辛普森一家
The Simpsons S36E13
Part 1
May 21, 2025, 8:41 p.m.
《辛普森一家》
第三十六季 第十三集
沙发一族
三维弹球
这哥们肯定是个弹球天才
This guy must be a pinball wizard!
给我整公♥司♥来了 靠
I'm at work. D'oh!
老谋子酒吧
嘟嘟国王的音乐商店
感觉有点不对劲
Hmm, something feels different.
现在是工作日
It's 11 A.M.
上午11点
On a weekday.
我已经喝到第三杯了
I'm on my third beer.
没啥不对的啊
Right on schedule.
等等 侯默说得对
No, wait, Homer's right.
好像少了点什么
Something's, uh, missing.
我记得那边挂了卫生检查评分牌来着
Wasn't there a grade from the health inspector over there?
没有 一直都是这个标语
Nah, it's always been that sign.
畅饮达夫啤酒
希望明年能给我个字母U
Next year I hope they give me a "U."
我知道少什么了
I know what's missing.
之前有个叫戴安的美女在这工作
Did a woman named Diane used to work at this bar,
现在换成一个叫丽贝卡的女人了吧
and now she's been replaced by a woman named Rebecca?
如果有个叫戴安的美女在这种酒吧当头牌
If a woman named Diane had a lead role in a bar like this,
那她为何要辞职
why would she ever leave?
辞职就把前程毁了
That'd be career suicide.
不 少的绝对不是聪明又远视的女人
No, it's not some smart, ambitious woman that's missing.
其实是完全相反的东西
In fact, it's the complete opposite of that.
是巴尼
Barney!
少了巴尼 什...
No Barney? Wha...?
他上次来是什么时候
When's the last time he was here?
达夫啤酒
我的天
Oh, oh, God!
他至少有一周没来了
He's been gone at least a week.
伙计们
Hi, guys.
别打扰我们 瘦猴 我们在
Beat it, string bean, we're trying to figure out
忙着调查巴尼出什么事了
what happened to our friend Barney.
我就是巴尼
I'm Barney.
你才不是巴尼
And you ain't Barney.
巴尼·甘博是个又肥又嗜酒
Barney Gumble is overweight, boozed up,
超不过两秒就得打...
can't go two seconds without unleashing a...
是巴尼
Barney!
哇 兄弟
Uh, wow, buddy.
你减了多少斤啊
You really lost some weight.
我有点不舒服
Yeah, I was feeling kind of blah,
就去看医生了 他给我做了几个检查
so I went to the doctor, and he ordered up some tests.
我的好兄弟
Oh, my dear friend.
这可不妙啊
Oh, this ain't good.
为什么上帝一定要
No! Why does God take all the people
把醉生梦死的酒鬼都带走
that drink themselves to death?
不是你们说的那样
It's not that bad.
检查结果说我有
The tests just showed that I have...
高血糖
"Hyperglycemia."
是什么 低血糖吗
So, low blood sugar?
兰尼 他说了高 不是低
Lenny, he said "Hyper," Not "Hypo."
你是没长耳朵吗
Any idiot knows the difference, idiot.
所以老巴 你不会死吗
So, Barn, you-you're not dying?
我不是说广义上我们都会相继离开人世那种死
Except in the same, slow, horrible way we all are.
人寿保险
侯默·辛普森
卡尔·卡尔森
兰尼·莱昂纳德
巴尼·甘博
别着急 小宝贝们
Soon enough, my pretties.
我很好 他们给我开了一种药
I'm fine. They put me on this medicine
可以调节我的葡萄糖指标
that regulates my glucose.
立瘦剂
请遵医嘱 不遵也行
立瘦剂
Othinquic.
减肥只是这药的副作用罢了
The weight loss is just a side effect.
真有能让你瘦下来的药啊
Wow, a medicine that actually makes you skinny?
自从伟哥以来这是最好的副作用了吧
That's the best side effect since Viagra was created for...
伟哥当时是用来治啥的来着
What was Viagra created for?
应该是给喜剧人治写不出段子的 -没毛病
I think it was to help comedy writers. - Oh, yeah.
你算是说对了 -这个梗每次都好笑
Yeah, you got that right. - Those are always funny.
那我们庆祝一下吧
Hey, let's celebrate.
提醒我一下
Uh, refresh my memory, uh,
你爱喝啤酒对吧
beer's your drink, right?
不用了谢谢 另一个正面的副作用就是
No, thanks. Another welcome side effect is,
我不再嗜酒如命了
I no longer crave alcohol.
一杯苏打水加柠檬 谢谢
One club soda with lime, please.
不嗜酒了
Don't crave alcohol?
我可不能让这事泄露出去
I can't let this secret get out.
泄露什么
What secret?
神奇的减肥药
Wonder weight-loss drug.
卢
Oh, hey, Lou?
想听听我马上要昭告天下的大新闻吗
Want to hear the big news I'm gonna tell everyone?
可以 但是警长 那帮劫匪就在眼前了
Yeah, but, Chief, the bank robbers are right over there.
那他们也得等我告诉完你这个趣事再跑
And they can stay there until I tell you this interesting fact.
一切都要从老谋子酒吧说起
It all started at Moe's.
你听说过吗 就在乐器店旁边
You know the place next to the, uh, the music store?
这乐器店是不是此时此刻正被劫匪占据的那个
You mean the one the bank robbers are holed up in.
嘟嘟国王的音乐商店
你要总是打断 我只能讲的再慢点
If you keep interrupting, I'm just gonna talk slower.
几周后
几周后
A few weeks later...
谢了 我得给我儿子一些东西
Thanks. I need to give something to my son.
一颗安抚人心的太妃糖
A calming butterscotch?
永远不要丢下我
Never leave me alone.
好 现在你可以滚了
Now leave me alone. Gah!
妈呀警长
Wow, Chief.
那药还真有用
That drug really works.
来吧阿卢 把头伸进来
Go ahead, Lou, put your hand in there.
这是命令 -我辞职
Hey, that's an order. - I resign.
就算这样我还能用你两周
Well, even so, I got you for two weeks.
伸进来
Now stick it in.
没错就是那里
Yeah, r-right there, that's it.
我是说这药真的改变了我的人生
I mean, it has really changed my life.
莎拉和我又重燃激♥情♥了捏
Sarah and I are making whoopee again.
我们很快又要有更多拉尔夫了
We're gonna have more Ralphies soon.
一个大版的 一个女版的
A big one, a girl one,
甚至还有一个像艾迪的
one that even looks more like Eddie.
一定要试试这个药
Must try this drug.
节食和运动对我无效
Diet and exercise do not work for me,
因为我两个都完全不做
as I do not do them.
有没有软糖或者烟雾版的
So does it come in gummy or vape?
就是极其方便的针头
It's in a convenient needle
你只要一周注射一次就够了
that you inject yourself with once a week.
但是你需要处方
But you need a prescription.
向着医生前进ing
To the doct-arr.
然后向着药房♥前进ing
Then the pharr... macy.
家庭装立瘦剂
大高个商店划掉
大腿缝盖璞
五加仑帽子
我真的觉得你不用减肥 先生
I really don't think you need to lose weight, sir.
我的目标体重是在圣诞节前
My target weight is to fit inside
能够钻进邮政信管
a mailing tube by Christmas.
戳我
Jab me.
致普♥京♥
非常好
Excellent.
我爱宽松裤
自从麦乐鸡块的发明以来
For the first time since the invention of the McNugget,
美国人的腰围第一次缩水
America's waistbands are shrinking.
因为这波传染热
Because with this epidemic,
人们真的想要被扎上一针
people actually want to get their shots.
可是这个新药安全吗
But is this new drug safe?
我们的答案是 特么当然了 不然呢
Our answer: "Yes, of course, what are you, crazy?"
听听我们赞助商的话 你就不惊讶了
Won't surprise you after this word from our sponsor.
你遭受血糖问题困扰吗
Do you suffer from blood sugar issues?
还是你身材还没准备好泳装秀
Or are you just not bathing suit-ready
宁愿找借口说血糖问题呢
and willing to claim you have blood sugar issues?
新型丹麦药物立瘦剂为你准备
辛普森一家
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