我本坚强（2015）

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt S02E07

Part 4 Dec. 2, 2020, 2:58 p.m.

you used towels with your initials on them as toilet paper.
你用绣着你首字母的毛巾当卫生纸啊
No, I didn't.
我才没有
No one did.
没人用过
That's what I'm saying.
我就是这个意思
You did the impossible, and you can do it again.
你做过不可能的事你肯定可以再来一次的
Just think back.
好好回想一下
How did you do it the first time?
你第一次是怎么做到的
Was it cocaine? For me it was cocaine.
是不是吸毒了我就是靠吸毒
I didn't do anything.
我什么也没做
I was young and beautiful, and I trapped a man.
我就是年轻貌美钓了个凯子
I don't have any skills.
我什么也不会啊
My only education is Snapple caps.
我唯一接受的教育是从饮料瓶盖里看的
An ostrich can run 30 miles an hour.
鸵鸟一个小时可以跑30英里
What? No. Help!
什么不是吧救命啊
Don't answer it! It's an ostrich!
别接电♥话♥ 是鸵鸟
What do you want, Deirdre?
你想干什么 Deirdre
I want you to know I am filling my maid's purse
我想让你知道我正往我的佣人
with silverware right now
包里塞银餐具
just to start something that won't come close
就为了弥补一下
to what you and I almost had.
你没能挑起来的战争
I need you! Why?
我需要你为什么
I'm just a dumb country girl
我只是个白♥痴♥乡下女人
whose greatest accomplishment is getting pregnant
最大的成就不过是怀上一个
with a married man's child
已婚男人的孩子
after scraping his sperm off an airplane toilet.
精♥子♥还是我从飞机马桶上刮得的
Ugh, fine. I give up.
呃好吧我放弃
Go back to wherever mistresses come from.
回到那些情妇来的地方吧
I want to say... Tampa?
是不是坦帕来着
No, actually...
不其实是
That's not where they come from.
她们可不是从那里来的
Why are you talking like that?
你为什么这种口气
Do you have a plan?
你是不是有计划了
Jacqueline?
Jacqueline
My gala is back on.
重新启动晚会
Yes! I did it!
好我做到了
We have a lot of work to do.
我们有很多事要做
Mimi, lock yourself in a closet.
Mimi 把自己锁在壁柜里
Way ahead of you, boss.
早想到了老板
Kimmy, get your gay friend over here for flower arranging.
Kimmy 让你的同性恋朋友过来帮忙摆花
What's his name? Tibor?
他叫什么来着 Tibor
Tringus! Sorry, I'm excited.
Tringus 对不起我太激动了
Turdgun!
Turdgun
Turdgun.
Turdgun
We need all the help we can get.
我们需要所有能找到的帮助
Hi, Keith, it's Kimmy.
嗨 Keith 我是Kimmy
Cool outgoing message. I will "Do my thing."
好酷的留言信息我会"想说啥说啥"的
Look, if you still want to get together,
如果你还是想见我的话
my boss is having a party tonight.
我的老板今晚有个晚会
What is this, Sadie Hawkins Day?
怎么回事今天是"女性表白日"吗
It's not. I checked.
不是的我查过了
It's kind of a grown-up party,
就是那种比较高大上的晚会
so maybe you have a fancy uniform?
你有没有高级的军装
It can be tight. It's fine.
紧身点也没事没关系
"Anyhoo," Said the any owl...
总而言之言而总之
If you are satisfied with your message,
如果您对留言满意
press one.
请按1
And, one.
好吧 1
But then the wedding ring the doctor found
但是后来医生找到的结婚戒指
wasn't even his.
竟然不是他的
Listen up, side-pieces.
听好了小三儿们
My name is Jacqueline White,
我是Jacqueline White
and I was once like you.
我以前也和你们一样
Really?
真的吗
How many friends have you played in a yogurt ad?
你在酸奶广♥告♥里跑过几次龙套啊
Let her talk.
听她说
She's the best I've ever seen.
她是我见过最成功的小三
Oh. Hey, Sandra.
嘿 Sandra
Anyway...
总之
Tonight, we rise.
今晚该我们崛起
What are you doing, Titus? This looks terrible.
你干什么呢 Titus 这弄的什么破玩意儿
I'm not the one who assumed
又不是我假定
all gay people know how to arrange flowers.
所有的同性恋都会摆弄花
Why don't I ask you to do some prop comedy, Carrot Top?
我就没让你去演道具喜剧啊胡萝卜头
If I had more time, you know I'd love to.
我要是有时间你知道我很乐意去的
I have a lot on my mind right now.
我现在心里乱死了
It turns out, around other people,
我发现跟别人在一起的时候
Mikey doesn't talk at all.
Mikey根本就不说话
Do you understand what that means?
你知道这意味着什么吗
He's not just babbling,
他不是在喋喋不休
he's trying to open up to me.
他是对我敞开心扉啊
He doesn't have anyone else he can talk to.
他没有别人可以倾诉
Wow, that's a big responsibility.
哇这个责任可真大
Because listening to someone,
因为听别人说话
really listening to them, means not just hearing,
真的去倾听不仅仅意味着听了就算
but actually taking in what the other person is telling you.
而是要接受理解对方和你说的话
And... Hey, not cool, Titus.
而且嘿这样可不好啊 Titus
Put 'em back!
给我反过来
I have to save my ear energy for Mikey.
我得留点劲听Mikey说话呢
For him, I will be a listener.
我会为了他做个倾听者
It will be my toughest role ever.
真是我演过最难的角色啊
And I once played a straight corpse
我可是在<全美通缉令>里
on America's Most Wanted.
扮演过一具尸体呢
Deirdre!
Deirdre
You look lovely.
你真美啊
You came.
你来啦
So you do have a plan.
这么说你确实有计划了
Are you here to kill me?
你是来杀我的吗
A plan? Please.
计划算了吧
I don't even have a venue.
我连会场都没有啊
Or do I?
你信吗
Obviously, my loft isn't perfect,
很明显我的阁楼是不太完美
but a mistress knows how to make a $10 gown look couture.
但是一个情妇懂得如何让10块钱的礼服看起来很高档
Who the hell is that?
看看这是谁啊
I smell a man!
我闻到男人味儿了
Too bad it's not a real gala
可惜没有名人表演
without a celebrity entertainer.
的晚会不是真正的晚会
Or do I?
你信吗
I landed acclaimed performer
我找到了著名的艺人
and face-hider, Sia.
不爱露脸的Sia
At least, that's what my guests will think
起码在Mimi Kanassis对口型唱"Chandelier"时
when Mimi Kanassis lip-syncs "Chandelier."
我的客人都会相信她是Sia的
Not bad.
不错
But the only thing that's really important at a gala
但是晚会上真正最重要的是
is the Benjamins.
那些叫Benjamin的
And the Phillips.
叫Phillip的
And all the other rich men with WASPy names.
还有类似名字的其他的富翁们
But sadly, they're here.
可惜啊他们现在都在这里
Oh, but I've got them, Deirdre.
但是我已经争取到他们了 Deirdre
I've got them all.
所有人哟
And you planted the idea seed into my brain garden.
是你给了我灵感
The mistresses.
情妇们
Ladies, I know what you want more than anything.
女士们我知道你们最想要什么
A reality show? His wife explodes?
真人秀他的妻子爆♥炸♥
No, what you want most
错你们最想要的
is one romantic night out with your man.
是和你们的男人在外面浪漫一晚
But Walter is very romantic.
但是Walter很浪漫啊
He bought me perfume,
他送我的香水
the same as his wife's.
和他老婆的一样
Oh, it's so he never smells like another woman.
噢这样他就不怕身上有不同的味道了
Walter is so smart.
Walter好聪明啊