我本坚强（2015）

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt S02E08

Part 4 Dec. 2, 2020, 2:58 p.m.

I mean, how about, "This is because
就不能说 "这是因为
I find you really attractive, Pacey.
我觉得你很迷人 Pacey
This is because I love your doughy little boy body,
因为我喜欢你柔软的小男孩身体
and I know it's gonna tighten up one day."
我肯定你以后会变得精壮的"
Whatever.
算了
He got through it.
反正他熬过去了
Jeez, Purvis, I had no idea it was so complicated.
天哪 Purvis 没想到这么复杂啊
Yeah, and don't even get me started on sex.
是啊更别提那些滚床单的事了
I mean, it's weird, and it's gross,
多奇怪多恶心啊
and it's way too close to where we poop and pee,
跟人们拉屎撒尿的地方离得也太近了吧
which is why I'm never gonna do it.
所以我是永远也不会做的
Well, I guess we all have our issues.
看来我们都有自己的问题哈
But as long as you find the right person,
不过只要你找到了你的真命天子
you know, like Pacey and Joey,
就像Pacey和Joey那样
none of the rest of that stuff really matters.
其他的事都不重要
Just the ice pack, then?
就要冰袋吗
Um...
呃
condoms?!
安全套
Good news!
好消息
Jason got the part in Hamilton of break-dancing John Locke,
Jason得到<汉密尔顿>里面霹雳舞John Locke的角色了
so consider yourself promoted!
所以就当你被升职了吧
You mean I have to do this job forever?
你是说我得永远做这个了
Yes, we are gonna have to recast your old part.
是啊我们得找人演你的角色了
Uh...
呃
Rodney could fit into the Frankenwolf costume.
Rodney应该能穿上你的戏服
I get to sing?
我有机会唱歌♥了吗
Goodbye, Rodney Simmons.
再见了 Rodney Simmons
Hello, Troylus Cressibo, star on the rise!
你好啊 Troylus Cressibo 冉冉升起的新星
It's like looking into my own past,
简直像在看过去的我自己
right down to the six-pack abs.
连六块腹肌都一样
Shut up.
闭嘴
I used to be like him.
我以前和他一模一样
Now I'm just sitting here counting my money.
现在我只能坐在这里数钱
What will become of me if I keep this up?
要是一直这样下去我会变成什么样啊
Oh, God!
老天哪
That's what the president looks like now?
总统现在就是这样的吗
Spirit, are you saying that's what I'll turn into
魂灵啊你是说如果我当老板的话我以后
if I'm the boss?
就会变成那样吗
All gray and wrinkly and everyone hates me?
又老又皱人们都讨厌
Nah, man, I just want to know if I can switch to hockey.
不是伙计我只是想问问能不能调到冰球频道
Is that really what it's all about?
这一切到底是为了什么啊
What's the point of any of it?
有什么意义啊
Lillian.
Lillian
Kimmy.
Kimmy
My loyal servants.
我忠实的仆人们
You know what?
你猜怎么着
I quit!
我辞职
I'm going home to celebrate Fake Christmas
我要回家和我假装爱的人
with the people I fake love!
一起庆祝伪圣诞节
If I'm reading this right,
要是我没理解错的话
one of us needs to go back for a banana.
我们得有人回去买♥♥个香蕉
Let me see if I can figure it out.
让我看看能不能搞明白吧
I blame my mom for this.
都怪我妈妈
She never taught me about the birds and the bees.
她从来不给我做性教育
And the Durnsville school system
而Durnsville的教育系统
only taught us about the birds and the bees.
只教我们真的小鸟和蜜蜂
Did you know God won't let penguins fly
你知道上帝不让企鹅飞翔
because they're gay?
因为它们都是同性恋吗
Ready for the hurricane?
准备好疯狂了吗
Uh, Kimmy?
呃 Kimmy
Oh, no!
噢不
Have I been punching you this whole time
难道我在没意识到的情况下
and didn't realize it?
一直在揍你吗
I think I have a latex allergy.
我觉得我是乳胶过敏
This happened once before when I tried to sleep
以前有次我想在一堆切断的自行车胎上
on a pile of cut-up bike tires.
睡觉的时候也发生过
Call back.
刚想起来
And now I can't breathe,
我快不能呼吸了
which means my brain isn't getting
也就是说我的大脑接受不到
any of your emails, Peter.
你的邮件了 Peter
No!
不
Not My Girl.
别像<宝贝小情人>那样啊
It's supposed to be Dawson's Creek.
应该像<恋爱时代>一样甜蜜啊
Hello, 911, this is Kimmy.
你好 911吗我是Kimmy
How are you?
你好吗
I'm just trying to be polite.
我只是想礼貌点
I've never done this before.
我从来没打过911啊
And you're wasting my time!
你才是在浪费我的时间
Will you stop making those noises?
你能不能别发出怪声了
Okay, look, I'll have you know
好吧让我告诉你
that some of the most powerful men in history
历史上有多少名人
were mouth-breathers.
都是用嘴呼吸的吧
Lou Ferrigno, Henry Kissinger,
Lou Ferrigno Henry Kissinger
John Merrick, whom you may know better as the Elephant Man.
John Merrick 也许说"象人"你更熟悉一些
Wow, and you're boring.
哇你真是无聊透顶
You're the total package!
你可真是"十全十美"啊
Are we done here?
可以结束了吗
I think I just figured out why a beautiful woman like you is living alone,
我算是明白为什么你这么个美女要一个人住了
but I'm afraid I can't leave until the Mondrian does.
但是恐怕要等画运走我才能走
Look, I'm not the bad guy here, okay?
我并不是个坏人好吗
Really?
是吗
Well, then who is?
那谁是啊
Who do I blame for all of this?
这一切该怪谁啊
Kimmy did this to me.
都是Kimmy造成的
She said I didn't need a rich husband to support me,
她说我不需要依赖有钱的老公
but she was wrong.
但是她错了
I just want my old life back.
我只想过回以前的生活
All right, just take the painting directly to the granddaughter,
好了直接把画送到孙女那里去
Maya Wiener-Hertz-Allott-Cozzabudts.
Maya Wiener-Hertz-Allott-Cozzabudts
All right, let's go.
好了走吧
I got to wheels up back to D.C. In 90 minutes.
我得在90分钟内飞回华盛顿去
He has a jet?
他有私人飞机
I haven't flown private in so long.
好久没坐过私人飞机了
Yeah, okay, good.
是好的好的
That's it.
不错
I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
我想跟你道个歉
What?
什么
And I'm guessing this isn't Mrs. Green Card
我猜和你一起擅闯联邦浣熊避难所的
you were trespassing with on a federal raccoon sanctuary?
不是你的绿卡太太吧
This is the kind of stuff Trump's talking about.
这就是川普说的那种情况
Yeah, you're telling me, Dave.
是啊还用你说吗 Dave
These Chinese guys taking all our redheads.
中国人把我们的红发妞都勾引走了
I'll call Immigration.
我给移♥民♥局打电♥话♥吧
I'm so sorry, Dong.
太抱歉了 Dong
I ruined your life,
我毁了你的人生
and we didn't even super make out.
而我们根本没好好亲热
You didn't ruin my life.
你没毁掉我的人生
You're the best thing that's ever happened to me.
你是我这辈子遇见最美好的事
You know, there's no old telephones in here.
你看这里也没有老式电♥话♥
Uhhuh. And you're in handcuffs...
嗯哼你还带着手铐
which is making my brain feel calm
让我大脑里觉得很平静
for more totally normal reasons.
完全是正常的原因哈
Kimmy, are you sure?
Kimmy 你确定吗
We're never going to see each other again,
我们以后可能再也不能见面了
and it's really gross back here.
而且这里真的好恶心
It's never gonna be perfect.
没有十全十美的时候
Thank... Thank God you're home!
谢天谢地你回来了
I just chased some guy out of here
刚才有个人在这儿毁你的厕所
after I caught him wrecking your toilet!
我刚把他撵出去
Dong got arrested.
Dong被捕了