我本坚强（2015）
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
第二季
剧集 | 我本坚强（2015） | 导航列表
我本坚强（2015）
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt S02E08
Part 1
Dec. 2, 2020, 2:58 p.m.
**Unbreakable*
*坚不可摧
**They alive, damn it*
*她们活下来了 卧♥槽♥
**It's a miracle*
*真是个奇迹
**Unbreakable*
*坚不可摧
**They alive, damn it*
*她们活下来了 卧♥槽♥
**But females are strong as hell*
*但是女人可真牛逼啊
**Unbreakable*
*坚不可摧
**They alive, damn it*
*她们活下来了 卧♥槽♥
**It's a miracle*
*真是个奇迹
**Unbreakable*
*坚不可摧
**They alive, damn it*
*她们活下来了 卧♥槽♥
**That's gonna be, uh...*
*接下来是
**you know uh a fascinating transition.*
*那个 华丽的变身
**Damn it*
*卧♥槽♥
Merry Christmas, everyone! Please.
圣诞快乐 各位 别闹了
It's only Fake Christmas, Ms. Schmidt-If-You're-Nasty.
这只不过是个伪圣诞节 坏女孩Schmidt
I think this is cute.
我觉得挺有意思的
And a little weird, like a bunny with human teeth.
不过有点奇怪 就好像长着人类牙齿的兔子一样
But why is she here?
为什么她在这儿
I had to invite Mimi.
我不得不邀请Mimi
She had no place to go on Fake Christmas.
"伪圣诞节"期间她无处可去
This is not a real holiday.
这又不是一个真的节日
She had nowhere to go on a Thursday.
她不过是在周四无处可去而已
Well, I've got the Christmas spirit.
我是多么富有圣诞精神的人啊
I made everybody stockings,
我给所有人都准备了长筒袜
even Murasaki.
甚至有Murasaki的份
Murasaki doesn't do Christmas.
Murasaki又不过圣诞节
Ho, ho, ho!
哈 哈 哈
Merry Christmas! Santa!
圣诞快乐 圣诞老人
Wait, I can't kiss you.
等等 我不能亲你
I'm married!
我已经结婚了
And Mrs. Claus is a beautiful and very sexual woman.
而且圣诞奶奶是一位美丽性感的女人
Where was all this acting commitment
当时我在31冰激凌店过生日
when I asked you to say it was my birthday at Baskin Robbins?
让你说这句话的时候 你的演技怎么没这么炉火纯青
The Jews took my painting! What?
那帮犹太佬拿走了我的画 什么
Now it's a party!
现在感觉像派对了
Ho, ho, ho.
吼 吼 吼
You ho!
你个贱♥人♥(whore)
Sonja?
Sonja
Where's Dong?
Dong他人呢
How would I know?
我怎么会知道
He says he's been working late,
他最近总说他在加班
and then I found this under his pillow.
然后我在他枕头底下发现了这个
Is that my scrunchie? Hey!
这不是我的发圈吗 嘿
You don't barge into people's tugboats...
你不能这样闯入别人拖船里
uh, homes... and wave a pocket butthole at them!
我是说家里 然后冲着他们挥舞橡皮(屁)圈
I put it there, Sonja.
是我放在那里的 Sonja
I went to your house to beg Dong to take me back.
是我跑到你们家 跪求Dong和我重修于好
He kicked me out, but I hid this under his pillow.
他把我赶了出来 但是我把这个藏到他的枕头底下
I thought, that way, I might be in his dreams,
我以为 这样做 我就可以出现在他的梦里
like Freddy Krueger, but romantic,
像Freddy Krueger 不过是浪漫的那种
but with the same sweater.
但是我们穿着一样的毛衣
This seems much less important than my thing.
你们这件事远没有我这个重要啊
I'm watching you, Kimmy, and you never know where I am
我盯着你呢 Kimmy 你是不可能发现我的行踪的
because of my invisibility hat.
因为我有隐身帽
He kept my scrunchie.
他还留着我的发圈
Shut up!
闭嘴吧
Well, Santa's got to be on his way.
圣诞老公公得走了
Hang on, you're leaving?
等一下 你这就要走了
Sorry, little boy. Ew, stop.
抱歉 小男孩 恶心 别闹
You're a worse actor than Cate Blanchett.
你比凯特布兰切演技还烂呢
What? She's great!
别瞎说 她简直棒极了
Is she?
是吗
Or is she just tall?
或者她只是个子高而已
Hmm.
也许吧
It's the worst Fake Christmas ever.
这真是有史以来最糟糕的伪圣诞节
So this is what hell is like.
原来地狱就是这个样子的
Yeah, I get that a lot.
没错 好多人都这么跟我说
What's eating you, sweetheart?
你心里有什么事儿吗 甜心
Some Jewish family is claiming that the Nazis
有一个犹太家族声称我的蒙特里安画
stole my Mondrian from them in the '30s.
是纳粹在三十年代从他们家偷走的
They can't take my painting!
他们不能抢走我的画
Well, maybe I can help. Really?
也许我可以帮你 真的吗
I can't pay you. Come on.
我没钱付给你 放心吧
I got your back with this painting thing.
在画这件事情上 我能帮你的忙
I actually know a little something about that world.
关于艺术世界 我还是略知一二的
Twice a week, I'm a nude model
我是个裸模 一周做两次
for what I'm pretty sure is an art class.
而且我敢肯定我去的是一个绘画班
Kimmy, wh...
Kimmy 啥
Dong, I know Sonja's at work, so I knew you'd be alone.
Dong 我知道Sonja上班去了 所以你一个人在家
Yes, Sonja is at work.
对啊 Sonja上班去了
Look, Sonja found my scrunchie under your pillow,
Sonja在你的枕头底下发现了我的发圈
so I told her the truth:
所以我就跟她坦白了
that I put it there because I'm trying
是我放在那里的 因为我想
to drive the two of you apart.
拆散你们夫妻俩
Oh, how could you?
天呐 你怎么能这样呢
What a trick to play. I know.
手段太卑鄙了 没错
I was being a real slutburger.
我就是个不折不扣的婊♥子♥
But since I'm here...
那么既然我都来了
Mm.
嗯
Now it's your turn.
现在轮到你了
Yeah, take it.
尝尝吧
You have to leave!
你快走吧
I'm married!
我已经结婚了
I cannot suck on your scarf!
我不能闻你的围巾
Fine, I give up.
好吧 我放弃
Now that I know how you really feel about me...
现在我知道你对我的感情了
goodbye forever.
永别了
I hate you so much,
我太讨厌你了
you crazy American witch.
你个疯狂的美国女巫
I hate you, too.
我也好讨厌你
Ah, Sonja.
啊 Sonja
Where did you come from?
你从哪里跳出来的
This bus is taking forever!
公交车怎么还不来
Ermahgerd.
额滴个神
I took the day off for Kimmy, and now she's out chasing Dong.
我特意为了Kimmy而请假 结果她跑去和Dong纠缠
You know what?
你猜怎么着
I'm going out, Mimi Kanassis.
我这就出门 Mimi Kanassis
I'm gonna find me an ice cream shop
我要去找一个当我说今天我过生日
that won't ask for ID when I tell them it's my birthday.
他们不会要求查看我身份证的冰激凌店
Uh-uh, Rick.
Rick 不行
I am not coming in to work on my day off.
我不会在休息日的时候去上班的
Titus, we are slammed.
Titus 我们火烧屁♥股♥了
Jason just got a callback for Hamilton,
Jason被召回去演<汉密尔顿>了
so we need you to cover his shift.
所以我们需要人来顶替他
Why didn't I get an audition for that?
我怎么就拿不到那个剧的试演呢
They're just prejudiced 'cause I can't rap
因为我不会饶舌和快速转圈
or walk quickly in a circle.
他们就歧视我
Titus, you know the day the ground beef expires
Titus 你是知道的 牛肉馅过期的时候
is our busiest time of the month.
正是我们每个月最忙的时候
Just get down here, okay?
就赶紧过来吧 好吗
When will this liberal war on Fake Christmas end?
这场伪圣诞节期间的解放战争什么时候才会结束啊
So you're the creep who's trying to take this painting
你就是那个试图要从我孩子手里夺走那幅画的
out of my children's mouths.
鬼鬼祟祟的人♥渣♥吗
My name is Russ Snyder.
我叫Russ Snyder
I'm the attorney for the Jewish Art Reclamation Project,
我是犹太艺术品收复项目的代表律师
or JARP!
简称JARP
Please excuse the sling.
请别在意我的石膏带
I can't discuss it due to an ongoing lawsuit,
在审理案件的时候我不能谈论这个
but... the door said "Push."
但是 那扇门上写着 "推"
我本坚强（2015）
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
剧集 | 我本坚强（2015） | 导航列表