蛇蝎美人

Femme Fatales S02E01

Part 2 June 12, 2020, 8:40 a.m.

- 不不行 - 噢我对天发誓
- No, it's not. - Oh, I swear to God.
最后安吉尔·汤姆林
And finally, Angel Tomlin,
一位敬业的演员
the serious actress...
艺术家...
the artist...
她的目标只有一个
with the single-minded goal
就是在30岁前赢得奥斯卡奖
to win an Oscar before she turns 30.
但似乎目标有点远
She has a way to go.
她最近一次出镜是在<捉与逃>
Her last credit was Eat and Run
一部直接发行DVD的僵尸电影
A direct-to-DVD Zombie movie
错过这部电影是你运气好
that you may have had the good fortune to miss.
所以她有那么些急功近利
So she's a little bit anxious to up her game.
天哪真不敢相信我获奖了
Oh, my god. I can't believe you picked me.
感谢组委会
I want to thank the Academy,
感谢我的母亲父亲姐姐
thank my mom, my dad, my sister.
谢谢你上帝
Thank you, God.
为了这些个台词演员必须
And to do that, an actress' first priority
时刻保持最佳状态
must be getting back into tip-top shape.
- 噢嗯 - 呃!
- Oh, yeah. - Oh!
对就这个姿势
Yeah, stay right there.
天哪太棒了
God, yeah, perfect.
都了解了吧?
You got all that?
很好因为好戏即将在
Good, because things are really starting to heat up
激♥情♥小屋上演
in The Hot House.
我要说的就是
All I'm saying is, like,
如果想让你的牙中毒就继续吧
if you want to poison your teeth, then go right ahead,
而且我觉得这不是啥非做不可的事
but I don't think it's something that you need to be doing.
如果死了我的牙也会是白的...
Even if I'm dead, my teeth will still be white, so...
- 不这不健康 - 你去哪?
- No, it's unhealthy, okay? - Yo, where do you get off?
我们干了一炮你就已经走了狗屎运
You're lucky I even gave you a taste of this.
看看我的腹肌
Look at these abs.
快把你的小翘臀贴在我凹凸的胸肌上
Go get your dirty-ass sheets and put them on this washboard.
哦天哪你的腹肌他妈让我性奋不起来
Oh, my god. Your abs can't give me a fucking orgasm, okay?
抱歉派克斯
I'm so sorry, Pecs,
墨西哥吉娃娃的鸡♥巴♥都比你大
But a Mexican chihuahua's hung bigger than you.
我听说肌肉男是为了遮盖
I hear muscle dudes tend to overcompensate
其他短处我知道你懂的
for other shortcomings, if you know what I mean.
别管闲事伪娘乔纳斯
Stay out of it, bogus Jonas.
好啦都冷静下来
All right, let's all just calm down.
噢看看谁想做他妈的好好先生
Oh, look who wants to be Mr. fucking United Nations now
还想让大家和平共处
And try to get everybody to make peace.
你♥他♥妈♥什么意思?
What the fuck does that mean?
谁不知道你来这的唯一原因
We all know the only reason you're doing this show
就是美国认为你是个傻叉
is 'cause America thinks you're a douche
居然在那个该死的节目里
for breaking the hearts of those two chicks
伤了那俩小妞的心
on that dumb-fuck show you were in,
现在你想来赎罪了
and now you want to redeem your sorry fucking ass.
对啊那又如何?
Yeah. What's wrong with that?
用得着这么刻薄吗?
Why do you have to be such a bitch?
我可是布朗克斯人这已经够好了
I'm from the Bronx. This is actually me being nice.
你为什么总是难为罗杰?
Why are you always giving Roger a hard time?
你敢说在这是因为啥体面的理由么
You swear, like, you're here for some noble reason.
你就是为了上那15分钟的电视
You're just trying to get your 15 minutes.
好吧至少我没有
Well, at least I'm not here
像蒂娜那样发出恶心的叫♥床♥声
Hawking those nasty beauty creams like lame-ass Tina.
- 对了她在哪? - 在浴缸里享受呗
- Where is she, by the way? - Hogging the Jacuzzi as usual.
我才是最该泡澡的人
I'm the one who needs to soak.
后背疼死了
My back's killing me.
或许你不该经常泡澡
Maybe you should spend less time on it.
我实在忍♥受不了你和蒂娜这类人
You know, people like you and Tina really piss me off.
想成名想疯了
You are so desperate to be famous,
做事也不择手段
you'll do anything for attention.
那你♥他♥妈♥好到哪了?
What makes you so fucking special?
我是个演员
I am an actress.
你是做的演员么?
Hmm. You call what you do a skill, huh?
- 对 - 哦
- Yeah. - Yeah.
被个食肉的僵尸给吞了...
You got eaten by flesh-eating Zombies...
- 就一次 - 小制♥作♥垃圾电影的
- One time. - Before the opening credits
- 片头就死了 - 就有一次一次
- of a crappy, low-budget film. - Okay, one time. Once.
他妈压根就不是梅丽尔·斯特里普
Not--not exactly Meryl fucking Streep.
导演超棒的
The director was a hack.
你该看看我拍的<一生>
Okay, you should see the movie I did on Lifetime.
我和Tourette一起扮演了拉拉队长
I played a cheerleader with Tourette's.
大家都看哭了
People wept.
一定都他妈哭死了
I'm sure they fucking did.
好了来说说我的事
Yo, let's get back to me, anyway.
我受不了你们嘲笑我的健美
I'm tired of everybody making fun of my man hood in here.
别为小事发火
Don't sweat the small stuff.
我警告你浑球
I'm warning you, asswipe.
大家都他妈冷静点不行吗?
Hey, everybody just needs to fucking chill, all right?
我们太紧张了该放松放松
We totally need to take a break from being stuck in here.
问问制片人
Why don't we ask the producers
我们能不能休息一晚?
And see if we can get a night off?
不可能他们不会同意的伙计
No, you know what? I don't think that's gonna work, man.
- 我们都签过合同 - 我知道
- We all signed contracts. - I know.
我是说我们不该用这点把电视真人秀
I mean, isn't that the point-- you know, us fighting?
比下去吗?
Reality TV 101.
噢我滴神
Oh, my god.
我已经4天没上推特了
I haven't even tweeted something in, like, four days.
我准备撤销合同
I'm going through fucking withdrawals.
知道么? 我压根就不需要这个
You know what? I don't even need this shit.
我出过本健美书
I got a workout book
上过纽♥约♥时♥报♥的畅销书榜
on The New York Times best seller list.
噢够了
Oh, that's it.
我想杀了他妈的蒂娜
I am just gonna kill fucking Tina
要是她再从浴缸里滚出来的话
if she doesn't get out of the fucking Jacuzzi.
说真的你每句话里都要
Really, does every other word out of your mouth
带个"他妈"?
have to be "fuck"?
你说对了
You're--you're so right.
实在抱歉我的谈吐不那么像个
I am so sorry for not talking more...
淑女
ladylike.
谢谢
Thank you.
不客气
You're welcome.
噢尼玛的!
Oh, and fuck you!
尼玛!
Fuck you!
- 这才是她 - 知道么?
- There she is. - You know what?
我去告诉蒂娜该出来了好吧?
I'm gonna go see--just let Tina know her time's up, okay?
这样就能离你远点了
Anything to get away from you.
噢
Oh.
噢他妈小心点贱♥人♥
Oh, you fucking better watch it, bitch.
看到她屁♥股♥了么?
Yo, you see that ass?
- 多亏了我的健美法 -不错
- My workout made that ass. - Nice.
你能不能别自恋了伙计?
Will you give the self-promotion a break, man?
嘿至少我不用拍性♥爱♥录像
Yo, at least I didn't have to make a sex tape
来一举成名
so I could be a household name.
你那根针尖细的鸡♥巴♥...
The idea of your needle dick in high def--
- 全世界向你致谢 - 哦
- the world thanks you. - Oh.
我现在就能掐断你的气管
I could collapse your windpipe right now,
看你还怎么说话
And you'd never sing another note.
知道有谁会关心你么?
And you want to know who would care?
没有人!
No one!
好了派克斯别激动
Come on. Pecs, come on, man.
你♥他♥妈♥个蠢货毛病又犯了
Fucking meathead, dude-- roid rage.
别激动伙计
Calm down, son.
噢天哪! 啊!
Oh, my god! Aah!
快来!
In here!
- 怎么了? - 安吉尔
- What the fuck? - Angel.
快过来!
Get in here now!
快来!
Get in here!
怎么了?
You okay?
他妈出什么事了?
What the fuck is going on?