异空漫游（2015）

巡航号♥应该是MTV环球公♥司♥建造的
The Cruiser was supposedly built by MTV Global.
这艘飞船就是个移♥动♥的真人秀
This ship was a flying reality show.
看这儿 看这儿
Yeah, here it is, right here.
MTV挑战真人秀 月球炼狱系列
Real World Road Rules Challenge Moonferno.
真人秀啊
Reality, huh?
这在咱小时候就被禁播了啊
It was banned when we were kids.
我一直很好奇呢
I've always been curious.
老天 各个角落都能看到
Good heavens, we can see every nook and cranny.
是的 这些真人秀飞船装备了
Yeah, these reality ships were equipped with
成百上千漂浮的微型摄像头
hundreds of flying micro cameras.
我猜主办方从没断开过咱们船上的
I guess they never deactivated ours.
浴室里有没有呢
Did they have them in the bathrooms?
Art 听着 打消这个念头吧
Art, listen, man, you gotta knock this shit off.
嘿 你喜欢棒球啊
Hey, you like baseball.
得了吧 我们要找到推进器
Come on, we need to find the thrusters
才能把燃料拉回来
so we can pull up that fuel.
嘿 我们上电视了
Hey, we're on TV.
哇 很帅啊
Hey, good looking.
我是个机器人
I'm a robot.
我是个人类
I'm a human.
小怪物向巡航号♥报告
Freakazoid robots report to Cruiser.
Freakazoid是一个同名动画片里疯癫的超级英雄
这有点种族歧视啊 - 你懂我的意思啦
That's kinda racist. - You know what I mean.
好吧
Yeah.
星球表面已经从奶油芝士的密度硬化成
The planet's surface has hardened from a cream cheese consistency
卡门培尔硬芝士的密度了
to more of a Camembert type feel.
八小时后 我们就连芝士的硬度都没有了
In eight hours we'll be off the cheese scale entirely.
谁有办法
Does anyone have any ideas on
让Tina快速恢复过来吗
how to get Tina feeling better quickly?
直接说吧 Kent
Just shout it out Kent.
可能听起来有点剑走偏锋
This may sound unorthodox,
用拳头把她打一顿怎么样
but what about hitting her with our fists?
不行 Kent - 别打脖子以上就行
No, Kent. - Nothing above the neck.
我们直接来吓她的怎么样
What about if we just do a scared straight deal,
你懂我的意思吗
you know what I mean?
绑♥架♥她 让她以为自己要没命了
Kidnap her, make her think she's going to die.
你怎么只会这么解决问题啊
Why is that your solution to everything?
我刚检索遍了图书馆里的
I've just scanned our entire library full of
励志自助书籍 热门电影 电视节目
self-help books, popular films, television shows.
所有关于心碎的话题 而解决方法很明显
All concerning the topic of heartbreak and the solution is clear.
不可能
It can't be.
这是唯一的方法
It's the only way.
是啥 - 女生之夜
What is it? - Girl's night.
哇 好玩啊 - 妈的
Oh, fun. - Damn it.
我们都知道三个人的女生之夜有多不稳定
We all know full well how unstable Girls Night trios can be.
其中两个将不可避免合伙嘲笑第三个
Two of us will inevitably pair off and make fun of me,
也就是我
the third one.
在没办法的情况下 可以找个没威胁的男性
Well, in desperate times a non-threatening kinda male
充当一个假的女生
could serve as a proxy girl.
我才威胁了个女的说要打她
I just threatened a woman less than a minute ago.
是的 可以排除Kent了
Yeah, so Kent is out.
理想的是一个乏味的人
Ideally someone bland.
Micheal去哪了
Where's Michael?
你不是正盯着我看吗
Are you staring right at me?
嘿 小Tina
Hey, Teen.
你能帮我带点我喜欢的蛋黄酱吗
Can you pick me up some of that mayonnaise I love?
谢啦 老兄
Thanks, buddy.
你忘了我刚刚做了什么吗
Kay, do you remember what I did?
就要我帮你吗
Right away?
嗨 Tina
Hey, Tina.
你怎么样了
How you doing?
我快死了
I'm dying.
摸摸她
Touch her.
拿出你的同理心
Show some empathy.
不要 好奇怪 你来吧
No. Weird. You do it.
你离她更近啊
You're closer.
而且我只是个屏幕
And I'm made of light.
就这样 轻轻的
That's it. Just a little.
说啊
Say it.
知道你现在需要什么吗 妹子
You know what you need, girl?
什么
What?
过一个美好而经典的女生之夜
Is a good old-fashioned Girls Night out,
叫上你所有的闺蜜
with all your best girlfriends.
我的闺蜜们都在地球上
All my best girlfriends are on Earth.
那就叫上飞船上的好闺蜜
All your best ship girlfriends, then.
天呐 上帝 我还要为这破事搽口红
God, Jesus Christ, I put on lipstick for this shit.
这桌子的摆盘不错吧
Well, it's a pretty nice spread here, huh?
苏打饼干 劲凉薄荷口香糖
Saltines, harsh mint gum,
半瓶玛格丽特混调饮料
half a bottle of margarita mix.
弱爆了 我们为什么不能喝酒
This is awful, why can't we drink?
因为我们需要你操作很精密的机器
Because we need you to operate some pretty delicate machinery.
我在轻微宿醉的时候
I operate delicate machinery better
操作精密机器更拿手
when I'm just a little bit hung over
她正喝着呢 看啊
and she's doing it, look it.
这个杯子是我用程序编出来的
This glass represents an alteration I made to my programming.
它能模拟逐渐丧失知觉的过程
It emulates the gradual loss of cognitive processes that
如果这派对不是那么差劲 你俩也能感受到
you two would experience if this party wasn't so fucking lame.
嗨 - 嗨
Hey. - Hey.
你不是应该在女生之夜的派对上吗
Aren't you supposed to be at Girls Night?
她们在那里化妆打扮
They where doing makeovers in there.
我就假装得了恐慌症
So, I faked a panic attack.
结果就真的发作了 我等下就回去
It turned into a real one, so I'll go back soon.
很多人挤破头要参加女生之夜派对
A lot of guys would kill to be at Girls Night.
你到底在干嘛 - 我懂 我懂
What are you doing? - I know, I know.
这里所有的大事都等着做决定
It's where all the big business decisions are made.
但是今晚跟公事无关
But tonight ain't about business.
你姐让我待在那里
Your sister only wants me to be there
只是因为她从在学院起就对我有意思
because she's had a thing for me since the academy.
真的吗 - 真的
Really? - Yeah.
我觉得不是 她从来没提起过你
I don't think so, you know, she's never mentioned you once.
这说明了什么呢
Well, what does that tell you?
你在做什么
What are you doing?
没什么 就是后备计划什么的
Oh, nothing, just some Plan B stuff.
想搞清楚
You know, trying to figure out
如果弄不到燃料 几个人能从逃生舱中幸存
how many of us can survive in this escape pod if we don't get fuel.
是啊 兄弟 我们都深陷难题
Yeah man, we are both in deep pickles.
Michael 你的医疗豁免期结束了
Michael, your hour of medical exemption is over.
请立刻去船员休闲区报道
Please report to the crew lounge
以参加你日程中的娱乐项目
for your scheduled fun as soon as possible.
你好 Kent - 没错
Hello, Kent. - Correct.
船长 我有一项社交提议
Captain, I have a social proposal,
你和我可以开个
that you and I engage in what we will call...
男生之夜派对
a Boys Night.
不是吧
No.
那个是肉干吗
Is that jerky?
在袋子(蛋蛋)里的牛肉♥棒♥
It is beef jerky in a sack.
看起来我们有个相当古怪的男生之夜派对
Looks like we have a rather grotesque Boys Night on our hands.
举着这一条 我来吃了它
Hold this piece and I'll munch on it.
不要 Kent 不要
No, Kent, no.
你还帮不帮我弄这个了
Are you gonna help me with this?
马上
In a minute.
不如我们看看姑娘们吧
Why don't we check in on the ladies.
姑娘们
Ladies.
我最喜欢的两个性别之一
One of my two favorite genders.
Michael随时都会回来的
Michael will be back any minute.
我希望他没喝酒
I hope he hasn't been drinking.
不然他会全蹭在我身上
Cuz you know he's gonna to be all over me.
蹭在你身上是什么意思
What do you mean all over you?
他就是对我有点意思
Well he's, well he's just had sorta a thing for me.
是吗
Really?
我从来没发现过