好想做一次（2020）

从德维记事起
For as long as Devi could remember,
情人节只会让她自卑 每年都提醒着她
Valentine's Day had been nothing but a humbling annual reminder
她是个凄凉的失败者
that she was a stone-cold loser.
你永远都会是我的情人 宝贝
You will always be my Valentine, kanna.
（这个情人节 做自己的宝贝吧）
对她来说
As far as she was concerned,
这是个糟透了的节日
this holiday sucked a fat one.
抱歉 小男孩 这花应该是要送去隔壁的
Whoops, sorry, little boy. I'm supposed to be next door.
但今天德维有男朋友了
But today, Devi had a boyfriend,
情人节一定会很美妙
and Valentine's Day was gonna frickin' rule.
-情人节快乐 -嘿
- Happy Valentine's Day. - Hey.
我为我们策划了非常浪漫的约会之夜
I've got a really romantic date planned for us tonight.
我往蒲团和所有东西上都喷了清新剂
- Ooh. - I Febrezed my futon and everything.
接受现实吧 没人要的单身女孩儿
Put that in your vape pen and vape it, loser single girls.
我上课前得去拿点东西 但晚点见
All right. Well, I gotta grab some things before class, but I'll see you later.
好
Okay.
没错 什么都不会毁了今天
Nothing was gonna ruin today.
-嘿 怎么样？ -怎么样 朋友？
- Hey, what's up? - Yo, what up, dude?
德维心中的恐惧也毁不了今天 她害怕自己可能不经意地
Not even the fear that Devi may have inadvertently rekindled something
重新点燃了 帕克斯顿和他那火♥辣♥前任之间的火花
between Paxton and his smoking hot ex.
帕克斯顿 等等 你猜怎么着？
- Oh, Paxton, wait. Guess what? - Yep.
你是我的绝配
You're my perfect match.
你在说什么？ 那是什么？
What are you talking about? What is that? Oh!
情人节快乐
Happy Valentine's.
这是你昨天午餐时
Here's your results from the student council's
做的配对测试的结果
compatibility quiz you took yesterday at lunch.
（德维·维什瓦库马尔）
（你的完美情人： 埃里克·珀金斯）
天啊
Oh God.
也许学校里 还有另一位埃里克·珀金斯
Maybe there's another Eric Perkins at this school.
-不可能 兄弟 -经常走路吗？
- No way, man. - Walk much?
看什么看？
What?
剧名：…拥有情人
情人节糟透了！
Valentine's Day sucks!
我明明在跟学校里最帅的男生约会
I just don't get how I, a person who's dating the hottest boy in school,
却说我跟埃里克最配 我完全搞不明白
is most compatible with Eric.
让你更生气的是 你的配对结果是埃里克
Are you more mad that you got Eric,
还是海莉跟帕克斯顿配上了？
or that Haley got Paxton?
他们又成了朋友 我很高兴
I'm happy that they're friends again.
我只是希望他们不要走得那么亲近
I just wish they weren't such good friends.
你不用担心海莉 帕克斯顿对你很着迷
You don't have to worry about Haley. Paxton is super into you.
我知道 但他和海莉是青梅竹马
I know, but he and Haley have known each other forever,
他们还上过床
and they have had sex.
现在我脑子里都是他们上♥床♥的场景
And now I'm picturing them having sex and...
我的天 我明白为什么电脑 要说他们是完美的情侣
Oh my God, I realized why the computer said they were a perfect match.
别过度解读
Don't read into it that much.
这只是一所愚蠢学校里 愚蠢的青少年设计的愚蠢测试
It's just a dumb quiz made by dumb teenagers in a dumb school.
你们好啊
Hey, guys.
嗨 安妮莎
Hi, Aneesa.
这声招呼很尴尬 要怪就怪以下这场有待讨论的互动
This awkward hello is courtesy of the following interaction that has yet to be discussed.
你们是说这份测试很蠢吗？
Um, did you just call this quiz dumb?
它实际上是由麻省理工大学 曾获得诺贝尔奖的科学家设计的
It was actually developed by Nobel prize-winning scientists at MIT.
它的准确度无可争议
Its accuracy is undisputed.
你们该长长见识了
So, educate yourselves.
抱歉 乔纳
Sorry, Jonah.
不敢相信 我跟吉尔斯·布鲁斯南配上了 我甚至不知道他会填测试题
I can't believe I got Gears Brosnan. I didn't even know he filled out a quiz.
-你们和谁配上了？ -我和特伦特
- Who'd you guys get? - I got Trent.
我和本
Yeah, I got Ben.
哦 天啊 是本啊 那太棒了
Oh wow, Ben. That's so cool
毕竟他是你的男朋友嘛
since he's your boyfriend and all.
嘿 小法 你今天感觉奇怪吗？
Hey, Fab, do you feel weird today?
怎么？我看起来奇怪吗？ 是不是发生了什么奇怪的事？
Why? Do I seem weird? Does it seem like something weird happened?
没有啊 我只是想问问 因为今天是情人节
No, I was just wondering 'cause, you know, it's Valentine's Day,
你肯定很想念伊芙
and you must miss Eve.
Oh. Um...
是啊 我是不对劲 我很想她
Yeah, yeah, that's... I do. I miss her.
说到感情
Speaking of relationships,
我觉得这里肯定有情侣 过不了情人节这关的
I don't think all the couples here are gonna make it through Valentine's.
-啊？ -怎么这么说？
- What? - Why do you say that?
因为我需要甩掉特伦特
Because I need to dump Trent.
等等 不是进展挺顺利的吗？
Wait, I thought things were going well.
我是说 是挺有趣的
I mean, it's been fun.
他只是有点肤浅
He's just not very deep.
我每时每刻
Like, I'm a second away
不是想放声高歌♥ 就是想放声哭泣
from bursting into either song or tears at every moment of the day.
我是不是应该找个艺术家谈恋爱 或至少找个射手座？
Shouldn't I be with another artist or at least another Sagittarius?
我跟你配上了 宝贝
Got you, babe.
你好啊
Oh, hey.
对 我也跟你配上了
Yeah, I got you too.
天啊 那些麻省理工的人真厉害
Wow, those MIT guys are good.
我想是吧
I guess.
但这测试不是有点令人毛骨悚然？ 很像《1984》里会发生的事
But doesn't this quiz feel kind of creepy? Like, real 1984 vibes.
泰勒·斯威夫特的专辑？
The Taylor Swift album?
不是 安妮莎
No, Aneesa.
是乔治·奥威尔的书
The book by George Orwell.
天啊 我得给你办张借书证
God, I've gotta get you a little library card, huh?
我觉得《1989》比乔治·奥威尔的任何作品
I'd argue that 1989 has more literary relevance
都更具备文学关联性
than anything George Orwell ever wrote.
那是真的吗？我只听播客
Is that true? I only listen to podcasts.
维什瓦库马尔医生 下一位病人到了
Dr. Vishwakumar, your next patient is here.
你好啊 莱雅 你今天怎么来了？
Hi. Rhyah, what brings you in today?
我只是想来打个招呼
Oh, I just wanted to say hi.
我手臂上有个小疹子 挺疼的
Also, I have this tiny burning rash going up my arm,
但我更多只是想来打个招呼
but I mostly just wanted to say hi.
行 我来看看
Okay, let me take a look.
-好 -你最近还好吗？
- Okay. - How are things with you?
-我很好 你怎么样？ -很好
- I'm good. How are you doing? - Good. Good, good.
-痒吗？ -痒
- Itchy? - Yeah.
-有点脱皮？ -一点点
- Kind of flaky? - Little bit.
看起来像体癣
Mmm. Looks like tinea corporis.
-是什么？ -基本上就是脚癣
- Oh, what's that? - It's basically athlete's foot.
你的情况可以叫前臂癣
Or in this case, we can call it athlete's forearm.
你看 我就知道 瑜伽工作室没有好好清洗垫子
See, I knew my yoga studio wasn't washing their mats properly.
我有一次待到很晚 看到他们把垫子翻面就算了
I stayed late one time and watched them flip 'em over.
别担心 这其实很常见
Don't worry about it. It's actually fairly common.
我给你开一支抗真菌药膏吧
I'm just gonna write you a prescription for anti-fungal cream.
几周后应该会消失
It should clear up in a few weeks.
情人节感染了真菌 挺性感的
Fungal infection on Valentine's Day. Very sexy.
你今晚有什么计划吗？
Do you have any plans tonight?
娜里妮完全忘了情人节这回事
Nalini had completely forgotten about Valentine's Day.
她一直认为这是个愚蠢的节日
She had always considered it a stupid holiday.
但现在莫汉不在了 感觉就不一样了
But now with Mohan gone, it felt different.
别
No.
莫汉 不要
Mohan, no.
我们去年说好了不送情人节礼物的
We agreed last year no Valentine's Day gifts.
这件不一样 你会喜欢的
This is different. You'll like it.
我几乎没花钱
I spent hardly any money.
你送了我一个 以你为原型的摇头娃娃？
You got me a bobblehead of you?
对啊
Yeah.
现在你可以在我死脑筋的时候 敲我的脑袋了
Now you can knock me around when I'm being hardheaded.
你是把自己的下颌变得更分明了吗？
Did you give yourself a stronger jaw?
这个嘛…
Well...
也许吧
Maybe.
没有
Nope.
没有情人节计划
No Valentine's Day plans
只是要照顾我家里 那些要求苛刻的人
other than tending to the many demanding people in my household
她们榨干了我的钱包和精力
who drain me of my money and energy.
但你还是应该庆祝
Well, you should still celebrate.
嘿 你需要为自己 腾出一些找乐子的时间
Hey, you need to carve out some fun time for you.
每天都需要
Every day.
我每天晚上睡觉的六个小时 就挺快乐的
I already do that for six hours every night when I'm asleep.
我不是那个意思
That's not what I mean.
你明天晚上做什么？ 一起过一个女生之夜吧