终归是家人

Fam S01E07

Part 3 May 27, 2020, 8:21 a.m.

Hey, Evan.
注意到我一直在无视你了吗
Did you notice I've been ignoring you?
没但...
No, but, um...
继续保持
keep doing it.
你不就是不记得你们如何相遇的吗
So you don't remember how you met.
只要出去跟他们
Just go out there and talk about
讲讲其他的就行了
something else in your speech.
讲我写给你的那个多配偶的笑话
Do that polygamy joke I wrote for you...
本这不仅仅是演讲的事
It's not just about the speech, Ben.
我得告诉尼克真♥相♥
I have to tell Nick the truth.
我是说你觉得他会理解我吗
I mean... do you think that he'll understand?
当然了他爱着你
Of course he'll understand. He loves you.
或者他会甩掉你然后你又当回
Or he'll dump your ass, and you're back to being
我的糟糕辣闺蜜了双赢你懂吧
my hot mess bestie. It's a win-win, you know?
我爸快把奇多吃完了
My dad's running low on Cheetos.
你好啊本我没看见你进来
Oh, hey, Ben. I didn't see you come in.
我一直躲在厨房♥里
I've been hiding out in the kitchen.
我确定我跟你某个表兄弟上过床了
I'm pretty sure I had sex with one of your cousins.
我没有弯的表兄弟啊
I don't have a gay cousin.
亲爱的你真天真
Oh, honey.
尼克我在想
So, Nick, I was thinking,
我如果不说我们相遇的故事会怎么样
what if I didn't tell the story of how we met?
亲爱的拜托所有人都想听呢
Babe, come on. Everyone wants to hear.
我知道只是...
I know, it's just--
它... 它实在是太美了
it's... it's so good.
而且它可能会让人
And it might make
觉得他们自己的恋爱很糟糕
people feel bad about their relationships, and...
那可不是今晚的重点
that's not what this night is about.
克莱美到底怎么了
Clem, what's going on?
我不记得我们怎么相遇的了
I don't remember how we met.
我这就把它们拿给你♥爸♥
I'll take these to Daddy.
-你不记得我们怎么相遇的了 -我喝醉了
- You don't remember how we met? - I was hammered.
我该告诉你的但我没说
And I should have told you but I didn't tell you
然后我又等了太久
and then I waited too long and then
最后根本没办法开口
I couldn't tell you.
我知道这一定是个超级浪漫的故事
I'm sure it was some super romantic story,
但我一点也不记得了
but I don't remember any of it.
对不起
I'm sorry.
我也不记得我们是怎么相遇的了
I don't remember how we met either.
什么
What?
我当时也喝得烂醉
I was completely wasted, too.
可你从不喝醉的啊
But you never get wasted.
我喝了两杯而且
I had two drinks and...
我还在吃治眼部感染的抗生素所以
I was taking antibiotics for my eye infection, so...
天呐我真是松了口气
Oh, my God, this is such a relief.
等一下
Wait, hang on.
有个简单的问题
Quick question.
既然你不记得遇见我的事
If you don't remember meeting me,
那为什么我一发短♥信♥ 你就来见我
then why did you rush to see me when I texted you?
还给我带了花
And bring me flowers?
因为我是个小可爱
'Cause I'm a big ol' cutie.
不不不
No. No, no, no, no, no, no.
那些花是给「小烂瓜」的
They were for a "Poopkins."
「小烂瓜」是谁
Who the hell is Poopkins?
「小烂瓜」...
Poopkins...
-是克里斯丁 -你的前女友
- was Kristen. - Your ex-girlfriend?
我们刚分手
We had just broken up
我删了她的电♥话♥号♥码
and I deleted her number from my phone.
所以你发消息的时候我以为是克里斯丁
So, when you texted, I thought it was Kristen
想要和我复合
trying to get back together.
天呐
Wow.
哇
"Wow"?
哇你个头你要是不记得和我见面的话
Go wow yourself, because if you don't remember meeting me,
为什么要发短♥信♥问「你醒着吗」
why'd you text, "U up?"
因为我是小可爱
'Cause... I'ma big ol' cutie?
不不不不
No-no, no-no,
不不不不你也以为
no-no-no-no-no, you thought
你是要和别人见面
you were meeting someone different, too.
是谁
Who was it?
好吧是另一个尼克
Fine, it was a different Nick.
哪个尼克
Which Nick?
我以前打炮的那个牙医
This dentist that I used to hook up with.
你给你的炮♥友♥尼克发短♥信♥
You were texting your booty call Nick?
炮♥友♥尼克
Booty Call Nick?
不可理喻
Unbelievable.
不可理喻的是你试图
What's unbelievable is that you were trying
和你曾经爱过的女人复合
to get back together with a woman that you loved.
至少我没试图在我手♥机♥里
Well, at least I wasn't trying to bone
随便找个尼克约炮
any random Nick in my phone!
是时候玩「将婚」游戏了
It's time to play The Nearly-Wed Game!
克莱美和尼克快下来
Clem and Nick, come on down!
各位尼克和克莱美要结婚了
Okay, everyone, Nick and Clem are getting married!
可他们对彼此有多了解呢
But how well do they know each other?
没我们想象中那么了解
Not as well as we thought we did.
笑话我来讲
I'll do the jokes here.
好了
All right.
规则如下
Here's how it works.
我会问你们其中一人一个问题
I'll ask one of you a question,
然后另一人写下你觉得
and then the other will write down what you think
你的未婚夫/妻会怎么答
your fiance will say.
好了
All right.
第一题
Question number one:
尼克你称呼过克莱美
Nick, what is the silliest nickname
最可笑的绰号♥是什么
you've ever called Clem?
准备好了吗
Are you ready?
尼克是什么
Nick, what do you say?
我觉得是「大脚趾」
Uh, I'm gonna say "Big Toe."
因为她的小趾看着像大拇指
Because her pinky toe looks like a thumb.
克莱美你写的什么
Clem, what you got?
「小烂瓜」
"Poopkins."
抱歉暂时0分
Sorry, 0 for 1.
好下一题
All right, next question.
克莱美你觉得尼克认为你们最棒的假期
Clem, what would Nick say was the best vacation
是去的哪里
you guys ever took?
尼克写在板子上克莱美
Nick, to your board. All right, Clem.
最棒的假期你的答案是什么
Best vacation, what's your answer?
不知道布里奇波特的某个民宿
I don't know, some Airbnb in Bridgeport.
不是巴黎但你们还年轻
Well, it's not Paris, but you guys are still young.
尼克
Nick!
让我看到布里奇波特
Show me Bridgeport!
「问她关于炮♥友♥尼克的事」
"Ask her about Booty Call Nick."
好吧
Okay, um...
我不想玩这游戏了
I think I'm done with this game.
不行我们还没完呢
No-no, no-no. We are not done here.
儿子儿子
Whoa, son, son.
什么情况你们之间没问题吧
What's going on? Are you guys okay?
我一直以为我们
I just always thought we were...
是电影里那种命中注定
like one of those great couples from the movies
在一起的伴侣
who were destined to be together.
结果并不是
Turns out, we're not.
可是
But...
话筒给我我来发言
Uh...All right, give me the mic. I'm making the speech.
我需要警告教会的人吗
Uh, do I need to warn the church people?
老人们好
Hello, old people.
我是克莱美妹妹雪伦
I'm Clem's sister, Shannon.
天她在干什么
Oh, God. What is she doing?
克莱美今晚本该给大家讲
See, Clem was supposed to give a speech tonight
她和尼克当初是怎么相遇的
about how her and Nick met.
但问题是
But the problem is,
她完全不记得那晚上的事了
she doesn't remember anything about that night
因为她喝得酩酊大醉