瑞克和莫蒂（2013）

现在谁才是拖油瓶，婊♥子♥？
Who's dead weight now, bitch?
你的屁♥股♥马上就会恢复知觉了
You should regain feeling in your ass in a minute.
抱歉，我的炮塔炸掉了你的机车
Sorry my turrets blew up your motorcycle.
快拿衣服给我穿
Just give me some goddamn clothes.
你只能来我家避难，一定很难受
Must suck to have your only safe haven be my house.
你想穿你平常的衣服
You want your regular outfit
还是恐♥怖♥分♥子♥的衣服？
or should we dress you like a terrorist?
我也能离开，而且我依然是总统
I don't need to be here and I'm still the President.
太好了，那你就赦免我吧
Oh, glad to hear it. That means you can give me that pardon.
不然我就把你赶出去
Or I could put you out with the trash.
你有什么毛病？ 你为什么讨厌这个国家？
What is your problem? Why do you hate this country?
我讨厌全宇宙的每个国家，兄弟
I hate every country in the universe, brother.
国家只是政♥治♥人物发明出来发钱给自己的东西而已
They're job placement programs for the politicians that invent them.
好吧，神经病
OK, Fight Club.
我的职责是要保护坐在场边的你
I get paid to protect the sidelines you sit on!
你的职责只是耍嘴皮子
You get paid to make sports metaphors!
我会帮你清砂盆
I clean your litterbox.
让你这自以为酷的书呆子拉屎时
So your little nerd paws don't have to touch another nerd's nerdy poopies
手不会碰到其他书呆子的大便
while you're flexing your grody little edge-lord anus all over it!
大家，或许你们都对也都错
Guys, maybe you're both right and both wrong.
－闭嘴，莫蒂 －闭嘴，莫蒂
Shut up, Morty! - Shut up, Morty!
你这小贱♥货♥，你毁了《宪法》
You little bitch. You destroyed the Constitution.
你才是最可恶的混♥蛋♥
You're the biggest booger eater here!
你不能这样对我儿子说话
Do not talk to my son that way.
抱歉，史密斯太太
Sorry, Mrs. Smith.
你们两个联手毁了感恩节
The two of you are ruining Thanksgiving. Together.
快来跟我的家人一起吃饭
And you can both either come to the table and eat food with my family
否则就滚到酒吧去继续吵
or you can keep doing what you're doing at the corner bar.
感恩节上酒吧很可悲
Bars actually suck at Thanksgiving.
我还是搞不太懂
I'm still trying to sort through this.
你们其中一个人希望自己有勇气
One of you wishes you had the personal quality known as courage
另外两个人则想要重要器官？
but the other two of you want actual vital organs?
查理考夫曼翻拍的《绿野仙踪》
This Charlie Kaufman reboot of Wizard Of Oz
简直是场灾难
is destroying itself.
所以我需要大脑，我写得好烂
That's why I need a brain! I'm doing a terrible job writing this!
能把马铃薯递给我吗？
Pass the potatoes?
谢谢
Thank you.
四季豆很好吃，妈
Good green beans, Mom.
火鸡是生的，爸，根本不能吃
The turkey's raw, Dad. Shit's potato bunz.
抱歉，桑美，我们被国家关在光罩里
Sorry, Summer. The United States enclosed us in a shimmer bubble
扰乱了我的烤箱计时器
that scrambled my oven timer.
看来我们真的选错人了
So, I guess elections do have consequences.
吃屎吧，杰瑞，我查过你的资料
Eat my ass, Jerry. I've seen your IRS records.
等你有应税所得再来怪我
You can blame me once you have taxable income.
没错，我也认同杰瑞是废物
Yes, Jerry is a piece of shit. I agree.
各位，那是怎么回事？
Guys? What's that?
宝拉，克提斯总统施行了
Paula, as you can see President Curtis has enacted a plan
把全美火鸡变成超级士兵的计划
to turn all turkeys in America into hybrid super soldiers.
国会在六小时内加薪三次后
The move has 100% approval from Congress
就全体同意通过本法案
following its third pay raise in six hours.
镜头交还给主播
Back to you.
天啊，那混♥蛋♥疯了
My god, the bastard's unhinged!
特区会连一只鸟都不剩
There won't be a single bird left in DC!
天啊，在感恩节屠♥杀♥原住民？
Oh, wow, wiping out a native population on Thanksgiving?
－这还是第一次 －你说什么？
That's never happened before. - What did you just say?
我把感恩节跟种族屠♥杀♥做了连结
Well, I associated Thanksgiving with genocide.
年轻人都会这样，我不是想…
It's what young people do, I wasn't trying to...
新世界地穴
The Crypt of the New World!
这是我们唯一能扭转乾坤的机会
That could be our one chance to turn this thing around!
你知道地穴的事？
You know about the Crypt?
那宝藏一定被拿光了
So the treasure's already gone.
这就是你偷《宪法》的原因吗？蠢老头子
Wait, is that why you were stealing the Constitution? You old fart dick.
新世界地穴里的不是宝藏
The Crypt of the New World isn't a treasure.
但或许是我们唯一的希望，来吧
But it might be our only hope. Come on.
那个地穴不是在特区吗？
But isn't the Crypt underneath DC?
火鸡总统有军队，陆军军队
The Turkey President's got an army. An actual army!
－还有空军、海军 －讲慢一点
And an air force! And marines! - Slow down, Morty!
把所有军队都讲一遍
Walk us through every military service.
谁有笔？
Does somebody have a pen?
我们有比任何军队都强大的东西
We've got something more powerful than every army in the world.
其实没有，但只要演讲成功
Well, no, we don't, but with the right speech
就能说服几位受过训练的乡巴佬
we could get a handful of well-trained hillbillies.
我们曾这样对抗过英国，我支持
It worked against the British. I'm in.
用火鸡取代人
Birds replacin' people.
强尼凯许或戴尔恩哈特会怎说？
What would Johnny Cash or Dale Earnhardt say?
他会说，该付诸行动了
He'd say it's time to walk the line
或是开快车经过
or drive very fast between two of them.
我们不接待你这种人
We don't serve your kind here.
天啊，有没有搞错？
Oh my god, are you serious?
自己看
Read the sign.
他是我长官，马文
He's my boss, Marvin.
没事，不信任总统是爱国的表现
It's OK. Mistrusting presidents is a patriotic duty.
电视上那个人不是我
And that guy on TV isn't me.
是一只注入我基因的火鸡
He's a turkey infused with my DNA.
我的天啊
I'll be damned.
我歧视黑人
Well. I'm racist.
别想再带走我的男人了
You better not be here to take my man again.
－玛莉露 －我很穷又怀了孕
Mary Lou... - I'm poor! And pregnant!
我的宝宝也很穷
With a poor person!
我需要你，还有你宝宝的一成
And I need you. And 10% of your baby.
听着，我知道演讲是不够的
Now look, I know it's going to take more than some speech.
但演讲是什么？不就是问题吗？
But what is a speech? Isn't it just a question?
这句不也是问题吗？演讲是词语
And isn't that a question too? Speeches are words.
重复的词语，条列的词语
Repeated words. Listed words.
重复条列的重复词语，这不重要
Repeated lists of repeated words. None of that matters.
你知道什么最重要吗？
You know what does matter?
我要问你们
Me asking you...
你们愿意照我的话做吗？
will you do what I say?
我只有两个问题
Just two questions, Chief.
没？问题？
Lock? And load?
这其实不是问题，没问题
They're rhetorical, sir. Lock and load!
没问题
Lock and load!
总统，看起来瑞克和莫蒂驾驶着
Sir, we've got Rick and Morty coming in
未授权的全地域装甲运输走兽
what appears to be an unlicensed Star Wars AT-AT.
现在的年轻人都说是装运走兽
Or as the millennials say, A-T, A-T.
开始了
So it begins.
各位火鸡，我们今晚要奋力反抗
Gobblers! Tonight, we rise!
哦天啊
Oh, jeez...
驾驶技术不错，山查兹
Nice driving, Sanchez.
护网失效，前方安全
Wire's down, pen is clear.
你们都知道规矩
You know the goddamn rules.
如果看到火鸡，就开枪轰掉
If you see something clucking or pecking put a buckshot in its panties.
天啊，强森死了
Jesus Christ! They got Johnson!
他死得算痛快
He got off easy.
拖住这些混♥蛋♥
Hold off the bastards!
－怎么办，瑞克？ －加强火力
What now, Rick? - Time to turn up the broiler.
这里是…
Is that...
新世界地穴
The Crypt of the New World.
你们在找的宝藏
The treasure you were after
就是美国最古老的秘密
is this country's oldest secret.
被感恩节故事掩盖了好几世纪
One disguised by centuries of Thanksgiving folklore.
这是火鸡恐龙吗？
Is that... a turkey dinosaur?
美国原本的统治者
America's original rulers.
残忍♥的野兽，猎食懦弱的人类
Merciless beasts, grazing on the flesh of cowering humans.
15世纪时，有艘船坠地了
Then in the 15th century, a vessel crashed.
其实是两艘船，载着我们的救星
Two vessels, really. Onboard, our saviors.
山查兹，跟我同时拉控制杆
Sanchez, pull that lever the same time I do.
靠，他们要打起来了
Oh, shit, they're gonna fight!
不对，等等，他们相亲相爱
No, wait, they love each other.
他们刚抵达时，确实是在互斗
They were at war when they arrived