异空漫游（2015）

这个外星人收到了"我们没有恶意"的消息
so the alien received the "we come in peace" message.
我们发出了信息 让他好好地感受了下
We output it, which gave him a nice look
我们的能源情况
at our power situation.
之后他入侵我们的电台信♥号♥♥
Then he hacked onto our broadcast signal
再黑进我们的视频信息流
and tapped into our video feeds.
顺便提一句 我们一直都在被偷♥拍♥
We're getting filmed at all times, by the way.
这个外星人就开始跟踪我们
The alien started tracking us.
我不知道他为什么选择我的梦入侵
I don't know why he chose to come into my dreams.
可能是因为他看见我跟Zalian说
Oh, maybe because he saw me telling Zalian that
我愿意付出一切就为见到外星人
I'd do anything to meet an alien.
该死的 Stewart
Dammit, Stewart.
最终 他请求上船 分散我们注意力
Finally, he asked to come on board, both as a distraction
同时也放松我们的警惕
and to lower our shields,
让他更容易进入我们的燃料区
giving him easy access to our fuel reserves.
就这样我解开了外星人与燃料失踪之谜
That's how I solved the mystery of the alien and the stolen fuel.
在解谜小伙伴Michael的帮助下
With a little help from his puzzle pal, Michael.
过了啊
Too much.
你们知道吗
You know what?
这其实是我的错
This is actually my fault.
我就是信了你 我早该知道你是个衰人
I trusted you and I should have known you were such a sucker.
你居然让那个傻♥逼♥外星人牵着鼻子走
You'd let that stupid alien walk all over you.
天哪 你都不打算道个歉吗
God, are you really not gonna apologize?
严格意义上 你刚说了是你的错
Technically you just said it was your fault.
好吧 对不起 这实在是太糟了
Okay, I'm sorry, this is terrible and
我会召集大家开会讨论出路的
I will call a meeting and we can discuss our options.
你叫大家开会 - 对啊
You'll call a meeting. - Mm-hm.
以什么名义呢
On what authority?
你什么意思 我是舰长 哦 我明白了
What do you mean, I'm the captain, oh, I see.
给我个理由我为什么要把舰长的位置还给你
Why don't you give me one reason why I should give you that chair back
考虑到你可能把我们都害死了
considering you may have just killed us all?
比如 因为我重新任用了你
For one, because I rehired you
在你明确要我们害死的情况下
after you definitely tried to kill us all.
我不知道为什么
I don't know why
你会为了个傻♥逼♥外星人把我们置于危险之中
you would put us all at risk for one stupid alien.
你猜怎么着
You know what?
我已经受够了自己是这个航♥天♥计划中
I'm sick of being the only person
唯一一个真心热爱太空的人了
in this space program that actually likes space.
我们在这发现了一些东西 Karen
We found something out here Karen,
然后我想好好研究它
and I wanted to learn about it.
请原谅我想要知道
Excuse me for wanting to know
更多关于我们宇宙家园的奥秘
more about the universe that we live in.
这不是我们生存的宇宙 Stewart
This isn't the universe that we live in, Stewart.
那更好啊
Even better.
不是吗 我赌输了 我也不好受
Okay? I, I bet wrong, and I feel terrible about that.
但是我不会为了我对未知的好奇而道歉
But I will not apologize for wanting to see what's out there.
冒险就是我们加入UMP的初衷
Adventure is what we all joined UMP for,
如果你这么铁了心的逃避
and if you're so hell bent on avoiding it.
我不知道你还在这里干什么
I don't even know what you're doing up here.
你知道吗 我也不知道我还在这里干嘛
You know what? I don't know what I'm doing up here either.
但是拜你所赐 Stewart
But thanks to you, Stewart,
我现在有的是时间去弄清楚了
I've got all the time in the world to figure it out.
Zalian 如果你不快点进到你的生存舱里去
Zalian, if you don't get into your survival pod soon,
宇宙碰撞会要了你命的
the inter-universal impact could kill you.
我不希望在我做服务生的第一天失去任何人
I don't wanna lose anybody on my first day as a waiter.
肾上腺素在哪
Where's that adrenaline?
等等 这是怎么了
Wait, what's happening here?
哦 真实妹子是虚拟妹子的约会替身
Oh, real girl is fake girl's date body.
虚拟妹子让真实妹子吃了虾
Fake girl puts shrimp in real girl.
真实妹子就过敏性休克了
Real girl goes into anaphylactic shock.
老生常谈了
It's an old story.
她想要甜点的话叫我
Call me if she wants dessert.
最后一件事 我对贝类极度过敏
One last thing, I'm deathly allergic to shellfish.
扎得可真是地方
Oh, nice needle placement.
你们相处愉快吗
Did you have a good time?
我尽力了 但是Kent完全忽视了我
I mean, I tried, but Kent totally ignored me.
一直在看他的收发器
Just on his transceiver the whole time.
不过还是谢谢你 Tine
Thanks anyway, Tine.
你是个很好的朋友
You're a good friend.
是啊
Yeah.
我是
I am.
哦
Oh!
好吧
Okay.
第二次昏迷要来了
Here comes the second crash,
我们就慢慢地顺着这感觉
we'll just lean into it.
Natasha 我想和你谈谈
Natasha, I'd like to speak with you.
真的吗
Really?
现在又想谈了吗 Kent
Whys start now, Kent?
我有两点要谈
I have two points.
第一点 我们的发动机停了
Point the first, our engines have stopped,
似乎目前我们不会回家了
it seems we are no longer on our way home.
是啊 事情失控了 我们被打劫了
Yeah, things got crazy, we got robbed.
我甚至都不知道谁是舰长了
I mean I don't even know who the captain is anymore.
这对我来说很困扰
That is very troubling to me.
是啊 我就这么想的
Yeah, that's what I was thinking, that's why.
但是 我们深陷泥沼也就意味着
But, our being stranded means that
注销你的事情不再是迫在眉睫了
your deactivation is no longer imminent Natasha.
这就给了我们更多的时间试验一下这个
Which gives us extended time to experiment with this.
什么
What?
这就是我要说的第二点
The subject of my second point I alluded to earlier.
哦 你把它插到腮里去了
Oh, you plug right into your gills.
不 不是腮 是一个完全不同的洞
No, not my gills, this is a entirely different orifice.
腮在这 是用来呼吸的
Gills are down here and they're for breathing.
这些是大脑的洞
These are brain holes.
注意区分
Know the difference
否则你余生都会像个白♥痴♥一样
or you'll look like an idiot for the rest of your life.
你在干什么
What are you doing?
我不能把你变为真的 Natasha
I can never make you real, Natasha.
但是 如果我刚刚做的程序有用的话
However, if the program I've been working on is functional,
我能把自己变成虚拟的
I can make myself fake.
Kent
Kent.
别愣着啊
Do something.
Kent
Kent!
Natasha
Natasha.
我退出风月场是有一段时间了
I've been out of the flesh game for a while,
但是我不记得还能这么玩儿
but I don't recall,that's how you do that.
等会儿 宝贝 我得工作了
Hold on, baby. I gotta work.
说真的啦
Really, though.
好像有情况
Something's happening.
发现飞船 舰长
Ship detected, Captain.
我回归舰长的位置了 - 哦 是吗 啥时候的事
I'm the captain again. - Oh really? When did that happen?
这是心照不宣的
It's just understood.
他干嘛呢
Well, what's he doing?
你该知道的 他是你男朋友 - 闭嘴
Stewart, you should know. He's your boyfriend. - Shut up.
我好多年都没交过男朋友了
I haven't had a boyfriend in years.
等等 我觉得他正向涟漪航行
Wait. I think he's heading towards the ripple.
这个 这个外星人要去地球
The, the alien's going to Earth.
哦 天啊
Oh my god.
我刚引发了一场外星人对人类的攻击
I just triggered an alien attack on humanity.
你勤奋努力 你成绩优异
You work hard. You get good grades.
你饮食合理
You eat right.
然后你又引发了外星人对人类的攻击
And then you trigger an alien attack on humanity.
嘿 嘿 嘿 嘿
Hey, hey, hey. Hey.
你没引发什么 好吗 那个外星人不是杀人狂
You didn't trigger crap, okay? That alien's not even a murderer.
他只是个混♥蛋♥而已
He's just a asshole.
所以他去地球 谁在乎啊
So he goes to Earth. Who cares?
我是说 地球上到处都是混♥蛋♥
I mean, Earth is filled with assholes anyway.
兄弟 那是你家啊
Dude, that's your home.
嘘
Shh.
嘿 如果一定要怪谁的话
Hey, if anyone's to blame,
那也要怪Stewart 不怪你
it's Stewart and not you,