金色年代

The Goldbergs S07E21

Part 2 June 24, 2020, 3:11 p.m.

I put cornflakes and lobster in mine,
好吃得你舌头痛哭流涕
and it'll make your tongue cry.
你能把犹太拉比和艺妓配到一起吗
Ever set up a rabbi with a geisha?
我成功过两次
I have. Twice.
有次我把一个坐轮椅的男人
Once, I set up a man in a wheelchair
跟开车撞他的女人配到了一起
with the woman who ran him down.
我某次登山时被山地人袭击
I was once attacked by a mountain man on a hike
他只会咕哝
who spoke only in grunts.
等我脱险后
After I got to safety,
我把他跟波士顿的专利律师配到一起
I set him up with a patent attorney from Boston.
我就是那么厉害
That's how good I am.
-或许你们能合作 -正相反
- Maybe work together? - Opposite!
我们要硬碰硬
We are gonna go toe-to-toe
展开无下限的长舌妇困兽斗
in a no-holds-barred Yenta cage match.
赢家通吃
Winner take all!
经典的长舌妇对决我加入
A classic Yenta-Off. I'm in.
我只是想吃饭时有个伴但好吧
I just wanted someone to eat a meal with, but okay.
搞你们这个女士战争吧
Let's do this thing where you go to lady war.
正当我妈和简开始配对时
As my mom and Jane were matchmaking,
巴瑞正试图强行给自己配对
Barry was trying to forge a match of his own.
超级简单
It's super simple.
你只需要记下他们的名字信息
All you have to do is take down their name, info,
以及他们想捐多少钱
and how much they'd like to pledge.
别忘了说"请"和"谢谢"
And don't forget the "please" and "thank you."
另外假如他们捐50以上
Also, I like to add a little "whoo-whoo-whoo!"
我喜欢欢呼一声
if they pledge more than $50.
我能行
I got this.
我是巴瑞
Go for Barry.
是的这是地球日募捐总部您哪位
Yes, this is Earth Day Headquarters. Who's this?
麦仁
Myron?
名字太难听了你父母恨你吗
That's a brutal name. Do your parents hate you?
另外请和谢谢
Also, please and thank you.
人呢
Hello?
小巴我觉得你更适合
Yeah, Bar, I think you might be suited for
地球日募捐中更重要的工作
a more important role in the Earth Day celebration --
当制♥作♥人
as a producer.
我喜欢这个称谓很含糊又很厉害
I like the sound of that! It's so vague and powerful.
我需要你帮忙制♥作♥一些汗巾
So, I need you to produce some sweat towels
给骑独轮车的腹语表演者用
for our ventriloquist on a unicycle.
多谢了
Thanks so much.
该死的
Damn it!
我该怎样引起小伦的注意
How do I get Ren's attention?!
你别闹因为她很忙
You don't, 'cause she's super busy.
我知道
I know.
整个活动都是她负责我们都是阿尔法
She's running this whole thing. We're both alphas.
我们拥有所有共同点
We have everything in common.
别这么用力过猛
So just stop trying so hard
做那个我们都了解喜爱的人就好
and just be the great guy we all know and love.
-马特·布莱德利吗 -你
- Matt Bradley? - You!
没错我原本是这么计划的
Right. That was my plan,
但小伦忙着救这个破地球
but Ren is so caught up in saving the stupid planet.
我这么重要的人她不管了吗
What about things that matter -- me?!
假如你想赢得小伦的心
Well, if you want to win Ren's heart,
去给她买♥♥济诺家的牛肉芝士三明治
then just bring her a cheesesteak from Geno's.
那是她的最爱
It's her favorite.
这比跟她说好听的问问题了解她
That's so much easier than telling her nice things
要容易多了
or asking her about herself.
我真为你骄傲多么成熟的反应
I am so proud of you. That was very mature and --
糟糕
Oh, no!
你面带邪恶微笑因为小伦吃素
You have an evil smile 'cause Ren's a vegetarian!
闻一下那堆油腻的肉
One whiff of that greasy meat pile
就会让她永远不想再跟巴瑞说话
and she will never want to talk to Barry ever again.
我会找人帮你抓痒的
I will find someone to scratch your itch.
你先上台多谢了
Just get onstage. Thanks.
但他已经答应我了
But he made a commitment!
该死的
Damn it!
-好消息吗 -小埃德·贝格利不来了
- Good news? - ?Ed Begley Jr. is not coming!
他那烧玉米的三轮车坏了
His corn-powered three-wheeled car broke down.
我觉得我手里的东西能让你开心起来
I think I have just the thing to turn that frown upside down.
-那是什么 -是切片牛肉
- What is that? - It's sliced beef
涂满奶酪和洋葱
smothered in cheese and onions,
松散地塞在浸满肉汁的面包里
all tucked sloppily in a meat-juice drenched bun.
太恶心了求你把它从我面前拿开
Oh, that is absolutely vile. Please get that away from me.
我还让他们在上面加了猪皮脆
But I had them top it with some pig cracklin's for crunch.
快把那玩意拿出去
I -- That needs to get out of here.
正当巴瑞想办法攻陷小伦时
As Barry looked for a way in with Ren,
我妈也想好计划让比尔能全力出击
my mom had a plan to get Bill out on the town.
好了带我进入你们的女士花♥园♥
Alright. Take me to your lady garden
让我能采一朵花
so I can pluck a flower.
我没说好我只想认识个姑娘
Bad start. I-I just want to meet a gal.
你绝对能认识个姑娘
And meet a gal you shall.
我有300个美丽的单身女子供你追求
I have over 300 beautiful bachelorettes for your perusing.
300个女人我这辈子都没见过那么多
300 women? That's more than I've met in my whole life.
但量不代表质
But don't mistake quantity for quality.
你走运了有我在这把贝弗莉漏下的
Lucky for you, I am here to turn Beverly's misses
填上你的漏
into your missus.
请热烈欢迎简妮思·可劳力
Please give a warm welcome to Janice Crowley.
名字真美她是我的头号♥备选
What a beautiful name! She's my number-one gal.
那是女巫的痦子吗
And is that a witch's wart?
是颗痣我们在密切观察中
That is a mole, and we're keeping an eye on it.
能不观察吗在她鼻子正中间
How could you not? It's smack-dab in the middle of her nose.
但讨饭就不挑肥拣瘦了她住在哪
But beggars can't be choosers. Where does she live?
比尔你不必勉强接受贝弗莉的老女巫
Bill, there is no need to settle on this hag from Beverly's coven.
单身女子二号♥
Bachelorette number two.
准备向珍金镇刚退休的美女求婚吧
Get ready to pop the question to Jenkintown's newest retiree,
格拉德斯·芬可保姆
Gladys Finklebaum.
有点像我妈但我能接受
Kinda looks like my mom, but hey, I'm down to clown.
我想求问的问题是老母高寿啊
The question I'd like to pop is, how old is that biddy?
那好吧这位充满活力的如何
Okay, fine. How about someone who's brimming with life?
有请蒂凡妮·颠簸
Welcome Tiffany D'Amber.
她真年轻
She's quite youthful.
好像太年轻了
Maybe too youthful.
她手里拿的是跳绳吗
Is that a jump rope in her hands?
你似乎发挥失常了贝弗莉
You seem off your game, Beverly.
眼下没有那么多黄金人选
There's just not a lot of gold out there at the moment.
然而有
And yet there is.
我只带来了一个候选人完美的一个
I brought just one candidate -- the perfect one.
白雪公主啊她像公主一样美
Sweet Snow White, she's pretty as a princess!
德洛丽丝比迪士尼公主更好她真实存在
Dolores is even better than a Disney princess -- she's real.
这是我的首要标准
That's my number-one criteria.
她肯定有什么毛病
There's gotta be something wrong with her.
她怎么着有斑吗有疤吗
What is she, uh, splotchy? Blotchy?
有疹子吗有痘痘吗有体味吗少跟指头吗
Rashy? Acne-d? Stinky? No pinkies?
所有那些我都能接受
None of those are deal breakers!
她很正常甜美善良就在门外
She's normal and sweet and kind and right outside that door.
她一直都在门外等着
She's been waiting outside this whole time?
我就是这么自信
That's how confident I am.
我我我的天是照片中的女人
Va-va-va-voom! It's the woman from the picture!
你好比尔我是德洛丽丝
Hi, Bill. I'm Dolores.
你好比尔我也是德洛丽丝
Hi, Bill. I'm also Dolores.
我紧张得像六月新娘一样
I'm as nervous as a June bride.
你想不想来点咖啡
Would you like to grab some coffee
或是一辈子的回忆
or a lifetime of memories?
咖啡听着挺好的
Coffee sounds fun.
做得好简
Nice work, Jane!
德洛丽丝
Dolores!
你胆敢带那女人进我家门
How could you bring that woman into my home,
我的孩子们睡在这里
where my children sleep?
你不过是生气
You're just upset
因为很显然我才是最优秀的长舌妇
'cause now it's clear who the best Yenta is.
拜托他们根本不来电