我本坚强（2015）

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt S03E02

Part 3 Feb. 22, 2023, 8:42 p.m.

I don't know. It was all I had clean.
"我不知道当时只有那件衣服是干净的"
"Oh, I don't know. It was all I had clean."
我打算唱到下一首歌♥里
As I was about to sing in my next song...
嘭男孩拜拜玩儿蛋去吧
Boom, boy, bye, foop.
嘭男孩拜拜玩儿蛋去吧！
Boom, boy, bye, foop
什么玩意儿
What?
过来吉米过我这里来
Come here, Kimmy. Come to me!
不这里亲爱的
No, no, no, over here, dear.
到莉莲这儿来 - 这里姑娘
Come on, come to Lillian. - Here, girl. Here, girl!
这里姑娘来啊姑娘
Come on! Come on, girl!
快点
Mmm, num, num, num, num.
快点啊姑娘
Come on, girl.
莉莲不是说好不能用培根的嘛
Oh, Lillian, we agreed no bacon.
好了听着
Oh, okay, now listen.
你明天会投票给我的对吧亲爱的
You're gonna vote for me tomorrow, aren't you, dear?
当然但如果你投给她
Of course! But if you vote for her,
她会阻止我
she's gonna stop me from
为这个社区带来清洁水源
bringing clean water to this neighborhood.
真的吗
Really?
所以你投给谁都可以就是不能投给莉莲
That's why you need to vote for any candidate but Lillian.
不
No!
如果这个雅痞贱♥人♥和她那雅痞男友
If this yuppie bitch and her yuppie boyfriend
能把烂泥区治理好
clean up the sludgefront,
更多的雅痞就会搬过来
more yuppies will move in.
你知道雅痞都吃什么吗
And you know what yuppies eat?
球芽甘蓝 - 好恶心
Brussels sprouts... - Yuck!
还有薰衣草味儿的冰激凌
and ice cream that tastes like lavender.
不那个好难闻的
No, that's a smell!
但你会有最漂亮的滨水区
But you'll have the most beautiful new waterfront...
还有鸭子游来游去呢
with ducks in it,
带着鸭宝宝的鸭子
ducks that have babies.
多少只 - 这又有什么关系！
How many? - It doesn't matter!
房♥租会暴涨
Our rent will be jacked up so high,
说不定我们还得搬到哈特岛去住
we'll probably have to move to Hart Island,
无人认领的尸体都被他们埋在那里
where they bury all the unclaimed bodies.
我都给忘了
Now, I forget.
你是不是喜欢睡在全是骷髅的巨坑里
Do you like sleeping in a giant pit full of skeletons?
你知道我不喜欢的
You know I don't!
大家早上好
Good morning, everyone.
声明一下
Just FYI,
只有欲申请的学生能参加这次参观
this tour is only for prospective students.
如果你们是来参加嗜酒者家庭互助会会议的
So, if you're here for the Al-Anon meeting,
请下楼
that's downstairs.
如果你是来参加一个未授权并且
And if you're here for what you should know is an unauthorized and
极其不正确的<欲望都市>徒步参观活动
very incorrect Sex and the City walking tour,
活动两点开始
that starts at 2:00.
好的太好了
Oh, okay, great.
我是佩里
Um, hi. My name's Perry.
如果你有任何疑问
And if you have any questions...
我有我在宣传册里没有找到
Oh, yes. I didn't see anything in the pamphlet
任何有关交通协管科的资料
about your crossing guard program.
这里的教授们都有真正的交通协管经历吗
Do the professors here have real-world crossing guard experience?
还是他们只知道钻研书本
Or are they these ivory-tower types
自己从未过过马路
who've never crossed a street in their lives?
我们这里没有交通协管科
I-I don't think we have a crossing guard program.
但我们有很多其他职业技术科这些科系都很棒
But we have a lot of other great vocational programs.
电视及录像机修理三明治艺术职业杀手
TV/VCR Repair, Sandwich Arts, Murder for Hire.
好吧可我想认真学点职业技能
Yeah, I'm on a pretty serious career track here.
我做了一个测试
I took a test,
测试结果说我会成为一个交通协管员所以
and it said I was gonna be a crossing guard, so...
好棒啊
Well, that's awesome.
但未来会怎样你又怎么知道呢
But you never know.
你自己可能都会大吃一惊
You might surprise yourself.
我来这儿的时候打算学会计
I originally came here to study accounting,
结果后来又对哲学产生了兴趣
and then I got really interested in philosophy.
哲学
Philosophy?
就是研究那种单手拍手会是什么声音的问题
Like what is the sound of one hand clapping?
太笨了是这个声音
So stupid. It's this.
我经常发出这种声音因为找不到人跟我击掌
I make that sound a lot 'cause no one will high-five me.
当然可哲学研究的不仅仅是这些
Sure, but philosophy's so much more than that.
它教会你如何真正地思考
It teaches you how to really think.
好的长着牙齿的企鹅
Right. Right. Penguin with teeth.
比如说
Like, okay, so...
你怎么知道此时此刻你在这儿呢
how do you know you're even here right now?
懂了没
See?
好吧可如果你只是被放在实验室
Okay, but what if you're really just a brain
某个大桶里的一个人脑
in a vat somewhere in a lab
而那些只是一串电子信♥号♥♥
and that was just a bunch of electrical signals
纯粹是为了让你觉得你捏了自己一下
to make you think you pinched yourself?
这让我脑袋疼
This is making my head all tingly,
就像那次我把跳跳糖放到棉签上
like that time I put Pop Rocks on a Q-tip.
我知道是吗
I know, right?
那只桶里的脑子
Uh-oh, my vat brain is
命令我用想象中的那只胳膊击掌
telling my imaginary arm to high-five!
对不起我刚有点分心
I'm sorry. I get a little carried away.
咱们要不要继续参观
Should we continue with the tour?
我不知道有参观活动吗
I don't know. Is there a tour?
这楼究竟是不是在这儿
Is this building even here?
既然你杀了我你会在我的葬礼上说些什么
What will you say at my funeral now that you've killed me?
泰特斯安息于此他是我蜥蜴的继母
Here lies Titus, stepmother to my lizards,
既活着又死去了
both living and dead.
他的天堂会是一个充满了烤土豆的钢琴
His heaven will be a grand piano full of baked potatoes.
尘归尘土归
Ashes to ashes. Dust to...
窘夫斯
Jerfffs.
我不在乎
I don't kairr
我不在乎
I don't kairr
我♥干♥嘛要在乎
Why should I kairr?
瘪三不要
Guido, nah
吉伯莉拿你的钥匙开门我正在学碧昂丝呢
Kimberly, use your key! I'm Lemonading!
你都不接电♥话♥
You're not answering your phone.
如果你非要知道的话
If you must know,
我在录制第一轨时
I dropped it in a public pool
手♥机♥掉进了公共泳池里
while I was making track one.
我的心就好像
Like my heart,
放在一个装满大米的塑料袋里快要干涸了
it's over there in a plastic bag full of rice, drying out.
泰特斯我知道你不相信我
Titus, I know you don't believe me,
但我和杰夫没做什么见不得人的事
but Jeff and me are not doing anything bad.
谁
Who?
好吧我知道我不像你一样是个出色的歌♥手
Okay, I know I'm not a great singer like you...
但如果这是起自杀式谋杀案请留张纸条
Oh, if this is a murder/suicide, please leave a note.
我不需要受这种煎熬
I don't need the heat.
你
You
你有我需要的东西
You got what I need
杰夫只是个朋友
And Jeff is just a friend
哦耶他只是个朋友
Oh, yeah, he's just a friend
泰特斯你
Oh, Titus, you
别唱了
Please stop...
不管你这闹的是哪一出有话就直说吧
whatever this is and say what you need to say.
我发誓宝贝以我那玩偶的两颗大眼发誓
I swear, babe, on my Pupazza's Ping-Pong ball eyes,
杰夫只是朋友
Jeff is just a buddy.
我们在健身房♥认识的
We met at the gym.
那不就是基佬的交友天堂嘛
The gayest place to meet someone!
你跟着游轮一走好几个月
Titus, you were away for months on that cruise.
我就不能交几个朋友吗
Was I not supposed to have any friends?
反正我没有我只有敌人因为我爱你
I didn't. I had nothing but enemies, because I love you.
我也爱你
I love you, too.
那你为何不相信我 - 因为
So why won't you believe me? - Because!
两个基佬不可能只是朋友
Two gay men can't just be friends,
就好像直男和直女之间不存在纯洁的友谊
just like a straight woman and a straight man can't be friends.
女人和其他女人也是如此
Also, women and other women.
那我要证明你错了