异空漫游（2015）

但我喜欢香草味食物
but I like eating vanilla.
你们不觉得魔术贴声音很大吗
Don't you find velcro loud?
我觉得哦
I do.
这家伙真是我听过的最悲哀之人了
This fellow is the feeble excuse for a person I've ever heard of.
什么
What?
对啊 我也挺赞同的
Yeah, I mean I kind of agree.
没有冒犯的意思 Michael 但你真的超级
I mean, no offense Michael, but you're just like super
无聊 乏味 又很普通
boring and bland, and generic,
只有外星人能伪装得来
in a way that only an alien would make up.
你懂我什么意思吗
Do you know what I mean?
不懂
No, I don't.
好了 同意干掉Michael的举手
Okay, votes to kill Michael.
提议无效
Motion failed.
你活下来了 说得不错 老兄
You survived, good job buddy.
不好意思
Sorry.
我肯定是真的啦 各位
I'm real, you guys.
拜托
Come on.
你们知道我是真的
You know I'm real.
对一个处在此情况下的人而言
You're doing a whole lot of smiling
你笑得过于频繁了吧
for someone in this situation.
噢 什么
Oh, what?
对哦 她心情真的出奇地好
Yeah, she is, in a strangely good mood.
噢 拜托 我的宿舍助理训练自动上线了
Oh my God, you guys, it's just my RA training kicking in.
在这抚慰人心的美丽笑容背后
Behind this, like, assuring, beautiful smile
只是一团汹涌着情感浓烟和废物的黑暗之云
is just a dark cloud of billowing emotional smoke and garbage.
只要我一想起Teddy
I mean, if I even start to, think of Teddy.
我们能直接排除她的嫌疑么
Can we vote exonerate her
这样就不用听她说男朋友的事了
just so we don't have to hear about her boyfriend anymore?
Chad
Chad!
好啦 各位 别闹 别闹
Okay, guys. Stop, stop.
Chad 就玩一下嘛
Chad, just for fun, okay?
告诉我们为什么你不是外星人
Tell us why you're not an alien.
你 我 还有蒙特利的海湾
You, me, and the bay at Monterey.
简直了 当时可棒了
Hell, yeah! That was awesome!
多好的旅行啊
Such a good trip, man.
播放视频
Play montage.
硬件不错
Nice hardware.
为什么我不是外星人
Why am I not an alien?
我可能是吧
I could be, man.
这有点道理
It makes some sense.
等等 所以你不为自己是人类而辩护
Wait so, you're not defending the idea that you're a person?
我从未感到过真实
Well, I've never felt that real.
Zalian是人 我可以担♥保♥
Zalian's people I can vouch for you.
无意冒犯 不过机器人的担♥保♥有点
No offense, but the word of a robot?
我不是生来就是机器人
I wasn't born a robot.
这只是我脑波的容器罢了
This is just a vessel for my brainwaves.
我的真名是Howard Barnes
My real name is Howard Barnes.
等等 是那个Howard Barnes吗
Wait, like the Howard Barnes.
发明智能枕头的那个
The inventor of smart pillows?
我爱智能枕头
I love smart pillows.
是的 就是我 不用谢
That's me. You're welcome for those.
等等 可为什么一个亿万富翁发明家
Wait but what's a billionaire inventor
要把自己装在一个廉价容器里呢
doing in a bargain bin body?
我把所有财富都投到永生机器人里去了
I sunk my fortune into immortality robot.
作为一项市场策略
Where as a marketing ploy,
我把自己的脑波上传到这个组件里
I uploaded my brainwaves into this module
公开火化了我的旧躯体
and my old body publicly burned.
为了自证这个概念以及其他等等
Proof of concept and all of that.
结果一点用都没有
Didn't help a lick.
我们就这样破产了
We went out of business.
结果人们还是想留着手肘的
Turns out people wanted elbows.
啊 的确不是个可信的故事啊
Yeah, that's literally not a believable story.
我还是觉得他像个外星人
Yeah, I'm still getting an alien vibe.
如果我们都是所谓的外星人呢
What if we're all, the alien.
你在说什么啊
What are you talking about?
Ken去卫生间了还没回来 我们没法投票
Well, we can't vote until Ken gets back from the bathroom
只能先待着了
so let's just hang out.
烦死了
This sucks.
反正你们中任何一个都可能是外星人
Honestly, any of you could be the alien.
我会干掉几乎你们所有人的
I'd kill almost all of you.
等等
Wait a minute.
我知道是谁了
I know who it is.
外星人明显就是Stewart的姐姐啊
The alien is clearly Stewart's sister.
什么
What?
她是唯一一个拒绝玩游戏的人
She's the only one who refused to play.
她也是急着检测我们飞船技术的人
She's the one who's desperate to examine our on-board technology.
我去 就连她的名字听起来都像外星人
Heck, even her name practically sounds like alien.
Karen 外星人 Zalian你听着也像对吧
Karen, alien, Zalian you hear it right?
对
Yeah.
我们不能这么论断某人是外星人
You guys, we can't just name someone an alien
就因为他们很没趣
because they're not fun.
是啊 可她真的非常没趣
Yeah, but she's like really not fun.
她有时有趣
She has her moments.
她无时有趣
She has no moments.
噢 不 不 不 这不是我要的
Oh, no, no, no, this isn't what I need,
该死
damn.
Kent
Kent?
你不是只有五分钟的上厕所时间吗
Didn't you only have a five minute bathroom pass?
你应该要回去 - Natasha
You should probably get back to... - Natasha.
你的程序是分离于
Your programming is isolated from
被外星人入侵的主计算机的 对吧
the main computer that's been compromised by the alien, right?
是的 怎么了
Yes, why?
因为我需要你提供一些很特别的信息
Because I need some very specific information from you,
但你必须替我向大伙儿保密
but you have to keep it secret from the others.
你能保密的对吧
You can keep a secret, right?
噢 天呐
Oh, my god.
好吧 除了Stewart大家都同意了
Okay, well then that's everyone except for Stewart.
那么 我觉得够好了 干掉Karen吧
So, good enough for me. Let's kill Karen.
别 别 别 Michael Michael 挺我一下啊
No, no, no. Michael, Michael, back me up.
你从小就认识Karen啊
You've known Karen your whole life.
我本来这么想 可谁知道呢
I thought so, but who knows.
我是说 要是没她在这里瞎搅和
I mean wouldn't our lives make a little more sense
我们的生活没准会更有意义呢
without her in there messing us up?
而且Chad觉得是她 他一向心里有数
And Chad thinks it's her. He always knows what's up.
噢 信我没错
Oh, you can count on it.
我们需要谈谈Kent的情况
We need to talk about Kent.
是的 - 我们知道Kent是真的
Yeah, we do. - We know Kent's real.
他妈妈可是UMP的大人物
His mom is a UMP bigwig.
我看过关于他出生的新闻
I read about his birth.
你只是看到了某个人出生的新闻
You read about a birth.
快看
Check it out.
UMP主席Helen Woolworth和红色星球
UMP chairman Helen Woolworth and the red planet
在周二迎来一个笑着出生的男孩
welcome a smiling newborn boy on Tuesday.
火星漫游者 火星漫游者
Mars rover, Mars rover,
送来了宝贝Derek Frances Woolworth
sent baby Derek Frances Woolworth.
报道完毕
On over.
等等 Derek和Ken不是同一个名字啊
Wait, Derek's a different name than Ken.
我这趟洗手间之旅真是异乎寻常的好啊
My trip to the bathroom was a thundering success.
我们聊聊吧
Can we talk?
我们对你的家庭有些疑问
Got some questions about your family.
再说一次 我不太愿意讨论这个
Again, I would rather not discuss that.
我们开始觉得你是入侵者了
We're starting to think you're the intruder.
你有什么要说的吗 - 我不觉得自己是外星人
What do you have to say to that? - I don't think I'm an alien.
可是 我们也不能排除
However, we can't rule out the possibility
我训练自己忘记外星人身份的可能性
that I've trained myself to forget my alien identity.
我们正讨论的"Kent是外星人"场景里
In the "Kent is an alien scenario" that we seem to be discussing,
我相信我会以平和的生物形象出现
I believe I would come as a peaceful creature
比如鸭子或者女性
like a duck or a woman.
不过啊 从坏的一面说
Although, to play devil's advocate,
如果我不是想干掉你们所有人
why would I be skulking around like this