柏拉图关系（2023）

- What? - With Will.
什么意思 你得说得具体一些
What do you mean? Gotta be more specific.
拜托 你在我们家厨房♥里 摆弄成年男子的头发
I mean, come on. You were fondling a grown man's hair in our kitchen.
一个女人帮她的朋友换个造型又怎么了
What's wrong with a woman giving her friend a makeover?
有点过分亲密了 不是吗
It's just a little bit intimate, don't you think?
他没穿上衣 所以...
I mean, he wasn't wearing a shirt, so...
但他穿着垃圾袋
But he was wearing a trash bag.
宝贝 你娶我时就知道我喜欢变化造型
Babe, you knew I love makeovers when you married me.
是 如果是这样 你怎么从来没帮我换过造型
Yeah. I mean, if that were true, how come you've never given me a makeover?
因为你不需要
Because you don't need one.
因为你没有经历中年危机 谢天谢地
Because you're not having a midlife crisis. Thank God.
因为你现在的样子已经很完美了
Because you're perfect the way you are.
-你真帅 -好吧
- You're so cute. - Okay.
我们的本♥田♥奥德赛就很完美
Well, our Honda Odyssey is perfect just the way it is,
但他们每年都在添加新功能
and they still add new features every year.
怎么了
What's going on?
我不知道 这没什么
I don't know. I mean, it's nothing.
只是看起来你们玩得很开心
It just seemed like you guys were having so much fun.
可累了
It was hard work.
知道什么开心吗 八小时睡眠
You know what's fun? Eight hours of sleep.
-好吧 -快睡吧 9点了
- Okay. - Come on. It's nine o'clock.
我们一定会睡得很好
We're gonna crush this.
我忘了他们俩在一起有多烦人
I just forgot how annoying the two of them can be together.
好像他们的友谊排斥了所有人 包括我
It's like their friendship excludes everybody, including me.
听着 每个人在婚姻之外都需要友谊
Look, everyone needs friendships outside of their marriage.
没有人能从一个人身上得到需要的一切
No one can get everything they need from just one person.
她喜欢和这个人玩
And just because she likes hanging around with this guy,
并不意味着她不爱你
doesn't mean she doesn't love you.
是的 声明一下 我知道他们没在搞外遇
Yeah. And for the record, I know it's not like they're having an affair.
西尔维娅并没有背叛我
It's not like Sylvia's cheating on me.
对 西尔维娅永远不会的 这两人之间只是有点来电
No. Sylvia would never. There's just this little frisson between the two of them
他们穿着特殊服装互相调情
where they get dressed up in costumes and flirt with each other.
这很正常 每个人都这么做 我们现在就是
It's perfectly normal. Everyone does it. We're doing it right now.
-我们是吗 -是的
- We are? - Yeah.
只是我永远不会跟你上♥床♥
Except I would never have sex with you.
你是我想要结婚的对象 而有趣的是 凡妮莎是我想上的对象
You're my marry. Vanessa, interestingly, is my fuck.
-艾伯特是你想杀的对象 -当然
- And Albert's your kill? - Obviously.
我把话说清楚 我知道威尔和西尔维娅没有上♥床♥
And just to be clear, I know that Will and Sylvia are not fucking.
但几乎感觉就像
But it almost feels like
他们因为有可能上♥床♥这件事兴奋不已
they're getting off on the fact that they could be fucking.
这我就不清楚了
I don't know about that.
我还什么都不能说
And I'm not allowed to say anything.
因为如果我说了 我就会显得古板守旧 自己也会那样想
Because if I do, it makes me seem square, that my brain would go to that place.
我担心你现在大脑短路了
I'm worried you're having one of those brain glitches
在钻牛角尖 就像扫地机器人卡在角落
where you get obsessed with something like a Roomba stuck in a corner.
但他们可能上♥床♥
But they could be fucking.
她知道我知道他们可能上♥床♥
And her knowing that I know they could be fucking,
但什么都不能说 这太糟了
but I can't say anything. That is so fucked.
-扫地机器人 -好吧
- Roomba. - Yeah.
其实呢 也许我感觉被排除在外是我的错
You know what? Maybe it's my fault that I feel so excluded.
-我从来没努力和威尔搞好关系 -别想了
- I've never made an effort with Will. - Just let it go.
也许我应该邀请他去看明天道奇队的比赛
Maybe I should invite him to the Dodgers game tomorrow.
好吧 我不会那么做的 那是公♥司♥活动
Yeah, I wouldn't do that. It's a company event.
是 多有趣啊 一起看比赛
Yeah. I mean, how fun would that be? Just hanging out together.
我在这个房♥间吧 你能听见我说话吗
Am I in this room? Can you hear me?
能...我能听见
Yeah, yeah. I hear you.
威尔是西尔维娅的朋友 不是你的 再说也没什么值得担心的
Will is Sylvia's friend, not yours. And there's nothing to worry about anyway.
你说得对
You're right.
西尔维娅的老公刚邀请我去看棒球比赛
Sylvia's husband just invited me to a baseball game.
天啊
Oh, shit.
这是老公吃醋了吗
Is that like a jealous husband thing?
不知道 你最近和西尔维娅 在一起的时间很多 对吗
I don't know. You have been spending a lot of time with Sylvia, right?
是 大概占我空闲时间的10%到15%
Yeah. Like, maybe ten to 15% of my free time.
好吧 那可能是她的全部空闲时间
All right. And that's probably a hundred percent of hers.
她身为人♥妻♥ 有孩子什么的 这两样都很花时间的
I mean, she a wife, she got kids and shit. Those are two really busy things.
无意冒犯 但你走进他们的生活
And then, no shade, but you walk into the picture,
我相信他一定不高兴
I'm sure he's not pleased.
-对 他会揍你的 -他不会揍我
- Yeah. He's gonna beat your ass. - He's not gonna beat me up.
-才怪 哥们 他会揍你 -不
- No. Yeah, man. He's gonna rock your shit. - No.
说实话 他这个人很无趣
If I'm being honest with you, he's just kind of a dull guy.
如果有一部Pixar的电影 主角是一杯水 他们会选他来演
If there was a Pixar movie about a glass of water, they'd cast him.
-我明白了 -无趣的一杯水
- I can see that. - The little boring glass of water.
我不确定 威尔 我见到无趣的人 我会提问
I don't know, Will. When I meet a boring person, I like to ask them questions.
比如“你去动物园先看什么 ”
Like, "What's the first exhibit you go to at the zoo?"
-你先看什么 -虾
- Which one do you go to first? - The shrimps.
什么
What?
你染头发的时候
Were you getting your hair done
我们好像正在和强尼66 就市场营销的事通电♥话♥
when we were on the marketing call with the Johnny 66 corporate?
-今天早上 -是 先生 没错
- Was that this morning? - Yes, sir. It was.
不 我昨天染的头
No, I did this yesterday.
我是故意忽视的
I just neglected that.
你知道进行这些电♥话♥会议是你的职责吧
You realize it's part of your fucking job to be on these calls, right?
-奥马尔不得不装作是你 兄弟 -对 电♥话♥会议
- Omar had to pretend he was you, bruh. - Yeah. And it was a--
非常无聊 我不知道你是怎么开的
It was a really boring call too. I don't know how you do that.
我当时在取罐头机的零件
I was picking up this part for the canning machine.
罐头机 让奥马尔去做这种事
The canning machine? Have Omar do shit like that.
我没有驾照 所以...
I don't have a driver's license, so...
听着 兄弟 你是酿酒大♥师♥ 对吧
Look, bro. You're the brew master, right?
那些人想听听我们酿酒大♥师♥的话
The people wanna hear from our fucking brew master.
是 我跟你讲 我同意继续跟强尼66合作
Yeah, you know what? I agreed to move forward with this Johnny 66 shit.
我可没同意参加无聊的电♥话♥会议什么的
I did not agree to, like, be on a bunch of boring conference calls and stuff.
好
Okay.
还有这...我不想看棒球比赛 一点都不想
And this whole-- I don't wanna go to a baseball game, period.
我要和一群律师走进律师包厢
Am I gonna go with a bunch of lawyers into a lawyer box?
听着就很不愉快
That's a bad day.
查理邀请你去看棒球比赛 他没跟我说
Charlie asked you to a baseball game? He didn't tell me that.
是 我觉得气氛会非常尴尬 对吧
Yeah. Well, I just think it's gonna be so awkward, right?
不 气氛不会尴尬的
Oh, no. It's not gonna be awkward.
你和他还有他的同事 一起去看比赛 没什么大不了的
You just go to the game with him and his work buddies, and it's no big deal.
-你们之前也一起玩过 -我们从来没一起玩过
- I mean, you guys have hung out before. - We have never hung out before.
你们去取披萨那次呢
What about that time you went to pick up the pizza?
那不是一起玩 我们一起去取披萨而已
That was not a hang. We went and picked up pizza together. That's it.
他问我看没看过《阶梯之间》
He asked me if I'd seen The Staircase.
我骗他说看过 然后进行了一次奇怪 虚假的对话
I lied and said yes, and then got into, like, a weird, fake conversation
我一直在假装自己看过《阶梯之间》
where I was pretending to have seen The Staircase the whole time.
我...他邀请我这事很奇怪 不是吗
I just-- It's weird that he invited me, isn't it?
不 一点都不奇怪
Oh, no. It's not weird at all.
好了 我得挂了 拜拜
All right. I gotta go. Bye.
太奇怪了
It's totally weird.
我都说了 查理早晚会吃醋
I told you. Eventually Charlie was gonna get jealous.
不 可我们都结婚这么久了
No, but we've been married for so long.
他甚至不记得曾因为我吃过醋了
He doesn't even remember that he used to feel stuff like that about me.
你会嫉妒你的沙发吗
I mean, are you jealous of your couch?
会 因为它总是坐着
Yes. 'Cause it's always sitting.
听着
Listen.
你爱某个人
When you love someone,
而那个人把所有时间 都用来和其他人寻开心 你会...
and that person spends all their time having fun with somebody else, you get--
那个词怎么说来着
What's that word that I'm looking for?
对 嫉妒
Oh, yeah, jealous!
你说什么
Excuse me?
什么
What?
这样吧 也许我该向查理解释一下
You know what? Maybe I'll say something to Charlie just to clear the air.
-应该的 -对
- You should. - Yeah.
我们把话说开的时候总是会感觉好多了
I mean, we always feel so much better when we talk things through.
我们婚姻中的强项之一就是沟通
And that's one of our strengths of our marriage, is our communication.
-比赛日 真好 -是
- Game day! That's good. - Yeah.
-怎么了 -什么
- What? - What?
-你... -没什么 玩开心点
- You-- - Nothing. Have fun.
-好 -好
- Okay. - Okay.
-拜拜 -拜拜
- Bye. - Bye.
既然已经这样了 答应我 你要保持冷静