥这样的衣服
These clothes aren't me.
我也从未嗑过药
And I've never done drugs in my life.
Phylicia Rashad 黑人女星 80年代情景喜剧<天才老爹>主演
就像我上中学时学校里贴的海报上
Like Phylicia Rashad said
菲利西亚拉斯海德说的那样
on that poster in my middle school,
"人们唯一需要的药就是阅读"
"The only drug you need is reading."
她曾经来过我们学校
She came to my school once.
她说我们不可救药
She said we were hopeless.
我从不该听那些女孩们的话
I should never have listened to those girls.
我是说她们只是孩子
I mean, they're just kids.
说着大话的高个孩子们
Tall kids with big words.
她们如此自信 - 我知道
And they're so confident! - I know!
这就是为什么我花了这么时间才发现
That's why it took me so long to realize
她们在做的只是在做正常
they're just doing normal,
青春期蠢小孩会做的事
dumb teenager stuff.
喝酒奇装异服通宵开派对
The drinking, the clothes, the all-night French-a-thons.
拇指
Thumby-thumby-thumby-thumby.
她不该再吮吸大拇指了
Oh, she should not be sucking on her thumb.
你知道现在的孩子把拇指放哪里吗
You know where kids put those these days?
我们都曾年轻过不是吗
Well, we were all teenagers once, right?
出去野干各种疯狂的事
Wilding out, acting crazy.
我没干过
Not me.
我也没有
Me either.
我不确定我们是不是错过了什么
I'm not sure we missed anything.
看起来我要赢了考克
Looks like I'm winning, Cork,
我在任何事上都是赢家
like I win at everything:
橄榄球做生意
football, business,
玩一种游戏
spotting the differences between two drawings
叫做"大家来找茬"
that look the same but there are actually a few tiny differences.
我能为你效劳吗我们想享受一个火♥辣♥的夜晚
May I help you? We're trying to have a sexy evening here.
我是你家楼下的邻居
I am your downstairs neighbor,
伊莎贝莉卡德尔莫尼科
Isabellica Delmonicos.
没错
Yep,
我是住在这栋大楼里的
I am one of the rich A-holes
其中一位为富不仁的混♥蛋♥
who live in this building.
我是搞金融的
I work in finance,
不搞生产破坏一切
producing nothing, destroying everything.
老天我可真是个烂人
God, I suck!
还有我的公♥寓♥漏水了
Also, I got a leak in my apartment.
我想水是来自你家的浴室
I think it's coming from your bathroom.
这是怎么回事
What the hell's going on?
这里臭得跟垃圾堆似的
It stinks like puberty out there.
这里太多层了伊莎贝莉卡
There's too many layers, Isabellica.
我找不到源头
I can't keep track.
我还是杰圭琳吗
Am I still Jacqueline?
你让事情进展得太过头了
You let things go too far.
这不再只是你那普通的桃花阻断行动了
This isn't just your run-of-the-mill cock-block no more.
现在你得从他们中选一个
Now you actually got to choose one of them,
如果你想继续跟杜克搞在一起
and if you want to keep Duke on the hook,
那就是他了
it's got to be him.
但我不能
But I can't!
你不必真和他上♥床♥
You don't actually have to sleep with him.
你只是要哄骗他让他以为你想和他上♥床♥
You just have to trick him into thinking you did.
我的摇♥头♥丸♥肯定在这里什么地方
Oh, I got to have a disco biscuit in here somewhere.
说来就来
Ah, Bob's your uncle!
这要不就是颗安♥眠♥酮♥
Well, this is either a quaalude
要不就是给猫吃的安乐死药
or a cat euthanasia pill.
不管是哪种它都会生效
Well, either way, it'll do the trick.
你在录什么
What are you taping?
这个录像可以向罗斯证明什么也没发生过
It's so I can prove to Russ that nothing actually happened.
杜克不可能不告诉他
There's no way Duke won't tell him.
随你便吧
Well, suit yourself.
我会藏在这里以防你需要我
I'm gonna hide in here in case you need me
因为我的药刚起了作用
and 'cause my pill's just kicking in.
我告诉过你我的拇指超强
I told you I had strong thumbs.
我不该怀疑你哥们
I never should have doubted you, bro.
男孩们你们谁想从我身上喝酒
Which one of you boys wants to do a body shot?
好美味我想要
Yum, yum, give me some.
我们没有盐或青柠
We don't have salt or limes,
但我们可以用巧克力奶粉和洋葱来做
but we can make do with chocolate milk powder and onions.
牛逼大了
Wango tango!
随便吧
Whatever.
我打赌你不能像抱婴儿那样把我抱起来
I bet you can't pick me up like a baby
让我缩进你怀里
and make me feel little in your arms.
哦谢天谢地
Oh, thank goodness.
吉米
Oh, Kim!
吉米卡特
Kim Jong-ill!
你们能把灿扶上♥床♥吗
Can you make sure Xan gets to bed?
吉米搞定了那个让她撞鬼的家伙
Kimmy landed that dude who was ghosting her.
有一套
Epic.
我搞得定
I got it. I got it.
我搞得定不我
I got it. No, I got it.
她刚刚说我让你"撞鬼"
So did she say that I was ghosting you?
Ghosting其实是玩消失之意
就像那种我死了
Like-- like, I died but
但在世上还有未了的心愿那种
still had unfinished business here on Earth?
我就是这么觉得的
That's what I thought.
然后我想也许他们当时说的是
Then I thought maybe they were saying
"装鬼" 发出羊叫的声音
"Goatsing," Like,
不这感觉不对
No, that doesn't feel right.
管它的
Well, either way,
我很高兴我们没有对彼此撞鬼或装鬼
I'm glad we didn't ghost or goatsing each other.
我也是
Me too.
需要我送你到哪里吗
Uh, can I drop you off someplace?
我不是很累
I'm not really tired.
也许我能在你开车时陪陪你
Maybe I could keep you company while you drive.
我自♥由♥了小婊砸们
I'm free, bitches!
不
No!
干了吧考克
Bottoms up, Cork.
做梦吧
You wish,
你这个长得像帕特里克威尔逊的狗娘
you Patrick Wilson-looking mother...
游戏结束
Game over.
好吧好吧
Okay, okay.
你干嘛不去卧室
Why don't you go into the bedroom
去准备好
and get ready for me?
我只是需要再大个便
I just need to dump out again.
谢谢你送我回家
Thanks for driving me home.
我知道这里离你的常规路线很远
I know this is way off your route.
嗯我从未听说过东道格莫斯这个地方
Yeah. I've never even heard of East Dogmouth.
"1794年在这个地方
"On this site in 1794,
耶利米蒙塔古
Jeremiah Montague,
一个小有名气的当地制匾人
a local plaque maker of some renown,
被刺身"
was stabbed to dea."