终归是家人

Fam S01E04

Part 1 May 27, 2020, 8:20 a.m.

终归是家人
第一季第四集
宝贝
Hey, babe.
还不来睡觉吗
u202dComing to bed soon?
等我准备好雪伦明天的午饭就去
As soon as I'm done making Shannon's lunch for tomorrow.
我们有点为人父母的样子了
It's kind of like we're parents, huh?
第一次送孩子去上学
Sending our kid off to school for the first time.
只不过我们要送的不是梳着小辫的可爱小孩
Yeah, but instead of a cute little kid with pigtails,
而是你那可怕的十六岁的妹妹
it's your 16-year-old terrifying sister
随身还带着凯蒂猫样式的大♥麻♥烟枪
with a Hello Kitty bong.
我把它扔掉了
Which I threw away.
看看我们做着午饭
Look at us. Making lunches,
没收吸毒工具
confiscating drug paraphernalia.
我们是多么出色的父母
We are nailing parenting.
没错
Yeah, we are.
待会见了俩笨蛋
All right, catch you fools later.
你要去哪儿
Where are you going?
和几个朋友去夜店玩
Meeting some friends at a club.
你们先不用担心
And before you get all concerned,
我带了假身份证
yes, I have my fake ID.
雪伦已经十点半了
Shannon, it's 10:30,
明天是你去新学校的第一天
and tomorrow is your first day at a new school.
十点半你说得对夜店这会儿还冷清
10:30? Good point. Club'll be empty.
我一小时后再出发
I'll leave in an hour.
你哪儿也不能去
You're not going anywhere.
学校上课时间比你平时起床早多了
School starts earlier than you're used to getting up.
对那个时间叫做
Yes. It's a time called...
早晨
morning.
太阳升起空气清新
The sun is out. The air is crisp.
鸟儿啾鸣[发推特]Birds are tweeting.
鸟儿才不会发推特呢
Birds can't tweet.
抱歉你得留在家里
Sorry, you're staying in.
但是我根本不想去那个蠢学校
But I don't even want to go to this stupid school.
首先
Okay, first of all,
西奥多·罗斯福高中一点也不蠢
Theodore Roosevelt High School is not stupid.
那里有全市最好的老师
They have some of the finest teachers in the city.
你知道大家对老师的评价吧
You know what they say about teachers, right?
那些做不了
Okay. Those who can't...
我就是一名老师
I'm a teacher.
让我把话说完
Let me finish my sentence.
那些做不了其它事情的人
Those who can't do anything else...
才去教书
teach.
雪伦
Uh, Shannon,
你可能对古希腊
you may not be into the ancient Greeks
或是快拍出现前的一切都没兴趣
or anything pre-Snapchat...
但亚里士多德曾说「教育的根是苦的但」
but Aristotle said, "The roots of education are bitter, but the..."
雪伦你做什么呢
Shannon, what are you doing?
我要把这段拍下来发给贾内尔
I'm sending a snap of this to Janelle.
她最近有失眠问题
She's been having trouble falling asleep recently.
我觉得这会有助于睡眠
I thought this might help.
我为什么要和她说这些
Why do I even try?
我也不知道
I don't know.
我要回房♥间了
All right, I'm going in my room.
有人看到我落下的一个小凯蒂猫
Oh, has anybody seen a little Hello Kitty, uh...
摆件了吗
statue that I left out?
「摆件」
A statue, huh?
从来不知道你还喜欢那些玩意
Didn't know you were into those.
它长什么样子
What does it look like?
上面有几个摆件上会有的洞
Well, it's got a couple, um, statue holes and...
里面有一些大♥麻♥
it's got some weed in it.
我把你的烟枪扔了雪伦
I threw your bong away, Shannon.
你就让他扔了克莱美
And you let him, Clem?
你在我这个年纪抽得可凶了呢
You used to smoke all the time when you were my age.
对但是我现在长大了
Yes, but I'm older now,
我要告诉你不要那样做
and I'm telling you to do the opposite.
这可是成长过程中最有趣的部分呢
Which is the funnest part of growing up.
现在要是能用那支凯蒂猫「摆件」就好了
Right about now, I could use that Hello Kitty statue.
尼克你觉得雪伦在新学校会顺利吗
Hey, Nick, do you think Shannon's gonna be okay at her new school?
我跟你说我在想什么
I'll tell you what I think.
我觉得我们现在无时无刻不在讨论雪伦
I think all we ever talk about now is Shannon.
天呐你说得对
Oh, God, you're right.
我们和那些烦人的父母一样
We're like those annoying parents
整日不停地夸赞自己的孩子有多棒
who can't stop talking about how great their kids are.
只不过我们不是父母孩子还糟透了
Except we're not parents and our kid sucks.
你知道我们和那些父母的不同之处在哪吗
You know what makes us different than those parents?
我们年轻并且性感
We're young, we're hot,
我们还经常做♥爱♥做的事
and we do it all the time.
我们有经常做吗
Do we do it all the time?
我们以前是经常做的
We did do it all the time...
但后来雪伦搬来了
till Shannon moved in.
这可能是我们最近总吵架的原因
Maybe that's why we've been at each other's throats lately.
有吗
Have we?
有啊比如那天我不小心弄坏了搅拌机
Yeah, like the other day, you got mad at me
你就对我大发雷霆
when I accidentally broke the blender.
谁会把冻芒果不加水就放进搅拌机啊
Who puts frozen mango in a blender with no water?
芒果冰沙就是这么做的
That's how you make a mango shake!
看看我们又在吵架了
Look at us. We're doing it again.
没错因为我们又没有做那回事
Yeah, 'cause, again, we're not doing it.
让雪伦在我们家生活的确不容易
It's hard having Shannon in our space.
但是等到明天学校开学了
But tomorrow, once school starts,
我们就又可以精心安排自己的生活了
we're gonna get a lot of structure back into our lives,
或许还可以
and maybe we can...
回到原来的例行公事
get back into our routine.
等等你认为我们之间做♥爱♥是例行公事
Wait, you think our sex is routine?
或许第一步到第四步的确是
I mean, maybe steps one through four,
但是拜托五到十一步呢
but, I mean, come on, five through 11?
不如我们现在直接跳到第九步
How about we cut to step nine right now?
这就开始了
It is on.
这和例行公事可是完全相反的
And it's gonna be the opposite of routine.
但别担心爸爸仍然会完美命中
But don't worry, Daddy's still gonna throw in the greatest hits
给妈妈想要的一切
and give Mama what she wants.
嗨两位
Hey, guys.
去开个房♥间吧
Get a room.
我们就在自己的房♥间里
We're in our room.
你不会敲门吗
Don't you knock?
我尽量不敲门
I try not to.
我的指关节有一点敏感
My knuckles are a little sensy.
话说家里有苹果吗
Anyway, we got any apples?
你要苹果是想用它做烟枪吗
Do you need an apple so that you can make a pipe out of it?
才不是
No!
我要苹果是因为你们扔了我的烟枪
I need an apple 'cause you threw away my bong.
雪伦
Hey, Shannon...
走开
get out.
我就用土豆好了
Oh, I'll just use a potato.
雪伦
Shannon...
我们为什么不给门上锁
Why haven't we put a lock on this door?
因为之前从来没有「雪伦」
'Cause we've never had a Shannon before.
知道吗
You know what?
明天一早她七点半就得出门
Tomorrow morning Shannon has to leave at 7:30.
而我们八点才走
We don't have to leave until 8:00.
这样就有整整三十分钟的好时机
That gives us a full 30-minute window of opportunity.
我喜欢你的提议
I like what you're suggesting.
一次完美又传统的
A good old-fashioned...
啪完就走的露水情缘
smash-and-dash.
距离上班30分钟
我刚才去看了一眼雪伦
Okay, I just saw Shannon.
她已经穿好衣服准备出发去上学了
She's dressed for school and ready to go.
她现在随时都有可能从房♥间出来
Any second now, she'll be walking out of that room,
然后我们就能进我们的房♥间
and we will be walking into ours.
棒极了我帮她拿了午餐整理好了书包
Great. I got her lunch, packed her bag,
我还收拾好了自己
and manscaped all my business.
不要一起想刚刚那些事
Okay, let's separate those thoughts,