我本坚强（2015）

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt S02E11

Part 5 Dec. 2, 2020, 2:59 p.m.

But now I wouldn't even name
但是现在就算是那个下半部分的孩子
a bottom-half half kid after you!
我也不会用你的名字了
And that's where the butt is!
屁♥股♥就在那半部分
Ooh! Oh, snap!
天啊天啊
That "Oh, snap" Moment was brought to you by
那声惊叹就像捕鼠夹里那个
Spine-Snap Possum Traps:
正中红心的场景一样
"When you hear the snap,
"当你听到啪的一声的时候
you got a possum to bury."
就要做好替负鼠收尸的准备了"
I'm gonna freeze to death.
我要给冻死了
I feel like I'm sitting under a vent.
感觉就像是通风口下面坐着
Oh, Meth-Head Charlie!
是瘾君子Charlie啊
You brought me all my stuff...
你把我东西都带来了
my winter coat, my stereo,
我的冬衣外套我的立体音响
my copper pipes!
还有我的铜管
You robbed me!
你了洗劫我的东西
Methadone H. Charles,
Methadone H.Charles
you bring back my radiator
你马上把我的
this instant!
暖气片给我还回来
Tyler, what happened?
Tyler 发生什么事了
I hate you.
我恨你
I did everything you said.
我一板一眼的按你说的去做
I put my arm around her and looked at her eyeballs,
我用胳膊环着她然后跟她四目相对
and she goes, "You think this is a date?"
结果她说"你以为这是个约会吗"
She never even liked me, and it's all your fault!
她从来没有喜欢过我都是你的错
And I wish I never met you!
我真希望我从来没遇到过你
Tyler Middle Name Last Name, I know you didn't mean that.
我不管你是姓Tyler还是叫Tyler 这不是你的真心话
Young man, you come back here
现在你立刻给我回来
and say something nice about me
然后跟我
this instant!
说两句奉承话
Look, you're mad at the wrong person.
听着你生错气了
Why are you even still here?
你为什么还在这儿
You think of a new way to stab me in the back...
还是说你又想到什么新方法要在背后捅我一刀
maybe with a fork glued to a boomerang?
比如用黏在回力镖上的叉子捅我一下
You're the one who stabs yourself in the back, Cyndee,
Cydnee 你才是那个在背后用那啥
with... I don't know... A sword
用一把绕地球一周的剑
that goes all the way around the world!
捅到了自己的人
Why can't you just support me?
你为什么就不能支持我呢
Nope, not interested.
没兴趣
What? I'm not crying for you.
什么我可不是为你哭泣
I'm crying for me.
我这是为自己悲伤
Sometimes it feels good to feel feelings, Kimmy.
Kimmy 有时候我们要听从内心情感的召唤
Brandon says the ancient Greeks called it "Catharsis,"
Brandon说在古希腊人们把这个叫做"精神宣泄法"
and it's just one of the
而这就是为什么
many ways they were real smart about stuff.
古希腊人能够如此的睿智的原因
No, this is you letting another man manipulate you.
不你是在放任自己再次被男人操控
The Reverend made you cry.
牧师让你为之哭泣
Can Man made you cry.
罐头男让你黯然神伤
Donna Maria wearing that cardboard mustache made you cry.
甚至那个戴假胡子的Donna Maria也让你泣不成声
Don Mario, the Spanish-language insult comic,
Don Mario 那个说西班牙语的专门侮辱人的谐星
was mean.
非常刻薄
I don't let other people tell me how I feel.
我从来不用别人来告诉我该作何感受
That's why I never cried in the bunker.
这就是我从未在地窖里流过泪的原因
Never?
从来没有过吗
Not even when you were alone?
哪怕自己独自一人的时候也没有吗
That's... That's nuts.
你真是你真是疯了
Seriously, Kimmy, if you ever want to come back on the show...
说真的 Kimmy 如果你要是还想回去录节目的话
I thought you were a good doctor.
我本来还以为你是个好医生
But you're a creep,
结果却像
like Doc Brown from Back to the Future.
<回到未来>里的那个Brown博士一样的神经病
Why is he asking a 16-year-old boy
为什么他要让一个十六岁的少年
to meet him alone in an empty parking lot
独自一人带个摄像机
with a video camera?
去空无一人的停车场跟他碰面
Right.
好吧
Cyndee, Cyndee...
Cyndee你听我说
I know that was very difficult for you,
我知道过去一段时间对你来说很难熬
but now that you've confronted your greatest nemesis, Kimmy,
但是你已经和你的终极克星Kimmy对峙过了
I think you're finally ready
我想你是时候准备
to move forward and start a new life,
去开始新的生活了
which is why I want this Thursday's show,
所以我打算在12分钟之后开始录制的
which tapes in 12 minutes,
这个星期四的节目上
to be your dream wedding to Brandon Yeagley,
为你和Brandon Yeagley办一场梦幻婚礼
brought to you by all-new episodes
由最新一季<美国恐怖故事>
OF AMERICAN HORROR STORY: Ghost Bus!
"幽灵巴士"倾情赞助
Oh!
天啊
Yay! Not before the wedding!
太好了不办婚礼不能亲
You know what? I tried.
我真是受够了我努力过了
I'm not gonna be part of this.
我是不会再掺和你们的事了
Good, 'cause this wedding's gonna be real emotional.
那也好反正这一定会是一场动人心弦的婚礼
And I'm totally gonna cry.
到时候我一定忍♥不住眼泪决堤
Yeah, I'm crying on the inside right now.
没错我内心已经在泪流成河了
Because we're not robots, Kimmy,
Kimmy 因为我们跟你不一样
unlike you.
像个机器人似的
Oh, so my brain's a computer,
你的意思是我的大脑就像个电脑
I have a built-in jetpack,
身上装了个内置的喷气机
and my name stands for something cool,
那是不是我的名字也像是什么
like "Killer Imagination Mega-Machine, Ya heard"?
"杀手之梦-超级机器人"之类的那样酷炫
Nice insult!
黑得漂亮
If you're dead,
如果你死了
may I have your hair for a wig I dreamed?
我能用你的头发做一顶我梦寐以求的假发吗
Please.
拜托
If anything's gonna kill me,
如果说有什么事情能置我于死地的话
it'll be my lover, Bobby Durst.
那只有可能是我的爱人 Bobby Durst
Why did you never have children?
为什么你从来没想过要个孩子呢
Oh, I'm not a mom type.
这个啊我只是觉得我不是一块做妈妈的料
I guess I wanted to hold on to my freedom.
我大概只是想抓住自♥由♥的尾巴
To this day,
直到今天
if I see a raccoon,
如果我看见一只浣熊
I can follow it, see where it takes all that stuff,
我可以跟着他看他把东西都运到哪里去
and then that's my stuff.
然后再把那些东西据为己有
Kids can make you feel like you're king of the world,
孩子能让你觉得像
like Leonardo DiCaprio
被白鲸打翻浮板之前的莱昂纳多那样
before chubs took over the whole floating door.
是这个世界的主宰
And then they turn on you for no reason,
他们也会无缘无故的拿你撒气
like me with Kate Winslet.
就像我对凯特温斯莱特一样
You know, I do have a child...
你知道吗我确实有一个孩子
this neighborhood.
那就是我的社区
Lame.
真逊
I take care of it.
我悉心照顾它
I protect it.
保护它
I'd do anything for it.
我愿意为了它赴汤蹈火在所不辞
But I was stupid to think
可是我竟然愚蠢到
I'd get anything back,
幻想自己能有任何的回报
'cause kids are selfish,
因为孩子是自私的
and they take you for granted.
他们会认为你的付出是理所当然的
And you love them anyway.
但是你依然会无条件爱他们
That's what parenting is all about.
真是可怜天下父母心啊
You give and you give,
你不断的付出
and you end up cold, hungry,
结果到头来自己却是落到被拷到
and handcuffed to a bulldozer.
推土机上饥寒交迫的下场
What if you still think maybe it's worth it?
那如果你依然觉得这一切都值得呢
Well, then you're a sucker.
那你就是个笨蛋
Hey, what's with all this kid talk?
你今天怎么了老是说这些关于孩子的事
Mikey knock you up?
Mikey把你肚子搞大了吗
No.
不是
We're being careful.
我们一直都很小心
It's just, after I ran away from Vonda,
只是自从我离开Vonda后
I thought my only chance for a family
我觉得我组建家庭的唯一机会
was a Klumps scenario.
就是像肥佬教授里的Klumps那样做
Now I'm 30-mumble.
现在我都快30的人
I could get married. Hmm.
我有可能会结婚嗯