金色年代

The Goldbergs S07E14

Part 2 March 1, 2020, 11:50 a.m.

You couldn't really do that, could you?
让我跟你说说亚当老爸的初恋艾琳
Let me tell you about Adam's father's first love, Ilene.
-艾琳怎么了 -她就是只癞蛤♥蟆♥ 默里
- What about Ilene? - She was an awful toad, Murray.
-别打断我 -她人很好
- Don't interrupt. - She was nice.
她头发好看脸好看
You know, with the hair and the face
别的地方也好
and the other stuff.
我知道他和那个烂货就不该在一起
I knew he and that expired bag of soup were wrong for each other,
所以我别无选择
so I had no choice.
我必须进入"妨碍妇"模式
I had to go into "preventa" mode.
-妨碍妇 -妨碍妇和长舌妇正相反
- Preventa? - A preventa is the opposite of a yenta.
不给别人牵线搭桥而是拆散别人
Instead of putting people together, they tear them apart.
两者我都是世界一流
I'm among the world's best at both.
我喜欢她她闻起来像薰衣草
I liked her. She smelled like lavender,
她给我做玉米松饼
she made me corn muffins.
你把她怎么了
What did you do to her?
都是她自己的错默里
She did it to herself, Murray,
是她给前男友写了那封信
by writing that letter to her ex-boyfriend.
我不过是从她邮箱里拿出来
All I did was get it out of her mailbox,
撬开你的车放在车里让你读
break into your car, and leave it for you to read.
-那是你干的 -是的
- You did that? - ?Yes.
今天你有爱你的妻子和美丽的孩子们
And today, you have a loving wife and beautiful children
没继承她乱七八糟的丑模样
who don't look like butter-filled pi?atas.
这下我都懂了
It all makes sense.
所以这个令人特别不舒服的故事的核心是
So, the point of this incredibly upsetting story
你能让两个青少年分手
is that you can break up two teenagers
让我们拥有爱情
so we'll find love?
好妈妈都这样做
It's what a good mama does.
多谢你的提议不过
Thank you for the offer, but...
有你帮忙太好了
We'd love your help.
你真的想让我妈掺和进来吗
You seriously want to involve my mom in this?
我喜欢安德鲁你喜欢布瑞亚
I like Andrew, you like Brea.
我们还有其他选择吗
What other choice do we really have?
我们可以等他们分手
We can wait them out.
在他们的婚姻变质后
And after their marriage goes stale
他们的孩子们也搬出去了
and the kids move out,
他们决定和平分手
they'll agree to amicably go their separate ways.
我们像猫一样冲过去
Then we pounce like cats.
或者我们让你妈妈做妨碍妇
Or we let your mom preventa it up.
你没有看起来那么蠢戴娜
You are wise beyond your appearance, Dana.
好戏上演五分钟后房♥间里见
It's on. I'll see you in the den in five.
肯定没好下场
This will end bad.
正当我们招募我妈帮我们恋爱时
While we were enlisting my mom's help with love,
JTP也有他们自己的浪漫计划
the JTP had their own romantic plans.
JTP
Hey, JTP.
我们决定过来看看你们
We thought we'd swing by and check in on you guys.
我们知道情人节可以有多孤单
We know how lonely Valentine's Day can be.
但看看你们穿得这么正式
But cheggit -- you're all dressed up.
看来你们佳人有约了
So I guess you found dates?
然而并没有
And yet we did not.
事实上我们的情路一片黯淡无光
In fact, we have no romantic prospects at all.
所以代替女士的陪伴
So, in lieu of lady companionship,
我们决定庆祝我们的友谊
we decided to celebrate our friendship.
我们称之为伙人节
We call it Pal-entine's Day.
至少你们升级了名称
At least you improved the name,
因为去年的情人兄实在是太烂了
because last year's Valen-dudes Day was a real big whiff.
首先我们会去意大利餐厅
First, we're gonna go to Dante & Luigi's
共享意式扁面和欢笑
for a little linguine and laughs.
然后乘马车环绕利顿豪斯广场
Then a carriage ride around Rittenhouse Square
看看都市之光
to see the city lights.
最后去我叔叔管理的滑冰场滑冰
Finally, ice-skating at this rink my uncle manages.
他让我们在关门后去所以只有我们包场
He's gonna let us use it after hours, so it'll be just us.
我知道这听起来很疯狂伙计们
I know it sounds crazy, you guys,
但我真的觉得我们可以一起养孩子
but I really think we could raise a baby.
杰夫和老姐你们好
Hello, Geoffrey and sister.
我还以为是圣瓦伦丁本人降临
I thought it might be St. Valentine himself here
面带微笑看着怀有爱的人怀有梦的人
to smile down upon the lovers, the dreamers,
还那些既没有爱也没有梦的人
and those that are neither loved nor dreamed about.
别用你上厕所的手摸我的脸
Ohh, don't touch my face with your bathroom hand.
你喷了名牌香水吗
Is that Polo Sport by Ralph Lauren I smell?
没错原料是有钱骏马的甜蜜汗水
Indeed. It's made from the sweet sweat of wealthy ponies.
等等小巴你情人节有约会吗
Wait, Bar, you have a Valentine's date?
太棒了
That's amazing.
她叫什么詹妮弗·加拿大
What's her name, Jennifer Canada?
首先 "加纳达"小姐
First of all, Ms. "Ca-nada"
搬回到马尼托巴湖了
moved back to the part of Manitoba
那没有电♥话♥信♥号♥♥
with no phone service.
听起来一点也不假
That all sounds right.
跟我们说说这位特别的新女生
Tell us about this new special lady.
她
Well, she's...
在那一刻
In that moment,
巴瑞想起了他对伊兰娜的承诺
Barry remembered the promise he made to Elana.
她是我编出来的爱丽卡猜对了
She's made up. Erica's right.
我是个大骗子没有情人
I'm just a big fat phony who has no one.
你这么承认了就没意思了
When you just cop to it, it kind of ruins the fun.
是啊你和我都没意思
Yeah, no fun for you or me.
总之我要去图书馆了
Anyway, I'm off to the library.
带着一盒巧克力穿着正装去图书馆
With a box of chocolates and a blazer?
头脑食物和头脑正装
Brain food and wearing my brain blazer
因为我和头脑有个约会
because I got a date with my brain,
我的头脑要走运了
and he's about to get very lucky.
顺带一提你们会是很好的父亲
For what it's worth, you guys would make great fathers.
他穿着正装闻起来像商场
He's wearing a blazer, he smells like Macy's,
他还很开心
and he's happy?
有情况我们得跟着他
Something's up. We need to follow him.
见鬼了
Holy crap!
他在和我们老师约会
He's on a date with our teacher!
你知道这意味着什么吗
Do you know what this means?
巴瑞热恋教师教师也热恋他
Barry's hot for teacher, and teacher's hot for him!
不他的论文写得不好
No, he didn't write a good paper.
他靠哄女友得了优
He smooched his way to that A.
对了要围着你转我下次会注意的
Oh, right, this is about you. I'll do better.
正当爱丽卡发现巴瑞的秘密时
As Erica had discovered Barry's secret,
我妈正要分享一些她的秘密
my mom was about to share a few of her own.
有谁准备好害青少年分手了
Who's ready to break up some teens?
我仍然不认为这是个好主意
I still don't think this is a good idea.
这是我已经买♥♥了可爱的滑冰服
It is. I already bought a cute skating outfit.
我喜欢你这个样子戴娜
I like this color on you, Dana.
只是无缘无故拆散两个人
It's just, breaking up two people for no reason
好像太过分了
seems kind of mean.
过分的是让两个人继续交往
What's mean is allowing two people to stay together
可还有其他人
when there are other people out there
会让他们更开心
who would make them happier.
-开心得多亚当 -好吧
- Way happier, Adam. - Okey-dokey.
既然我无法左右事情发生我加入
Since this seems to be happening anyway, I'm in.
我们要做的第一件事是造谣
Now, the first thing we need to do is start a bogus rumor.
他是纵火狂她在黑市卖♥♥人体器官
He's a pyromaniac, and she sells organs on the black market.
太黑暗了
Too dark.
但我希望早就认识戴娜的这一面
But I wish I knew this Dana before.
我想到了
Oh, I've got one.
现在我们只需要一个八卦老母鸡散布谣言
Now all we need is a gossipy hen to run with it.
我知道找哪只老母鸡
I know just the hen.
听我说
Get this.
安德鲁·加勒里已经跟布瑞亚·碧约好
Andrew Gallery, who's already going to the Valentine's Skate
情人节去滑冰
with Brea Bee,
还送花给整个曲棍球队
sent flowers to the field hockey team.
神圣的一夫一妻制哪去了
What happened to the sanctity of monogamy?
我不知道但你自己知道就好
I don't know, but keep this to yourself.
绝对别告诉任何人
Definitely don't tell anyone.
我怎么会说
How can I?
到午餐时间整个食堂都该谈论这个谣言
By lunchtime, the rumor should be the talk of the cafeteria.
安德鲁否认不就行了吗