浪女大厨（2014）

天了噜 这事儿是真的吗
Oh my God, is this really happening?
嗯嗯 真的呢 是真的
Mm-hmm. It is. It is happening.
真的是真的吗 我没有在做梦吗 来 掐我一下
And it's real. I'm not dreaming? Here, pinch me.
不是做梦啊
It's not a dream!
你知道我等这个等多久了吗
Do you know how long I've waited for this?
一年零三个月 我猜的
A year and three months, roughly.
等等 万一什么事出错了怎么办
Wait, what if something goes wrong?
我是说 我们每一次开始交往
I mean, every time we've been close to getting together,
- 总会有什么事儿发生 - 这次不会了
- something happens. - Not this time.
呃 这次与以往有什么不同吗
Well, what's different this time?
哦 是这个啊
Oh. That.
我真想整天都和你待在一起
You know, I could stay here with you all day.
- 我得走了 - 什么
- I gotta go. - What?
别误会 乔什 我真的很喜欢这个
Well, don't get me wrong, Josh. I'm really into this,
但是我也很喜欢那个啊
but I'm also really into that.
那个东西 那个快餐车
That thing... the food truck.
哦 我到底为什么要帮你圆梦啊
Oh, why did I help you with your dream?
额 不 不是那样啦
Oh, it's... it's not just that.
我是说 杰克对咱俩的事表现得很淡定
I mean, Jake was really cool with you and me,
但是把他一个人留在车里做饭
but leaving him with the food truck to cook on his own?
过不了多久他就不能再这么淡定了
I mean, there's only so much coolness a man can give.
你说得对 你应该留下来
You're right. You should definitely stay.
不如我去找一家好酒店吧
But how about I find us a beautiful hotel
等你干完了那边的事
so when you're done with that,
过来和我♥干♥这个吧
we can start this?
- 哦 我喜欢这个主意 - 你知道我喜欢什么吗
- Oh, I love that idea. - You know what I love?
- 喜欢和我亲热 - 你就是我肚子里的蛔虫
- Making out with me? - It's like we share a brain.
好了 给你 享受一下吧
Okay, there you go. Enjoy.
哇 大伙儿真的很喜欢我们的蘑菇松饼啊
Wow, people are loving our mushroom popovers.
是啊 直到再过一个小时 他们什么感觉也没有的时候
Yeah, till they wait an hour and don't feel anything.
管他的 我们棒极了
Either way, we are killing it.
最佳团队
Best team ever.
呃 你懂的 当然是从专业角度来说
Uh, you know, professionally, of course.
杰克 对不起 真对不起
Jake, I am sorry. I am so, so sorry.
加比 都说了10次了
Gabi, for the 10th time,
我发誓 我对你和乔什的事没有意见
I swear I'm good with you and Josh.
你太棒了
You're amazing.
她说得对 你很棒
She's right. That was amazing.
什么意思
What do you mean?
你那套"刚被甩但是完全不介意"的表演
Your performance of "guy who's totally cool having just been dumped."
索菲亚 我没有演戏
Sofia, it wasn't an act.
我真的不介意加比和乔什的事
I really am cool with Gabi and Josh.
是吗 我还不介意鲁本甩我呢 还两回
Yeah, and I'm totally cool with Ruben dumping me again.
听着 这里就剩下你和我了
Listen, it's just us.
告诉我你在想什么
Tell me you haven't been thinking about
剪掉乔什车上的刹车线
cutting the brakes on Josh's car
然后他的车子完全失控
and having him accidentally veer off the road
结果撞上了鲁本吗
to run over Ruben.
什么 才没有呢
What? No!
你刚刚被甩 你怎么还这么开心
You were just dumped. How can you be so nice?
大家好就是真的好啊
I feel happy that other people are happy.
索菲亚 我在尼泊尔和和尚们生活了一年
Sofia, I lived with monks in Nepal for a year.
"友善就是我的信仰" 达♥赖♥喇♥嘛♥的名言
"My religion is kindness." So says the Dalai Lama.
是吗 我的信仰是"你打我一下 我杀你全家"
Yeah? Well, my religion is, you cut me, I cut you deeper.
你菲姐的名言
So says the Li'l SoSo.
好了 谁准备好去去海边度蜜月了
Okay, who's ready to salvage our honeymoon
四季酒店的宅度假哦
with a "staycation" at the Four Seasons?
我 我准备好了
Me! I am!
我爱死我的新老公了
I love my new husband.
那是你的行李箱吗
That's your suitcase?
我还以为你把精灵鼠小弟的沙丁鱼罐头借来了
I thought you used a sardine can like Stuart Little.
哦 这可不好
Oh! That wasn't good.
尤尤姐 你的后背还好吗
Yoyo, is your back okay?
哦 就是刺痛了一下 没事的
Oh, it's just a little pinch. I'll be fine.
- 啊 - 哦 我来帮你
- Ah! - Oh, Let me help.
我表亲是一个脊椎按♥摩♥师
My cousin's a chiropractor.
他教了我一个小技巧
He taught me a little trick.
啊 卧♥槽♥
Ah! Oh my damn!
好像是我的T7 啊
I think that's my T7! Ah!
哦 我的L5啊
Oh! There went my L5!
对不起
I'm so sorry.
怪不得我表亲改卖♥♥城市旅行用品了
No wonder my cousin now works at Urban Outfitters.
如果我们现在出发 我们还能赶上免费含羞草能量早午餐呢 快走吧
If we leave now, we can catch the complementary mimosa brunch. Let's go!
- 什么 - 怎么
- What? - What?
我们的朋友受伤了
Our friend has just been hurt,
还是因为我受的伤 我们不能就这样把她留下来
and by my own hands. We can't just leave her.
当然可以
Of course we can.
她走不了路了 我们能啊
She's the one who can't walk, not us.
- 走吧 - 你真的假的
- Come on. - Are you serious?
你的朋友需要你 你就这样像扔路边的
Your friend's in need and you just want to abandon her
垃圾一样抛弃她吗
like garbage on the side of the road?
哇 哇 哇 你话说得太过了
Whoa, whoa, whoa, you've gone too far.
她才不是我的朋友
She is not my friend.
啊 好棒的帐篷
Aw, sweet tent!
漂亮吧
Ain't she a beaut?
这是为了你和加比今晚的大事准备的吗
Is that for you and Gabi tonight?
哦 这个帐篷啊
Oh, this tent?
哦 呃 不是为我俩准备的
Oh, ah... it's not just for me and Gabi.
谁都能用 真的 这就是随便一个帐篷
Anyone can use it, really. It's a necessities one.
哪个 听着 呃 加州的
There's... look, you know, all the hotels
- 所有酒店 - 乔什 我对你和加比的事没意见
- in Coachella... - Josh, I'm cool with you and Gabi.
真的吗 兄弟 你确定吗 因为如果有什么不妥
Really, man? Are you sure? Because, Jake, I would feel terrible
- 我会很 - 没什么不妥 乔什 没事的
- if there were any... - There isn't. Josh, it's all good.
我们之间没事的
We're good.
那就好
Good.
你还有什么顾虑吗
Something else on your mind?
没有 没 呃 我没事的 兄弟
No! No, I mean, I'm good, man.
就是 关于今晚的事我有点紧张
It's just... I'm kind of freaking out about tonight.
出什么事了吗
What's the problem?
我通常很擅长这些事的
I mean, I'm usually fine with this kind of stuff.
"这些事"指的是和女人的那些事吗
This "kind of stuff," meaning being with a woman?
不是普通女人 是加比
Well, not just any woman. It's Gabi.
杰克 我从没对其他人有过这种感觉
Jake, I've never felt like this about anyone.
而且我们一直都这么亲近
And we've been so close so many times,
我 我不想吹了
I-I don't want to blow it.
哦 我现在明白了
Oh. Now I get it.
表现焦虑症
Performance anxiety.
是的 等等 什么
Yes! Wait, what?
你最不想发生的事
I mean, the last thing you need
就是"过早地完事儿"
is a premature "e-Josh-ulation."
不是
No!
不是 不是的 我说的不是这个
No, no, no. That's not what I'm talking about.
好吧 那你在说什么
Okay. So what are you talking about then?
感情的问题
The relationship stuff.
床上那方面 不是那个啦
The sex stuff? Not the sex stuff!
我说的不是羞羞的事啦 我很会干羞羞的事的
I'm not talking about the sex stuff. There'll be no problem with sex stuff.
但是现在一想 我还真有点担心了
But if I suddenly thought it could be a problem,
你说的那个是什么
what were you going to say?
哦 就是有的时候你会害怕
Oh, just in situations where you're afraid
你还没开始就结束了 有一种使小♥弟♥弟♥麻木的喷雾
you'll finish before you get started,there is a numbing spray that you could just
- 你可以把它喷在那儿 - 好的
- put on down there... - Okay!
不 谢谢 一百万年之前我都不会
No. Thank you, but not in a million years
需要那种玩意儿
would I ever need something like that.
但是万一我突然想要它
But if I suddenly thought I would need it,
我应该去哪儿买♥♥
where would I buy it?
我将和乔什有一个浪漫而又神奇的约会
My date with Josh is going to be romantic and magical.
“浪奇”
"Romantagical."
好吧 我为你感到高兴
Well, I'm very excited for you
尽管我很失落伤心
even though I am bummed and depressed...
“失伤”
"bumpressed."