终归是家人

Fam S01E08

Part 3 May 27, 2020, 8:21 a.m.

我只是不希望雪伦约会的对象
I just don't want Shannon dating some guy
既渣又出轨
who's horrible and cheating on her.
这种行为真令我作呕
That type of behavior makes me sick.
可不能这样对待女人
It's no way to treat a woman.
这正是你对待你约会的
That's how you're treating the women
两个女人的做法
that you're dating right now.
没错但这是我闺女
Yeah, but this is my daughter.
那些女人也是别人的闺女
And those women are also someone's daughter.
对啊但不是我的
Yeah, but not mine.
我说得不够清楚吗
Am I not being clear?
我不知道该怎么办
I don't know what to do.
雪伦不相信他撩我
Shannon doesn't believe that he hit on me.
如果你真的想证明
Well, if you really want to prove it,
我们可以在他下次撩你时抓他个现行
we could catch him in the act hitting on you again.
把一切都录下来
Get the whole thing on tape.
你也许需要
Now, you may have to, uh,
打扮一下自己让他中招
hoo-chi-waa-waa a little to reel him in.
不爸不行
No. Dad, no.
这主意太糟糕了
This is an insane idea.
你有更好的主意吗罗宾逊太太
You got a better one, Mrs. Robinson?
情♥色♥小说《五十度灰》中年龄较长的抖S女性
拜托
Come on.
你想揭露这小子不
You want to bust this kid or not?
她之前和这男人约会时
I mean, the last time that she dated this guy,
差点就同居了
she almost moved in with him.
不管了行就这么干
You know what? Fine. Let's do it.
转念一想我不确定是否该这么做
On second thought, I'm not sure we should.
我是说这算是滥用我的职权
I mean, it's kind of an abuse of my power as a cop.
没人理解我的笑话吗
Does no one get my sense of humor?
-妈 -亲爱的
- Hey, Mom. - Hey, sweetheart.
花了我整整18个小时
It has taken me 18 straight hours,
但我单枪匹马重新排布了整个婚礼坐席
but I have single-handedly rearranged the entire wedding
为你的老板挤进了两个座位
and squeezed in two extra seats for your boss.
非常黑暗的日子
It was dark, dark days over here,
但我们熬过来了勉强熬过来了
but we got through it, just barely.
谢了妈
Well, thanks, Mom.
我非常感谢
I really appreciate it.
但是有一个
But there's just, uh, one...
-小问题 -问题
- little hiccup. - Hiccup?
天啊别有问题
Oh, God, not a hiccup.
我和主任谈过了
Well, I talked to the dean,
他非常兴奋极其兴奋能来参加婚礼
and he is thrilled-- like, thrilled-- to come, right?
但是另外四个我答应他
But, uh, so are the four other people
能一起参加的人也是
I told him he could bring.
我在产房♥花了72小时生你
I was in labor 72 hours and...
你就这么回报我
this is how you repay me?
我是个糟糕的父亲吗
Was I a bad father?
你这是在惩罚我吗
Is this your way of punishing me?
听着没事的
Look, it's going to be fine.
让我看看座位表
Here, let me see the seating chart.
中间是什么
Okay, what's this in the middle?
我们不能在中间放一张桌子吗
Can't we just put the table there?
那里是放婚礼树的地方
That is the wedding tree.
大家把礼物放在树下
People put gifts underneath it,
把钱和留言放叶子上
money and messages on its leaves.
这是个家族传统也是我唯一的要求
It is a family tradition, and my one and only demand.
妈妈你都有一打需求了
Mom, you've made dozens of demands.
你能让我说完吗
You didn't let me finish.
关于那棵树的
About a tree.
妈妈我懂我也理解
Mom, I get it, I understand, but it would solve all
但如果不要这棵树一切问题迎刃而解
of our problems if we just... got rid of the tree.
好吧
Fine.
我会去掉这棵树
I will get rid of the tree.
我会把一切重新安排
I will rearrange everything.
好吧
Yeah.
又一次
Again.
72小时
72 hours!
好的这事这么来
Okay, so this is how it's gonna work:
我和琳达会坐在那边
Linda and I are gonna be seated right over there.
只要我面向你的桌子
And as long as I'm facing your table,
随身相机就能拍下朋克小子的所有猥琐举动
my body cam will record every disgusting act this punk does.
听着不错
That seems great.
很高兴见到你琳达
And it's so lovely to meet you, Linda.
琳达是谁来着
And who is Linda?
她是我女朋友
She's my girlfriend.
我不能像废柴一样独自在餐厅啊
I can't just be in a restaurant by myself like a loser.
我得融入进去
I got to blend in.
这一切都太刺♥激♥了
This is all very exciting.
祝你幸运让那小子来撩你
Good luck getting this young man to hit on you.
谢谢你琳达
Well, thank you, Linda.
他来了坐下快快快
Oh, he's here. Sit down. Go, go, go.
我正盼着你给我发信息呢
Hey. I was hoping I'd hear from you.
我想我们应该谈谈那天发生的事
I thought we should talk about what happened the other day.
就是你和雪伦在我公♥寓♥的时候
You know, when you were at my apartment with Shannon?
你是说我说的你懂的
You mean when I said, you know.
我知道
I do know.
我想听你说出口
And I want you to tell me everything
你想对我做的事
that you want to do to me.
吐字清晰大声一点
But speak up and enunciate.
好吧
Oh, yeah.
我就知道你会喜欢我「吐字清晰」
I bet you'd like me to enunciate.
你不知道那个词什么意思是吧
You don't know what that word means, do you?
真不知道
I do not.
我能点个牛排吗
Can I get the steak?
不行你知道规矩鸡肉或更便宜的
No. You know the drill. Chicken or cheaper.
弗雷迪
Freddy?
斯泰茜你来这干什么
Stacy. What are you doing here?
你给我留了语♥音♥信息说在这儿见面
You left me a voice mail saying to meet you here.
对但你从没回我电♥话♥啊
Well, yeah, but, uh, you never called me back.
这位是谁
Who is this?
我是他女朋友你又是谁
I'm his girlfriend. Who are you?
我是他女朋友
I'm his girlfriend.
不好意思先生
Excuse me, sir?
面包棒没有了可以给我来点吗
I'm out of breadsticks. Do you have any?
-等等克莱美 -克莱美
- Hang on, Clem. - Clem?
这儿有多少姑娘是你认识的
How many girls in here do you know?
你是不是劈腿弗雷迪
Are you cheating on me, Freddy?
就算是劈腿也是背着我劈腿
If anything, he's cheating on me.
去死吧弗雷迪
Go to hell, Freddy.
对弗雷迪去死吧
Yeah, Freddy, go to hell.
斯泰茜等等
Stacy, wait!
琳达你也等等
Linda, also wait!
想去爽爽吗
Yo, want to bounce?
我有我妈的起亚车
'Cause I got my mom's Kia：
如果你想嗑嗨了
if you want to get weird.
现在你才说
Now you say that?
怎么回事
What is going on?
我不会和我妹的男朋友上♥床♥
I am not sleeping with my sister's boyfriend.
我不是她男朋友了
Well, I'm not her boyfriend anymore.
雪伦昨天和我分手了
Shannon broke up with me yesterday.
她和你分了
She did?
为什么她没跟我说
Why didn't she tell me that?
不知道但我知道我的起亚座椅能放平
I don't know, but I do know my Kia has lay-flat seats.
我妈的起亚
Well, my mom's Kia.
恶心
Gross.
我控制不了
I can't help it.
你那么火♥辣♥
You're such a babe.
给我讲讲你们90年代的事吧
Tell me about the '90s!
请进
Come in.
凯撒主任
Oh, Dean Kaiser.
没事不用辛苦过来了