好想做一次（2020）

That's why I have this pièce de résistance.
（棕色小包）
-什么？ -布鲁明黛百货的购物袋
- Uh, what is that? - A Bloomie's bag.
甚至不是奥特莱斯的货
Not even from the outlet.
里面还放了一张资生堂香水里的收据
And there's even a receipt inside from my Shiseido's perfume.
要是让斯米塔那个长舌妇看到了 肯定会晕过去的
That gossipy cow Smita is gonna faint when she sees this.
妈妈 既然你这么讨厌斯米塔 为什么还要请她呢？
Mami, why did you invite Smita if you hate her so much?
因为她是我朋友啊
Because she's my friend.
虽然我知道她会不停地聊起 她孙女在球影城举♥行♥的婚礼
Although I know she's going to go on and on about her granddaughter's wedding at the Universal Studios.
要是我有什么能拿来向她炫耀就好了
If only I could have something to brag about to her.
你可以告诉她 我在跟一个我很喜欢的优秀老师约会
Well, you could tell her that I've been dating a very nice teacher who I like very much.
不行 你为什么不跟 我给你介绍的其他男人出去？
No. Why won't you go out with any of the other young men I've introduced you to?
再说一次 我在跟曼尼什约会 如果你给他一个机会…
Because, once again, I am seeing Manish, and if you just give him a chance...
我给他很多机会了
I have given him many chances.
对他进行印度历史的突击测试 不算给他机会
Surprising him with pop quizzes on Indian history is not a chance.
如果他能答上任何一题 那就算机会了
It would have been had he gotten any answer right.
你得找一个在乎我们的文化的人
You need to find someone who cares about our culture.
那个曼尼什可能认为雕塑展览 是拍厕所的GoPro运动相机
That Manish probably thinks a Golu is a GoPro camera for the toilet.
妈的 奶奶 你骂人太厉害了
Damn, Pati. That was a savage burn.
抱歉 卡玛拉
Sorry, Kamala.
我们该把桑贾伊放哪儿？
So, where should we put Sanjay?
如果放在中间的话 这展览就太性感了
If he's in the center, the Golu will be too sexy.
嘿！
Hey!
嗨
Hi.
好 我们有三个小酒桶 都是跟我暧昧的 那位成人优步女司机送的
Okay. We've got three kegs courtesy of the adult lady Uber driver I flirted with.
-今晚应该没问题了 -把我抬起来 兄弟们 对！
- So we should be set for the evening. - Get me up, boys. Yeah!
现在男孩成了男人
And now the boy becomes a man.
喂我
Feed me.
特伦特看起来很开心
Aw. Trent seems happy.
是啊
Yeah, he does.
你今晚能问问德维的情况吗？
Hey, listen. Could you check on Devi tonight?
我今天跟她说话的时候 她好像不开心
She seemed kind of upset when I talked to her today.
我们有一阵子没联♥系♥了
We've been out of touch for a while.
-我想确定她没事 -她一定没事
- I just wanna make sure she's okay. - Oh, I'm sure she is.
-我觉得她根本不在乎你的女… -嘿！
- I don't think she cares about your girl... - Hey!
哇！你看起来好美啊！
Oh wow! You look amazing!
妈的 内衣可真性感
Oh, shit. Those are some small clothes.
你得用泵抽出来 倾斜杯子 不然全都是泡沫
You have to pump it and tilt your cup, or it's gonna be all foam.
天啊 你从没参加过派对吗？
God, have you never been to a party before?
没有 我病了很长一段时间
No. I was sick for a really long time.
哦 对不起
Oh. Sorry.
天啊 你怎么回事？
Oh my God! What's your problem?
怎么在啤酒这事上你都这么自大？
How are you even condescending about beer?
我不是自大 看到别人不知道怎么做 我就会觉得很烦
I'm not condescending. I get annoyed when people don't know how to do things.
本 你的问题
The problem with you, Ben,
就是你觉得自己比别人都要聪明很多
is that you think you're so much smarter than everyone else.
但你没有 所以安妮莎才会甩了你
And you're not. This is why Aneesa dumped you.
-随你怎么说 我就是比大多数人聪明 -你并没有比我聪明
- Whatever. And I am smarter than most people. - You're not smarter than me.
你的确是个懂机器人科学的书呆子
Well, I mean, sure, you got a whole robotic science nerd thing going on,
但我在所有科目上都很优秀
but I'm great in all my classes.
你太自以为是了
You are so full of yourself.
不管什么科目 我肯定都能打败你 随你说一个吧
I bet I can beat you in any subject. Name one.
好吧 那历史怎么样？
Fine. How about history?
太棒了
Fantastic.
特伦特 你还有高一时的 美国历史课本吗？
Hey, Trent, do you still have our American History textbook from freshman year?
应该有 我好像用它 来垫大♥麻♥生长灯了 就在楼上
Uh, yeah. I think it's propping up my grow lamp upstairs.
好 就比比历史课 你知道吗？
All right, history it is. And you know what?
就用好玩点儿的方式来比 玩喝酒游戏
Let's make it interesting. A drinking game.
答错一题就得喝酒
If you get one wrong, you drink.
谁先投降 就算谁输
First person to tap out loses.
没问题 我绝不会投降
You're on, and I'll never tap.
我来自高功能酗酒者世家
I come from a long line of high-functioning alcoholics.
我来自屡答履对世家
And I come from a long line of people who never get any questions wrong.
我为你家人感到难过
- Hmm. - Also, I'm really sorry about your family.
在交换婚礼誓词之后 我们去坐了变形金刚过山车
And then after the vows, we went to the Transformers ride,
擎天柱祝福了新郎新娘
and Optimus Prime gave his blessings.
真是太棒了
It was stunning.
你不会相信的
You are not going to believe this.
菲比竟然穿成这样！
This is what Phoebe is wearing!
我会的 我们可能会去迪士尼乐园玩 请2000个人来
Oh, I will. We'll probably do something at Disneyland, with probably 2,000 people.
但要请的人实在太多了 我都不知道该去掉谁
Although, I don't know how we'll whittle down the guest list to that.
真的吗？
Really?
但要跟谁结婚呢？
But who will be getting married?
我们听说跟那个帅气的工程师 进展不太顺利
We'd heard about how things didn't go so well with that handsome engineer.
太可惜了
Oh, such a shame.
你刚做了拉皮 脸这么快就塌了 这才可惜呢
What's a real shame is how quickly your face-lift has relaxed.
好了
Okay. Okay.
我们聊点别的吧
We'll just talk about something else.
这是莱雅做的炒杂豆 好吃吧？
So Rhyah made the sundal. Isn't it delicious?
莱雅 能不能说说 做这道菜都用了什么食材？
Rhyah, can you please list every ingredient in this dish, please?
当然了 有本地种的有机鹰嘴豆
Yeah, no, of course. So there's chickpeas that are organic and locally sourced,
这点很重要…
which does matter...
-是本地种的… -抱歉 我得接这个电♥话♥
- Locally sourced from... - Sorry. I have to take this call.
-拜托不要 -对不起 我知道 你好啊 亲爱的
- Please don't. - I'm so sorry. I know. Sweetheart, hi.
等等 可以用手♥机♥了？很快回来
Wait, we can be on our phones? BRB.
电影开场前都有卡♥通♥热狗 来提醒大家把手♥机♥调成静音
Apparently, I have to be the cartoon hot dog
显然那是我要扮演的角色
before the movie starts and ask everyone to silence your phones.
-哟 -最新情况如何？
- Yo. - What's the latest?
-能出来吗？ -我不知道怎么溜走
- Can you get out? - I don't know how.
每个出口都有阿姨守着
There's aunties parked at every exit.
安保比丝芙兰店里更严
It's tighter security than a Sephora.
帕克斯顿刚刚让我问问你的状况
Well, Paxton just asked me to check on you.
我觉得他认为你把自己关在房♥间里
I think he thinks you're like locked away
坠入疯狂的深渊 就像是《后翼弃兵》里一样
in your room descending into madness, à la Queen's Gambit.
该死 要是有什么 能分散注意力就好了
Ugh! Damn. I just wish I had some kind of distraction.
-有人吗？ -天啊 库老师？
- Hello? - Holy shit. Mr. K.?
你一如既往地有礼貌
Polite as always, Devi.
听着 小艾 我好像找到出逃的窗户了
Hey, El. I think I just found my window.
-嗨 曼尼什 欢迎 -他来这里做什么？
- Hi, Manish. Welcome. - What is he doing here?
我觉得曼尼什可以过来 一起弘扬我们的文化
Well, I thought Manish could come over and celebrate our culture with us,
-你们可以互相了解 -你好啊 阿姨
- and you could get to know one another. - Vanakkam, Auntie.
好了 冷静点 维♥基♥百♥科♥脚怪
All right, cool it, WikiFeet.
-好的 对不起 我也觉得很奇怪 -是谁来了？
- Yep. Sorry. It felt weird for me too. - Well, who do we have here?
这是德维的库尔卡尼老师
This is just Devi's teacher Mr. Kulkarni.
他来是为了 恭喜德维在学业上表现优异
He has stopped by to congratulate Devi on being such a great student.
他也是我的男朋友
And he's also my boyfriend.
哦 那请进来坐一坐
Oh. Please come have a seat.
让我们认识你吧 来
Let us get to know you. Mmm? Come.
妈妈 看来这里很混乱
Hey, Mom, it seems like there's a lot going on down here.
我先回房♥间一下 我有点头疼
So I'm just gonna go upstairs to my room for a sec. Got a little bit of a headache.
什么 宝贝？当然可以
Enna, kanna? Yeah. Sure.
没人对你感到着迷 没鬼用的前任
You are no one's obsessed, sad sack ex.
好的
Yeah.
Hmph!
喂！你在做什么？
Hey! What are you doing?
Ah...
太奇怪了 我的隐形眼镜 从我的眼睛里飞出来 掉到了房♥顶
It was so weird. My contact blew out of my eye and then onto the roof.
-所以… -马上给我回来
- So... - Get back inside. Now.
好
Okay.
你的惩罚是坐下来 看阿姨们嚼东西
Your punishment is to sit and watch the aunties chew.
-好 -现在把炸豆饼端出去 去吧
- Okay. - Now hand out the vadais. Go.
尼玛拉阿姨 我不禁注意到 你的雕塑展览有多厉害
Nirmala Auntie, I couldn't help but notice how impressive your Golu is.
这是对女神和她的九个化身的致敬 很美妙
It is a beautiful tribute to the goddess and her nine avatars.
去年我的雕塑展览摆了七层 比尼玛拉多了两层
Last year, my Golu was seven steps, two more than Nirmala's.
但每一层都有很多空位
But your steps had a lot of empty spaces.
我觉得五层展示了适当的节制
I... I think five steps shows appropriate restraint
可以避免节日的消费主义
in avoiding the consumerism of the holiday.
谢谢你 曼尼什 你这么说特别好心
Thank you, Manish. That's very kind of you to say.
吃个炸豆饼吧
Help yourself to a vada.
吃几个也行
I could have a couple.
-一个就好… -好的
- Just one. - Just... Okay.
莱雅 我到处找你呢
Rhyah, I was looking for you.