好想做一次（2020）

（上午5点30分）
欢迎回来窥探一下这个兴奋的大脑
Welcome back to the amped-up brain
它属于舍曼奥克斯高中的宠儿 努力奋斗的小本·格罗斯
of Sherman Oaks' favorite little try-hard, Ben Gross.
我是安迪·萨姆伯格 会再一次带领你们
I am Andy Samberg, and I'll once again be your guide
窥探这个孩子复杂的内心生活
to this kid's complicated interior life.
你们可以把外套挂在门口 因为这个男孩一点都不酷
Feel free to check your coats at the door, folks, because our boy has no chill.
放马过来
Let's go.
是啊 本 放过我们吧
Indeed, Ben, let us go.
♪ Drink the blood ♪
♪ No bitterness, just sweet ♪
（离哥大优先录取 申请截止日剩300天）
♪ This disco ball... ♪
好了 关键时刻到
All right, crunch time.
你能行
You got this.
从小时候开始
Ever since he was little,
本就想步他爸爸的后尘 上哥伦比亚大学
Ben had wanted to go to Columbia, just like his father had.
但他知道确保他被录取
But he knew that the only way to make sure he'd get in
唯一的方式就是成为学术机器
was to become an academic machine.
♪ You flicker then you're gone ♪
该吃早餐了 我的小王子
Time for breakfast, my little prince.
没时间了 帕蒂 我得去上学了
No time, Patty. I gotta get to school.
不吃饭就没办法思考了
You cannot think if you do not eat.
你需要给你那帅气的大脑补充能量
You need to fuel that big, handsome brain of yours.
没关系 我在路上吃一块肉干就好了
It's okay. I'll just eat a jerky stick on the way.
你父母现在在亚利桑那州
While your parents are in Arizona,
所以现在这个家归我管 你太拼了
I am in charge, and you are working too hard.
你必须慢下来
You must slow down.
我做不到 有太多利害攸关的东西
I can't. There's too much at stake.
而且大家不再支持有钱的孩子了
Plus, people aren't rooting for rich kids anymore.
帕蒂 在现在这个社会 已经不能买♥♥进名校了
We're in a post Operation Varsity Blues society, Patty.
我爸不能像以前那样 给钱让我进入
My dad can't just buy my way onto an Ivy League crew team
常春藤院校的划船队伍
like in the old days.
我很肯定 他这不是真心话
I'm sure he didn't really mean it like that.
他知道买♥♥进大学是不对的 希望如此
He knows bribing your way into college is wrong. I hope.
剧名：…崩溃
♪ Party like a human ♪
（爱尔兰土豆饥荒）
看路啊 蠢蛋
Hey, watch where you're going, dumbass.
你叫我什么？
What'd you just call me?
没什么 我只是在自言自语
Nothin'. I... I was just talking to myself.
该上课了 蠢蛋
Time to go to class, dumbass.
好吧
Okay.
-你怎么样？ -你看起来很饿
- What's up? - You look hungry.
-是吗？ -是的 扔进他嘴里
- Do I? - Yes. Get him. Get him.
-来吧 -这看起来一点都不好玩
- Come on. - That doesn't even seem fun.
要是你的爱尔兰土豆饥荒立体模型 拿到了A+
Who needs developmentally crucial male bonding
就不需要成长过程中 必不可少的兄弟情谊了
when you've got an A-plus diorama of the Irish Potato Famine.
哇 这句话让我很难过
Wow, that sentence made me sad.
♪ Oh my God ♪
♪ I've been looking for another solace... ♪
太简单了
Too easy.
♪ We could spend a very, very long time ♪
♪ I've been looking for my old teacher ♪
♪ Dreams and sleep, here we are ♪
♪ They say, "No way" We say, "Let's play"
♪ I'm looking for the wizard ♪
（先修欧洲历史课程）
♪ We believe in you ♪
（先修拉丁文课程）
♪ We believe in ♪
♪ We believe in ♪
♪ We believe in you ♪
我本来想帮你的 但我更想看到那些书掉出来
I wanted to help you out, but not as much as I wanted to see those books fall.
本·格罗斯
Ben Gross.
你在这里啊
There you are.
我们得谈谈
We need to talk.
我刚发现你在上十门课
I just found out that you're taking ten classes.
那太疯狂了
That's crazy.
你得马上退两门
You need to drop two classes immediately.
什么？不行
What? No.
这是倒数第二年的第二学期
This is the second semester of junior year.
我现在不能慢下来 决战的大日子就快到了 宝贝
I can't slow down now. I mean, it's almost D-Day, baby.
别叫我“宝贝”
Do not call me "baby."
抱歉 这个词自然而然地 从嘴里溜出来了
Sorry. It just sort of rolled out of my mouth.
听着 本 你的日程安排持续不下去的 你已经没有午餐时间了
Look, Ben, your schedule is untenable. You don't have a lunch period anymore.
我不需要午餐时间 我有独特的一套系统
I don't need a lunch period. I have a system.
是的 我见过你吃肉干
Mm-hmm, yes, I've seen you with your meat sticks.
你要在明天之前退两节课 不然我就会帮你退
Look, you have until tomorrow to drop two classes or I will drop them.
你不能这么做
You can't do this.
我已经做了 宝贝
I already did, baby.
吉田先生！
Mr. Hall-Yoshida!
我还在等你的大学申请文书呢
I'm still waiting on that college essay.
好的 我正在写 基本上完成了
Yep, I'm on it. I'm basically done.
所以你今晚会发过来吗？
Oh, so you'll be sending it over tonight?
当然可以
Totally.
你昨天也是这么说的 我什么都没收到
You told me that yesterday, and I got nothing.
可能落到垃圾邮箱了
Probably went to spam.
别当着我的面撒谎 小男孩
Don't lie to my face, little boy.
把申请文交给我
Get me that essay.
没问题
- You got it. - Mm-hmm.
你怎么还站在这里？不用上课吗？
And why are you still standing here? Don't you have a class to get to?
好吧 这周还有一个有趣的小组课题
All right, another fun group project this week.
你们要根据教学大纲中 以下几个单元做课堂演示
You're gonna create presentations based on the next few units in your syllabus
负责向全班进行教学
and then teach those units to the class.
等等 你是在要求我们 制定教学计划 然后教会全班吗？
Wait. Are you asking us to make lesson plans and then teach them?
那不是你干的吗？
Isn't that your job?
德维 你真是挑三拣四啊
That's a lot of nit-picking from you, Devi.
你觉得自己是谁？我老婆吗？ 抱歉 是前妻
Who do you think you are, my wife? Sorry. Ex-wife.
没听明白吗？布莱顿老师和妻子 正在沸沸扬扬地闹离婚
If it wasn't clear already, Mr. Brighton was going through an acrimonious divorce,
他还难以接受
and he wasn't handling it well.
三人为一组
Um, get into groups of three.
应该不难选择
Shouldn't be that hard to choose.
就像我的两个儿子 都选择了他们的母亲一样
It's like how my two sons chose their mother.
你想跟我一队吗？
So, you wanna team up?
班上唯一跟我一样讨厌小组课题的人 就是你了
You're the only person in class who hates group projects as much as I do.
好啊 我上一个小组的搭档换了班
Yeah. My last group partner transferred classes
因为他说我的邮件“狂妄自大”
because he claimed my emails were "violently smug."
哦 看看这是谁啊
Oh, look who it is.
二位是我在学校里的死党 疯子德维和这家伙
Two of my closest friends in school, Crazy Devi and, uh, this dude.
你想加入我们的团队 是因为想拿A吗？
Trent, are you trying to be in our group just so you can get an A?
你怎么敢这么说？
How dare you suggest that?
我是来打打招呼 问问你们的健康状况的
I was coming over to say hey and to inquire about your well-being.
如果你保证在我们需要时 会用假证件给我们买♥♥啤酒 就能加入
You can be in our group if you use your fake ID to buy us beer whenever we want.
成交
Deal.
好吧
All right.
凌晨1点15分和2点之间我有空 可以来做这份课题
Uh, I have some free time between 1:15 and 2:00 a.m. tonight to work on this.
-你们可以吗？ -你疯了吗？我们不会跟着你的疯子日程表走
- That good for you guys? - Are you out of your mind? We're not operating on your psycho schedule.
你们俩放学后来我家吧
Both of you guys just come to my house after school.
我不能 那时候 我要跟我的中文老师上课
No, I can't. That's when I Zoom with my Mandarin teacher.
好 特伦特会负责你的部分 我在上面加上你的名字就好了
Okay. Trent will do your section, and I'll just put your name on it.
不行
No.
我会去的
I'll be there.
Hmm.
我差一点就要做功课了 第一次那么险
I've never gotten so close to having to do work.
好吧 看来本过于充实的下午
Okay, looks like Ben's overbooked afternoon
现在有更多事情要忙了
was now even more overbooked.
但如果有人能办到
But if anyone could do it,
那一定是本
Ben could.
你还好吗 小伙子？
Yeesh! You okay, little dude?
好 我们要讲第六章 圆周运动和重力
Okay. We have to cover chapter six, Circular Motion and Gravitation.
恕我直言
With all dude respect,
我出于宗教原因 没办法讲这一章
I can't do that chapter because of religious reasons.
我的信仰系统里没有“圆形”的地球
My belief system does not include a "round" Earth.
特伦特 你是哪来的资格 能进入先修物理班的？
Trent, how are you in AP physics?
我是报名进的
I just signed up.
我在想 反正我都会拿D
I figured if I'm gonna get a D anyway,
那还不如在先修课程里拿D 因为这基本能算是C
why not get a D in an AP class because it basically counts as a C.
那计划挺明智的
That's actually not that bad of a plan.
绝对比你现在的计划要明智
It's certainly better than the one you're working with now.
其实不是这样的 因为我有一门拿了F
It's actually not, because I do have an F.
我的计划有什么问题？
What's wrong with my plan?
-它太疯狂了 -因为我要上十门课？