浪女大厨（2014）

呃 嘿 我能为你做什么吗
Um, hi, can I help you?
呃 今日特惠是"给我滚吧乳蛋饼"
Uh, our special today is "He Can Quiche My Ass."
这个我要了 还要一个"还好我只跟他玩了4P三明治"
I'll take that, and a "Good Thing I Only Let Him Put In The Tri-tip Sandwich."
我的前男友睡了我室友 可我真的好想他
My ex slept with my roommate,and I miss him so much!
你知道我要附赠你什么吗
You know what I'm throwing in on the house?
一杯"愤怒的味增汤"
A cup of "Miso Angry Soup."
谢谢你
Thank you.
噢 不 谢谢你 振作啊 妹子
Oh, no, thank you, and stay strong, sister.
哇 你知道吗 如果生意一直这么如火如荼
Wow. You know, if business keeps up like this,
不仅我这两周都不用去乔什的家
not only will I not have to go back to Josh's in two weeks...
加比可能就不用再回来工作了
Gabi may not have to come to work ever again.
看看我做的吧
Look at what I've done.
走两条街都不会塌吗
Walked two blocks without collapsing?
加比推特就只有可怜巴巴的67个粉丝
Do you think that Gabi's measly 67 Twitter followers
你觉得就凭那点人气她们能火吗 怎么可能
would get her this kind of attention? Please.
我可是搞公♥关♥的
I'm a publicist.
交际网络对我而言简直是唾手可得
I have a network of people at my fingertips.
我就是社交媒体之神啊
I am a social media god.
你是在帮加比吗 真是活久见啊
You helping Gabi? I never thought I'd see the day.
你想啊 如果加比的餐车大获成功
Think about it. If Gabi's truck is a huge success,
她就没时间为乔什做事了
she won't have time to work for Josh.
我就把两周变成永远了
I'm turning two weeks into forever!
天哪 还真成功了
Oh my God. It's happening.
我联♥系♥了全部媒体 现在他们都想让她上《瑞秋美食秀》
I contacted every media outlet and now they want her on Rachael Ray!
你确定 还吃蛋糕 你想永远做单身狗吗
Really? Cake? Do you want to be alone forever?
加比 好消息
Gabi! Great news!
你知道的 我一直把你的最高收益挂在心上
As you know, I have your best interest at heart...
圈套 这是个圈套
Trap. It's a trap.
你最喜欢的厨师是谁
Who's your favorite chef ever?
茱莉亚·查尔德
Julia Child?
一个还活着的
One that's not dead.
瑞秋·雷
Rachael Ray?
猜猜谁要上《瑞秋美食秀》去聊聊她的餐车
Guess who's going on Rachael Ray to talk about her food truck?
如果不是我的话 你可真是太讨厌了
If it's not me, you're really mean!
就是你
It is you!
天哪
Oh my God!
瑞秋·雷 瑞秋·雷 瑞秋·雷
Rachael Ray! Rachael Ray! Rachael Ray!
早上好 亲爱的
Morning, sweetie.
你在我床上 为什么你会在我床上
You're in my bed. Why are you in my bed?
因为你昨晚太猛了啦
'Cause you were amazing last night.
哪里猛 我昨晚哪里猛了
Amazing at what? What was I amazing at?
宝贝 你改变了我的人生 好吧 是我们的人生
Honey, you changed my life! Well, our lives.
啊 什么
Aah! Wh... wh...
这是啥
What is this?
- 戒指 - 我知道是戒指
- A ring. - I know.
但它为什么会出现在我无名指上
But what's it doing on my married finger?
我们结婚了呀 小蠢蛋
Well, we got married, silly willy.
结婚了 等等 等等 我们怎么可能结婚
Married. Wait, wait, wait. We can't be married.
我们都没去拉斯维加斯呢 再等等 我们去了拉斯维加斯吗
We didn't go to Vegas. Wait, did we go to Vegas?
我们不用去拉斯维加斯 你那么有钱 我是说 我们那么有钱
We didn't have to. You're rich. I mean, we're rich,
我们多给了点钱就把一切搞定了啊 耶
and we paid a lot of money and made it happen! Yay!
别鼓掌
No clapping!
这事不应该庆祝
This is not a clapping matter.
我们不能结婚 我们根本不了解彼此
We can't be married. We don't know each other.
我是说 你昨晚才说 你根本不记得我
I mean, you said last night, you didn't remember me.
是的 可通过一整晚
I didn't until we spent the whole night
翻阅纪念册 追忆往昔
looking at our old yearbooks and started reminiscing.
我所有的感觉都涌回来了
All the feelings came flooding back.
噢 是吗 那之前我伤了你的心
Oh, really? How about the bad feelings
你对我恨之入骨的那些糟糕的感觉呢
from when you hated me for what I did to you?
那些感觉也回来了吗 它们还在吗 它们还在吗
Did those come back? Where are the bad feelings? Where are the bad feelings?
那些恨意全都只是过眼烟云了 因为你给了我最棒的赔偿
They're gone because you made the greatest amends of all.
你发誓说永不负我
You vowed to never hurt me again.
我发誓了
I did?
是的 你发誓了
Yes, you did.
现在 我要去“我们的”浴缸里泡个澡
Now, I am going to take a soak in...
等我洗完之后 我们就打电♥话♥给我们父母报喜
our tub, and when I'm done, we'll call our parents and tell them the good news.
好 拜拜
All right, see ya!
噢草
Oh.
埃利奥特
Elliot,
我最狂热的粉丝
my greatest supporter,
我全宇宙最爱的公♥关♥
my favorite publicist in the entire universe,
- 我最亲爱的朋友 - 你敢抱我 我就阉了你
- my dearest friend... - Hug me, and I'll cut you.
嘿 尤兰达 我回来拿我的刀
Hey, Yolanda. I just came to pick up my knives
去上《瑞秋美食秀》
for Rachael Ray.
我趁早回来就不会撞见乔什了
I came early so I wouldn't run into Josh.
你懂的 我要做的最后一件事就是刺♥激♥刺♥激♥他
You know, the last thing I wanna do is upset him
向他得瑟一下我要上《瑞秋美食秀》
by telling him I'm gonna be on Rachael Ray.
所以 呃 他在哪儿
So, um, where is he?
呃 我觉得他还在床上
Uh, I think he's still in bed.
噢 好吧 一切都是最好的安排 我就
Oh, well, I guess it's for the best, then. I'll just...
直接拿了刀走人
grab my knives and be on my way!
好 我拿完了
Okay, I got 'em!
我
Time...
走
to...
了
go...
- 尤兰达 埃利奥特 - 噢 不妙啊
- Yolanda! Elliot! - Aw, rats.
伙计们
Guys...
嘿 加比
Hey. Gabi.
加比在这儿啊 我真没想到你会在这儿
Gabi's here. I didn't think you were gonna be here.
你怎么在这啊 呃 我没想到你会在这
Why are you here? You know, I didn't think you were gonna be here,
而且你说了“我不会来这”的
'cause you said, "I'm not gonna be here."
哦 好吧 我只是来那会我的刀 因为我
Oh, well, I just came to get my knives, 'cause I'm...
最近要去纽约
going to New York in a couple...
哦 好吧 不妨就说出来吧 呃
Oh, well, I might as well just come out and say it. Um...
我的快餐车经营的还不错
My food truck is doing so well
所以瑞秋·雷找到我 想让我参加她的电视节目
that Rachael Ray found out about it, and she wants me to be on her TV show.
瑞秋·雷 哇哦 好样的 玩的开心
Rachael Ray? Wow-wee!Good for you! Have fun!
呃
Um...
你这周过得怎么样啊
So, uh, how's your week going?
像我一样棒吗
Is it, uh, as good as mine?
哦 一直很棒 你懂的 处理了屁♥股♥后面的一堆事 总而言之就是不后悔
Oh it has been. You know, just, amending my ass off. Hashtag: no regrets.
但是 嘿 你 你知道吗
But hey, you, you know what?
你已经走出去了 你要上电视了
You go and break a leg out there.
祝你好运 拜
Good luck. Bye!
伙计们 昨天晚上 我
Guys, last night, I...
- 结婚了 - 什么
- got married. - What now?
- 是的 我和艾拉结婚了 - 什么鬼
- Oh, yeah. I'm married to Ella. - What the hella?
我正忙着赔罪
I got so caught up in making amends,
我一直在喝酒 喝呀喝 喝呀喝
I just kept drinking and drinking and drinking.
尤兰达 我是说 我不知道你怎么想的
I mean, Yolanda, I don't know how you do it.
什么 我没有
What? I don't...
大家安静一下
Everyone, shut up!
我没什么想说的
I got nothing.
好吧 我 我好像悟出了什么
All right... I-I got something.
给我5万美刀零钱
Get me 50 grand in small bills.
我能找人搞定这件事
I know someone who can make things happen.
等等 你的意思是离婚
Wait, you mean like a divorce?
当然
Sure.
暂且这么叫吧
Let's call it that.
瑞秋·雷 瑞秋·雷 瑞秋·雷
Rachael Ray. Rachael Ray. Rachael Ray.
- 瑞秋·雷 瑞秋·雷 - 好了 淡定点
- Rachael Ray. Rachael Ray... - Okay, you gotta stop bouncing.
索菲亚 她是我偶像啊
Sofia, she is my idol.
就好比你要去见
It's like if you were about to meet...
发明
the guy who invented...
档案柜的人一样
the filing cabinet.
埃德温克·赛贝尔吗 但愿如此
Edwin G. Seibels? I wish.
好吧 来点冰淇淋冷静一下吧
You know what? How about we get you some ice cream to calm you down.
不要 我想上镜的时候好看一点
Nope. I wanna look good on camera.
可是 这儿的食物都是免费的啊
You know, all the food in here is free.