好想做一次（2020）

好了 被现场抓个正着
Well, the jig was up.
德维和德斯互相爱抚身体的时候 被抓包了…
Devi and Des had been caught rounding second...
德斯 亲爱的 你知道我的信♥用♥卡♥…
Des, honey, do you know where my credit card...
…现在乖乖坐在板凳上 等着被赶出球场
...and were now in the dugout waiting to be ejected from the stadium.
看到没？我了解的体育项目 可不止网球一样
See? I know more sports than just tennis.
好的 你们听着
Okay, guys, listen.
我知道你们都是有魅力 活泼迷人的年轻人
I know you're both attractive, vivacious young people
身体成长 需求也在增加 但恐怕这样不行
with growing bodies and needs, but I'm afraid this is a no-go.
为什么？我以前也交过女朋友
Why? I've had girlfriends before.
我明白 亲爱的 但娜里妮不允许德维约会
I get that, honey, but Nalini doesn't allow Devi to date,
我们必须尊重她的界限
and we have to respect her boundaries.
天啊 看看她的脸
Oh God, look at her face.
这次的惩罚会很严厉
This punishment was gonna be stiff.
也许是送去军校？
Maybe military school?
单独关一年？
A year in solitary?
送去矿场工作？
A job in the mines?
听着 我批准她恋爱了
You know what? I'm going to allow it.
-啊？ -啊？
- Huh? - Huh?
显然 我希望你在拿到高等学历之前 不要谈恋爱
I'd obviously rather you not date until you have received an advanced degree of some sort,
但既然你常常都硬要违抗我的命令
but since you insist on disobeying me constantly,
那我还不如见好就收呢
I'm just going to take a win where I can get one.
娜里妮 你在说什么？
Nalini, what are you saying?
我上次撞到我女儿跟一个小流氓一起 德斯比那个人强多了
Des is far better than the riffraff I've caught my daughter with.
他是个有礼貌的印度裔男生 前途光明
He's a polite Indian boy with a bright future,
除了这件破事之外
and aside from this nonsense,
他其实可以给她带来积极的影响
he's actually been a good influence on her.
Well...
你确定吗？我不想让你感到 是被迫做这个决定的
Are you sure? I mean, I wouldn't want you to feel pressured into anything.
我们试试吧
Let's give it a try.
只要你们能表现得体面 像来自有教养的家庭的年轻人
And as long as you act like respectable young people from good families,
我就同意
I approve.
太阳打西边出来了啊
Hold the damn phone!
德维真的史上第一次得到批准 能交男朋友了吗？
Is Devi really allowed to have a boyfriend for the first time ever?
好家伙 简直赞爆了！
Holy shit. This kicks ass!
剧名：…交上印度男友
所以她就说： “好啊 想亲德斯就亲个够吧”？
So she just said, "Cool, sure, kiss Des all you want"?
她最近有做过什么手术吗？
Has she had any surgeries recently?
我阿姨换了膝盖之后 整个人都变了
My aunt's personality changed after she got her knee replaced.
原来她是吃奥施康定上瘾了
Turns out she was hooked on oxy.
不 她清醒得很
No, she's totes sober.
能相信吗？德斯和我能自♥由♥恋爱了
Can you believe it? Des and I are free.
现在你们可以光明正大地恋爱了 你们打算怎么做？
So what are you gonna do now that you're out in the open?
我有完整的日程安排
I have a whole itinerary.
周五他要和我们的妈妈 一起来参加我的管弦乐音乐会
On Friday, he's coming to my orchestra concert with our moms.
星期六去打保龄球 星期天就去好莱坞标志那儿秀恩爱
On Saturday, we're bowling, and Sunday, we're gonna PDA up by the Hollywood sign.
如果一切顺利 你妈妈可能 会和埃里克妈妈一样随意
Hey, if all goes well, maybe your mom will become as loosey-goosey as Eric's.
我听说她让罗萨莉亚在家过夜
I heard she lets Rosalia stay the night.
Huh.
天啊！真不敢相信埃里克 赶在我们三个人之前破处了！
Man! Can't believe Eric lost his virginity before all three of us!
对啊 但你为什么还没有破处？
Yeah, um, but why have you not?
我们一直都纳闷呢 你跟特伦特交往一年多了
We've been kinda wondering. I mean, you've been dating Trent for over a year.
是阴♥茎♥被拍出毛病了吗？
Did all those dick taps lead to penis probs?
不 其实是我在拖延时间
No, I'm actually the holdup.
你？但你会说“肉♥欲♥”之类的词语 还睡在丝质床单上
You? But you say words like "sensuelle" and sleep on satin sheets.
在我认识的人里面 数你最饥渴了
You're like the horniest person I know.
谢谢 但我也是个浪漫主义者
Thank you, but I'm also a romantique.
我不想让我的第一次 发生在特伦特的组合床上
I don't want my first time to be on Trent's trundle bed
躺在水烟筒的污渍上面
atop bong water stains.
好吧 那你想要什么样的第一次？
Okay, then what do you want for your first time?
也不用太疯狂 只是要站在被风吹过的荒野上
Nothing crazy, just to be standing on a windswept moor,
穿着紧身胸衣 一个披着斗篷的贵族突然出现
wearing a bodice, when suddenly a caped nobleman appears,
我们靠着老修道院的砖头做♥爱♥
and we make love against the bricks of an old abbey.
好吧 非常具体嘛
Mm-kay. Yeah, very specific.
也许你应该把这个幻想告诉特伦特
Maybe you should tell Trent about this fantasy
这样他就能给你们买♥♥两张 去苏格兰的机票了
so he could, like, buy you guys tickets to Scotland.
不可能 如果我要给他明说出来 就毁了这份浪漫了
No way. If I have to spell it out for him, it ruins the romance.
那你可能永远都没办法做♥爱♥了
Then you may never have sex.
这是我愿意付出的代价
Well, that's a price I'm willing to pay.
大卫 希望你能帮忙 做一下我们的实验
Uh, David, love a little help with our experiment here
而不是忙着对着手♥机♥做神经质的表情
if you aren't too busy making demented faces into your phone.
抱歉 我妈妈刚刚批准 我和德斯正式交往了
Sorry, my mom just gave me and Des the okay to officially date.
所以现在我发性感照片的时候 不用再发作业的问题了
So now my sexy selfies don't have to include homework questions in them anymore.
她让你跟西装呆子约会？为什么？
Wait. She's letting you date blazer dork? Why?
因为根据她的说法
Because according to her,
比起她之前撞到的跟我一起的小流氓 德斯要强多了 没有冒犯的意思
he was preferable to the other lowlives she's caught me with. No offense.
我以为你妈妈和我处得很融洽呢
Hey, I thought your mom and I had a good rapport.
-显然你不够好 -你知道这是什么意思吗？
- Clearly not good enough. - You know what this means, right?
德斯是个书呆子
Des is a weenie.
他才不是呢
Uh... No, he's not.
如果你妈妈不担心你跟他在一起
If your mom's not worried at all about you being with him,
那他就是个没种的窝囊废 就像是没有鸡鸡的肯尼玩偶
then he's gotta be a real dickless beta. Like a full Ken doll.
好吧 听好了 你只是嫉妒我在谈成熟的恋爱
Okay, you know what? You're just jealous that I'm in a mature relationship,
你只差一餐电视便餐 就可以成为我的亚拉文叔叔了
and that you are one TV dinner away from being like my Uncle Aravind.
他痴迷于元宇宙
He's obsessed with the metaverse.
随便吧 他听起来很酷
Whatever. He sounds cool.
你还会来我的音乐会上做义工 完成志愿者时间吗？
Are you still gonna work the door at my concert for volunteer hours?
会啊 但我会在衣帽间服务 虽然洛杉矶已经是春天了
Yeah, but they stuck me in coat check even though it's springtime in Los Angeles
-没人穿大衣了 -太棒了
- and no one wears coats. - Excellent.
那你就能看到我们以情侣身份亮相 也能看到德斯不是没种的人
Then you'll see us as a couple, and see that Des isn't dickless at all.
恶心！ 我为什么会看到？
Ew! Why would I see that?
行了 你也懂我的意思
- Okay, you know what I mean. - Oh.
好了 我的手♥机♥在录像 看看宝贝男孩是不是进了大学
All right, my phone's recording. Let's see if baby boy got into college.
该死 加载不出来 拜托
Shit, it's not loading. Come on.
没关系 深呼吸就好
It's okay. Just breathe.
来了
Here it comes.
我进了！
I'm in!
太棒了！我被大学录取了！
Yes! I got into college!
-太好了！ -耶！
- Yes! - Yeah!
加州州立大学长滩分校！我的天！
Cal State Long Beach! Oh my God!
恭喜你！你可以在美国 最繁忙的港口附近上学
Congratulations! You get to go to school near one of America's busiest ports!
对啊！
Yeah!
我甚至不会担心要开一个小时的车
And I'm not even worried about the hour-long drive.
终于准备好试试播客了
Finally ready to give podcasts a try.
谢谢 兄弟
Thanks, bro.
好了 现在我们得看看ASU说什么了
All right, I guess now we just have to see what ASU said.
AS和什么？那些字母是什么意思？
AS what? What even are those letters?
亚利桑那州立大学
Arizona State University.
是亚利桑那州吗？
Arizona, as in the state, Arizona?
好 我要点一下 然后…
Okay, I just have to click this and...
妈的！我被录取了！
Oh shit! I got in!
天啊！
Oh my God!
-我没想到我能进 -我没想到你会申请那所学校
- I... I didn't think I could get in there. - I didn't think you'd apply there.
一个简单的问题 如果你要去亚利桑那州的 亚利桑那州立大学
So quick question. If you were to attend Arizona State University in Arizona,
你是要每天来回跑 还是…
would you commute or...
去亚利桑那吗？不行 我得搬过去了
Uh, to Arizona? No, I'd... I'd have to move.
幸好那是你的第二选项
Well, it's a good thing that's your second choice.
恭喜你 兄弟
Congrats, buddy.
哇！
Wow!
这是德维作为女友的首演
Here it was, Devi's grand debut as a girlf.
这是德维史上第一次 能尝一下早恋的滋味
For the first time, Devi could experience teen romance
还不用害怕抹黑家庭的声誉
without the fear of bringing shame upon her family.
好了 德维 祝你演奏得开心 好吗？
Okay, Devi. Have a wonderful time, okay?
要不要赶在好的座位被抢走之前 找位置坐下？
Should we find some seats before the good ones are taken?
好 就这么办吧 孩子 祝你演出超级成功
Yes, let's do that. You knock 'em dead, kiddo.
我马上过去
- I'll be right there. - Mmm.
一切都挺顺利的 你看到你妈妈在停车场抱我了吗？
Hey. This is going kinda well. Did you see your mom give me a hug in the parking lot?
看到了 她喜欢你
I did. She likes you.
对啊 这让我松一口气
Yeah, and that is such a relief because,
因为你知道
you know,
我真的很喜欢你
I really like you.
德斯 你现在简直太可爱了
Des, are you being, like, hella cute right now?
应该是“可爱得性感”的意思吧？ 随你怎么形容都行