瑞克和莫蒂（2013）

－我们不投降 －是吗？
We will not surrender! - Oh, yeah?
把大卫布莱恩箱拿来
Bring in the David Blaine box.
天啊，是大卫布莱恩箱吗？
Damn, is that a David Blaine box?
我就说吧，应该要去我爸妈家的
I told you, we should have just gone to my parents' house.
－你没说 －我没说出口
No, you didn't. - Well, I didn't say it out loud.
但大家都知道我想去那里
But it should be well known by now that I'd always rather be there.
－天啊，不 －天啊，瑞克
Oh, God! Oh, no! - Jeez, Rick!
总统，我们把瑞克和莫蒂关住了
Sir, we've got Rick and Morty inside the box.
－那就证实了 －什么？
Then that confirms it. - Sir?
大卫布莱恩箱关不住瑞克山查兹
No David Blaine box could hold Rick Sanchez.
扫描火鸡车
Scan the turkey truck.
怪了，芬奇和罗德的晶片有异状
That's weird. ID chips for Fincher and Rodriguez are glitching.
山查兹
Sanchez.
我会亲自对付那混♥蛋♥
I'll deal with this bastard myself.
总统，别逞强，死了就无法连任
Sir, don't be a cowboy. You can't get re-elected dead.
系统已校准，总统
System's calibrated, sir.
这药丸里有追踪晶…
That pill contains a tracking chip that will identify...
我知道，之后会很重要
I know, it'll be important later.
来吧
Do it!
总统稍后就会赦免火鸡
Moments from now, the President will be pardoning a turkey.
我们快成功了，莫蒂，那废物要准时现身了
Home stretch, Morty. Here comes dipshit right on schedule.
一定不会出错
Nothing can go wrong now.
－我的天啊，那是… －靠
Jesus! Is that... - Oh, shit.
总统占上风了，外公搞砸了
The President has the upper hand. Grandpa f**ked up.
戴上墨镜，快装成火鸡
Sunglasses on! Act like a turkey!
－什么？你会怕？ －装成火鸡
What? Are you scared? - Act like a turkey!
这两位是罗德和芬奇，总统
That's Rodriguez and Fincher, sir.
是瑞克和莫蒂，他妈没用的废物
It's Rick and Morty, you useless f**king stump humper!
抱歉，别跟你一成的朋友说此事
Sorry, don't tell 10% of your friends I called you that.
－总统 －山查兹，你就认输吧
Mr. President. - Sanchez, admit it. You lose.
你只要认输，我就放过你
Say it and I'll let your loser ass go.
你没唾液腺还想吐我口水？
Did you just try to spit in my face with no saliva gland?
快赦免我，混♥蛋♥
Just pardon me, dick!
－为什么？ －因为呢
Why the hell would I? - Oh, I don't know.
我若搬去加拿大，就会赢过美国
'Cause if I move to Canada, they'll be the best country.
我要啄瞎你
I'll peck your goddamn eyes out!
－嘿 －靠，我的羽毛
Ouch! Hey! - Shit! My plume!
嘿，后退
Back off!
蓝莓，蓝莓掉到地上了
Blueberries! We got blueberries down!
稳住阵脚，火鸡正在疯狂觅食
Hold your positions. It's a feeding frenzy!
我看不到，我能看到270度
I can't see. I mean, I can see... 270 degrees.
这角度太广了
It's too many degrees!
长官，我们的心理战快输了
Sir, we are losing the mental game down here.
振作点，各位，总统还在里面
Keep it together, soldier! POTUS is still in that pen!
纽约被法国夺走了
We just lost New York to France!
马上把总统抓出来
Pull out the President right now!
队长，把总统抓出来
Gobble Tango, I want POTUS out of that pen!
这是命令，扫描总统晶片
That's an order! Locate the President's chip!
收到…
Roger-roger.
他在那里，我找到他了
There he is, I got him.
我们出发，把总统护送出去
Let's go, boys! Let's fly out the Eagle!
嘿，那不是我
Hey, that's not me.
找到总统了，带我们离开
Package is secure. Pull us out.
重新注入基因
Reinjecting subject DNA.
我的天啊，你看起来还真恶心
Hoppin' Jehovah, you look like five pounds of shit in a whore's lunchbox.
你还好吗，总统先生？
You all right, Mr. President?
对，我是总统
Yes. I am the President.
把他清干净，带他到战情室
Clean his ass up and get him to the war room.
火鸡队，你们搞错人了，笨蛋
Hey! Gobble Squad! You got the wrong guy, you morons!
这只蠢火鸡一直乱叫
Look at this dumb piece of shit. Gobbling away.
滚回去
Get back in there!
好，你们都听到副总统的命令了
All right, boys, you heard the VP.
赦免典礼取消了，马上撤退
Pardon is tits up. Pack up and ship out!
至于你呢，山查兹，请慢用
As for you, Sanchez, bon appétit.
这电梯会通往哪里？
Where is this elevator going?
没获选的火鸡都会被送往喂食室
Where all the unchosen turkeys go. The feeding chamber.
这什么鬼东西？
What the f**k is that?
不是东西，是人
Not what... who.
你们唯一该惧怕的就是我
The only thing to fear is... me!
白宫他妈为什么会有小罗斯福的复♥制♥蜘蛛？
How the f**k does the White House have a cloned spider of FDR?
那是小罗斯福本人
It's no clone, it's FDR.
他参与了小儿麻痹疫苗实验
He was a guinea pig for the polio vaccine.
我们想知道哪种动物最常行走？
We asked ourselves what walks the most?
“我们”？ 你把自己也算进去？
We? You're taking credit for this?
当总统就得承担包袱，莫蒂
The office comes with baggage, Morty.
－瑞克，我怕死 －别怕，莫蒂
Rick, I'm afraid to die! - You won't have to be for long, Morty.
我们马上就会变回人类了
We're due to return to human form any second.
－然后呢？ －然后就想办法
Then what? - Then we just have to
别被蜘蛛吃掉
not get eaten by the spider.
所以我还是要怕死？
Oh, so in other words, be afraid to die?
莫蒂，你如果真的这么爱辩
Morty, if winning an argument is that important to you
那你从来没有活过
you were never alive.
我们来谈条件，杀人
Time for a new deal. Murder!
我受够大家对你的崇拜了
I'm sick of hearing how iconic you were!
等你在脸书出现后
Try having an historical administration
还能受大家喜爱再说吧，死老头
after Facebook goes online, you old-timey bitch!
莫蒂，把面板打开
Morty, tear open that panel!
我们来场炉边谈话，好吗？
How's this for a fireside chat?
－你杀了小罗斯福 －他是怪兽
You just killed FDR. - He was a monster though.
别把他神话了，他是政♥治♥人物
Don't mythologize him, he was a politician.
说到这个，你救了我们一命
Speaking of, you kinda saved our bacon there
所以我愿意跟你谈条件
so I'll make you a deal.
你赦免我，我就把你变回人类
You pardon us and I'll make you human.
－是这只 －人眼真的无法辨识
Wrong turkey. - Man, the face blindness is real.
帮我把这些人变回人类
I'd like these men turned back into humans, please.
没问题，总统
Yes, of course, Mr. President.
但我们应该已经把所有陆战队员变回人类了
But I thought we already rehumanized all the turkified marines.
把这些人变回人类，我是总统
I'd like these men turned back into humans. I am the President.
遵命，总统，没问题
Yes, sir. Sure thing.
把他们的力量增加十倍
Increase their strength by 1,000%.
那他们就不会是人类了
But... that wouldn't be human.
火鸡一向都比人类优秀
Turkeys have always been more than human.
好吧，你这样我会怀疑…
OK, so right there, now I'm starting to...
我要把纽约卖♥♥给法国
I am selling New York to France.
把卖♥♥得的钱交给国会
And giving all of the money to Congress.
好耶
All right, yeah!
－这样就对了 －这才是真总统
Now that's how you do it. - He became President today.
对，尽管议论吧
That's right, murmur.
忙完拿裤子来给我
And when you're done, get me some pants.
如果你是总统
If you're the President
那过去这三个小时
who the hell have we been governing the country
治理我们国家的人是谁？
with for the last three hours?
是冒牌货，笨蛋，你抓错火鸡了
An impostor, you good-for-nothing idiot! You humanized the wrong turkey!
确实有可能，我们不能冒险
It's possible. We shouldn't leave anything to chance.
不能让国会跟错误的总统合作
Wouldn't want Congress working with the wrong President.
有道理，总统先生
A very good point, Mr. President.
我们认为这位爱好合作的先生
Do we believe this fine-feathered, collaborative gentleman
是我们的总司令吗？
to be our commander in chief?
还是我们要让不允许圣诞派对
Or are we gonna let Mr. Cash Bar
免费供酒的人继续当总统？
at the Christmas party stay in office?
支持火鸡总统的人有多少？
All in favor of Turkey President?
荒谬，你觉得他在乎美国吗？
You can't be serious. You think he cares about America?
那你为什么会遇到这种事？
Is that why this is happening to you?
是因为你在乎美国吗？
Because you cared about America?
守卫，这三位是，那叫什么？
Guards, these men are... what is the word?
恐♥怖♥分♥子♥
Terrorists.
我不管了，启动山查兹雷射拳
OK, screw this. Go, go, Sanchez laser fists!
靠，我刚刚变成了火鸡，对吧？
When I turn into a turkey. Oh, shit. I was a turkey for a while, wasn't I?
好吧，你力气好大
OK, guy's pretty strong.
玛丽陶德林肯
Mary Todd Lincoln!