好想做一次（2020）

没看错吧？太阳是打西边出来了
Someone check on hell because it has definitely frozen over.
这是德维·维什瓦库马尔第一次 以帕克斯顿·霍尔-吉田的女友身份
Devi Vishwakumar just walked into school for the first time
踏入校园
as Paxton Hall-Yoshida's girlfriend.
她要做的只是出轨
And all she had to do was cheat on him,
开车撞他 以及帮他完成作业
hit him with the car, and do all his homework.
哈里王子和梅根王妃过来了
Harry and Meghan, move over.
这是童话故事里的情节
This is what fairy tales are made of.
搞什么鬼啊？
What the hell?
他们在一起整整两周了
They'd been together for two whole weeks,
这对于青少年来说 就算是过了一辈子的一夫一妻制了
which for teenagers is basically a lifetime of monogamy.
但我们私底下要说
Although between us,
令人诧异的是 这两周还没发生儿童不宜的剧情
it had been a surprisingly PG-13 two weeks.
今晚要不算了吧？
Uh, maybe not tonight?
我晚餐吃得太撑了
Uh... I had a huge dinner.
好
Okay.
不如刷一下抖音吧？
How about we watch some TikToks?
♪ Dream of you... ♪
嘿 要不下次吧？
Hey, let's take a rain check.
-我早餐吃得太撑了 -好
- I actually had a huge breakfast. - Okay.
-刷一下抖音吧 -好啊
- Uh, let's watch some TikToks. - Cool.
虽然不寻常的大餐
And though unusually large meals
让他们之间的爱情 没能达到如火如荼的境界
had interfered with the consummation of their love,
但德维是帕克斯顿的官宣女友
Devi was Paxton's official girlf.
她第一次真正充满了自信
And for the first time, she was feeling truly confident.
各位 帕克斯顿竟然和德维在一起了 太疯狂了吧？
You guys, isn't it crazy that Paxton and Devi are together?
是吧？我完全没料到会有这出
I know, right? I never saw that coming.
她是不是快死了？ 这是她的临终遗愿吗？
She's dying, right? It's like a deathbed, last wishes thing?
天啊 帕克斯顿太善良了
God, Paxton is just so kind.
不 我原本也是那么想的 但她很健康啊
No, that's what I thought, but she's like, healthy.
也许她只是个大荡♥妇♥而已
Maybe she's just a huge slut.
-当然了 -很有道理
- Of course. - Good observation.
谢谢 演绎推理是我的长项
Thanks. I'm really good at deductive reasoning.
是的 帕克斯顿这样的男生 愿意跟德维这样的怪胎在一起
Yeah, the only reason a guy like Paxton would be with a freak like Devi
是因为她愿意滥交
is if she puts out.
-没错 -是啊 这是唯一合理的解释了
- Totally. - No other logical explanation.
你们觉得我能找到Off-White品牌的熟人 比如侃爷吗？
Do you guys think I could pull off white contacts like Kanye?
-当然了！ -绝对行！
- Yes! - Totally!
剧名：…荡♥妇♥羞辱
德斯顿组合这样高调登场 真是太不真实了
The debut of Daxton was unreal.
大家在走廊上都惊呆了 连书包都掉到了地上
The hallway was littered with backpacks people dropped in shock.
太厉害了
It was awesome.
没错 而且你第一次 登上了告密男孩夫人的主页
Yeah, and you made it onto Lady Whistleboy for the first time ever.
告密男孩夫人是学校的八卦抖音账号♥
Lady Whistleboy was the school's gossip TikTok
是粗略根据《布里杰顿家族》的人物起的名字
loosely based on a Bridgerton character
运营账号♥的是一位算不上匿名的线人
run by a not so anonymous source.
你们上♥床♥了吗？我迫不及待地想听听告密男孩夫人的评论
Are you guys banging yet? I can't wait to read Lady Whistleboy's take on that.
我们还在商量
Uh, we're circling it.
我们都想做 一定很快就会发生
We both want to. It's imminent for sure.
抬头看
Look up.
该死！
Oh shit!
你和特伦特是怎么回事？
Uh... What's going on with you and Trent?
他虽然耍酷失败了 但显然是想引起你注意
That failed attempt to look cool was directed right at you.
我们在圣诞假期时一起玩了几次
Ugh! I mean, we hung out a couple of times over Christmas break.
我的父母很讨厌他 但这让我很激动
My parents definitely hate him, which is exciting.
谈一场被众星诅咒的恋爱 是你的梦想啊
Star-crossed lovers is your dream.
我知道 但我很困惑
I know, but it's so confusing.
我们还没接吻呢
We haven't kissed yet,
但他在我的圣诞树下放了一袋大♥麻♥
but he did leave a little bag of weed under my Christmas tree.
你们觉得有什么特殊含义吗？
What do you guys think that means?
我觉得那很浪漫啊
Uh, that seems romantic to me.
才不浪漫呢！
Uh, no, it does not!
怎么样 废物们？废柴王国还好吗？
What up, losers? What's good in the kingdom of rejects?
抱歉 我还不太适应跟女性朋友相处
Sorry. Still getting used to having female friends.
-嗨 你们好啊 早上好 怎么了？ -嘿 宝贝
- Hi. Hello. Good morning. What's goin' on? - Hey, babe.
我们就是在恭喜德维
We're just congratulating Devi
成功跟帕克斯顿一起闪亮登场了
on her mic drop of an entrance with Paxton.
我好像错过了 但听起来很精彩
Oh, uh, I guess I missed it. Sounds cool.
是的 对吧？
It did, right?
因为我们很般配？ 我们在一起不是天方夜谭吧？
Because we're a good couple? Like, it's believable that we're together,
不需要当荡♥妇♥ 才能赢得别人的芳心吧？
and one person wouldn't have to be a whore to make the other like them, right?
德维 你想太多了
Devi, you're overthinking it.
知道吗？我想到了一件事
And you know what? I just thought of something.
我和特伦特的感情进展要是成功
Depending on how this Trent thing shakes out,
那么我们就都正式脱单了
we might all be in legit relationships.
敬永远脱单
Here's to never being single again.
法比奥拉 我需要跟你谈谈
Fabiola, I need to talk to you.
我真的很抱歉
I'm so sorry.
你要搬去韩国了？
You're moving to Korea?
伊芙的妈妈要在韩国首尔 开一家芭蕾把杆健身加盟店
Eve's mom was opening a franchise of Bar Method in Seoul, South Korea.
她的梦想就是教韩国女性 如何利用微小的重复性动作
It was her dream to teach Korean women how to sculpt their butts
进行臀部塑形
with small repetitive movements.
-我不想分手 -我也不想
- I don't want to break up. - Neither do I.
那我们谈异地恋好了 这一定不难
Okay, then let's do long distance. It shouldn't be that hard.
-时差有几个小时？ -16小时
- What's the time difference? - Sixteen hours.
什么？该死
What? Damn.
地图真对太平洋不公平 但没关系
Maps really don't do the Pacific Ocean justice, but it's fine.
我们能继续谈下去 我熬夜就好了
We can do this. I'll just stay up a little later.
你可以等放学后再跟我视频 没什么问题
You can FaceTime me when you're home from school. It's gonna be okay.
早上好 奶奶 需要我帮忙吗？
Good morning, Pati. Can I help with that?
现在你倒是想帮忙了？
Oh, now you want to help out?
我还以为你在饭点的时候
I was under the impression that all you do at mealtime
只会逃跑 让你的家族蒙羞
is run away and shame your family.
奶奶 求你了 别挥刀子
Pati, please, the knife.
你最不需要担心的就是这把刀
The knife is the least of your worries.
我从来没感到过这般耻辱
I have never been so humiliated.
那次我在比弗利中心 沙丽被手扶梯夹住了
Not even the time when my sari got caught in the escalator at the Beverly Center.
害我在沐浴用品店门口半裸着身体 就连那次也没那么丢人
I was half naked in front of Bath & Body Works.
奶奶 你知道我有多愧疚
Pati, you know how sorry I am.
我给普拉桑特发过很多次短♥信♥ 但他没有回复
I've texted Prashant many times, but he won't respond.
你说什么了？
What did you even say?
“哦 宝贝 抱歉我抛弃了你”
"Oh, hey, boo. Sorry to have abandoned you."
“希望我们没事 伤心的表情”
"Hope we're cool. Sad face emoji."
要不是你这么漂亮 我早就扇你耳光了
If you weren't so beautiful, I would have slapped you.
好了 卡玛拉 你奶奶这么怒气冲冲
Okay, Kamala, why don't you leave the kitchen
还全副武装 你要不先从厨房♥出去吧？
while your grandmother's furious... and armed?
你确实让你的家人丢脸了
You did bring disgrace on your family,
但我觉得这个罪 也不至于要千刀万剐
but I don't think that's a stabbable offense.
如果我是你 我就会尽快离开
I would go quickly if I were you.
嘿
Hey.
噢 嘿
Oh. Hey.
是这样的 我最近没怎么见到你 我…
So, I haven't seen you much recently, and I...
等等 你的柜子里 为什么贴了那么多阿黛尔的照片？
Wait, why are there so many photos of Adele in your locker?
哥们 因为她是偶像人物 有着天使之声
Because she's an icon with the voice of an angel, bro.
-你有意见吗？ -没有 我很爱阿黛尔
- You have a problem with that? - No, no. I love Adele.
她很酷
She's cool.
那你想怎么样？
So what do you want?
你是在气我跟德维谈恋爱吗？
Are you, like, pissed at me because I'm with Devi?
我不是生气
It's not anger, man.
而是恐惧
It's fear.
我曾经目睹这女孩伤害了你
I've seen this girl burn you once.
就像阿黛尔的歌♥《受到冷遇》里唱的
It's like Adele's song "Cold Shoulder."
“一次又一次 你都会扮演小丑”
"Time and time again, you're going to play the fool."
-我没听过那首歌♥ -你应该听一下
- I don't know that song. - Yeah, well, you freaking should.
我就是担心你 哥们 我知道在你的紧实腹肌后 藏着一颗柔软的心
I just worry about you, man. I know behind those sculpted abs is a tender heart.
我的心不长在腹肌后面
My heart's not behind my abs.
它就是长在腹肌后面 你只是害怕看到它
Oh, sure it is. You're just afraid to see it.
听着 兄弟 我很感激你为我着想 好吗？
Listen, man. I appreciate that you're looking out for me, all right?
但这次我全心全意相信德维
But I really do trust Devi this time.
好吧 如果你相信她 我也只能相信她了
Okay, if you trust her, then what else can I do but also trust.
-开个玩笑！ -老兄！
- Psych! - Dude!
随便啦 兄弟 我看得出来你的蛋蛋很想我
Whatever, man. Your nuts miss me. I could tell.