辛普森一家

The Simpsons S36E13

Part 3 May 21, 2025, 8:41 p.m.

So where did you get yours?
我没在用这个药
Oh, oh, I'm not on it.
我这是靠自然减重的
I-I lost this weight naturally.
作为医生我很清楚饮食和锻炼的价值
As a doctor, I know the value of diet and exercise.
你当医生都二十年了
You've been a doctor for 20 years.
怎么以前没见你瘦过
Why didn't you lose weight before?
出去
Get out.
歪帮药房♥
阿片
减肥药
有立瘦剂吗
Do you have Othinquic?
没有只有感冒灵和连花清瘟
No, just Sudafed, NyQuil,
还有一种药店最难买♥♥到的东西
and one of the hardest things of all
剃须刀片
to get out of a drugstore: razor blades.
我听说你在找
I've, uh, heard you're looking for
一种特殊的减重疫苗
a certain weight-loss vaccine.
你带现金了吗
You got cash?
现在谁还带现金啊
Does anyone anymore?
别担心我们收微信转账
Not to worry, we take the Venmo.
支付宝也可以
And occasionally the Zelle.
但绝对不收Cash App
But never the Cash App.
它能收比特币但不收以太坊
They offer the Bitcoin but not the Ethereum.
叫我怎么做套利啊
How am I supposed to arbitrage between the two?
算了算了
Forget about it!
给你纯正未掺水的立瘦剂
Here you go. Pure, uncut Othinquic.
保你小腹平平
Guaranteed to reduce the labonza.
大家最爱的关胃菜
It's the anti-antipasto.
你这药哪来的
Where did you get this?
从某辆路过春田的卡车上
Let's just say a truck lost a little weight
顺手收了点过路费
passing through Springfield.
等一下你不是说
Wait a minute, I thought you don't get high
自己不吃自家药吗
on your own supply.
我这是靠饮食和锻炼
I personally lost this weight
健康瘦下来的
through diet and exercise.
连你也撒谎吗
Even you lie about it?
要是连教父都不能信了我还能信谁
If you can't trust godfathers, who can you trust?
我从不在节食上作弊
I don't cheat on diets.
我为人钢板正直
I would never cheat on anything,
除了出轨我老婆
except my wife.
*减重神药*
* Weight-loss drug *
*不运动快快瘦*
* Drop a size without exercise *
*腿上一针扎进去*
* When I put a spike into my leg *
*一个鸡蛋顶一天饱*
* I get full from just one egg *
*热狗的面包也不香了*
* Eating hot dogs with no bun *
*半个三明治就撑了*
* Half a sandwich and I'm done *
*吃饭只吃五分饱*
* And I eat but I just don't gorge *
*能看见我的脚了因为我只吃五分饱*
* I can see my feet 'cause I just don't gorge. *
付啥都行食物除外
这些人都怎么了
What happened to these people?
他们苗条极了
They look fabulous, right?
他们都抑郁了
They look sad.
也许是因为脸皮太松
Maybe it's all that loose skin
从脸上垮下来了
sagging from their faces.
嘿垮脸是立瘦剂的
Hey, getting Othinquic face is
罕见副作用之一
one of the few negative effects.
可以通过脂肪填充手术恢复的
And you can always fix that with injections of body fat.
相信我我可是神药
Trust me, I'm a wonder drug.
这事越来越离谱了
The more I see, the more I wonder.
行了老古董
Okay, boomer.
听着减肥就是健康
Look, weight loss is healthy.
用什么手段不重要
No matter how.
我们做了很多研究的
We've done a lot of research.
安全性研究吗
On safety?
利润研究
On profits.
本药利润可是百分百
The profits are 100% safe.
至于危险性晚点再说也行
And we'll find out the dangers sooner or later.
在全民接种之后
After everyone's already on it?
包括我丈夫
Including my husband?
正是这是有史以来样本最多的测试
Exactly. The most enormous beta test of all time.
你们小白鼠付费参与
And you lab rats are paying us to be in it.
可怜的失败者[丹麦语]
Patetiske taber.
傻屌♥的意思
Which means "suckers."
侯默
Homer!
爸你确定你要接种吗
Dad, are you sure you want to do this?
和我昨天不想接种一样确定
As sure as I was that I didn't want to do it yesterday.
这样的话我支持你勉强支持
In that case, I support you, but just barely.
这话该老爸的椅子说吧
That's what Dad's chair says.
天呢
Oh, man.
我会想念嘲笑肥肉的时光的
I'm gonna miss making fat jokes.
你还有秃头嘲笑
You'll still have bald jokes.
这不一样
It's not the same.
再见了我的小游泳圈
Goodbye, my love handles.
你们会和我的富贵包三下巴
You'll be in heaven with my back fat,
肉肉手一起
my triple chin, and my...
天堂相见
finger chub.
停侯默别打
Stop, Homer! Stop!
晕晕晕晕晕晕晕
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
为什么把它扔了
You're throwing it out?
是你之前想让我打的呀
But you wanted me to take it.
我错了
I was wrong.
我知道最近流行着减肥潮
I know it's the hot new trend,
但小腰包放荡纹身特斯拉
but so were fanny packs, tramp stamps,
也曾流行
and Teslas.
我一般用小腰包能遮住的
I usually cover this with my fanny pack.
我以为你担心
But I thought you were worried
我们无法白头偕老
about us growing old together.
我当然担心
Of course I want that.
但难道此时此刻你和我们一起再次安全度过
But what's even more important is that you're here with us
荒谬的热潮才更重要吗
right now and we can move on safely.
你们干嘛
Hey, what are you doing?
侯默作为镇上唯一一个超重人
Homer, as the only overweight man left in town,
你身上有我们想要的
you have something that we desperately need.
你们要绑♥架♥我丈夫
You're kidnapping my husband?
把它当做不注射针剂的
Think of it as a side effect
副作用吧
of not taking weight-loss drugs.
我们走[意大利语]
Andiamo.
不不不
No, no, no, no!
他太胖了塞不进车里
He's too fat to fit in the car.
那就放后备箱
Put him in the trunk.
也塞不进
He's too fat to fit in the trunk.
绑在车顶呢
Lash him to the roof.
绳子不够用呀
Uh, we're gonna need more rope.
嘿猪排
Ooh, pork chops.
啊东胖子
Aah, Fat Tony!
嘿猪排
Ooh, pork chops.
我们要你的脂肪填充面部
We need your fat to fill in our faces.
抽脂仪
这样我们看起来就能像真实主妇一样年轻
So we can look eternally young like the Real Housewives,
当然她们不真实
who don't look real
也不主妇天天出去玩
and spend all their time outside of the house.
快点吃
Now eat. Mangia.
你说的让我食欲全无
What you said makes me almost not want to eat.
警♥察♥会暴怒的
The police are gonna be furious.
其实我们也没太
Actually, uh, no we're not.
快点咽
Come on, swallow.
等不及把你的屁♥股♥放我脸上了
Can't wait to get your ass in my face.
你个禽兽
You monster!
等市长知道你们就完蛋了
Wait till the mayor hears about this.
小可爱信我
Oh, believe me, I know.
这是东瘦子和我共同策划的
Slim Tony and I are in cahoots.
市长和暴徒同行
The mayor in league with the mob?
我倒挺享受
I'm happy to reach across the aisle,
只要不和另一政党成员
as long as it's not with the members