辛普森一家

The Simpsons S36E17

Part 3 Oct. 21, 2025, 3:32 p.m.

牛油果
The avocado, or as some call it,
又名鳄梨
the alligator pear.
简单健康
Simple, natural,
有点不一样就跟浮条球一样
a little nutty, just like Noodleball.
牛呦果没听说过
"Avi-cado"? Never heard of it.
我唯一吃的绿色食物是马姬做的激浪布丁
The only green thing I eat is Marge's Mountain Dew pudding.
这玩意对牙龈挺友好的
That glop's easy on the gums.
还挺嫩滑
It is pretty creamy.
你确定这不是猪油吗
Are you sure it isn't lard?
当然不是
Absolutely.
这下你们能理解为什么
You can see why we at the Organic Pit-based
我们有机果核委员会会认为
Enjoyment Council think that
牛油果将是浮条球的完美赞助商了吧
avocados are the perfect sponsor for Noodleball.
你能帮我们把泳池要回来吗
Can you get us our pools back?
何止泳池我能给你们更多
Oh, I can do better than that.
隆重推出
I give you...
浮条球的未来
the future of Noodleball.
牛油果一号♥浮条球综合场
This is the Avo-1 Noodleplex,
主打的是八个顶级的
featuring eight state-of-the-art,
空置的不可游泳的泳池
empty, never-swum-in pools.
希望你不要介意
Now, I hope you don't mind,
我们把一座你和辛普森爷爷的雕像
but we've put a statue of you and Grampa
放在了正出口
right at the entrance.
我们会被永远铭记
We'll be remembered forever,
就像林肯纪念堂里那伙计一样
like that dude in the Lincoln Memorial.
我们计划了各种牛油果周边产品
We've got plans for all kinds of avocado tie-ins:
油面膜护发素
oils, face masks, hair conditioners.
大牛油果可不止能做牛油果酱和玉米片
Big A isn't just guac and chips.
这家伙一直都这么风趣吗
Is this guy always so funny?
我不知道
I don't know.
那么我们可以达成合作
So, can we make this deal happen
并举起牛油果吐司来庆祝了吗
and raise an avocado toast?
儿子
Oh, son.
我们创造了一种永存的活动
We created a sport that will live forever.
辛普森爷爷走廊那头有一个公♥关♥人员
Now, Grampa, we've got a PR guy just down the hall
想听听你一生的故事
who wants to hear the story of your life.
我小的时候只要有马经过我就去亲它
When I was a boy, you kissed any horse that walked by.
所以我获得了品鉴干草的技能
And that's how I acquired my taste for hay.
侯默我对你可以一直坦言相告对吗
Homer, I've always been honest with you, right?
对 -不对
Right. - Wrong.
我之前说浮条球人人皆宜是在扯谎
I lied when I said Noodleball was for everyone.
没人会付钱看老掉牙的运动员
No one's going to pay to watch ancient athletes
摔坏他们的髋骨并得心脏病
break their hips and have heart attacks.
我们对浮条球的远景设计是针对更年轻群体
Our vision of Noodleball is for a younger demographic.
你想让浮条球只针对二十来岁的人吗
You want to make Noodleball only for 20-somethings?
老天当然不是他们根本没钱
Oh, God, no, they don't have any money.
我说的是四十到六十岁群体
I'm talking 40-to-60-year-olds.
能买♥♥得起房♥子的最后一代人
The last generation that can afford houses.
我们必须把你父亲和他的导尿管老伙计们
We have to scrub out every trace of your father
所有的痕迹全部清除
and his gang of shuffling catheters,
否则浮条球的未来就是一片黯淡
or Noodleball's future is blacker
比刚切开的牛油果还黯淡
than a recently opened avocado.
我不能甩开辛普森爷爷
I can't dump Grampa.
他是我父亲我们就像亲兄弟
He's my father. We're like brothers.
抱歉可我和我爸
I'm sorry, but my dad and I
一起创造了浮条球
created Noodleball together.
你真是少有的正直之人
You're a man of rare integrity.
我接受你的 -我答应了让那老头出局
But I accept your deci... - I'll do it! The old man's out!
牛油果一号♥浮条联盟队
牛油果一号♥浮条联盟队锦标赛
入口
侯默马姬
Homer, Marge!
欢迎来到首届浮条球名人锦标赛
Welcome to the first Noodleball celebrity tournament.
很不错吧
Pretty fantastic, huh?
这帐篷让人印象深刻
It's a very impressive tent.
不管谁把它熨平的都非常在行
Whoever ironed it knew what they were doing.
需要牛油果油贝里尼酒吗
Avocado oil Bellini?
快把那破东西拿走
Get that crap out of my face.
来我想给你们介绍几位
Now come, I want you to meet
相对年轻的优秀运动员
some of the amazing youth-adjacent athletes
今天会参赛
who are competing today.
布雷克·格里芬
Blake Griffin.
浮条球对于那些被自己钟爱体育项目
Noodleball is the perfect game for retired players
完全毁掉的退役球员来说
whose bodies have been permanently destroyed
简直是完美运动
by the sport they love.
也就是我们这群人
Which is all of us.
我的转球手指
Ow! My spinning finger.
它本该在我的第三次麦多拉克·莱蒙手术之后
It was supposed to be fixed
完全痊愈才对
after my third Meadowlark Lemon surgery.
侯默·辛普森
Homer Simpson,
你们定认识梅根·拉皮诺埃
of course you know Megan Rapinoe.
我相信丽莎肯定知道你
I bet Lisa knows who you are.
丽莎·辛普森吗我可爱她的订阅了
Lisa Simpson? I love her Substack.
如果你是她爸那说明了很多问题
If you're her dad, this explains so much.
谢谢你梅根·拉皮诺埃
Thank you, Megan Rapinoe.
我们针对四五十岁群体做的营销
Our targeted marketing to 40- and 50-somethings
非常有效
is really paying off.
不扎腰衬衣
我这一辈子都错拜了
My whole life I've worshipped
扎腰衬衣这尊神
the false god of tucking in.
一脚蹬鞋
一脚蹬鞋
Step-in shoes!
我再也不用让胳膊放低于膝盖了
Oh! I'll never lower my arms below my knees again.
牛油果一号♥浮条联盟队锦标赛
入口
这真是太棒了
This is so amazing.
我就是有点难过爷爷和其他老人们
I just feel bad that Grampa and the other old folks
不能一起参与
can't be a part of all this.
是啊这个话题还挺敏感的
Yeah, that's kind of a sensitive subject.
你告诉他了对吧
You did tell him, right?
像这种难聊的话题
You know, hard conversations like this,
肯定需要挑个合适的时机嘛
it's all about picking the right moment.
侯默 -亲爱的
Oh, Homer. - Darling.
侯默 -我的至爱
Homer. - My beloved.
你是准备等到你父亲去世
Are you waiting for your father to die
这样就不用告诉他你骗了他了是吗
so you won't have to tell him you totally screwed him over?
差不多吧
Little bit.
那个兜售牛油果的寄生虫就这么把我踢走了
That alligator-pear-pushing parasite gave me the heave-ho!
他难道不知道我们俩是一个团队吗
Doesn't he know we're a team?
我们是一起发明的这项运动
We invented this together!
呵呵你现在记性倒是好了
Oh, great, now your memory's good.
这是惟一能拯救浮条球的方法
This was the only way to save Noodleball.
至少我们其中一人能留下遗产吧
At least one of us can have a legacy.
你就因为这事背叛了我
And you betrayed me for that?
你知道吗
Guess what.
遗产算个屁
Legacy don't mean squat.
算个屁你给我解释解释
Squat?! Justify yourself!
谁在乎死了以后别人怎么看你
Who cares what people think after you're gone?
你又听不到别人怎么夸你
You ain't there to get the credit,
前提还是别人真能记得你
if they remember you at all.
你知道约翰尼·卡森是谁吗
Do you know who Johnny Carson was?
不知道
Nope.
大卫·莱特曼呢 -谁啊
David Letterman? - Nuh-uh.
吉米·法♥伦♥呢
Jimmy Fallon?
你开始瞎编名字了吧
Now you're just making up names.
你还没明白吗你出♥卖♥♥♥我
Don't you see? You sold me out
也只能给你的讣闻里多加几个字而已
for a few extra words in your obituary.
讣闻是什么
What's an obituary?
就是用一句话总结你的一生
It's where they summarize your whole life in one sentence.
我的会写
Mine's gonna read:
"他被自己的亲儿子背后捅刀子"
"He was stabbed in the back by his son."
一位真正的父亲
A real father would support
会支持他儿子糟糕无情的决定的
his son's terrible, heartless decision!
老爹哪天我能不能把你踢出