大城小妞（2014）

Broad City S02E03

Part 3 Oct. 14, 2020, 10:07 a.m.

Namaste, children of light.
你好光明之子
Welcome to another installment of "How To With Dr. Whiz."
欢迎来到新一♥期♥的"威斯博士教你怎么做"
Today, I'm gonna show you how to meditate proper--
今天我要向你们展示如何正确冥想
Ilana, what the that!
阿♥拉♥娜搞什么
It's Abbi.
是艾比
I am killing this mom-slash-nurse thing.
我太擅长做妈妈/护士了
Doesn't she look gorgeous?
她是不是很美
I would think that you could surmise
我想你能从我最初的反应
from my initial reaction that she doesn't.
推测出她看上去并不美
She needs rest, Ilana.
她需要休息阿♥拉♥娜
Okay, Jeez, you're the one who's being loud.
好吧大声说话的是你
You know what? I deserve a break.
知道吗我值得休息一会儿
You wanna show me your old LL Cool J, your Lincoln Log?
你要不要给我看看你的LL Cool J[说唱歌♥手] 林肯积木
No!
不要
I'll show you my tah-tahs.
我给你看我的咪♥咪♥
Yes. Yes!
好的好的
Show me your penis.
给我看你的鸡鸡
Oh, goodie, you're awake!
真好你醒了
We're gonna have so much fun!
我们会玩得很开心的
Let's go play outside.
去外面玩吧
Come on, Abbi!
快艾比
Man, I hate to see it, but you got boyfriend penis, bro.
我很不想说但你有男友鸡鸡哥们
Dude, check this out.
看这个
I made my torso a face.
我把我的躯干画成脸了
Do you know who it is?
你知道是谁吗
I'm guessing an old person 'cause the eyes are low
我猜是个老人因为眼睛很低
and swinging and drooping,
摇晃下垂
but in a way that makes me hard.
但它让我硬了
I never thought that a old people face would make me hard.
我从没想过一个老年人的脸会让我硬
That's nice to know.
知道这个真好
You are gonna be an old dude
你会变成一个老头
with so many boners in a non-creepy way.
可以疯狂勃起不过并不变♥态♥
That's hot.
这很性感
Okay, who is it?
是谁
Do you know which old person it is?
你知道这是哪个老人吗
I don't know, who is it?
不知道是谁
I-I don't know.
我不知道
Do you know?
你知道吗
What are we doing here? Who did you draw?
我们这是在干什么你画了谁
No, I don't know.
我不知道
Maybe Abbi'll know.
或许艾比知道
Hey! Abbi, wake up, Ab!
艾比醒醒小艾
Ilana, let her sleep, let her rest.
阿♥拉♥娜让她睡让她休息
Ab? Abbi?
小艾艾比
Abbi?!
艾比
Abbi!
艾比
She's just gone.
她不见了
The door was wide open.
门是敞开的
It's gonna get dark in a couple hours.
再过几个小时就要天黑了
Okay, calm down.
淡定
Fuck you, don't tell me to calm down!
去你的别叫我淡定
I hate when men tell women that.
我讨厌男人叫女人淡定
Okay, I'm sure she's fine.
好她肯定没事的
Just needed some air or something, just call her.
只是需要呼吸点新鲜空气打她手♥机♥
I can't, I took her phone away.
不行我把她手♥机♥拿走了
She called Jeremy to declare her love,
她给杰瑞米打电♥话♥表白
and my brain's been a dud all day.
我大脑今天一整天都不在线
I haven't smoked once, I didn't even vape.
一口大♥麻♥没抽过电子烟都没有
This is all my fault.
都是我的错
Okay, if you can keep her on her meds schedule, she'll be okay.
只要你能让她按时吃药她就不会有事
She'll be a little fuzzy, but at least she'll be coherent.
她会有点头晕但至少可以条理分明
I lied, I lied, dude!
我没说实话我没说实话
I gave her the strongest form of weed possible.
我给了她效果最强的大♥麻♥
Other than dabbing.
仅次于肉末大♥麻♥
I gotta find this bitch, I'll talk to you later.
我得找到她回聊
Abbi!
艾比
It's my fault, I should've seen this coming from a mile away.
是我的错我早该料到的
Chug chug chug chug.
干了干了干了干了
Abbi!
艾比
What is this place?
这是哪里
Its the most magical place in all the land.
这是全世界最神奇的地方
Whole Foods!
全食超♥市♥
Yeah, the neighborhood's really changed.
这片区发生了翻天覆地的变化
It's a whole new Gowanus.
全新的格瓦纳斯
Come on! Let's hurry up before the lines get long!
快趁队伍排长前赶紧进去
Excuse me?
打扰下
Hey, did you see a beautiful, sumptuous model-type come through?
你有看到一个漂亮华丽模特风的人经过吗
Long silky hair like a horse's mane?
如马鬃毛般的丝滑秀发
The only thing I see is that crazy woman
我唯一看到的就是那个疯女人
who bought two Yoo-hoos and drop a bottle on the floor.
买♥♥了两瓶Yoo-hoo 然后扔了一瓶在地上
Yoo-hoo.
Yoo-hoo
Yeah, that's what I just said.
我说的就是这个
Thank you so much.
太谢谢你了
Get out of my store, get out of my store.
滚出我的店滚出我的店
I'm sick and tired of this.
我受够了
Get out.
滚出
Punk.
混♥蛋♥
Dick, bitch.
王八蛋贱♥人♥
I'm coming, Ab!
我来了小艾
Hearts of palm!
棕榈心
Abbi, buy me that.
艾比给我买♥♥那个
I love hearts of palm.
我喜欢棕榈心
Bulk granola.
散装格兰诺拉麦片
Buy me that, Abbi.
买♥♥给我艾比
Manuka honey.
麦卢卡蜂蜜
So reasonably priced. Buy me that, Abbi!
价格很便宜买♥♥给我艾比
Oh, great! This is some high-class .
棒这个高级
Ooh, earth-friendly cereals.
环保麦片
Knock 'em over, Abbi.
推倒它们艾比
They wanna be on the ground.
它们想落在地上
Next up, probiotics, a Neti Pot and a bag of douche.
接下里买♥♥益生菌一个洗鼻壶一袋灌水器
Abbi!
艾比
Abbi!
艾比
That'll be $1,487.56.
一共1487.56
Use your new credit card, Abbi.
用你的新信♥用♥卡♥ 艾比
You got it because you thought you needed
你觉得成年人得有不止一张信♥用♥卡♥
more than one card to be an adult, right?
所以才去办的对吗
Well, now's your chance to be one!
现在你做成年人的机会来啦
Plus, you'll get Starwood's points.
而且你还能拿到喜达屋积分
Mmmm, I'm so proud of you!
我太为你骄傲了
Quick, let's get this into a bunker before the big one hits.
快趁暴风来临前把这些搬进地堡
Abbi!
艾比
Abbi Abrams!
艾比·艾布拉姆斯
Hello?
喂
There has been some unusual activity on your account
您的账户有不寻常互动
and we'd like to confirm that you, Abbi Abrams,
我们想向您确认艾比·艾布拉姆斯
made a purchase of $1,487.56
在全食超♥市♥布鲁克林格瓦纳斯店
at the Whole Foods in Gowanus, Brooklyn.
消费了1487.56美元
Oh my God, of course, she's hungry as fuck.
天啊当然了她饿疯了
From your clear answer, I can tell you are Abbi Abrams,
从你清晰的回答中我能听出你就是艾比·艾布拉姆斯
and this was not a fraudulent charge.
这不是盗刷
Thank you for doing business with One Trust, goodbye.
谢谢你选择信托网再见
On the flip side you crazy bitch.
好在你个疯婆子
Damn, this neighborhood is changing.
我去这片区变化真大啊
Stop it, that's so inappropriate.
打住这太不得体了
Oh, , it's Strega Nona the weed witch!
糟了是大♥麻♥巫婆奶奶
Peace, mortals.
再见凡人
Are you okay, you scared the out of me.
你还好吗你吓死我了
God dammit, my manuka honey!
该死我的麦卢卡蜂蜜
I got you, Bingo Bronson! Abbi, no!
接着布朗森宝宝艾比不要