瑞克和莫蒂（2013）

Rick and Morty S05E04

Part 3 July 31, 2021, 12:29 p.m.

We need it to create our army.
这样还不够，笨蛋，你还需要马
Well, you need more than that, dummy. You need a horse.
但我们的种马就在这里
Oh but our stallion is already here.
对不对，莫蒂？
Isn't that right, Morty?
还是我该叫你一声爸？
Or shall I say... Father?
莫蒂，你这恶心又爱说谎又导致世界毁灭的变♥态♥
Morty, you nasty, lying, little world-ending pervert.
对不起
I-I-I'm sorry.
－爽吗？－很爽
What was it like? -Fantastic!
瑞克，对不起
Rick, I'm sorry!
我还以为我一直用取精机
I-I just thought maybe I could have repeated sex
不会导致世界末日
with a horse machine without it becoming Armageddon.
这全是我的错
I-I realize that's on me.
我被困住了，我不接受你的道歉
Yeah, not exactly accepting apologies while I'm stuck here as Handjob Solo.
都是你不该以我们为耻，莫蒂
This is all your fault for being ashamed of us, Morty.
有无数个精♥子♥为了你送死
How many millions went to their graves for you,
努力向前冲
hurling themselves into the void,
结果是恶心的袜子
only to discover a grody sock
或是精心折好的卫生纸跑道？
or a carefully folded landing strip of toilet paper?
你怎么都知道？
How do you know all this?!
亲爱的，我们是你的精华
Oh, honey, because we're the very essence of you.
我们是你羞耻的体现
We are your shame incarnate.
等我们完事之后
And once we're through with you,
我们的精♥子♥大军就会称霸世界
our sperm army will take over the world!
启用机器
Put him on the machine!
－瑞克，快做点什么－没问题
Rick, do something! -On it.
－你做了什么？－离开你视野
Wh-what did you do? -I got out of your eyeline.
不
Oh, no. Oh! Oh!
没错，末日将至
Yes! The end is near!
有什么遗言吗？
Any last words?
－黏黏－真恶，你语文造诣很烂，莫蒂，但…
Sticky! -Gross. I know you're not a wordsmith, Morty, but --
不，是我的精♥子♥朋友
No, no, no, my-my sperm friend is here!
你不该帮怪物取名字
Ugh, never give 'em a name.
笨蛋，你们是无法赢过我的
Fools! You can't beat me!
你们没找会踢拳的女人来
You didn't bring a woman that can kickbox!
你就这点本事吗？
Is that all you got?
这真是标准的小兵立大功
Damn, that's some quintessential underdog shit.
杀死他们
Kill them!
好耶
Yeah! Whoo-hoo!
我应该对你说实话的，瑞克
I-I should've told you the truth, Rick.
我们先去拯救地球吧
Let's save the world first.
重新启动核弹，把这个峡谷炸烂
Now, reset those nukes, and let's turn this canyon into a can't-yon.
亚利桑那州会有地震吗？
There usually earthquakes in Arizona?
它们正要前往赌城
They're heading for Vegas,
各方面来说都很合理，但为何如此突然？
which doestrack on many levels, but why now?
搞什么？
What the?
一同为夏布布教授和这卵子欢呼
Let's hear it for Professor Shabooboo and his brilliant egg.
－你们没忘记谁吗？－没错
Um, hello? Aren't you forgetting someone? Oh, good point.
也要感谢太阳马戏团人类动物园的演出团队
Big thanks to the cast of Cirque Du Soleil's "Zumanity"
带来了精彩又情♥色♥的表演
for the impressive and erotic routine.
总统先生，瑞克山查兹来电
Mr. President, Rick Sanchez is on the line.
很好，开扩音吧
Good. Put that asshole on speaker.
真是的
Well, well, well.
你完全没帮上忙，我们改用巨大人类卵子吸引精♥子♥
No thanks to you, we're luring the sperm with a giant human egg, even though,
虽然赌城应该就足以吸引精♥子♥了
symbolically speaking, Vegas should be enough.
人类卵子？
A human egg?
那是哪来的？
Where-where-where did you get it?
问得好，是你孙女的
Glad you asked. It's your granddaughter's,
所以你至少还有一点贡献
so at least you contributed somethingto this.
总统先生，我是莫蒂
Mister President! It's Morty!
那些精♥子♥是我的，都是我的
It's my sperm! I-It's all mine!
－什么？－我是下流的变♥态♥
What?! -I'm a dirty little perverted maniac.
我一整个星期都用动物设备自♥慰♥
I spent a week pleasuring myself with animal equipment,
我的精♥子♥意外变成了怪兽
and my sperm got turned into monsters on accident
因为我一直说谎，因为我很羞愧
because I kept lying about it because I was ashamed!
你是该感到羞愧
You should be!
天啊，我们都年轻气盛过
My God, man, we were all 14 once
但你应该要有自♥制♥能力
but it's called self-control.
别让它们碰到我姐的卵子，总统
Don't let them reach my sister's egg, Mr. President!
不然会变成巨大…
You'll be making a giant --
乱♥伦♥宝宝
Incest baby.
什么？谁说的？
What? Who told you that?
什么？我只是帮他把话讲完
What? I-I was finishing his sentence.
好，跟我们走
Oh. Right. Come with us.
精♥子♥是莫蒂的
The sperm is Morty's!
我们会做出巨大乱♥伦♥宝宝
We're about to make a giant incest baby!
真是屋漏偏逢连夜雨
Aw, well, now we're all in our darkest hour.
快发射卵子…
Launch the egg! Launch it now!
－要花半小时－为何？
B-But that'll take 30 minutes. -What?! Why?!
每次发射火箭都是
That's how long every space launch takes!
大家都不知道，因为电视只会播最后十秒
No one realizes because they only show you the last 10 seconds!
帮帮我
Uh, uh, help me out here.
嘿，但这是你的点子，对吧？
Hey, it was your idea, right?
好，别慌张，各位
Okay, okay, n-no need to panic, everyone.
我有个办法
I have a simple solution.
我们地狱见了
See you all in hell!
这又没帮上忙
I don't see how that'sgoing to help.
快建立防线，无论如何都要保护那颗卵子
Form a perimeter! Protect that egg at all costs!
我一直都知道你的荷尔蒙
I always knew your hormones would cause a world war
会引起人类和食人马人间的战争
between humans and Cannibalistic Horse People.
但我没想到会是这样
I just didn't know it would be like this.
我无法改变我的本性
I can't change my nature.
你是纳瓦荷寓言里的蝎子吗？
What are you, a scorpion in a Navajo fable?
每个人都能改变本性，莫蒂
Everyone can change their nature, Morty.
所以我们才是人类
It's what defines our species.
看看钢铁人
Look at Iron Man.
他的演员1990年代时很堕落
That actor was an animal in the '90s,
会在树丛中醒来
literally waking up in bushes.
－他的经纪人还得用补蝶网… －安静
His agent had to catch him with a butterfly net. -Silence!
瑞克山查兹，你也知道我找你来的原因
Rick Sanchez, you know why you're here.
对，是我孙子的错
Yeah, it was my grandson's fault.
－你跟我女儿上了床－有吗？
You slept with my daughter! -I did?
靠，我想起来了
Oh, shit, I did.
请原谅我，大人
Forgive me, Your CHUDness.
我会洗心革面
I'm a changed man starting now.
你竟然是来地马王国请求原谅？
You come to the Kingdom of CHUDs for forgiveness?
地马不会原谅人
CHUDs don't forgive humans.
地马只会吃人
CHUDs eathumans!
我们真的太堕落了
This is out there, even for us.
注意言词，莫蒂
They can hear you, Morty.
把他煮熟，真好吃
Boil him up! Yum, yum!
添加香料，好棒棒
Spice him right! Oh, boy!
吃掉人肉，真好吃
Eat the flesh! Yum, yum!
不吃骨头，绝不要
Not the bones! Oh, no!
会肚子痛，好痛痛
Belly ache! Ouch, Ouch!
父王，快点停手
Father! Stop this at once!
－波妮塔公主－你不能杀瑞克
Princess Poñeta! -You can't kill Rícko!
我爱他
I -- I love him!
没错，我也爱你，波妮塔公主
Right! I-I love you, too, Princess Poñeta.
这是禁忌之爱
This love is forbidden.
女儿，你是地马
My daughter, you are a CHUD.
瑞克是人类，而且年纪差太多了
Rick is a human and age-inappropriate.
那我就别无选择
Then you leave me nochoice.
依照地马宪法第17条规定
By the 17th Article of the CHUD-stitution,
我在此赦免瑞克山查兹
I offer Rícko Sanchez horsemunity
并宣告地马与人类停战
and demand a equestri-truce between all CHUDs and humans!
凭什么？
On what grounds?
因为瑞克是我孩子的爸
On the grounds that Rícko is the father of my child.
我有继承人了
I have an heir.
我有物质滥用问题
I have a substance-abuse problem.
预言成真了
The Prophecy has come true!
另外，是不是有人掉了卷轴？