我本坚强（2015）

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt S02E09

Part 1 Dec. 2, 2020, 2:58 p.m.

Morning, Charlie!
早啊 Charlie
Excuse me, Kimmy Lee and Hoda...
打断一下 Kimmy Lee and Hoda
first pun of the day, don't judge...
今天第一个双关哈别评论
I was not prepped for this level of pep, Peppy Le Pew.
我还没做好这么精神的准备呢 Peppy Le Pew
Puns getting better.
我的双关越来越牛了
Sorry not sorry, Titus,
可惜我不想道歉啊 Titus
but I need these tunes to get pumped
但是我需要音乐来打起精神
for the old nine to five a.m
我得从9点工作到早上5点呢
What is this nunsense you're singing?
你唱的什么鬼
It's from Now That Sounds Like Music!
是<旧曲新唱>系列里的
Titus, the tapes came!
Titus 磁带到了
"Music Inspired By, But
"歌♥曲灵感来自于
Legally Different From, the Music You Love."
您喜爱的金曲经过合法改编而成"
This is "Hiking on Sunlight" By Kartuna and the Wigs.
这首是Kartuna和Wigs唱的<阳光下远足>
Come on. Dance like you have ants in your pants.
来嘛使劲跳舞就像蚂蚁爬到你裤子里了
I do have ants in my pants due to some pocket taffy.
我裤子里确实有蚂蚁因为里面装着太妃糖
But I will not.
但是我才不跳舞
What?
怎么了
Don't tell me you still have the blues.
别告诉我你还在郁闷啊
No, I switched flavors of Gatorade.
不是我换了运动饮料的口味
Now it comes out... Oh.
现在光想放屁噢
Yes, I have been feeling a bit low.
对我是有点情绪低落
Quitting Professor Dracula's was supposed to lead to something great,
我以为辞演<吸血鬼教授>会让我找到更好的工作
but so far, no one's offered me
但是到现在为止
any amazing jobs in this apartment.
公♥寓♥里也没人给我什么给力的工作
Well, why don't you go see Mikey?
你怎么不去和Mikey约会呢
Mikey's away at ConCon, the annual construction convention.
Mikey去开会了年度建筑会展
He's dressing as his favorite silicone joint sealant.
他穿的像他最喜欢的硅酮密封剂
It's Permatex.
是Permatex牌的
Well, I know what always cheers me up:
我知道做什么能让自己开心起来
singing in the shower!
边洗澡边唱歌♥
What the huh?
搞什么鬼
Last night, after a box of key lime wine
昨天晚上我喝了一箱子莱姆酒
and some shame spiraling,
有点丢人的晕头转向以后
I decided to give all my Barbies perms.
我决定给我所有的芭比娃娃们烫头发
Some of them don't have the face for it.
有些长相确实不适合烫发
But I need a shower.
但是我要洗澡啊
I can't miss the morning rush.
我不能错过早上打车高峰期
That's when people are most desperate for rides.
这时候是人们最急着打车的时候
Hungover prep school kids, fishmongers who overslept,
喝醉的预科生睡过头的鱼贩子
girls leaving John Mayer's houseboat.
从John Mayer游艇上离开的女孩
No, they have to dry in place
别动她们得在原地风干
before I can apply the Japanese straightening goop!
我才能给她们上日本直发剂
Titus, don't you think you'd feel better
Titus 你不觉得你今天做点实事
if you actually did something today?
会感觉好的多吗
Does holding in a fart count?
忍♥住放屁算不算
Why don't you go out and get us more tape storage?
为什么你不出去转转再买♥♥个磁带收纳架呢
Now That Sounds Like Music! Is a four-tape compilation,
<旧曲新唱>系列有四盘磁带呢
but we only have one slot left.
但是架子只剩一个空位了
Who gets it?
放哪盘呢
It's like Sophie's Choice without
简直就是<苏菲的选择>
Streep chewing the scenery like a rat on drywall.
只不过没有梅姨那么厉害的演技
I will also require a per diem, as I am out of taffy.
我还需要一点补贴因为我的太妃糖吃完了
Oh, God!
噢天哪
I forgot about the ants!
我忘记有蚂蚁了
They latched on to my tongue!
它们在我舌头上做窝了
I'll get them off!
我把它们弄出来
I can feel them giving birth!
我能感觉到它们在繁殖了
Then stop eating it!
那就别嚼了
**Unbreakable*
*坚不可摧
**They alive, damn it*
*她们活下来了卧♥槽♥
**It's a miracle*
*真是个奇迹
**Unbreakable*
*坚不可摧
**They alive, damn it*
*她们活下来了卧♥槽♥
**But females are strong as hell*
*但是女人可真牛逼啊
**Unbreakable*
*坚不可摧
**They alive, damn it*
*她们活下来了卧♥槽♥
**It's a miracle*
*真是个奇迹
**Unbreakable*
*坚不可摧
**They alive, damn it*
*她们活下来了卧♥槽♥
**That's gonna be, uh...*
*接下来是
**you know, uh,a fascinating transition.*
*那个华丽的变身
**Damn it!*
*卧♥槽♥
For your snacking enjoyment, sir,
如果您想吃点零食先生
the cup holders are filled with today's dips,
杯架上是今天的蘸料
bean and Fun.
豆子和糖粉
Lik-a-Stix can be found
蘸糖粉的糖在你头上车顶
in a tear in the ceiling fabric above you.
布料的那个裂口里
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister?
一个神父一个犹太祭司一个牧师
Did you tell Union Theological we need an overhead projector?
你和神学协会说了我们需要一台高架投影仪了吗
Of course. You were on the email.
当然了你不是也在电子邮件上吗
Oh, my gosh!
噢天哪
So funny!
太搞笑了
"On the email"?
"在电子邮件上"
You guys.
你们哪
Late for work, huh?
上班晚了吧
No thanks to John Mayer.
都怪John Mayer
Excuse me, Mr. Khaki Pants.
打扰一下卡其裤先生
I'm having trouble locating your tape tower showroom.
我找不到你们的磁带架展厅
Our what? Tape towers.
什么磁带架
For cassettes.
放磁带的
I'm thinking of something in a walnut veneer
我想要个胡桃木的
with a 50-tape capacity.
能放50盘磁带的架子
Or 100, if you can sell me.
100盘也行只要你推销的好
Yeah, I don't think they make those anymore.
是吗可惜这种产品已经不生产了
Maybe try eBay? On the Internet?
你可以在易贝上找找网上吗
But I don't have a credit card.
但是我没有信♥用♥卡♥
When Samuel L. Jackson asks what's in my wallet,
如果Samuel L. Jackson问我钱包里有什么
the answer is "Ketchup packets."
回答是"番茄酱包"
What, girl Uber?
什么女的优步司机
Yeah, Malala!
好吧都一样
You got the address?
你知道地址了吧
The spinning bar on top of the Marriott!
万豪酒店顶层的旋转酒吧
Goes the opposite way of my spins,
跟我的头晕方向正好相反
so I'm good for a couple more hours.
所以我还可以撑几个小时
Oop, let me help you there.
我来帮你吧
What the hell's in the cup holder,
杯架里是什么鬼
pink cocaine and poop?
粉色可♥卡♥因♥和粑粑吗
Okay, yeah.
好吧没事
I'll eat some poop if I can get pink cocaine.
要是我能来点粉色可♥卡♥因♥让我吃屎都行
So pretty fancy place you came out of.
你刚才出来的地方好高级呀
Metal silverware and everything.
肯定有银餐具和其他高级东西吧
Special night?
特别的晚上吗
No, I go there all the time.
不是我经常去那儿
They make the best vodka in a glass.
他们那里的伏特加是最好的
Why does it smell like a
为什么车里闻着一股
pine tree gave birth to an onion in here?
松树上结了个洋葱的味道
Sorry.
抱歉
My roommate, Titus, filled the shower with his dolls
我的室友 Titus 把浴缸里放满了娃娃
and didn't want to move them,
不让我动它们
so I had to take an Ohio shower
所以我只好用我们的消毒湿巾
using our disinfectant toilet wipes.
洗了个俄亥俄式的澡
But I am kind of like a toilet,
但是我有点像马桶呢
'cause I'm white and full of beans!
因为我又白又多事(屎)
Why would you let him treat you that way?
你为什么让他这样对待你啊
Is he hot?
他很帅吗
Well, he's really shiny.
他很耀眼
Kind of like a chess piece.
有点像棋子
I guess I just did it 'cause I'm nice.
我想我让着他是因为我人好吧
And that makes you happy?
那让你很快乐吗