我本坚强（2015）

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt S02E07

Part 1 Dec. 2, 2020, 2:58 p.m.

Christopher Columbus.
克里斯多弗·哥伦布
You white son of a bitch.
你这个贱白人佬
You tried to destroy my people,
你想灭了我的族人
and yet we memorialize you
我们还得在百老汇大街
right in the middle of Broadway
中♥央♥给你立纪念碑
as if you're some sort of M&M store.
简直比M&M巧克力商店还火啊
Hello? Hi, Mom.
你好嗨妈妈
Oh, hi, Jackie Lynn.
嗨 Jackie Lynn
Oh, ask her if she knows Seinfeld.
问问她认不认识Seinfeld
Not all New Yorkers know each other, Virgil.
不是所有的纽约人都互相认识的 Virgil
Well, today's the day, Mom.
就是今天了 Mom
I'm doing it.
我马上就要干了
Everything I came back to New York to do.
实现我回纽约的目标
Patrick Duffy?
干Patrick Duffy吗
That was the first time.
那是第一次来的目的
Tonight's my big charity thing.
今晚是我盛大的慈善晚会
Of course!
可不是嘛
And we'll be proud of you,
我们都为你骄傲
no matter how it goes.
不论结果如何
Right, honey?
对不亲爱的
So proud!
非常骄傲
We'll be proud of all the fun you're gonna have,
我们都为你能享受的乐趣感到骄傲
and whatever dress you pick out, or...
不论你穿哪条裙子或者
I don't know how to talk about this stuff.
我不知道怎么讨论这种事啦
I wear supermarket jeans.
我的牛仔裤都是超♥市♥买♥♥的
Guys, it's not about the dress.
重点不是穿什么裙子
It's about fixing 400 years of injustice
是为了穿着裙子纠正400年来的
in the dress,
不公正
which is a cap sleeve, trumpet hem gown
我选的是平肩裹胸鱼尾蓬裙
with a foil print pattern,
带着烫金图案
and it's gorgeous.
简直美若天仙哪
The point is, tonight is big.
重点是今晚会很隆重的
And I'm gonna make you wish you'd never climbed up there.
我会让你后悔爬这么高的
**Unbreakable*
*坚不可摧
**They alive, damn it*
*她们活下来了卧♥槽♥
**It's a miracle*
*真是个奇迹
**Unbreakable*
*坚不可摧
**They alive, damn it*
*她们活下来了卧♥槽♥
**They alive, damn it*
*她们活下来了卧♥槽♥
**It's a miracle*
*真是个奇迹
**Unbreakable*
*坚不可摧
**They alive, damn it*
*她们活下来了卧♥槽♥
**That's gonna be, uh...*
*接下来是
**you know, uh，a fascinating transition.*
*那个华丽的变身
**Damn it*
*卧♥槽♥
Okay, everything's ready for the gala tonight.
好了今晚的晚会一切就绪了
The seating chart's done, the table settings are approved,
座位卡搞定了桌子都布置好了
and Sting is booked,
Sting也预约好了
with a guarantee of no lute-playing.
说好不弹琵琶了
And everyone's gonna be there.
所有人都会出席的
Probably because I made the invitations so freakin' classy.
可能是因为我的邀请卡做的太赞了
I spelled "Honour" With a "U" Like they do in England.
我像英国人那样拼写的"荣幸"
Well, they better be ready to open their checkbooks.
他们最好都准备写支票
The $1,000-a-plate ticket barely covers expenses.
一人1000块的入场费包不住这次开支
This cost $1,000?
这个要1000块钱吗
Oh, no. I see it. I see it.
噢不是我懂了我懂了
Fifteen years ago,
十五年前
you know where I would have been tonight?
你知道这会儿我在哪儿吗
Sitting with all the other sad mistresses
和其他悲催的情妇一起
at the bar of the Pierre Hotel...
坐在皮埃尔酒店的酒吧里
I stayed at a hotel once. Nobody likes you.
我也住过一次酒店呢没人喜欢你
Waiting for Julian to fake a work emergency
等着Julian编个工作借口
so he could come spend a few hours with me.
来陪我几个小时
I've been waiting so long, my Rachel's starting to Phoebe.
我等了好久已经快从玉女变成欲♥女♥了
Jokes like that are why he'll never leave her.
他离不开她就因为她会开玩笑
And as soon as I stopped making those jokes,
我不再开那些玩笑以后
he did leave her.
他真的离开了她
Men find funny women disgusting.
男人不喜欢搞笑的女人
So then, I was the wife at the gala.
我现在主持晚会的正宫
But then he cheated on me.
但是他又出轨了
I guess none of it's great.
看来都不是什么好事
Kimmy, while I'm at the salon,
Kimmy 我去美容的时候
I need you to go pick up my dress from Bergdorf's.
你去波道夫店帮我拿礼服
I will treat it like it's my own fanciest dress,
我会像对待自己最高级的裙子一样对待它的
which I got free when I signed up for a bank account.
那是我注册银行账号♥的时候人家免费送的
And this can be my job, right?
那我就帮你按♥摩♥吧好不
Last night, Goatzilla flubbed his line again.
昨天晚上 Goatzilla又忘记台词了
I mean, how can you forget...
无语啊谁能忘掉
Roar!
吼
Oh, man, yesterday was crazy for me too.
昨天我也过的很疯狂啊
We got a shipment of rebar in,
我们收了一船的钢筋
but it was the five-foot instead of the ten-foot.
可是是五英尺的不是十英尺的
So I called the supplier,
所以我给供货商打电♥话♥
and they offered to give us a discount,
然后他们说给我们打个折
but I was like, "We can't work with this rebar!"
但是我就说"这些钢筋我们用不了啊"
Wow, I can't believe that story ended like that.
哇哦真没想到故事的结局是这样哈
No, then some guy overhears me, and he's like,
还没完然后有个人听到了我的话他就说
"You trying to get rid of ten-foot rebar?"
"你是不是不想要十英尺的钢筋"
And I'm like, "No, I need ten-foot rebar.
我就说 "不是我需要十英尺的钢筋
I'm trying to get rid of five-foot rebar."
我是不想要五英尺的钢筋"
And he goes, "Oh, 'cause I need ten-foot rebar."
然后他又说 "噢因为我也想要十英尺钢筋"
And I'm all, "Welcome to the party, pal!"
我就说 "咱俩真是难兄难弟啊伙计"
And then he's like,
然后他又说
"Can't you put two fives together and just make ten?"
"能不能把两个五英尺钢筋合在一起变成十英尺"
And I'm like, "No, you can't do that."
我就说 "不行肯定不行的"
When you try to put two five-foot rebars together...
你要是把两个五英尺钢筋合在一起
I'm sorry I took you in the bathroom,
对不起把你带到厕所里了
Ms. Jacqueline's dress, but I really had to go,
Jacqueline太太的礼服但是我真的很想上厕所
and you're too pretty to let out of my sight.
你太漂亮了我舍不得让你离开我的视线
You're so elegant with your shiny pocket
你闪亮的口袋和炫酷的拉链
and your cool zipper.
实在太优雅啦
What?
什么
Secret bonus dress!
秘密的赠送礼服
Hello, I just used your bathroom,
你好我刚才用了你的厕所
but I am not a customer... yet.
但是我还没点什么东西
It's fine. Don't worry about it.
没事的别担心
No, sir.
不行先生
If I ignore that sign, where does it end?
如果我无视那个标志那就没底限了啊
Imagine if I ignored that sign too.
你想想如果我也无视那个标志呢
I will have a large cocoa and some chicken nuggets.
给我一杯大可乐和一份鸡块
With ketchup. Leave the bottle.
加番茄酱番茄酱瓶子给我拿来哈
So, where'd you serve?
你是在哪儿服役的(服务)
Me?
我吗
Oh, I'm not a waitress,
噢我不是服务生
but I get that all the time.
但是我经常被误会
I just like calling people "Hon"
我只是喜欢叫别人"亲"
and drawing smiley faces on pieces of paper I give to them.
还有给别人纸的时候喜欢在上面画个笑脸
No, I meant in the military. Sorry.
不是我是说在哪个军队服役抱歉
I'm usually pretty good at spotting other vets.
一般我很擅长认出退役军人的
Soldiers.
士兵
You've kind of got that look.
你看起来有点像
Because of my muscles?
因为我的肌肉吗
I do a lot of chin-ups in my apartment
我在家里做很多引体向上
because the floors aren't safe.
因为地板不太结实
No, your eyes.
不是是你的眼睛
Not that I was staring at your eyes
我可不是像个变♥态♥一样
like a weirdo or anything.
盯着你的眼睛哈
I'm close with my mom... What? Okay.
我和我妈妈很亲密的说啥呢好吧
Just...
只是
You look like you've seen some stuff.
你看起来好像经历过很多事